Grandpa once told me there will be times when I’ll feel so trapped that a way out seems impossible.
I’ll be suffocated.
I’ll feel so out of my element, as if all the walls are closing in on my heart.
He said that if I felt that way, the key is to stay calm, to not let fear seep in.
A disaster might or might not kill you, princess. But being terrified of it would definitely finish you.
I wish I had enough access to my brain so I could use it to put Grandpa’s words into perspective. I wish I was strong like him, Uncle, Dad, or Mum.
I wish I wasn’t thinking about ways of dissolving into the wall or the earth.
Or anywhere that’s not in the stranger’s field of vision. His body covers my front and it’s all hard, strong, and so terrifying, I feel like I’m going to throw up.
Memories from two nights ago slash my bruised conscience and ugly voices scream in my head.
Loud.
Louder.
I think… I’m having a panic attack.
I can’t have a panic attack. I’ve always been apathetic in a way, hard to have emotions pulled out of me, and even harder to translate them in the sensory world without my brush. So why the hell am I panicking?
My eyes don’t leave the stranger’s muted ones and it hits me then.
It’s because of them that I’m having this reaction.
These eyes that resemble the clashing of a rainy forest with the night. During the night, I couldn’t decipher their color, but even in the light, the green and blue are so dark, it’s as if they’re colorless.
He’s colorless, and not in a bland sense, but in the exact opposite way.
Mum says the eyes are the window to a person’s soul. In that case, there’s a black hole where this bastard’s soul is supposed to be.
The hand he imprisons me with against the wall isn’t harsh, but it’s firm enough to translate that he’s the one with the power. The one who can turn a mere touch into an act of violence as he did before. Since I already had an encounter with him, he’s already established his savagery and that no societal standards bind him. So even though he’s holding me with infinite ease, appearing as if he’s not exerting any type of force, I know better.
I really, really know better.
Hot breaths kiss the side of my cheek as he hikes up an arm over my head and leans down to speak so close to my face that I taste the words instead of hearing them. “I’m going to remove my hand from your mouth and you’ll be quiet for me. Scream, and I’ll resort to unpleasant methods.”
I continue staring at him, feeling trapped by his height and physique. I thought he was big two days ago, but it’s like he’s gained an extra presence.
His fingers flex on my cheeks, demanding my whole attention. “Nod if you understand.”
I slowly bob my head. I have no interest in finding out what this psycho finds unpleasant. Besides, I’m holding out the conviction that he can’t do anything to me with so many people around.
Yes, we’re in the secluded area near the library, but it’s not like no one passes by. It’s still a public place.
He slides his hand away from my face, but before I can breathe in air, he glides it to the hollow of my throat, his fingers digging into the sides. It’s not meant to choke me, but more to put the threat there.
It’s meant to communicate that if he wants to, he can snuff out my air at any moment.
“You said you’d let me go.” I’m thankful I sound calm and I’m not the panicky, absolutely disgraceful version from earlier.
“I said I’d remove my hand, not that I would let you go.”
“Can you let me go?”
“I like it when you ask, but the answer to your question is no.” The pads of his fingers press into the flesh of my neck. “I kind of like this position.”
He doesn’t look to have the capacity to like anything. Hell, his expression is so neutral that it’s hard to imagine him doing something fun.
Does he even have emotions like the rest of us?
Considering he was willing to see me die just so he could photograph me, and then he made me suck him off, he probably doesn’t.
Still, I force myself to stare into his apathetic eyes at the expense of being swallowed in their darkness. “What do you want from me?”
“Haven’t figured that out yet, but I will soon.”
“While you’re at it, you should also figure out how you’ll get out of prison.”
A slight smirk tilts his lips. “Why would I go to prison?”
“For assaulting me,” I hiss under my breath, watching our surroundings for any passersby.
“The fact that you’re speaking about it in a hushed tone means you didn’t report it.”
“Doesn’t mean I won’t.”
“By all means, do.”
“You’re not scared?”
“Why would I be?”
“You could be arrested.”
“For receiving a blowjob you so benevolently offered?”
“I didn’t offer you anything.” Fire bubbles in my veins and I attempt to release myself, but his merciless grip on my neck doesn’t allow me to even move.
“Oh, but you did. You said you preferred the lips instead of the cunt or the ass.”
“Because I was under threat!”
He lifts a shoulder. “Semantics.”
I stare at him. Like really stare at his messy hair and his muscles that bulge through his black shirt. I stare at his passive face and unchanging eyes, and I’m almost sure I’m dealing with a robot at this point.
“You…really don’t think you did anything wrong, do you?”
“Is saving you considered something wrong?”
“You didn’t save me!”
“You were going to fall to your death, but I caught you. Last I checked, that’s called saving in every dictionary, so how about you show more gratitude?”
“Oh, I’m sorry. How should I do that? Get on my knees again?”
“Preferably.” His thumb caresses my bottom lip and my breath hitches when his voice rumbles, “I liked these lips. What they lack in experience, they make up for with pure enthusiasm. There’s something about the nervous energy of the first time and your innocence that made it quite memorable. I bet it’ll feel more euphoric when I tear through your cunt and make you bounce off my cock.”
My mouth falls open, completely and utterly lost for words. The stranger uses the chance to press his thumb against my bottom lip so hard that I think he’s trying to glue it to my chin. “I keep imagining the expressions you’ll make when I throw you down and shove my cock deep inside your cunt. Bet it’ll be hard to choose between it and your mouth.”
I’m trembling, I realize, my fingers twitching and my limbs nearly giving up on me. But I still glare at him. “Why are you doing this to me? You have the looks to get anyone you want. Why me?”
A wolfish grin tilts his mouth. “You think I’m attractive?”
“Like hell I do.”
“You just said I have the looks.”
“Physical, that anyone can see.”
“I’m not interested in just anyone. It’s you I’m focused on right now.”
“But why?”
He lifts a shoulder. “Beats me.”
My jaw aches from how much I’m clenching it. This bastard has turned my life into a nightmare for the past couple of days and he doesn’t even know why.
So I provoke him. Probably not the best choice, but I have no other way to hurt him.
“I’d never, ever give you the time of day or look in your direction if I had a choice. Never.”
“Never say never, baby.”
“I’m not your baby.”
“You’re whatever the fuck I call you, baby.” He tugs on my lip again before he releases my mouth.
It’s swollen, puffy, and feels so sore, as if I’ve been kissing for hours.
No, no. I’m not going to think about kissing while this prick is here.
“Seriously, what do you want from me? I don’t even know your name, and I have no clue how you know mine.”
“Maybe we have more in common than you think.”
“What…is that supposed to mean?”
“You’re a smart girl. You’ll figure it out.”
“Just like you’ll figure out what you want from me?” I can’t hide the sarcasm from my tone, and he smiles.
“Exactly. You’re a fast learner.”
“Not fast enough to find a way to get rid of you.”
“That won’t be possible from your end, so don’t fry those neurons for nothing. Just…be good.”
“Who the hell are you to tell me whether I should be good, bad, or anything in between?”
“I don’t need a label to get what I want. You already know that.”
A sudden shudder jolts through my system. He’s subtly reminding me of how he easily escalated from nothing to full-on violation and that if I provoke him, it wouldn’t be abnormal for him to do the same.
Over and over until I learn my lesson.
I can’t help the need to face him head-on. “What does that entail exactly? Forcing me again?”
“I’d rather not. Unlike the impression I gave on the cliff, violence is not my first method of choice. However, if I have to resort to disagreeable options, I will. So don’t make me, baby. I’d rather we start on a clean slate.”
“Fuck. You.”
He releases a low chuckle that sends chills down my spine. It doesn’t reach his eyes, not even close, but it’s the first time he’s shown any semblance of human emotion. And I don’t know why I find myself memorizing every second of it.
“Such a foul mouth for a pretty little face.” The sound disappears as soon as it appeared as his fingers grab the sides of my throat. Hard. So hard that he’s practically choking me.
“Cursing me isn’t the definition of a clean slate, Glyndon. We were just talking about you being good, so how about you stick with that, hmm?”
He releases me as fast as he grabbed me and I splutter for air, my lungs nearly giving out. “What the hell is wrong with you and choking me?”
“How else will I get your full attention? Besides…” He rubs his thumb against the rest of his fingers. “I like the feel of your quickening pulse.”
I swallow as if gut-punched. There are so many dark emotions hidden behind his words and I don’t know whether to scream or cry—or do both at the same time.
He steps back, returning the space he robbed so suddenly. “I’ll keep an eye on you. Be good, baby.”
And then he’s walking away, mingling with the crowd as if he wasn’t just stealing my air and existence.
I slump against the wall, holding my head between my hands.
What the hell just happened? How did I attract such a predator?
And most importantly, what can I do to keep him away from me?
“Kill!”
I lift my head to find Annika accompanied by Ava. Her brows dip as she watches where the stranger disappeared into the crowd.
“K-Kill?” I stammer despite myself, and Ava levels me with a stare.
She’s well aware I’m not the type to stammer or speak without weighing my every word. But the circumstances are different now. I thought the nightmare had ended two nights ago, but in hindsight, I should’ve known it had just begun.
I somehow attracted the attention of a boundless, soulless savage.
“Killian Carson,” Annika says. “Resident charming god of our high school and The King’s U, too. He’s a fourth-year med student, despite being only nineteen. Obviously, he skipped a few grades, like me. Though I only skipped one and I’m seventeen. I’ll be eighteen soon, by the way, so don’t treat me like a kid.”
Wait.
He goes to The King’s U? Is that how he knows my name? But I’m not in contact with anyone from that university except for Devlin when we used to sneak out.
He found me on IG and after that, we talked, then met.
Other than that, I’m not that familiar with the ‘dangerous’ kids.
Though I have heard about the two notorious clubs at The King’s U. Heathens and Serpents. Both have mafia backgrounds, rule the university, and they’re rivals.
If that isn’t fun enough, they both hate our own power-filled club, Elites.
The three of them compete in underground fights, sports events, and creepy night activities that are only spoken about in hushed tones behind closed doors.
Oh, and remember my brother, Lan? He’s the current leader of the Elites.
Does this mean the stranger—Killian, very fitting damn name—recognizes me because of my brother?
But then again, Lan always kept the club’s activities separate from his personal life.
“How do you know him?” I ask Annika despite myself.
She taps her chin. “We…kind of run in the same crowd. Well, not really. We’re not friends or anything, God forbid. He’s, well, you could say acquaintances with my brother. Scratch that, they’re really close and I’ve been specifically told to stay away. By specifically, I mean that my brother would take away my socials if I go near his friends. Can you imagine that type of torture?” She wraps her arms around herself. “I just got chills.”
“Oh my God!” Ava snaps her fingers. “I knew your last name sounded familiar. Your brother is Jeremy Volkov, isn’t he?”
“The Jeremy Volkov?” I repeat, incredulous.
I’m a certified hermit, but even I heard the name as soon as I stepped foot on Brighton Island. Jeremy Volkov is older than us, my brothers’ age, and is currently finishing his master’s degree.
The reason his name is so infamous in both our campuses is due to the fact that he’s a god that should not be crossed.
It’s said that he killed someone who pissed him off—strapped rocks to his body and threw him to the bottom of the ocean. Once, a student tripped against his car and hobbled away with a broken leg.
Another time, someone accidentally spilled water on him, then went ahead and punched himself to escape his wrath.
Of course, it’s all rumors, but they’re savage rumors. The type of rumors that clearly tell us peasants to stay the hell away from him.
Because, of course, Jeremy is the leader of the Heathens. Rumor has it that the initiation process into the club starts by spilling blood.
Rumor also has it that the other Heathens are as crazy as he is. Some are even worse.
I didn’t know their names before, but something tells me Killian’s name belongs there.
Kill.
That’s what Annika—who’s currently fidgeting from one foot to the other—called him. He’s a ‘kill’ type of person.
Grandpa Henry, Mum’s father, told me that every person has a share of their name.
Killian is the entirety of his name.
Annika lowers her head. “What are the chances of going back to before you learned that piece of information about my brother?”
“Slim to none,” Ava says. “Can’t believe you’re siblings.”
“I mean, he’s not as bad as the rumors say. He’s the best brother alive and cares about me.”
“He ruins people’s lives for fun,” Ava says matter-of-factly.
“We can’t choose our siblings?” Annika tries with an awkward smile.
“Can totally relate.” Ava sighs. “Still. This is big news. I’m surprised he let his sister study at REU. I thought he hated us.”
“He probably does since he said, and I quote, ‘REU is filled with spineless, spoiled brats who only know how to spend their trust funds and don’t have the slightest clue about how to grow them.’ And he didn’t get a say in it since I got Papa’s approval after a lot of begging and promising to be good. But none of those methods worked, duh. The only thing that did was having Mom convince him. Lucky for me, he can’t say no to her.” She grins, then stares between us sheepishly. “You don’t hate me?”
“Why would we?” I inch closer to her. “You’re welcome aboard.”
“Yeah,” Ava echoes. “Your brother is a scary twat, but you’re a total doll.”
She blushes, seeming over the moon with the compliment. “Aww, thanks.”
Ava and Annika gush over each other for a bit before Annika studies me as if searching for a hanging limb. “I know we just met, but I feel the need to warn you about Kill. If you think my brother is bad, Killian might be worse. He’s always been popular, worshiped and fawned upon as if he was God on earth, but there’s something off about him, you know. Like his whole social life is a façade for what’s truly lurking inside. His smile never reaches his eyes, and all his relationships have been flings and hookups. In fact, I don’t think he’s ever had a relationship. Even his own brother doesn’t care for him that much. It’s like he’s living, but not alive…as if he’s…”
“A monster,” I finish for her.
“I was going to say a psychopath. Anyhow, he’s bad news and I don’t want to see you hurt.”
Too late.
He’s already took a part of me that I’ll never be able to get back.
“Is he part of your brother’s secret club?” Ava asks, then leans over to whisper, “Heathens?”
Annika gives a small laugh. “Ha…ha… I’m not supposed to talk about that or Jer will kill me. But yeah, he is, whatever. Kill is probably the mastermind behind it in the first place.”
“What do they do there?” Ava implores, closing in on her like a teacher interrogating a quiet student.
“Don’t know, don’t care. I keep out of their business and that allows me to fly under their radar. I mean, I have a clue about what’s going on, because the guards like me, but I pretend I’m clueless.”
I rub my palm on my shorts, contemplating her words. Does that mean if I remain still, I’ll also fly under their radar?
My phone beeps and I startle before slowly fishing it out.
Unknown Number: Careful, Glyndon. You might accidentally become the next target.
