The next morning, Eliana’s car already sat in the otherwise vacant parking lot. She leaned against her trunk, obviously waiting for me. I parked beside her and killed the engine.
“You shouldn’t have taken off so fast last night,” Eliana said as soon as I opened my car door.
“Eh, I’m pretty sure it was the safest choice for all of us.”
I still felt pissy that the Council had trapped two more humans because of the desperation of their circumstances.
“Well, you missed the exciting news,” Eliana said. “At dinner, Mr. and Mrs. Quill talked about Ashlyn and her need for more interaction. They’ve decided to let her attend the Academy if she wants. And not just Ashlyn. The new girls, too, once they’re ready. And the Quills were asking me all sorts of questions about the things I remembered about the human world. I think they’re considering building a library.”
She grinned at me.
“Not bad liaising, Megan. You’ve started making some positive changes in just a few days.”
“That’s great.” I returned her smile with one I didn’t feel.
Although the changes truly sounded great, they didn’t alter the way I felt about this place. Like a fish in a bowl with too little water, Uttira was beginning to feel suffocating. Maybe it wasn’t Uttira but my own skin. After Oanen’s spontaneous change from human to griffin last night, I couldn’t stop wondering when that would happen to me.
“I need to get to the library,” I said.
“Yeah. I know. Oanen’s waiting for you inside. Maybe we can hang out soon?”
“Sure,” I said, already moving toward the doors.
My rush wasn’t to reach Oanen faster but to get to the books. However, the need for answers vanished when I turned the corner to the hall for the library. Oanen paced before the door. As soon as he heard me, he stopped. His gaze swept over me before settling on my face.
“Are you angry?” he asked as I approached.
“Want to hit something angry? No. Feeling a little frustrated? Yes.” I stopped in front of him and tried not to notice the way the sleeves of his t-shirt hugged his biceps.
“I’m sorry about last night,” he said.
His sincerity made me smile.
“What part exactly? Where you started stripping in front of two other girls or when you bit my hair?”
He cocked his head and considered me for a moment.
“You’re not frustrated with me,” he said with certainty and just a hint of relief.
“No. I’m not. I’m frustrated with this town and this stupid library filled with useless books.”
He reached out and pulled me into his arms without warning. I melted into the embrace and let myself lean against his hard chest. I might have even closed my eyes and inhaled the scent of him. I couldn’t be sure exactly because I was drowning in pure Oanen. The way we fit together. The way he held me, so tender yet so firm. It felt like I’d found where I belonged. Like I finally had a reason to be in Uttira.
His hands drifted over my back in a soothing, non-groping way.
“Don’t let frustration get to you. You won’t be stuck here forever.”
He pulled back slightly, and I reluctantly released my hold on him.
“We’ll get our marks soon enough and be able to go anywhere.”
I nodded, not voicing my doubts. Would they let me leave if I no longer looked like me?
“I’ll come get you at lunch. And we’ll talk about our dinner date. Tonight. I’m not taking no for an answer.”
I threw the book in frustration. Before it could hit the wall, it changed course and slipped into its correct place on the shelf. I’d skimmed through over half the books in the library without seeing a single new reference to furies. There were more creatures than I thought possible. And if furies weren’t mentioned in this collection, there was the very real possibility others weren’t mentioned as well.
A knock sounded on the door. Ready to be finished with the day, I hurried to answer it.
“Any luck this afternoon?” Oanen asked.
During lunch, I’d vented about how my search for specific information was turning up nothing. Of course, I’d gone mute when trying to say what information. But, Oanen and Eliana had both encouraged me to keep trying before talk had turned to the impending date night and Eliana had fled.
“No. No luck.” I stepped from the library and joined him in the hall. We started the walk to the parking lot exit.
“Don’t give up. Talk to Adira. She might be able to point you in the right direction.”
I rolled my eyes. To date, Adira hadn’t been forthcoming with any information about me. Everything I’d learned, I’d learned on my own.
“Since you didn’t say a time when you wanted dinner, I thought I’d come over at five,” he said, changing the subject and creating a storm of nervousness that swirled in my stomach.
“Want me to bring anything?” he asked when I remained silent.
“No. I’ll make everything.”
Mostly just so I’d have less time to worry about what we’d do after dinner.
“Your heart’s racing again,” he said as he opened the door for me.
“Because the idea of having a dinner alone with you in my house is making me nervous,” I said frankly.
“Would you rather go to a restaurant?”
“And risk someone ticking me off in the middle of our first date? No.”
Oanen chuckled.
“I’ll see you later then.”
He didn’t try to hug me goodbye, but he sure made it awkward by pulling off his shirt.
“I really don’t like when you do that.”
“I thought your issue was with someone else seeing.” He handed me his shirt and cocked a brow, his hands hesitating at the fly of his jeans.
Many of the cars had already cleared the lot, including Eliana’s.
“Just do whatever you’re going to do, bird boy. I have a dinner to make.” I turned around, ready to get in my car and leave. A pair of jeans hit me in my back.
I shook my head at the sound of his beating wings and turned around to pick up his discarded clothes.
“I changed my mind,” I called. “You bring the dessert. And make it good since I keep having to pick up after you.”
His eagle scream answered me as he climbed higher. Taking his clothes to the car, I sent a quick text to Eliana, promising to hang out with her Friday night, then started the trip home.
The internet and a stocked fridge kept me busy for the next two hours as I put together the mozzarella-stuffed chicken parmesan and a Caesar salad.
When I finished, I debated changing what I wore, which reminded me that I still had Oanen’s clothes in the car. Playing it safe, I fetched his things and left them on the porch before settling in the living room to watch some TV.
I clicked through the channels absently, tension robbing me of the ability to focus. Nervous was a new thing for me, and I hated it. But, there was just something about Oanen. The more we spent time together, the more I was drawn to him.
The knock on the back door made my pulse jump. Wiping my hands on my jeans, I went to answer it.
Barefoot and holding a foil-wrapped pan, Oanen waited on the porch.
“Thanks for leaving out the clothes,” he said, a slight grin tugging the corner of his mouth.
“Thanks for putting them on.”
I stepped aside and let him in.
“It smells amazing in here. Lasagna?” he asked.
“No.” I closed the door and followed him to the table, which I’d already set. “I figured you had that once already, so I went with something different. Stuffed chicken parmesan. What did you bring?”
He set the pan down and removed the foil.
“Eliana swore that you meant something chocolate when you said bring dessert.”
I hungrily eyed the powdered brownies.
“Eliana is very wise,” I said. “Ready to eat?”
“Sure.”
We sat and started with the salad. My stomach wouldn’t stop freaking out. Neither would my racing pulse. Although I knew he could hear it, he didn’t comment.
“Eliana mentioned you two might be going to the Roost Friday,” he said after I served him some salad.
When I’d texted her, I’d said to let me know where and when she wanted to hang out. I’d rather hoped she would pick a movie night at my house.
“I guess. She wanted to hang out.”
“You don’t seem too enthused.”
I sighed and played with my salad.
“It’s not that. I do want to hang out with her. I’m just feeling off.”
“Sick?”
“I’ve never been sick in my life.”
“Me either. Just checking, though. So what is it?”
“I don’t know. I’m just feeling…” I closed my eyes and tried to release the tension that had crept into my shoulders.
His hand closed over mine, trapping my idly moving fork. I opened my eyes and met his gaze.
“You can talk to me,” he said. “About anything.”
“Okay,” I said, knowing he meant it. I took a deep calming breath and spilled my biggest worry.
“Adira said that how I look now isn’t my true form, and I’m freaking out about what I might turn into. I don’t know what I’ll look like. When I’ll change. Nothing.”
“That’s what you’ve been looking for in the library?” His thumb smoothed over the back of my hand.
“Yes, which really ticks me off for so many different reasons. What’s the point of a super-secret library that almost no one can use if it barely contains any information? And, if I don’t exist there, what else is missing? It’s like I’m watching every other episode of a crime series. How can I piece everything together and see the full picture if I don’t have all the clues?”
“Remember when I said Adira is big on struggling for knowledge? It’s the same for self-discovery. You’ll figure this out.”
“Before or after I turn into some raving monster?”
He released my hand and sat back in his chair.
“Is that how you see my true form? As a monster?”
He didn’t look or sound angry, but that didn’t stop my guilt.
“No. I like your feathers and wings.”
“And my beak?”
“It’s growing on me,” I said with a slight smile.
“Your true form won’t be any more monstrous than mine. And, while it might be different and take some time for you to get used to, you’ll accept it as part of who you are. So will I.”
“You’re so getting an extra brownie for that,” I said, picking up my fork. “Have I been missing anything fun by hiding in the library?”
“Not really. We’ve moved on to practical demonstration for the second half of the semester. I’ve successfully mastered the art of ordering takeout food.”
“I hope you understand how useless that is.”
“Useless to you and me but there are some who do need the practice. Remember the troll, Epsid? He tried ordering bone dust as a pizza topping.”
“Wow.” I finished my salad and excused myself to remove the chicken parmesan from the oven.
“Why are the parents not teaching these skills to their children at a younger age? If they learn from really early on, this wouldn’t be such a big deal now.”
“Some kinds hide their young away from everyone until they reach eleven or twelve. By then, certain concepts are already set.”
“Like eating human bones.”
“Yeah.”
I served Oanen one of the stuffed breasts along with a bed of angel hair pasta then served myself.
“I can’t wait to see what you make for our next date,” he said, cutting into his portion.
“Oh, I’m not cooking for the next one. You are.”
He looked up at me, a grin pulling his lips.
“That’s a deal. What kind of foods do you like?”
“Anything really. I’ve never been very picky.”
We continued discussing favorite foods, books, movies, colors, and any other bit of information he could pull from me, or I from him, as we finished dinner. The conversation didn’t stop at the table. It flowed through the clean-up and into the living room. There, it died a sudden death when he sat on the couch and patted the spot beside him.
“Do you want to watch a movie?” I asked, nervous once more.
“Yes.”
Since I already knew he liked fantasy and science fiction because it amused him how wrong the movie industry got things, I picked out something that sounded interesting.
“Are you going to stand the rest of the night?” he asked when I hesitated to set the remote down and join him.
“Maybe.”
“Megan.” He stood and held out his hand over the coffee table. I clasped it and let him reel me toward his side. Without letting go, he sat then tugged my fingers until I sat beside him. Like the hug in the hallway, it felt right to lean into his side.
I turned my head and looked up at him. Our faces were close. Deliciously close. My pulse hitched higher.
“What are you so nervous about?” he asked, studying me.
I swallowed hard and went for brutal honesty, as usual.
“Kissing you.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know.”
“Then, I think maybe we should just get it out of the way.”
He closed the distance between us and lightly pressed his lips to mine. A bolt of heat shot through me at first contact. I inhaled deeply through my nose and reached for his shoulders, desperate for an anchor. He opened his mouth and licked the seam of my lips. I answered his silent plea and let him in. My senses flooded with the taste and feel of him, and I groaned. He changed the angle of the kiss a moment before his arms slid around me, pulling me into his lap.
A desperation crawled into my blood. A burning need to consume. To take. To release the wild thing I’d felt for Oanen since the moment he’d squatted beside me on the road.
I broke the kiss with a gasp for air.
He leaned forward and rested his forehead just over my pounding heart. His ragged breathing blended with mine for several long moments.
“Still nervous?” he asked.
“No. Now, I’m terrified.”
And I mostly meant it. That out of control feeling now lingered just beneath the surface. It felt like I’d unlocked something, and despite his reassurances during dinner, I didn’t want to know what.
“Me too,” he said softly. He lifted his head and met my gaze. “I’m terrified of losing you.”
He tucked me more firmly against his chest then nodded toward the TV.
It took some effort to pull my gaze from his perfect face and watch the show, but I managed. His fingers wove slow circles over the skin of my arm, relaxing me enough that my heart began to settle into its normal rhythm.
One moment I sat at the library table, frustrated with yet another book that told me nothing about what I would become; the next, I lay on the couch, pinned between Oanen and the back cushions.
A dream.
I snuggled into him, enjoying the cool feel of his chest against my hands. He made a sound in his sleep. Something between a moan and a groan. I slid my hand up over his shoulder, smoothing over the back of his neck, not stopping until my fingers touched his hair. Lifting my lips to his, I kissed him.
His tongue immediately danced with mine. Fire heated me, inside and out. This time, I let go of everything and lost myself to the feeling of being in Oanen’s arms. Of his desperate kiss.
A sharp smell tickled my nose. Burned hair, like the day I’d tried to leave the barrier.
The remembered smell jerked me from my dream that wasn’t a dream. I opened my eyes and saw we were on the couch, but it was daylight.
With a gasp, I pulled back from Oanen.
“Best way to wake up,” he rumbled, a sleepy grin tugging his lips. He opened his eyes, and the hint of his grin faded.
“Your eyes are glowing again,” he said softly.
I flew off the couch and ran for the bathroom. This time, I caught the glow before it faded. I clutched the sink, staring as the normal brown replaced the vibrant orange. Then I started to shake.
“Megan, it’s okay,” Oanen said from behind me. “Your eyes are amazing no matter what the color.”
I faced him, my gaze falling on the scorch mark on his pale blue t-shirt. A handprint on his right shoulder.
“My eyes aren’t the only thing changing, though, are they. Turn around and show me your back.”
His expression, always so carefully guarded, changed ever so slightly. Worry.
“Megan, it’s fine,” he said.
My stomach cramped with fear and self-loathing.
“Turn around, Oanen, or leave.”
He sighed and turned around. The skin on the back of his neck was red as if sun burned. That wasn’t the worst of it. Some of his hair had melted all the way to his scalp. I could see the outline of three of my fingers.
“This can’t be real,” I said to myself. “This isn’t happening.”
He turned toward me.
“Megan, we all go through some awkward changes. This is no different. You’ll be fine.”
“Me? I could have hurt you.”
“No. You can’t. You’ll see. By lunch, you won’t even be able to tell anything happened.”
My thoughts jumped, connecting what he said with what I needed to do. Lunch. The Academy. Talk to Adira.
“Yeah. Sure,” I agreed, feeling sick. “You’re right. It’ll be fine. I need to—” I swallowed hard. “I need to get ready. I’ll see you at school, okay?”
He stepped forward and pulled me into a hug, holding me tightly.
“I know you’re panicking. I can hear it,” he said against my temple.
“After what I just did, I’m allowed some panic time.”
“Fine. But if you don’t show up at the Academy, I will come, and I will find you. Because one little burn hasn’t changed a thing. I still want you.”
He pressed a kiss to my forehead then left.
