An ominous dream wrenches me from a deep sleep.
I wake up drenched in sweat to find myself cocooned by a massive body.
My heartbeat slowly returns to normal as I stare up at my husband’s sleeping face and breathe him in.
Subconsciously, I reach out and stroke a few rebellious hairs away from his forehead. It’s such a shame that none of our children have this shade of bright blond, except for Glyn’s natural balayage.
The terror slowly subsides the more I touch him and sink further in his presence.
I’ve been with this man for thirty years and he still causes a flutter in my chest and a dip in my stomach.
When I think about that first time I met him—or more accurately, caught his attention—at the party I didn’t even want to be at, it feels just like yesterday.
That day ended with my tragic accident, but that was also the beginning of us, and I wouldn’t change it for the world.
We’ve come a long way from the teenagers we once were. Yes, it wasn’t always easy, especially with the kids, but as long as he’s by my side, I can conquer anything.
Starting with the nightmare that’s playing vividly in my head.
My babies were all caught in muddy water, black hands pulling at them from every side as smoke penetrated their orifices.
“You can only save one,” a distorted voice said and I screamed.
That’s when I woke up.
Slowly, I peel Levi’s arm from around my waist, grab my phone, and quietly leave our bedroom.
It’s almost six in the morning, so I text the early birds, Lan and Bran, first. Then Glyn—although it’ll take her hours to wake up and reply. And I do it separately.
We have a family group chat, but there’s a trick I learned early on. My kids are more prone to talk to me if it’s private. They have these internal wars where they don’t want their siblings to know about their little secrets.
Especially Bran and Glyn. They’re more comfortable talking to me and their dad one-on-one.
Astrid: Morning, baby. Is everything okay?
The first reply is immediate.
Brandon: Morning, Mum. Everything’s great. Getting ready for my jog.
Astrid: Are you really okay? You know you can talk to me about anything that bothers you or your siblings. I’m here to listen.
The dots appear and disappear, on and on as I pace the length of the hall.
Bran has always been the trickiest, the most silent, and the one more prone to self-destruction. The reason I constantly ask about him isn’t because I love him the most, as anyone from the outside would think.
It’s more due to the fact that’s it’s been a while since he talked to me, like really talked to me, and I feel like he’ll slip from between my fingers like sand the moment I don’t check on him.
Brandon: Don’t be dramatic, Mum. Everything’s fine. Gotta go.
My chest deflates with a disappointed breath, but I send him heart emojis.
Astrid: Be safe, okay? I love you.
Brandon: Love you, too, Mum.
I’m still liking his text when another one shows up at the top of my notifications.
Landon: I’m good as the devil and just as handsome. Morning, Mum.
I smile, shaking my head. My oldest will never change.
Astrid: Morning, rascal, and seriously, where do you get all that arrogance?
Landon: Hello? Have you seen your husband? Pretty sure he’s behind the genes. Honorary mention to Uncle Aiden.
Astrid: He’s your dad. Stop calling him ‘your husband.’ Now, tell me, is everything okay with your siblings?
Landon: You’re more obvious than a rookie MI6 agent. Can’t you get your hands on the intel Glyn sends to Grandpa on a daily basis? And yes, I know all about it. The little shit can’t spy to save her life.
Astrid: LANDON! DID YOU JUST CALL YOUR SISTER A LITTLE SHIT?
Landon: She is, and the caps are hurting my eyes first thing in the morning. Actually, I can hear your yelling in my ears. Tone it down, Mum.
Astrid: I’m going to pull your ear next time I see you.
Landon: Yikes. I’m not visiting for the foreseeable future.
Landon: And to answer your question, Bran has been acting weird lately—secretive, weird. I’ll let you know when I have more info. As for your baby daughter, pride and joy…
He sends a picture in which Glyn sits on some boy’s lap in a restaurant, throwing her head back and laughing.
My lips part.
That’s the first time I’ve seen her laugh so freely since her preteens. Since she started distancing herself from us and I had to take her to therapy.
Her eyes shine, reminding me of a younger version of me when I first met Levi.
Astrid: She looks so happy.
Landon: I wouldn’t start picking wedding dates if I were you. That’s Killian Carson and he’s bad fucking news. He has a history of violence in his high school, not to mention the dubious activities he’s currently taking part in.
Astrid: Language.
Landon: Is that seriously the only part you focused on? Control your child and make her stop seeing him. She wouldn’t listen to me.
Astrid: She’s old enough to make her decisions. There will be no controlling involved. Do you hear me?
Landon: You can’t be possibly picking her side on this?
Astrid: This is the first time I’ve seen her so happy in years, Lan, and I’ll not allow anyone, you included, to ruin that happiness. Now, promise me you’ll leave her alone.
Landon: I bet Dad wouldn’t be as enthusiastic as you when he sees that picture. Grandpa, too.
Astrid: I’ll deal with them when Glyn is ready to introduce him to us. Now, promise.
Landon: Fine, promise. Don’t blame me when that happiness turns to tears, Mum.
I consider what to tell him carefully, but my train of thought is interrupted when the phone’s screen lights up with a video call from none other than my youngest.
Putting on my brightest smile, I pick up. “Glyn! I was just thinking about you. What are you doing up so early?”
I pause when I realize she’s standing on what seems like a patio that’s only lit by garden lights. “Where are you? Why does it look like night?”
She chews on her bottom lip. “Because it is. I’m in New York.”
“In what?”
She leans closer to the phone. “Keep it down. It’s late here, Mum.”
“Oh my God, did you get kidnapped? Nod if it’s true.”
“I can just speak.” She chuckles. “And no, I didn’t, technically.”
“Technically?”
“I didn’t, I didn’t. I just…came here to meet Killian’s parents. This is their house.” She clears her throat. “Killian is…my boyfriend. I’m sorry it took me a while to tell you.”
“It’s about time.”
“You…you knew?”
“Of course I did. I’m your mother, I know everything.”
It’s been weeks since I found out Glyndon was in a relationship. Ever since she started to smile more and had this rosy glow in her cheeks. One that she never had before.
But I was patient, respected her boundaries, and waited for her to spill of her own accord.
“Now, tell me about this Killian.”
Her expression softens, but it’s laced with some sadness. “He makes me feel alive, Mum. I didn’t know someone could make me feel alive, as if…as if…”
“You never lived before them?” I finish for her.
She nods, her face adorably shy. “At the same time, I’m not sure if it’s safe to fall so hard like this.”
“It’s never safe to fall, Glyn. You know you might break your bones or lose your life, but you still take the jump anyway, because you trust him to catch you.”
“What if he doesn’t?”
“Then I’ll be the one to break his bones.”
“Mum!”
“Fine, fine. On a serious note, it’d be good to find that he’s not worthy of your trust early on, so you can move on.”
She sighs. “You’re right. It’s better to find out than to stay in the dark.”
“That’s right.”
“Thanks, Mum, and not only for this…but for everything. And I’m sorry I’m the least talented of your kids.” She chokes on the last words.
“Glyndon—”
“No, let me finish. It took me a lot of courage to decide to tell you this, so just hear me out. I knew early on that I was no match for Lan and Bran, and that crushed me, Mum. I couldn’t talk to you about it, because I knew you’d placate me. You have to because you’re my mother. I think you felt it, too, because you told Dad to build me a separate studio and encouraged me to pick up my brush again. And I love you for trying, but it didn’t really work. That inferiority complex drove me to a dangerous edge and I seriously contemplated committing suicide just to end it. I went to a cliff, twice, but I didn’t want to do it, Mum, and that’s why I can talk about it now. I don’t want to be that version of myself anymore. I realize that even if I’m less talented than Lan and Bran, I still matter to you, Dad, Grandpa, Grandma, and everyone. And that’s what keeps me going every day. So thank you, Mum, thank you for telling me I’m different, for taking me to therapy, for waiting for me to come around and talk to you on my own. I needed that.”
Tears gather in my eyes and I quickly wipe them with the back of my hands I can’t have her see me cry. Not when she finally opened up to me.
It’s been years.
I didn’t wait a week or two, a month or a few, but entire years. I used every trick under the sun to have her open up to me, but she only withdrew further into herself.
We used to be best friends, but she decided that she’d grown up and didn’t need my shoulder to cry on.
She decided to go solo, battle with her pain alone, and cut me off. It’s not because she didn’t trust me, but more because she didn’t want to bother me.
My little baby has always been an angel who refused to cause anyone discomfort. Even if that hurt her in retrospect.
Until now.
“I’m the one who’s supposed to thank you, Glyn. Thank you for trusting me with all of that. I wish you were here so I could hug you.”
“Next time, okay?”
“Okay. And bring Killian home so we can meet him.”
I have a feeling he’s the reason behind her change. She’s finally removing the self-implanted shackles one by one after meeting him, and I want to thank him for it.
For bringing my youngest back.
“Prepare Dad mentally first.”
“Don’t worry about your dad, I’ll take care of him. He’ll be strict at the beginning, but I’ll make him come around.”
“Because he loves you?”
“I guess.”
“How did Dad fall in love with you, Mum?”
“I don’t know and I don’t think he has the answer to that either. Love can’t be forced or explained, it just happens, Glyn.”
She appears thoughtful, then nods and ends the call after she updates me on school life and assures me that they’re going back by the end of the weekend.
My chest deflates with a breath and I can finally smile after that nightmare.
Because screw that voice, I’ll never choose between my children.
Besides, I have a husband who’s built like a Viking. The two of us can save the three of them—no questions asked.
With a smile, I go back to our bed and slip into Levi’s arms.
Our kids are all grown up and are taking different paths in life, but this man will always be my forever.
