Maybe I should leave.
That’s the dozenth time I’ve had that thought since I invited myself to Nikolai’s penthouse.
After I left my Tesla in the car park, I contemplated not actually invading his place. That’s just rude.
But the other option was to wait in the reception area, where anyone could walk in and see me.
Not happening.
Getting myself in was safer. If he’s mad about that, then, well, maybe he should’ve changed the code.
Or not asked me to come here ten times a day like a mantra.
Still, I’m uncomfortable as I sit on the sofa, my uneasy breaths only interrupted by the creaks of the leather beneath me.
His place is proper huge compared to the rest of the flats on the island and would definitely be considered a penthouse anywhere in London.
The decor is modern, slick, and polished. Everything is in perfect shape and the decorations seem untouched, probably because it’s a new building. I don’t think he lives here most of the time, though, considering the lack of life anywhere in this place.
Feeling a bit stuffy, I shrug off my jacket and place it neatly on the chair’s armrest. I’d rather hang it instead, but I don’t want it to feel like I’m taking liberties in his space.
I removed my shoes at the entrance as well so as not to track in any dirt.
The other day, I was a bit too preoccupied to remember my manners. Not that I’m in a better state of mind today, but he’s not here so…
I run a hand over my face and stare up at the cloudy sky through the transparent ceiling. What am I doing, seriously?
This will inevitably lead to a disaster that will undoubtedly push me to purge the pain.
This will hurt. Again.
This will make the black ink submerge me and shove me to the darkest corners of my soul.
And yet I can’t move.
I don’t want to.
I lift my phone and stare at the texts I sent Nikolai. My chest constricts when I see that he read them, but he didn’t reply.
What does that mean?
He never ignores my texts, aside from when he ghosted me. This morning was the first time he didn’t glue himself to my side despite my grumbles and attempts to push him away. In fact, he didn’t show up at all.
Maybe he’s done chasing me. He definitely didn’t seem that interested in me when Jeremy was all over him between rounds of the fight.
Bloody hell.
I cover my eyes with my arm. What the fuck is wrong with me? Why can’t I remove the image of Jeremy touching him so intimately from my head?
In fact, that was part of the reason why I left the fight club. The first part was being unable to watch him being punched by Killian. Even if he punched back twice as hard.
The ticking sound goes into overdrive in my head, driving me up the wall.
Tick.
He’s not coming.
Tick.
Why would he? No one really wants you.
Tick.
You look pathetic. Just leave already.
A migraine starts to form at the back of my skull as the demons run rampant, spouting their hatred and telling me what they think of me without mincing their words.
I know I should leave. I do. But for some reason, I’m rooted in place.
The reality of the situation bursts through me without warning.
I don’t want to leave.
The lift dings and a rush of adrenaline spreads through my chest.
Simmer down. Desperate much?
Not sure the reprimand works, because when I stand, my feet barely keep me upright. My skin prickles when I feel his overwhelming presence, but then I see him, and my lips part.
Splashes of blood cover some of the tattoos on his chest and decorate his handsome features. His hair is tied in a messy bun, strands escaping and framing his face with a sheen of savagery.
I haven’t seen him this unhinged since the initiation. But even back then, he was more pushy and playful than…desolate.
His eyes are uncharacteristically empty, a blue so dark, I can’t see the Nikolai I’ve come to know over the past couple of weeks in them.
“Hey, sorry I let myself in—” The words are barely out when he smashes his body against mine.
The breath is knocked out of my lungs as we both go crashing down on the sofa. I lift my hand to try and get some balance, but he grabs my wrists and slams them above my head and shoves his knee between my legs, forcing them apart.
“Nikolai, what are you—”
“Shut. Your. Mouth.” He bites my lower lip with every word, eliciting a shudder from me.
My head spins and a shiver spreads across my skin and ends in my dick.
Am I supposed to feel this turned on by a kiss? It’s not even a full kiss.
Fuck.
I exist in his vicinity, then I’m on edge.
He touches me and I catch fire.
This is why I did everything in my power to put some distance between us. Get back control over my shameless reaction to him.
Nikolai doesn’t understand the concept of distance, though.
His teeth pull rougher than usual and tingles explode on the skin trapped between them.
But I like this type of pain. This pain isn’t mental or emotional. This pain means I’m right here, not swallowed up by black ink or pulled under by disgusting nausea.
“Who the fuck is she?” he growls against my mouth, his coarse words vibrating on my skin.
I try to clear my head, which is impossible under the circumstances. “Who’s who?”
“The girl who was throwing herself in your arms at my fucking fight.”
“A-Ava?”
“Ava. Her name would look fucking pretty on a gravestone.”
“What the…” I sober up a little and try to release myself from his grip. His fingers dig into my skin, prohibiting me from moving.
Christ. I’ve always loved how big he is, but it’s a nuisance when I try to get him off me.
“Didn’t take you long to find a replacement for Clara.” He snarls her name as if it’s a curse word and bites my jaw, my throat, and my Adam’s apple. “But I’m going to make them all disappear. Mark my fucking words.”
I groan at every nip, my cock thickening until it’s straining painfully against my trousers. Why do I love it so much when he’s rough?
“A-Ava…is my childhood friend. You…met her during that game at the pub.”
He lifts his head abruptly, eyes flicking and brow furrowing. I still don’t like the look on his face, but it eases a bit, harsh but recognizable. “So that’s where I’ve seen her. She’s not Clara’s replacement?”
“What? Of course not. My cousin would kill me.”
“I will fucking kill him or anyone who dares to touch what’s fucking mine.”
I gulp past the lump in my throat as I search his wild features, and my lips part when I realize he means every word.
It should repulse me, send me running again, but my cock has turned as hard as stone and I’m delirious.
My lungs fill with his scent—mint, blood, and all male. It coils and rattles inside me with overwhelming strength.
No one has ever said that to me. No one has ever been so obsessed with me that they act like they’d move heaven and earth to protect me.
I shouldn’t even want protection or this toxic connection.
But the reality I’ve been trying to ignore crashes into me.
I want him.
I fucking crave him. So much it hurts.
So I lift my head and capture his lips in a punishing kiss. I thrust my tongue inside his mouth and taste the metallic blood. I taste the desperation. The aching lust.
I fuck his mouth as hard as he fucked me over.
The constant fear of falling apart vanishes when he gives back as ferociously as he takes, robbing my breath.
The constant pain that I breathe day in and day out crumbles and caves like it does every time Nikolai touches me. My insides don’t feel as hollow or as desolate, and I can breathe air that’s not soaked in black ink or filthy nausea.
It scared the shit out of me the first time and every time after, but now, I couldn’t care less about the aftermath of the pleasure.
If fear and pain are the price I must pay for another taste of him, then so be it. I wrench a hand out of his grip and sink it into his hair, tearing the elastic band away and letting the strands fly free.
He’s right. I fucking love kissing him.
But most of all, I love how he kisses me. It’s hard and dominating but also overwhelmingly passionate.
His tongue slurps on mine and his fingers dig into my jaw so that he can feed me his.
I’m intoxicated.
Enamored.
Absolutely fucking unhinged.
How can a simple kiss feel so good…?
He wrenches his lips from mine with a growl and I release a protesting sound. “I’m going to fucking ruin you as badly as you’ve ruined me, my lotus flower. I’ll get so far beneath your skin, you’ll never fucking get rid of me.”
For some reason, that makes me smile.
I’ve always lived on the right side of things. Perfect scores. Perfect manners. Perfect image. I never toyed with danger. Never wanted to live outside of my little bubble. Never crossed a line.
But then this man bulldozed through my walls, and now, I’m breaking apart piece by piece.
My fingers tighten in his hair. “Shut up and fuck me.”
A spark rushes to his previously dead eyes and he growls, “Bedroom. Now.”
He drags me by his grip on my hand, but the moment I stand up, his mouth is claiming mine again and we stumble over the table, only breaking the kiss to tear each other’s clothes off on our way to the bedroom.
Or more like my clothes. I’m way too overdressed, damn it.
By the time we reach his room, we’re finally naked. I want to study his glorious muscles and tattoos, but he presses his chest to mine and thrusts his hip forward, rubbing his hard, thickening cock on mine
I groan in his mouth.
The sound shatters when he pushes me onto the bed and lands on top of me. He kisses his way down my throat, my collarbone, and my chest.
“Fuuck…” I breathe out when he bites a nipple, teeth nibbling on the tip. Precum slides down my length and drips on my abs.
“Mine. Every inch of you is fucking mine.” He grunts against my skin, making my cock harder, my muscles tighter, and my head lighter.
He moves his attention to the other nipple, sucking and biting and probably leaving all sorts of marks, but I can’t seem to focus on that.
Later. I’ll think later.
Now, I want to feel.
His dick slides up and down my length. Our precum trickles over the skin and he uses it as lube. The maddening friction heightens until I’m releasing unintelligible noises, groaning and moaning. My hips jerk, instinctively rubbing my cock against his. Drops of our precum coat our abs as we hump and rub and growl in unison.
“Niko…” I rasp, writhing against the pillow as I pull his head down with a handful of his hair. “Just…fuck me.”
I’m reduced to begging for it, but I’m too far gone to care about it at this point.
My heart nearly spills from its confinement when he flashes me his sexy grin. “You called me Niko. Fuck, baby. I’m really going to fucking devour you.”
The friction of our cocks grows in intensity. More rubbing, grinding, and humping, until I think we’ll come in an absolute mess. But then he reaches beneath the pillow and pulls out a bottle of lube, then sits on his haunches between my legs.
“Bend your knees,” he orders, and when I do it, he squirts lube in his palm, then circles my rim with a slippery finger. “Mmm, your hole is getting nice and wet for me, baby. So fucking beautiful.”
My breath hitches and my cock gets even harder the more he circles my hole. He thrusts a finger inside me and a shameless moan spills out of me. His intense eyes remain on mine as he adds the second.
It’s that look that drives me insane. I see my reflection in those dark blues, and for the first time, I don’t hate what I see.
Not when he looks at me like he can’t get enough. Like I’m the center of his universe. Even temporarily.
He works me open with firm pumps of his fingers. I jerk my hips, dick bobbing on my abs.
“That’s it. You’re taking my fingers so well.”
My exhales puff out in a long, fractured breath and I wiggle my arse against him, matching his in-and-out.
“I need your hands.” Nikolai throws the lube within reach. “Make my cock all slippery so I can fuck you, baby.”
It’s a miracle I don’t come then and there. I take obscene pride in how steady my hand is as I fill it with lube, lean over, and slide my palm on Nikolai’s length.
When I reach the tip, I stop and—like a junkie who can’t help it—I take the crown in my mouth and tug on a piercing with my teeth.
His growls of pleasure are music to my ears. “Mmfuck…baby…I’m going to come if you keep doing that.”
I release his crown with a pop and continue lubing him up from base to tip.
“I love the way you fucking touch me, but I also love—” He scissors his fingers inside me and thrusts a third finger. “How you swallow me in your ass.”
My hand pauses on his cock and I throw my head back with a moan. “Ah…fuck… It’s so full…Niko, fuck…”
“Stay with me, baby. If you can barely take my fingers, how will you fit my cock in this tight ass?”
I squeeze his cock, jerking him faster, and wiggle on his fingers. “Put your cock inside me. I want you in me.”
“I love your fucking filthy mouth.” He slams his lips to mine and kisses me hard and fast as he pulls out his fingers.
My back hits the bed, but he doesn’t break the connection. I don’t let him.
He covers my hand with his and makes me guide his cock to my hole as his tongue batters mine, his teeth sinking, nibbling, claiming.
The piercings tease my opening before he thrusts the first inch in.
“Ummph…” I mumble against his lips, and the idiot takes it as a sign to tear our mouths apart.
“Relax for me, baby.” His eyes are clearer now, more in tune with the Nikolai I know as he kisses my jaw, my nose, and my lids.
What is he doing?
Fuck…
I tug on his hair. “Stop kissing me everywhere like I’m a girl, Nikolai.”
He merely chuckles and bites down on my lower lip. “I don’t kiss girls everywhere—or boys, for that matter. But I will kiss you wherever I fucking please, lotus flower. Get used to it.”
Then he sucks on my lip and kisses, then bites his way down my throat as he thrusts his hip forward, feeding me a few more inches.
My arse clenches around him and I wince at the burning intrusion. Despite the lube, he’s fucking huge and I can feel the piercings scraping at my insides. Though it’s not a bad sensation, just new.
Maybe even a little…thrilling.
Okay, a lot.
“Mmm…you’re so tight, baby. The way your ass milks my cock is majestic. I don’t think I can hold on anymore.”
“Go all the way.”
“Baby… It’s your first time.”
“I said. Go all in. Don’t treat me like I’m weak.”
“I know I promised not to hurt you, but you’re making it fucking impossible.”
He drives his hips forward, burying himself inside me, and I jerk, shuddering in his embrace.
“Fuck, baby, fuck. Are you in pain?”
I hide my head in his neck, studying the contours of the snake on his shoulder, and wiggle against him, then bite the lobe of his ear. “More. Give me fucking more.”
“Oh, baby. You’re well and truly fucked,” he whispers back as he wrenches my mouth into his and thrusts into me, slow and long. The burning sensation disappears and tingles of pleasure spread down my spine.
As if feeling that I’m well adjusted, Nikolai slowly ups his rhythm until my dick leaks precum all over our abs.
He fucks me hard, not taking it easy or slow, and I meet him stroke for stroke, jerking my hips and fucking his mouth with my tongue. Alien noises leave my lips whenever I feel the scrape of his piercings inside me.
Little by little, his mouth, hand, and cock undo me, leaving me desolate and desperate for anything he has to dish out.
“Christ. Mmm. Your ass was made to swallow my cock.”
“S-shut your mouth.” I chase his lips, but he pulls away only for a second before he tugs my lip between his teeth, then reaches between us and slides his fingers over my nipple.
I shudder and writhe, sinking my teeth in his tongue when he slows down.
“What are you doing—”
My words die out when his crown bumps into that pleasurable place in my arse.
All the blood rushes to my dick, and my spine stiffens. Lust and need soar high until I think I’ll never come down.
“Niko…fuck…fuuuck…”
He squeezes my dick and whispers, “Come for me, baby. Show me who you belong to.”
I don’t think I could control it even if I wanted to. My cock thickens and hot cum sprays on my abs, and I thrust my hips through it, forcing my eyes open to look at him.
“Come in me, Niko.”
“Holyfuckingshit,” he groans in one breath as his thrusts turn dangerously animalistic, going rougher and faster until I almost can’t keep up.
He shudders on top of me and calls me baby and beautiful and all these other nicknames he loves giving me as he comes inside me.
Despite my own hazy head, I can’t look away from his face as he empties his load. He’s just so fucking hot.
My hand runs up the ink on his hard abs, fingers wrapping around his nape as I shove him down and claim his lips again.
I can’t get enough of kissing him.
Devouring him. Inhaling him into my fucking lungs.
He pounds into me with shallow thrusts until his cock is depleted, then he pulls out. I groan as cum leaks out from me.
Is it supposed to feel this good?
My hand slides from his throat to his hair, tugging and pulling. It must hurt, but Nikolai doesn’t complain as he kisses me harder, his chest glued to mine. Both of us are a mess of sweat and the cum on our abs.
We keep kissing until I can no longer feel my lips. Until the cold air forms goosebumps on my damp skin.
Reluctantly, I let him go and pull away. Nikolai gives me space and I sit up, wincing, before I scoot to the edge of the bed and stand with a bit of difficulty.
Cum drips down my thighs and I have to bite my lip to stop myself from moaning.
An inked hand wraps around my wrist and a large chest presses against my back, his half-erect cock nudging on my sore arse. I ignore the shiver that spreads through me as I glance at him. Nikolai leans his chin on my shoulder, head cocked to the side, watching me with that slight manic expression from earlier. Though it seems a bit subdued now.
“Where do you think you’re going?”
“Uh…shower.” Why do I sound so hoarse?
His lips curve in a slightly evil grin. “Can I join?”
“No.” I pause when his smile disappears, then sigh. “I’m sorry. I’m not comfortable with that.”
“I’ll wait until you’re comfortable, then.” His grin returns and I want to kiss it, but I don’t, because that’s just fucking desperate. “Thanks, baby.”
“For what?”
“For bringing me back.”
“Bringing you back from where?”
“Somewhere unpleasant.” He smacks my arse. “Go get that sexy body all soaped up and try not to think of me.”
“Nikolai!” I swat his hand away, resisting the tingles that rush through me as I escape to the en suite bathroom and hop into the shower.
It’s a bit weird to get the cum off me, but I manage to do it, hissing when I touch my rim and literally fuck myself to wash away the evidence of the best sex I’ve ever had.
I have to stop before I start moaning and Nikolai decides he’s not going to wait outside, after all.
Is that what I want him to do?
He told me not to think of him, but here I am completely taken by the bastard. I blame his vicious determination. In hindsight, I had no chance against him.
Some might say what happened just now was only a matter of time.
A smile pulls my lips as I step out on the foot towel, careful not to drip on the floor.
I catch my reflection in the mirror and my smile instantly drops.
What gives you the right to be happy after everything you’ve done?
I try to swallow, but the lump gets stuck and I feel my airways closing.
Fuck.
Fuck.
I cut off eye contact, mindlessly pulling a towel from the rack and quickly drying myself, then wrapping another towel around my waist.
My vision is blurry, but I can’t get out of there fast enough.
Run away, Bran. Just run the fuck away—
My movements and thoughts come to a sudden halt when I find a massive man sitting on the floor right by the bathroom door, still naked, and…is he…
I lean over and tentatively stroke his hair away from his face. No doubt about it. He’s actually asleep.
I can’t resist the chuckle that leaves my lips.
Why am I not surprised he’d fall asleep anywhere and in any position?
Though…does this mean he was waiting for me?
Get over yourself.
I reluctantly release his gorgeous hair and head to the bed so I can get him a blanket, but that’s when I notice he didn’t change the sheets and pinch the bridge of my nose.
This man-child, I swear.
I locate the clean sheets in the cupboard and meticulously change them. I manage to support his stupidly muscled body against my shoulder, then drop him on the bed.
Through it all, he doesn’t even groan. Deep sleeper, it is.
He sprawls his legs all over the super king-sized bed and uses his hand as a pillow. His hair spreads out on the sheet like silk, and I can’t help ghosting my hand over it before I pull the blanket over him.
I pause when I see my dried cum on his stomach. I should probably clean that…
No. I like the sign of ownership.
After I cover him, I shove the old sheets into the washing machine and then hit the cold cycle.
Once that’s done, I hunt for my clothes and put them on. For some reason, I find my feet leading me back to the bedroom like a magnet. I stand at the entrance, staring at Nikolai.
A part of me wants to stay, maybe not in the same bed since that’s…strange, I suppose. But just around.
That contemplation shatters when the image from earlier comes back like a curse and I physically force myself to walk to the lift.
This small moment of pleasure is all the reprieve my demons can offer.
I can’t let him see me like this.
And he won’t.
Because I’m fucking fine.
