Fractured Freedom: Chapter 9

Focusing on his words rather than my own embarrassment was the only way I could come out of this situation with any pride intact. I wanted to crawl under a rock and never show my face to him again. Still, I stood my ground. I’d learned that it was the only way I could face things. If I didn’t, they’d eat away at me for months and months. “You have some nerve throwing that in my face like your dick wasn’t happy.”

“Delilah.” His gaze was fire now, his voice low. “My dick is always going to be happy when it’s inside that pussy of yours.”

I gasped at his words. I think I even took a step back because I wasn’t expecting them at all. Dante used to be the sweet man who treated me like Dom’s baby sister, and then I was this girl that he seemed to think had his heart. But his words were laced with lust and bite this time. I wasn’t used to the sting of them. “I don’t think this is the best time to discuss this.”

“When would be a better time?”

“Well, probably never. It’s not going anywhere. It already happened. We’ve both moved on from it.” I shrugged.

“Did we move on, though?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Was he insinuating that I was still hung up on him? If so, I could get over his huge ego and his huge everything else real quick.

Or at least, that’s what I would tell him.

He sighed and pulled at his neck while looking at my ceiling. “I don’t want to fight with you. I’m tired. You’re tired. You probably haven’t had a good shower since you’ve been in jail, and we need to make a plan for Izzy.”

“Great. Good. Go do that. I’ll be here.”

“No.” He shook his head slowly. “You won’t be, sweetheart. You can’t stay in this room. You shouldn’t have been staying here in the first place.”

“It’s the best place for me to be.”

“The street isn’t patrolled enough, your locks on this level aren’t great, and the lobby man is letting strange men walk in with you. Not to mention that staircase is so dark a man could kill you in it without security cameras picking up on it. We’ll have to change that.”

“I’m fine.” Scratching my temple as I thought over his assessment and backed up toward my bathroom, I realized I should probably just give in and go home.

Yet, whatever little food I had in my stomach curdled in disgust at the thought.

“I’ll agree to you staying in this hotel because you’re right that anything else would cause attention, but I’ll be talking to them about changing your accommodations and room number. You’ll be moving to my level,” Dante concluded.

“Your level? What are you talking about?” I was too tired to figure all this out. “You can’t force me back to our hometown, Dante.”

“I literally can and I will. I’ve done a lot more to people I don’t care about. For you, I’d drag your ass across the ocean in a heartbeat if I thought it was necessary. I’ll help you pack and move up to the twentieth floor where I’ll stay too. Your choice.”

On top the small table in the room, I’d propped a clock against the wall. It had little birds on it that chirped every hour. It was a stupid reminder of home that I couldn’t leave behind. We let the seconds tick loudly by, and a bird chirped.

“Six o’clock,” Dante announced, not looking at the clock at all. “The robin says time for me to go home so you can all do your homework. That’s what your mom would have said. Today, it’s time for you to make a decision.”

“Mom always listened to that clock, didn’t she?” I tried not to smile at how well he remembered our childhood.

He nodded. “What’s it going to be, Lamb? You coming with me or am I dragging you home?”

I took a breath and hoped I was doing what was right for my mental sanity. “If I go to your stupid floor, I’m doing what I want when I’m there. I’m doing Eat Pray Love type stuff here. This is my way of finding myself. I need this, Dante. I don’t have anything else.”

“You need to stay safe first. I’ll allow for anything around that.”

“I don’t need you to take care of me.” I ran a finger over the clock and tried not to look at him.

“Oh, believe me, I know. You’ve made that very clear over the years.”

“Are you mad at me? After all you and Izzy did?” My gaze snapped to him then.

“I’m not taking the blame for what Izzy did. Maybe we should have disclosed our operation to you and maybe I would have, had we been closer. But we weren’t. And yeah, I’m not happy about it. Haven’t been for years. I don’t really care one way or the other at this point, though.”

Even though he suddenly sounded defeated, like we couldn’t argue because it made no sense to do so, the words sliced through me. My heart wanted him to care, and maybe that was because I’d been so lost within my depression for so long.

Not that he knew. And not that I could blame him for getting over me. I’d wanted him to.

I sighed and told myself I had to be strong. I just had to accept what we were. And that was nothing.

“Well, I think it’s better we don’t bring it up, then,” I told him. Because I couldn’t tell him I did him a favor by not writing him back. That my life got so dark and twisted in college that he wouldn’t have wanted to be around me.

“Just pack up so we can go, okay?” he grumbled.

“Fine.” I matched his tone. “Remember what I said. I don’t want a keeper while I’m here.”

“Until you go back home, I’m your keeper, your bodyguard, and whatever the hell else, Lamb.”

“What if I never go home? What if this is my home now, or what if I want to travel the world and never set foot in our godforsaken hometown again?”

“Mm.” The rumble from his chest was low, guttural almost, and I wanted to bottle it up and have the sound for my late nights alone with my vibrator. I didn’t know how he’d turned into the only man I lusted over, especially after the pain I went through after losing our baby. Yet, he was pretty much the only guy I thought about when I touched myself or was getting off. My body seemed to know that and responded instinctually to him all the time. “I think I’d have fun chasing you around the world.”

Was there innuendo there? Had I caught a flash of something more?

Then he cleared his throat and blinked once, and every emotion I thought I saw there was gone. Dante was cool, calm, and collected around me. I was back to being friend-zoned. The little sister.

It was where I belonged. I knew that.

We’d swept that little stint of a relationship under the rug.

The bump wasn’t too big, even if I tripped over it every single time I walked by it.

He dropped me and my bags off at a room on the twentieth floor after making a call to the front desk. I was sure it was the top one, and the room was luxurious enough that I made a mental note to ask him the cost in the morning.

He told me he had to figure out some room logistics before he left me there, putting his number in my phone.

I showered.

I changed into clean clothes.

I cried.

And cried.

And cried.

And then I fell asleep.

When I woke up, it was to a knock at the door the next morning. And I didn’t think before opening up, forgetting to ask who it was.

“Lilah, did you check the peephole?” He glared at me.

“I’m …” I stammered, not at his question but at seeing him standing there dressed in business wear that fit his wide shoulders just right, looking utterly delicious with a bag of what I figured was breakfast food. “I’m very tired.”

I made a show of rubbing my eyes as he sighed and walked past me. He set down the bag on the counter of my hotel room because, yes, it came with a whole freaking kitchen and granite countertops. “You took in a lot of information yesterday, and we also got off on the wrong foot.”

I nodded at whatever he was saying like I was paying attention to it, but I was actually paying attention to how nice he looked in slacks and a collared shirt. The white on his honey-colored skin made me want to tear it off and lick him, my body craving one more taste.

“You sleep well?” He turned and leaned on the counter to assess me.

“Of course. Seems this floor has a lot more luxuries.” I waved my hand behind me. Then, I bit my nail as I assessed everything more. “I’m pretty sure my comforter is down, and my pillow might be made of clouds. My view up here is spectacular too. How much is this costing me?”

“It’s costing you nothing,” he grumbled and dug a food box from the bag and set it on the counter. When he opened it up, I saw a sweet breaded pastry with icing and eggs with chorizo. He then pulled out some fruit I’d never seen.

“What is all this?” I asked, my mouth watering.

He pointed to the pastry. “Pan de Mallorca. It’s sweet and pairs well with their local fruit here: quenepa and guanabana.”

My stomach growled. He smiled and stared at my midsection. “You hungry, Lamb?”

“I don’t think I realized how hungry until this second.”

He pointed to my bed. “Sit. Let me feed you.”

I dragged a hand along the comforter before I sat. “The bed’s much better than the one downstairs.”

He hummed but didn’t say anything.

“The access to this floor is exclusive, Dante.”

He nodded, not giving me any indication as to why we were getting such special treatment.

“Does the government put all their officials up in places like this?”

“I’m contracted, Lilah. It’s technically private but for the government. Different from when I was in Delta.”

I sat on the bed as he took the pastry with the ooey gooey icing from its container and placed it on a plate. “I didn’t talk to you much when you were in Delta Force.”

“You didn’t talk to me at all,” he retorted, an edge to his voice.

Sighing, I combed my hand through my hair, something we both knew I did when I was nervous.

“I’m giving you a hard time, Lilah. Don’t pull your hair out over it.” He glanced up and winked at me as he licked some of the icing from his fingers.

Snapping my gaze from his, I silently scolded my body for reacting. I felt my nipples puckering under my tank, and I knew I didn’t have a bra on.

It wasn’t my fault the man was as hot as he was or that I still remembered everything he excelled at in the bedroom.

I cleared my throat. “Thanks for bringing food.” I tried to stare at that instead. I hadn’t had a good meal in days. The hotel never served food like this, and obviously the food in jail was a joke. “Where did you get it?”

“Just downstairs.”

I narrowed my eyes. “Dante, I’ve been to all these restaurants.”

“But you haven’t been with me to all these restaurants, have you?” He smiled big enough for that dimple to indent his cheek, and I rolled my eyes. My body was never not going to be attracted to him.

He brought it all over to me. Then he sat in the chair across from me, lifted one of his leather loafers onto the knee of his gray slacks, and stared at me as he leaned back.

“Um, what are you doing?” I waved my hand at the chair and table where he lounged.

“Watching you eat,” he said matter-of-factly as he pulled at the collar of his tailored white shirt. “Put food in your mouth.”

The smell of frosting was too good to pass up, even if he wasn’t going to eat with me. I sliced a piece off the pastry and popped it into my mouth. “I’m not going to eat all this.” I said around the food, and then I let it melt and enjoyed the sweet, savory taste all at once. I hummed and then said, “You should eat too.”

“I worked out and ate already.”

“You did all that? Are you down the hall? When did you wake up?”

He shrugged. “Before you.”

“And you showered and got ready, obviously, because this”—I motioned with my fork—“is not the way I’m used to seeing you dress.”

“Guess we both have to get used to one another’s new wardrobes.”

I rolled my eyes. “Mine is much more casual than yours.”

“Yours is going to get us both in trouble.”

I shook my head and ignored him. I wasn’t going to indulge his big brother attitude. I could wear what I wanted, when I wanted to wear it. It was something I made sure to do here, along with a lot of other things. I deserved not to worry about what other people were thinking or what I should be doing after spending so much of my life doing the exact opposite.

He checked his phone while I ate in silence. I tried my best not to ask him a million questions, because it was better to start on the right foot.

“So, I should thank you for the room upgrade.” I’d had a better night’s rest than I thought I would. “Like I said, the bed is really soft, and today I’ll probably end up jumping on it since I have more energy.”

“Jump on it? Really, Lilah?” He shook his head at my idea of fun.

“Try it before you knock it.”

“I don’t jump on beds, Lamb,” he said through a smile.

“Ever?”

“Ever.”

“Well, why not? It’s fun.”

He quirked a brow at me. “There are other fun things to do on a bed.”

I blew a raspberry and continued eating my food. I practically shoveled it into my mouth so I didn’t have to respond.

When I’d cleared the plate, I glanced up to find him trying to hold back a grin. “You done avoiding my comment now?”

“Oh my God.” I grabbed my plate and went to put it in the sink. “You could just drop it.”

“Fine.” He rubbed his head and got up, testing the softness of the bed by pressing his large hand against it. “Guess it has good bouncing power.”

Maybe it was because I felt like we needed to kill the awkwardness between us, or maybe I needed to just lighten the damn mood, but instead of agreeing with him, I shoved him hard. He fell into the plush pillows. Or glided. I knew he’d let me because Dante was practically immovable when he wanted to be.

I jumped up on the bed and sprung up and down, with him lying there. He looked up at me as I said, “Soft, huh?”

“You look like you did when you were about twelve.” He put both his hands behind his head as he lay there.

I plopped down next to him and stared at his big body taking up half the bed. Muscle on muscle on muscle. The tattoos on his neck peeked out from his collar. I didn’t know what was farther down, on his chest. Never got a chance to really look since he got inked, but now my fingers itched to peel back the shirt and see.

I sighed and smoothed the sheets under me instead, busying myself with nonexistent wrinkles. “I don’t feel twelve anymore. And I have a lot more responsibility. Like for this hotel. I’ll pay you back somehow because this is …”

Suddenly, my throat tightened up and relief washed over me. I had a full belly of good food, wasn’t alone, and was free from jail. I hadn’t figured out everything with my sister, but in this hotel, with Dante, I felt a lot safer. Going out on my own after being surrounded by family had been scarier than I’d ever expected.

I struggled not to burst into tears.

You don’t realize how close to the edge you’re living until someone pulls you away from it.

“I’m really, truly thankful,” I whispered through the knot that had taken root in my throat.

“Lamb, pretty girl, what’s wrong?”

I wrinkled my nose. “No sweet names, Dante. You’ll make me believe them and cry.”

“I only say what I mean.”

Dante was too good a guy and had always been a charmer. Did he say pretty girl to most women? Did he believe that about all of them?

I breathed out a heavy sigh. “I think I’m just overwhelmed. I didn’t realize until now. I’ve wanted so badly to do all this alone and have something of my own. It’s been hard to adjust sometimes, though. And now, this. It feels like a blessing and a curse at the same time.”

“Curse, why?” He frowned at me like he couldn’t understand that anything could be wrong.

“Well, for one, jail. What am I supposed to say to everyone here? I’m supposed to be gone for days.”

“Stay holed up here and be gone, then.”

I nodded. It couldn’t be that easy, though. I picked at my nails as I thought about it all. “I said such nasty things to Izzy, Dante. And now she’s stuck in there.”

“She’ll forgive you,” he said and pulled at a strand of my hair. “And she wants to be stuck. You forget how strong the Hardy girls are, huh? And remember, not only are you strong, but it’s pretty much impossible not to forgive you.”

His stare was on me, but it looked far away as he rubbed the tress between his thumb and a finger. He’d done the same exact thing the first night we’d shared together.

It made me want to throw all my cards on the table and address the elephant in the room so we could move on. “Do you forgive me for everything?”

He smirked at me and lifted a dark eyebrow. “What was it that you did that I need to forgive you for, Lilah?”

I shoved his shoulder and then fell back on the bed to stare at the ceiling. We both lay there, the chandelier above our heads shining crystal clear down at us. Someone definitely cleaned this room every day—and a lot more thoroughly than the one I’d been staying in.

I cleared my throat, hoping to clear the air between us too. “You know exactly what I did. I shouldn’t have acted like we were just casually hooking up the first time, and I shouldn’t have stopped responding to your emails. I’m sorry for that.”

He nodded, like he was waiting for me to continue.

“In my defense, the first time … Well, you would have said no if I’d texted you what I wanted.”

“Damn right I would have said no.”

His honesty stung. “Was it that bad?”

His jaw worked next to me. “Bad to be with you? No. Never. Bad to feel like there was something more? Maybe.”

“There was more!” I said immediately. “Things changed in college. And I probably should have explained better, but what I wrote in the email was all I could say. At least I did say we could catch up when we got home.”

He grunted. “We caught up all right.”

“Dante,” I warned.

When he met my gaze, his was hard, cold, and unrelenting. “I seem to remember you getting a pretty damn good Christmas present, but that’s about all.”

“Wow.” My jaw dropped. “If you wanted an explanation so bad, maybe you should have stayed. You were gone after Christmas Eve. Then my brothers said you left the bar with a woman.” I poked him in the shoulder and then sat up, furious at myself for letting my hurt show.

“Lilah, you didn’t ask me to stay. You specifically said we were better off as friends. So I found someone who wanted to be more than that. You didn’t, right?”

I chewed on my cheek so I didn’t let my jealousy unfurl. “I didn’t.” I threw the words out fast. I couldn’t let him know that I still thought about his hands on my skin or how his eyes traveled up and down my body with a heat I’d never experienced since. I got off the bed fast, knowing that if I checked my panties right then and there, they’d be wet. “I don’t want more. I’m just saying it wasn’t as easy as me fluttering off to school where I was having so much fun.”

“Why not?” he pried.

I bit my lower lip and glanced out the window at a different view of Puerto Rico to the one I was used to. It showed the beach and the sun and a life of beauty and freedom. I came here to be free of my obligations back home, to be free of what everybody thought I was—perfect … when I wasn’t.

“Because my life changed.”

“Did I do something wrong?” He sat up and stared at me, really assessed everything about me in that moment.

“You couldn’t do something wrong to me even if you tried,” I whispered, and I felt it through my whole soul.

“So something happened that I don’t know about,” he concluded.

I did the stupid thing and ran my hand through my hair.

“You’re nervous and about to lie.” He pointed to my hand, which I dropped immediately. He sighed, and his jaw ticked. “Don’t bother. Tell me when you’re ready.”

I went to the window and said, “This is much more complicated than it should be. Izzy was only supposed to be here for a few days, Dante, and this is supposed to be the place where I—”

“Eat Pray Love, I know. What’s that mean, exactly?”

“It means I do things for myself. It’s the ultimate self-exploration trip. My therapist …” I hesitated on the word. It felt good to admit I had one, but I knew people often recoiled when they heard it. Dante didn’t flinch or even lift a brow. “My therapist said I should make a list of things I want to do. Not worry about anyone else. So I did. And now I’m doing them.”

“Where’s the list?”

I pulled at a dark wave of my hair before I answered. “In my head.”

“Want me to dig through your suitcases? You were valedictorian and are the most organized, driven person I know. Let me see it.”

I couldn’t remember all the stuff I had on it. Well, I could. And it was embarrassing. “It’s not important.”

He got off the bed and went toward my suitcase. “It’s important enough that last night you told me you had to do it.”

I hustled up behind him and tried to get around him as he rummaged, but the man was fast and much better at finding hidden objects than I would ever have imagined. He checked the exact pocket I’d put the notebook in first and sidestepped me as I tried to grab it from him.

“This is a complete invasion of privacy,” I whined.

Instead of responding, he read it out loud:

“Care to elaborate on number five?” he grumbled and tilted his head, staring at me with those emerald eyes of his.

“No.” I straightened my back.

“It’s not safe to go dating people you don’t know in a place you’re not comfortable in. Your brothers would—”

“I’m an adult, Dante.” I snatched my book from him and spun around to put it back in my bag. “My brothers sleep with women all the time.”

“Your brothers can take care of themselves.”

“As can I.”

He growled at my statement and used the notebook to point my way. “This Eat Pray Love stuff is only you looking for trouble.”

“You have to take risks to know your limits and yourself. I know you know that. You were in the army. Did you not take risks there?”

His strong jaw worked up and down, up and down. “You don’t want my life.”

“I want a better one than I have. I’ve done nothing but wallow in what everyone expects of me so far.”

“That’s a good life,” he bellowed. “We expected great things.”

I shook my head. No one understood. “Well, lower your expectations.”

He pulled at his neck and stared at the ceiling. “Just remember not to get on your knees and eat, pray, and love with the wrong man.”

“Did you just … I’m not dignifying that with a response, Dante. I’m going to get dressed.” With that, I hurried to my luggage and grabbed my swimsuit and a sundress.

I took seven breaths in the bathroom before I threw on some strawberry lip gloss and changed into a summer dress.

I could be around him and still find my way here. I simply had to get a handle on myself.

He’d said I was an adult, and I knew that was true. Still, I felt like a damn child sometimes. What way was right, what way was wrong? Did anyone in the world even know?

I spritzed on some body spray and came back to the room to find him lounging still.

“What is your plan for the day?” I asked, hoping he would be leaving me to my own devices.

“I have to work, but if you’re going down to the beach or—”

“I think I need to decompress here today.” I planned to get lost in a book or three. It was my only way to calm down. “And I need to call my family today or tomorrow.”

“Well, Izzy wants you to make it clear this is all her fault.”

My eyes widened. “Is she going to ever call me?”

“You know her phone time is limited.”

That made me want to scream. I smoothed an imaginary wrinkle in my dress instead. “She can’t seriously expect me to keep this secret.”

“We do and you will.”

I stomped over to the kitchen and grabbed a glass to fill with water. “I tell my mother everything.”

“Well, you’ll have to exercise restraint.”

I took a sip. “She’s already so mad at Izzy. We can’t keep throwing her under the bus when—”

“I thought you were mad at her, anyway.”

“Well, yeah, I am. But that doesn’t mean everyone else gets to be mad at her.”

Dante never understood sibling dynamics. The proof was in the way he squinted at me like I made no sense. “Okay. Well, I’ll be working in my room. If you need to leave, call me.”

“Hardly freedom when I have to tell you exactly where I go and what I do with my time. And is your room just across the hall from mine? That’s ridiculous.” My tone was pouty and immature, but he was ruining my whole traveling nurse gig.

He chuckled as he walked past me and handed me my list. “I’m happy to eat, pray, and love with you, Lamb, but I’m not letting you out of my sight for too long.”

I breathed out a loud sound of frustration and stomped over to my books when the door closed behind him.

My freeing trip had just turned into what felt like witness protection.

I wasn’t proud to admit that I stayed in my room the whole day reading.

The next morning, I almost called him to see if we could go over exactly what I’d say to my mother. I’d charged my phone all night and ignored the missed calls and emails waiting for me.

I’d been off the radar for a couple of days, anyway. The only person I needed to update was my mother. She’d spread the news to all who would listen in our town.

I bucked up and dialed her number. When she answered, I sighed at the fact that I was about to lie straight to her face.

Obviously, I knew it wasn’t literally like that, but it felt like it as she cried over the phone. “I’m so happy you’re safe. And Dante will get Izzy out too, right? Is he with you? Can I talk to him?”

“With me?” I repeated like the idea was ludicrous.

“Well, he came to get you out, didn’t he? I don’t know what that means, Lilah.” She had the audacity to act affronted. “You certainly thanked the young man, I hope. And there’s no better thank you than—”

“Mom!” I bellowed into the phone, my eyes widening.

“What?” I pictured her shrugging and pushing that dark hair that looked so much like mine out of her face. “You had a crush on him, no? Maybe it went further after he did such a nice thing for you. That’s all I’m saying.”

“I can’t believe you right now.”

“Well, I would approve if you did. That’s all I will say.” All of a sudden, she was whispering angrily at my father, and I knew he was chastising her too.

“Thank God that’s all you’ll say.” I was floored by how quickly she wanted me to put out.

“Oh, don’t act like he’s a stranger. You’ve known him your whole life, Delilah. He’s practically your brother. He was with your siblings every second of every day.”

“All the more reason for me to not do anything with him.” I almost said ever again but I caught myself.

“Well, Dom is here, and he said Dante better not. So maybe it’s a good thing you’re the responsible one, huh? I don’t want those boys fighting. I just want grandbabies, and can you imagine the little munchkins you two would have?”

“I cannot with you right now, Mom,” I grouched. She had six kids and somehow wanted more, even though I knew my brothers were still running through her house half the time on vacation. “I’m going to lie low for a few days, okay? I’ll call you when I’m back at work. Let’s focus on getting Izzy out of jail.”

“Well, maybe she needs to stay there for a few weeks,” my mother grumbled, but I caught a hint of sadness as she said it.

“Let’s not jump to any conclusions about what—”

“Lilah, don’t make excuses and don’t tell me to hope for the best with this one, okay? You could have been in danger. You still might be, right now,” she huffed. “Has she even called you?”

Well, no. There was that too. I knew she was making calls to Dante’s associate, Cade, and to Dante. She didn’t think to call me to apologize, though. “I don’t think she gets much call time, Mom.”

“Well, she barely calls me anyways. I don’t know where we went wrong with her.”

That should have been the moment I told her. Speaking up was the right thing to do.

Yet, the government thought it wasn’t.

I sighed. “She’ll get better, Ma.”

“You were always better about understanding her.”

“She is my twin.” I shrugged and tried to chase away the frustration by rubbing my eyes.

“Well, please make sure Dante stays with you for a few days, if possible. I think I’ll call his mother.”

My gut reaction was to tell her no. It would help with our story, though.

So instead, I appeased her. “I’m sure he’ll be working around here for a while, Mom. I’ll keep in touch with him. No need to worry, okay?”

“Of course I’ll worry. Your father and brother are mumbling that they miss you. Come visit soon, okay?”

I got off the phone with her a minute after and went to shower. The water pressure deserved a massage award compared to where I had been staying. I tried to relax into it and not think about a thing for all of ten minutes.