The image of Oanen standing shirtless in the snow stayed branded in my mind all the way home. He hadn’t called my name or tried to stop me as I’d pulled away. Instead, he’d sent a text before I’d reached the road. A text I still hadn’t read.
I turned into my driveway and parked in the back. Resisting the urge to pull the phone from my pocket, I got out and made my way into the house. Only after I’d hung up my jacket and put my shoes by the door, did I look at what he’d sent.
Playing hard to get isn’t attractive for any gender.
I groaned. I’d known it wouldn’t be easy as soon as I’d made the decision that we shouldn’t be together like he wanted anymore. Taking a slow breath, I carefully composed a reply.
I’m not playing hard to get. I’ve tried to be the girlfriend you need. It hasn’t worked. I’m sorry, but this is for the best.
His reply was immediate.
A few burns and broken bones change nothing. You’re still mine. I’ll see you tomorrow.
Why couldn’t he just accept that we were done? I typed out another reply, hoping he’d understand.
I think it would be best if I take a few days off. Some distance will help us both come to terms with this being over.
I thought I’d get another text, but the phone remained quiet the rest of the day. Even Eliana didn’t text. I kept telling myself it was for the best. However, the ache in my chest disagreed and continued to grow until I could barely breathe.
Once the sun set, I crawled into bed, hoping that sleep would mute the regret and denial I felt. However, sleep didn’t come easily. I tossed and turned, the corrosive pain creating a misery I couldn’t seem to escape.
Exhaustion finally pulled me under well after midnight.
Tormented by dark, wind-swept skies filled with lightning and an eagle’s cry, I ran endlessly. There was no safety from the cold, pounding rain. No winged harbor in which to shelter. I was completely alone in a world that wanted to destroy me. Lightning struck me again and again, until the only forward progress I made was on my hands and knees, crawling through the mud.
Then, the rain stopped. A hand ran down my back and soothed the pain raging inside of me.
“You’ve suffered enough.”
The mud between my fingers changed to sheets. The bed moved, and I turned to find the one person I’d been searching for. Oanen settled behind me and wrapped an arm around my waist to pull me close to his bare, wet chest. I relaxed against him and let my heartbeat slow.
“I refuse to believe what I feel for you is a mistake,” he said softly, his breath brushing my neck. “We took the bonding flight. There will never be anyone else for me. You’re mine, Megan. It’s time you come to terms with that.”
I sighed and snuggled in. The storm inside me settled and didn’t return to torment me while I lay within the protection of the harbor I’d so desperately sought.
I woke slowly, remembering the feel of Oanen’s arms around me. However, when I turned, I was alone in bed. Frowning, I got up and went downstairs. He wasn’t in the kitchen and the bathroom door stood open.
“Oanen?” I called. There was no answer.
Making my way back upstairs, I recalled the vividness of my dream. Had Oanen been just my imagination, too?
My heart ached at the thought that he’d only been in my head. How was I ever going to keep my distance if I felt like this in less than a day? I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from running right into his arms if I saw him in person. Which was exactly why I needed to get my ass moving and get to the Academy before he did.
When I reached my room, I stopped and stared at my bed, hoping he hadn’t come. Streaks of blood painted my pillowcase and my sheets. I’d been crying in my sleep. A lot. I wiped at my face and felt traces of crusted blood around my eyes.
“So attractive,” I mumbled as I started stripping the bed.
With the bedding in my arms along with a clean change of clothes, I returned downstairs to throw my sheets into the washer and take a shower.
Fifteen minutes later, I flew out the door with a lunch in hand and got into my car. It wasn’t until I was at Girderon’s gates that I realized my mistake. Monday check in. I’d need to face Adira. After the big scene I’d made about them not keeping me and Oanen apart, I’d gone and broken up with him. I hated eating crow.
The parking lot only had a few cars when I rolled to a stop. I got out and hurried inside, wanting to get the meeting over with.
Any hope of avoiding Adira died at the sight of her open door.
“Come in, Megan,” she called before I could back away.
I went inside and stood by the chair.
“I’m here. What fruitless task in the guise of education would you like to set me on now?”
“You’re welcome to continue using the library.”
“What? You don’t want the out of control fury mingling with the masses?” As soon as the sarcastic words left my mouth, I realized I’d spoken the truth and laughed.
“What happens when I read every sorry excuse for information in the library? What stall tactic will you use then?” I asked.
“I’m hoping you’ll have discovered who you are before that happens.”
“Why don’t you just tell me?”
She sighed, her pleasant façade finally slipping.
“Fine, Megan. You’re a fury, like your mother before you. Does hearing it from my lips help you understand who you are any better than you did before? No, it does not. Knowing who you are is about self-discovery. You need to learn who you are from the inside. When you do, you’ll have all your answers about who you will become.”
“Who I am on the inside?” I gripped the back of the chair. “I gave you a glimpse of the real me yesterday. I’m a burning ball of rage. A fire burning so hot I will destroy anyone and everyone around me. And, do you know why I’m so angry on the inside?” I leaned toward her. “Because my mom left me here. Because I have to deal with dumbass answers from adults who think they know so much. Because the gods made me this way.”
The back of the chair disintegrated under my grip. I looked at the ash raining down on the floor then met Adira’s gaze. A hint of worry now resided there.
“Stop playing games with me. It won’t end well for you.”
I left her office and closed myself in the library where I hoped I wouldn’t hurt anything. With hours to waste, I set to work and searched for hints of anything that might help me break the bond with Oanen. He wouldn’t like my solution, but it was the only one I had. I’d tried his way, and it hadn’t worked.
The room brightened as the sun rose higher. However, each passing hour brought no new, useful information. I ignored the knock on the door and was relieved when no cool air appeared after it stopped. My stomach cramped, and I slowly ate my sandwich while I continued to read.
The light from the window dimmed, the first hint of just how long I’d spent pouring over these useless books. The current one outlined the lineage of several creatures. I was about to lift my hand and let it return to the shelves when something caught my eye.
Many creatures descended from Echidna, known by mortals as the mother of all monsters. She possessed the beautiful face of a maid with the body of a serpent. From her, a multitude of offspring were born.
Her offspring were gifted with an ability to appear exquisitely human to lure in their prey before devouring the flesh so many crave. However, one of her children, the Sphinx, did not crave the flesh of mortals but their minds instead. Only the smartest survived her presence. Those males she took to her bed; and from them, the first of the oracles came to the world of men.
These rare creatures were much like their goddess grandmother, Echidna, in appearance and their demi-goddess mother in knowledge. They could foresee the past, present, and future. So sought after was their counsel that many perished in the wars of men. Those who remained retreated from the world of men. Like the gods, their existence has turned to myth in the minds of mortals.
I lifted my hand when the book went on to outline another branch. I didn’t care about minotaurs; I cared about oracles. If they’d all retreated from the world of men, that meant one could be here in Uttira. And, she could give me real answers about what I’ll become and how to control my rage.
I quickly left the library and grabbed my things. There weren’t any messages from either Oanen or Eliana, which I thought odd given that it was close to five. I couldn’t believe I’d stayed in the library that late. Making my way through the dark halls, I sent a text to Fenris.
You wouldn’t happen to know any oracles, would you?
His reply came through before I reached the exit.
No, but I’ll ask around.
It was already dark outside when I left the building. Not dark enough to hide what someone had done to my car, though. This time, instead of breaking the windshield, my hater had scratched the paint to hell. First the smashed windshield, then the bullshit siren stunt at the pool, and now this? Everyone in Uttira seemed determine to test the expanse of my anger.
Pissed, I took a picture of the damage and sent it to Fenris without any words. Whoever he thought he’d dealt with hadn’t listened, or I had more than one hater, which was a good possibility.
Lights shone through my windows when I got home. Frowning, I turned into the driveway and pulled around back. The lack of a parked car made me suspicious, and I quietly got out and made my way toward the backdoor.
Through the window, I caught sight of Oanen at the stove. My heart skipped a beat, and my chest tightened. Even with what I’d found at the library, I knew it would be smarter to stick to what I’d said and send him away until I could figure out a way to control the rage-storm always waiting to explode from inside of me.
He turned slightly. Although his moves were once more graceful and his expression free of winces, the view of his still red face helped firm my resolve. Those fearful moments beside the pool had almost killed me. I couldn’t go through that again.
I opened the door and stepped inside.
“I hope you’re hungry for burgers. That’s about all I’m good at making,” he said.
“A burger sounds good.” I took a steadying breath. “I thought we agreed that we should try to stay away from one another.”
“No. That’s what you want to do. I never agreed to it.” He turned the stovetop off and faced me. “We took the bonding flight. There’s no going back. You need to stop running and accept what you already know.”
“And that is?”
He walked toward me.
“We’re meant to be together. I know you feel it. This need to be close to me. To see me, talk to me, touch me.” He lifted his hand and cupped my cheek. “I know it hurts when you try to stay away. And I know you’re afraid you’ll hurt me more if you don’t.” He reeled me in until my chest brushed his. “Stop denying yourself what you really want.”
His lips settled over mine in a kiss that stole my breath and made my heart race. I threaded my fingers in his hair and gave in like he wanted, even if only just a few seconds. His hips pressed against mine, a contact too close to what had happened at the pool, and I pulled away. He didn’t let me go far.
“Tell me you’re done fighting us,” he said, resting his forehead against mine.
“Probably not. Each time I hurt you, I’m going to try to walk away. I care about you too much to risk you like that.”
“And I care about you too much to let you go.”
“We’re at an impasse then.”
“For now. Ready to eat?”
I nodded, and he released me. He fixed two plates, and we sat together at the table.
“What are your plans for tomorrow?” he asked.
“Not sure. I really don’t think I can handle another long day in the library.”
“I bet not. I’d ask what you found in there that kept you so long, but I know it wouldn’t do any good.”
I opened my mouth just to give it a try, and nothing came out. He chuckled then grew serious once more.
“What are the chances of you letting me spend the night again tonight? I won’t be in tomorrow—my parents asked me to attend a Council meeting—and I’m not sure either of us would like another twenty-four hours alone.”
“So last night wasn’t a dream?”
“No. And I’m glad you didn’t hit me to test it. Anyway, I couldn’t have stayed away from you if I’d wanted to. You were in too much pain.”
I couldn’t deny what I’d felt then or now.
“Yes. You can spend the night. You can help me make my bed, too.”
“Already done in hopes you’d say yes.”
My insides went hot and cold at the insinuation.
“You mean you want to risk sleeping with me in my bed, don’t you?” I asked.
“I do.”
I couldn’t stop the fear that raced through me. What if I hurt him again? I reminded myself he’d managed just fine the night before. Maybe everything would be okay.
“Changing your mind?” he asked, softly.
“No. You can still stay.”
The rest of the meal passed in a blur. Oanen took a shower; and while he did, I quickly went upstairs and changed for the night. When I finished, I paced.
One bad dream, one little slip, and I’d crisp him.
“And I’m pretty sure fried griffin doesn’t taste like fried chicken, Megan,” I mumbled.
At the sound of Oanen’s chuckle, I whirled to face the door.
“You talk to yourself a lot.”
“All the sane people do.”
“People talk to themselves about how much they want to taste their boyfriends?”
My insides exploded with heat.
“It’s okay, Megan,” he said with a slow smile. “I want to taste you again, too.”
The heat grew worse, and I could smell the wood under my feet.
“New rule. You can’t sleep in my bed unless I’m already sleeping.” I lifted my arm and pointed to the hall. “You’re in the guest room until you hear me snoring.”
“You don’t snore.”
“Then you’ll be waiting a long time.”
He grinned, pulled me close to give me a quick kiss, then left the room.
“You’re hot, Megan. But, nothing I can’t handle,” he called.
I shook my head and crawled under my covers. The smell of smoldering fabric surrounded me as I tried to calm my breathing.
“Sleeping yet?” Oanen asked from the other room.
“Go to sleep, Oanen.”
