I have survived weeks barely able to breathe, so the rush of life that ripples through me feels foreign.
Intoxicating.
Addicting.
I’m trapped again, completely helpless in the arms of the man who flipped my world upside down and refuses to leave.
The man because of whom I’ve barely slept since last week, sick with a level of concern I’ve never felt. Not even for myself.
I plunge my tongue against his and kiss him deeper, my fingers tugging and pulling on his hair until he groans in my mouth.
Until I’m drunk on his taste, his smell, and his warmth. On his breath and the feel of his flexing muscles beneath mine.
But most importantly, on the pulse that beats in his throat.
He’s alive.
He’s here.
His hands land on my hips, tugging me against him as he kisses me with the same ferocity, digging himself into that nook in my chest even I have no access to.
But I don’t care.
As long as I can feel his heartbeat thundering against my chest, as long as I can hear his growls of pleasure, as long as I can smell his intoxicating scent, I can flounder in self-hatred afterward.
I can take on those vicious voices.
I can pretend I’m not an entity of emptiness with no sense of identity whatsoever.
I can take anything as long as I have him.
Because Nikolai is the only one who kisses the pain out of me, even if temporarily.
I trace my lips over his jaw, his high cheekbone, and then down his neck, careful not to touch the plaster covering the injury.
The vibration of his groan sends a shudder through me that ends in my hardening cock.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, kissing around the plaster over and over. “So sorry.”
And it’s not only because I couldn’t save him in time.
I’m sorry about being a coward who can’t kiss him in public but hungers for him in private.
I’m sorry that I retreated after he ended things when I should’ve fought for him.
But most of all, I’m sorry that he even wants me.
I need him in ways words can’t express, and he’s the only person I can do this with, but he can have anyone he wants, considering he’s infinitely secure in his sexuality.
I’m not secure in my body, my sexuality, or my own fucking head.
But he touches me as if he’s blind to all those flaws.
He touches me as if I’m normal, and I need that. I fucking crave it.
“It’s not your fault.” He speaks in that low, growly voice as he reaches a hand beneath my shirt and digs his fingers into my sides. “Stop apologizing for shit you didn’t do.”
Instead of replying, I kiss my way down his inky chest, over his necklace, and nibble on his nipple. I’m rewarded with the rumbling of his voice and the clenching of his muscles.
“You like that?” I ask as I pinch his other nipple.
“Mmm. I like your tongue anywhere.”
I smile against his nipple, tugging on it before I continue down, peppering kisses all over the different shapes and forms of his tattoos. He’s criminally attractive and he knows it so well, which is why he often parades around half naked.
The thought of others enjoying his beauty turns me murderous.
But he’s had no one since me.
That thought makes me hum with pleasure against his abs. No one can touch him but me.
His noises of desire are mine.
His body is mine.
He’s all mine.
I tug on the drawstring of his shorts with my teeth and look up at him.
My breath catches when I find his eyes darkening with unhinged lust as he watches me.
“Fucking beautiful.”
My heart thumps louder. I’ve missed those words and that look. I’ve fucking missed being looked at as if he really thinks I’m beautiful.
I never even considered that I could be beautiful until him.
Maintaining eye contact, I undo the drawstring and pull his shorts down.
And fuck.
He’s gone commando. Of course he has. This is Nikolai and he’s deeply allergic to clothes.
I drop to my knees between his legs and fist his hard cock, jerking him up and down in a slow rhythm.
“Mmm.” The noise he releases makes me fucking ravenous and my dick thickens against my shorts. “You’re on your knees.”
“For you.”
“For me. I like the sound of that.” His fingers thread in my hair. “Choke on my cock. Make it sloppy and wet so I can fuck you.”
“Call me baby.” I flick my tongue over his crown, teasing the piercing and licking the precum.
“Missed your nickname?”
I squeeze until he groans, but I’m not sure whether it’s in pleasure or pain. With Nikolai, it could easily be both.
“Do it.” I speak around his crown, sucking it inside and then nibbling on the piercings with my teeth.
“Stop fucking around and put my cock in your mouth, baby.”
A shudder spreads through me and I take as much as possible of his length, all the way to the back of my throat, and swallow around his pierced crown.
Nikolai curses in long, unintelligible strings of words and I squeeze his balls.
“Ummm,” I moan when he thickens against my tongue.
“Jesus fuck, baby. Your mouth feels so fucking good…”
I lick him faster, armed with the knowledge I’ve gathered during all this time. Nikolai loves to be sucked, but there’s something else he goes feral for.
I pull his cock out, tugging on a piercing with my teeth before I release him with a pop.
My eyes meet his hooded ones. “Hey, Niko?”
“Mmm? Why did you stop?”
“I want you to fuck my throat.”
His eyes widen the slightest bit before they flood with twisted desire and something else I can’t put my finger on.
“Fucking fuck.” He fists the top of my hair and tugs my head back. I follow, lips open and my fingers still squeezing his balls. “You’re the hottest fucking thing I’ve ever seen.”
Bloody hell.
He means it.
Why…?
Before I can think, he thrusts all the way to the back of my throat. I widen and loosen my jaw so he can go as far as possible. I’m extremely proud that I don’t have a gag reflex.
I want to bring him pleasure as intense as he gives me.
“Holyfuckinghell. You’re taking my cock so well. Mmm, I fucking love how you swallow around my crown…” His hips jerk back and forth against the sofa as he fucks my throat.
He takes and takes and gives me the most beautiful view in return.
His face.
I love that I’m the reason he looks elated, high, even, as if he, like me, is addicted to the mad friction that happens whenever we touch.
“Open wider, baby. That’s it… Jesus fuck…I love how you choke on my cock. Mmm… Did you miss this?”
I nod, but I’m not sure if it’s visible with the harsh grip he has on my hair.
“Good. Because I missed your beautiful little face when it’s stuffed with my cock.”
My own cock leaks in my shorts at his dirty mouth.
His rhythm turns wild, his piercing bumping at the back of my throat with every thrust. Pressure forms behind my eyes, but I don’t give a fuck. I take whatever he has to lash out at me. I need it.
I need him.
Precum and saliva gather in my mouth and I swallow the way he likes it, causing the muscles of my throat to constrict around his crown. His growl is music to my fucking ears, so I do it again and he tightens his grip on my hair, messing it up as much as he’s screwing my entire life over.
“You need to stop that or I’ll come down your throat.”
I squeeze his balls, encouraging him, trying to push him over the edge. I’m so close myself. When he comes, I’ll just need to stroke myself a few times and I’ll join him.
All of a sudden, Nikolai drags his cock out of my mouth and I’m forced to release him.
My lungs burn from the sudden rush of air and I pant as I swallow thickly. “Why…don’t stop…”
“I love your mouth, but I need to come in your ass, baby.” He jerks up, kicks away his shorts so that he’s standing in front of me in his full, beautiful glory.
Ah, fuck.
I didn’t realize how much I missed his shameless nudity until now. I’ve become so accustomed to the view and the feel of his marble-like, extensively tattooed body that everything felt colorless after him.
Using his grip on my hair, he tugs me up and pulls on the corner of my T-shirt. “I love how you look in my clothes, but this needs to go.”
He helps me remove the shirt and I fumble with my shorts until they’re pooling at my ankles and then I kick them off.
Yes. I’m commando as well.
I won’t make it a habit, but I like the savage look in his eyes as they take in the entirety of me.
“Hot motherfucker.” Nikolai leans over and bites on my Adam’s apple, making me gasp. “I missed your voice and even your annoying fucking nagging.”
My fingers find their way to his hair and I press him to my chest. I can’t have him close enough. Touch him deep enough. Soak in him long enough.
“Arms around my neck,” he orders.
When I do that, still stroking his hair, he slaps his palms on my arse cheeks and presses his cock to mine. I bury my face in his hair, inhaling his smell as I groan and hump against him. Sparks of pleasure pool in my groin. With every slide of flesh against flesh, our precum trickles over our cocks and we rub a few more times.
Nikolai pushes me up. “Hop on. Wrap your legs around my waist.”
“I’m not light…”
“Do it. Now.”
Grabbing onto his neck, I maneuver myself and Nikolai helps me up and I cross my legs at his back, heels digging in his arse.
I thought it’d feel awkward, but surprisingly, I hold on to the balance, and Nikolai doesn’t seem to mind that I’m wrapped all around him in a koala embrace.
In retrospect, I might be enjoying this a bit too much since my hard cock that’s trapped between us pulses and drips all over my abs.
He kneads my arse and nibbles on my jaw as he walks to the bedroom. “That’s it. Good boy.”
“I’m not a boy. I’m older than you.”
“Age is a number, and you’re definitely my good boy, baby.”
He tilts forward and we drop into a mess of limbs on the bed. His chest collides with mine, but I don’t mind. He could crush me and I wouldn’t complain.
It’s okay.
If it’s him, it’s okay.
That thought fills me with a different type of dread.
Does this mean I trust him? The mafia prince who winds down by punching people?
My thoughts scatter when he reaches beneath the pillow and produces a bottle of lube.
“Do you always have that on the ready?” I ask and hum a grunt when his piercing scrapes my cock.
“Yup. I never know when you’re going to grace me with your presence.”
He pushes back so he’s kneeling between my parted legs, and I mourn the loss of his body against mine, but then I’m distracted when he squirts the lube straight on his cock.
I lean on my elbows, watching him as he rubs himself up and down in violent strokes that leave my mouth agape.
“Aw, you drooling baby?”
“Shut up…”
“You love my cock that much, hmm?”
“Stop talking, Nikolai.”
“Mmm. Love it when you get all bossy and wound up.” He swirls his slick, shiny fingers against his crown and I want to push them away and take over the task.
“Here.” He throws me the bottle of lube. “Make your hole dripping wet so I can fuck you, baby.”
“Jesus,” I breathe out as I struggle to open the thing.
He really knows how to undo a man with his words and damn fucking presence.
I squirt the cold gel on my palm and open my legs farther, then lift my arse before I press it against my rim.
A gasp falls out of me when I find Nikolai watching me with depraved intensity and flaring nostrils, his strokes slowing down.
“Fuck yourself for me. Let me see your fingers plunging in and out of your hole.”
A rush of lust overwhelms me and I bite my lower lip as I breach myself with a finger. My muscles tighten around it and I groan.
“Did you touch yourself back there while we were apart, baby?”
I nod, focusing on his tattooed hand that squeezes his length. My cock leaks all over my stomach at the view.
“Mmm, naughty. Did you imagine it was my fingers driving into you?”
I shake my head and add another finger, fucking myself in the same rhythm he touches himself and trying not to get too excited, because I want to come while he fucks me.
“Then what did you imagine?”
“I imagined…ummfuck… I imagined you were fucking me with your cock.”
“Fuck, baby. I need inside you. Now.”
I remove my fingers and trace them on his chest. “Stop talking and fuck me.”
“Mmm. Talk dirty to me.”
“I need your cock inside me.”
“More.”
“I want you to pound me until I’m screaming.”
“Fucking more.”
“Fuck me until you fill me with your cum.”
“Oh fuck. Where did you learn to talk like that?”
“From you.”
His face erupts in a gorgeous grin as he lifts my legs and throws them over his broad shoulders. Our eyes collide as he drives into me. Agonizingly slow. So slow that sweat beads on Nikolai’s forehead and sticks his hair to his temples. His brows furrow as he obviously restrains himself to not thrust all the way in.
A shiver goes through me and it feels like forever before he’s fully sheathed inside me.
It’s been a long time since Nikolai last fucked me, and I almost forgot just how huge he is. It often burns when he first buries himself in me, but he always, without exception, gives me time to adjust.
We’re both panting, our chests slick with sweat as we bask in the moment, our ragged breathing echoing in the air.
The only other sound is the rain beating down on the ceiling.
A droplet of sweat rolls down his brow and falls on the corner of my mouth. I dart out my tongue and lick it then bite my lip. Nikolai’s eyes rage a dark blue as he expels a large breath.
“Fuck. I missed your ass. I love how it swallows me whole. Mmm. Can you feel how you’re welcoming me home?”
“Ummfuck…”
“You’re my favorite fuck hole, baby.”
“S-shut your mouth, Nikolai.”
“Make me.”
I grab a handful of his hair and tug him down, smashing his lips with mine.
It’s a mess of tongues, teeth, and lips as he drives into me. Slow and shallow at first, but the longer I kiss him, the faster he finds his rhythm and pounds me like a madman.
The back and forth of his abs creates friction on my rock-hard dick, milking it until precum splutters all over us.
Through it all, he doesn’t stop kissing me, doesn’t stop binding me to him one thrust at a time.
My body is a mess of overstimulation, but it’s my battered heart and nonexistent soul that are fucked over.
I dig my fingers in his back, feeling my balls fill up and my cock ready to burst.
Nikolai pulls away from my lips and reaches between us, then squeezes my cock, his thumb pressing savagely on the tip.
“Don’t come until I tell you to.”
“Fuck… No…” I tug on his hair, wiggling my arse to chase the pleasure. “I’m going to come…”
“Not yet.” His thumb blocks my opening as he goes harder, his piercing brushing against my sensitive spot with every thrust.
I thrash on the mattress, mumbled voices slipping from my throat as the pleasure builds to an exasperating high.
“Niko…please…please…fuck…”
I want to come. I want to come. I want to come.
The thoughts repeat in my head like a chant. My vision becomes blurry and I let out what sounds like a pathetic whimper.
“Let me come…please…please…” I’m begging at this point, my whole body tightening, my abs contracting, and my balls aching.
“Say you missed me.”
“W-what?”
“During the time we were apart, tell me you fucking missed me. Even if it’s a lie, say it.”
“I did…I missed you… I missed you so fucking much.” I feel a rush of air whooshing out of me with the words.
I don’t think I’ve ever said anything that I felt to my core like those words.
Because yes, I missed him. I missed him to the point of insanity. I missed him until I couldn’t breathe.
And the only reason I can suck air into my starved lungs is because he’s touching me again.
“Come for me, baby.” He releases my tip and squeezes my balls.
“Ummfuck…Niko…fuck…I’m coming for you…” My cock jerks and my cum splatters all over my abs, his hand, and the sheets. Everywhere.
“Love it when you make a mess.” He thrusts faster, his muscles tightening and a vein popping in his neck. “I love it when you come.”
“Umm…” I’m still groaning, riding my orgasm as my cock slowly withers to half erect.
“Wanna know what you look like when you come?” He speaks against my lips, his breath stroking my skin and his intense eyes swallowing me in their depths. “You look like fucking mine.”
My cock twitches, trying to force its way back to life as he bites my lower lip and fills my arse with his cum.
He comes hard and he keeps coming, until I milk him of every last drop.
Our slick chests press together and I glide my fingers into his half-damp hair, bringing him closer and wrapping my legs around his waist.
Then I do what we both love.
I kiss him deep and hard, trying to brand myself under his skin so he’ll never leave me again.
Nikolai pulls out of me and I can feel cum dripping onto the mattress. But before I can fall into that sensation, he wrenches his lips from mine and flips me onto my stomach.
I glance behind me and my lips fall open at the decadent desire shining through his eyes.
Blood rushes to my groin and my cock stands at full attention.
“Get on your hands and knees, baby. I’m going to fuck you again. This time, like an animal.”
