“Can you guys like not?”
I slide my attention to Annika, realizing I zoned out, but it was the good kind this time.
I was sort of daydreaming about two days ago when Jeremy not only let me stay, but he also actually slept beside me.
Or more like, I slept sandwiched between him and the edge of the sofa. I woke up a bit achy due to the position and the cramped space, but I didn’t have another instance of sleep paralysis.
It didn’t happen last night either.
Last night, however, he did fuck me on the deck with my head hanging above the lake while I screamed and begged and called his name, but after that, he stepped in the shower with me, and then he carried me to the bed upstairs.
Something that’s never happened before.
I didn’t have to ask him to stay or feel like I had to walk on eggshells so as not to provoke his monster side.
In fact, he’s the one who pulled me on his lap when I was trying to put some clothes on and kind of made us sleep like that.
Naked. With his large body wrapped around me.
Another first.
Before, Jeremy was always clothed in some way, even while he set my world ablaze. I figured it was because he needed to put a barrier between us and to make it clear that whatever we have is exclusive to using each other’s bodies.
But a shift happened two nights ago. It started when he sat me on his lap and was content with talking to me instead of fucking me the moment he saw me.
Some sort of a connection blossomed between us that night, which is probably why I felt safe and offered him truths I don’t usually talk about to anyone.
In return, I caught a glimpse of Jeremy’s depths. Not the beast who chased and caught me, but of the man who used to keep me at arm’s length.
He still shut me down the moment I started to probe, but he at least stayed. And last night, we slept flesh-to-flesh.
I think that was because he needed to have access to me the next morning, but that’s not important.
The fact that he’s letting me in is.
Despite not wanting to get tangled in his web, I most certainly am. At the moment, I can’t find a way out—and I’m not sure I want to.
I meant it when I said that I plan to get to know him, because I do. Not only do I feel completely safe around him—despite his warnings not to—but I also like myself when I’m with him.
I’m more open about what I enjoy sexually and I even get to be my nerdy self and talk about my mangas and studies without sensing that he’s getting bored.
In fact, he listens attentively, as if everything I say is important, and I don’t think he realizes that, because I’m a little nervous around him, I resort to talking in order to expel that energy.
I also appreciate how he never judges me about anything. Hell, he even buys me mangas, comfort clothes, and my favorite tea—while calling me a stereotypical English who loves their tea.
I appreciate the ease in his expression when he sees me and the softness in his voice when he says, “Sleep. I’m not going anywhere.”
Those small moments of warmth, the cracks in his cold exterior, are what make me hold out hope for more.
But, on the other hand, I’m not sure if more is what I should want from someone like Jeremy.
“Cecily!” Annika waves a hand in front of my face, and this time, I really do snap out of it.
Or try to.
Anni and I are at a local coffee shop that she loves to come to, probably because they have her favorite apple juice.
It’s big yet cozy with its pastel colors and fluffy objects hanging from the ceiling.
Many students come here between classes, but Anni drops by any chance she gets. We have some time before our shift at the shelter, which is why she dragged me inside.
“What?” I take a sip of my tea.
Anni narrows her eyes—bright blue-grays that are nothing like her brother’s intense ones. “What were you thinking about so intently that you totally door-slammed me?”
Your brother.
I certainly don’t say that. Hell, I don’t even like to think about how she would view our unconventional relationship if she learned about it.
Annika might tell us that her brother is an unbearable tyrant who plays the role of her warden, but the girl might as well revere him.
He’s protected her since she was born and maybe that’s part of the reason why I choose to think he has some humanity beneath all the freezing ice.
I trace the rim of my cup. “Just school stuff.”
“If everyone were as diligent as you when it comes to studying, the world would be a better place.” She grins. “Anyway, I was saying, have you heard about the group of TKU football players who were suspended because their drug tests came back positive? And that’s not even the worst of it. They got into an accident on their way to the airport and barely escaped death. Some are still in the hospital.”
“Wow. That sounds intense.”
“I know, right? Like it feels too convenient, doesn’t it? Apparently, Kill and Gaz think the same, because this morning, while we were having breakfast, they asked Jeremy if he had anything to do with it, because they saw Ilya roaming around those players.”
“Ilya?”
“Oh, right. You probably don’t know him. He’s the big blond guy, about your age, who’s shadowing Jeremy and acting as his senior guard.”
I know him.
I’ve caught a glimpse of him a few times in the past. I think he even attended some of my classes, but how could he when I’m sure he’s a TKU student?
“Anyway, Jer didn’t deny or confirm it, but we were all sure he actually plotted the whole thing. He can seriously be brutal whenever he puts someone in his sights, and I kind of feel sorry for those guys, but they probably did something to piss him off. You know, like the way they did you dirty.”
“Me?”
“Yeah. Ava told me the captain of TKU’s football team and some of his teammates bothered you, stole your books. and were a pain in the ass because you turned him down at a club once. This coincidence is kind of fitting, don’t you think?”
My limbs stiffen as I replay and mull over the information I just learned. I don’t think it’s a coincidence.
“Anni?”
She slurps from her drink. “Yeah?”
“Have you ever mentioned those American football guys bothering me to Jeremy?”
“I think I did once. The fact that Jer had a beef with them, too, is such a cool coincidence.”
Is it really?
I want to believe that he wouldn’t hurt people for me since we’re not really in a relationship, but I’m not sure what to think about what he might have done.
I hope it’s just a coincidence like Anni said.
“Also!” She taps the table in front of me. “You guys don’t have to egg Creighton on when he comes around.”
I can’t help the smile that tilts my lips. “And why is that? You don’t like it when we tease him about his first relationship that somehow happens to be with you?”
“Aw, stop it.” She hits my shoulder playfully. “You know how grumpy and silent he is, so whenever you give him shit, he won’t say anything, and I’m obliged to speak on his behalf since I’m his number one lawyer and all. Point is, I don’t want conflict with you guys.”
“Don’t worry. We’re just messing with him. Truly, we’re all glad that he’s no longer the silent kid among us. Besides, he speaks just fine when he becomes all territorial over you.”
She blushes, her finger playing with her straw. “I know! He took me by surprise, I swear. I just like him so much, it feels like a dream sometimes.”
“It definitely isn’t. Who knew Creigh’s lack of interest was all a camouflage? Anyway, you deserve to be happy, Anni.”
“Aw, stop it. I’m blushing.”
After a moment of letting her pat her pink cheeks, I clear my throat. “Do you plan to tell your brother about Creigh?”
The fact that I know of Annika and Creighton’s relationship while Jeremy doesn’t is something I’ve been feeling slightly guilty about. Of course, I wasn’t planning to tell him, but I hope she will so I don’t feel horrible for hiding it from him. Not only do I know how much he cares for her, but I also dislike keeping secrets from him.
Maybe you should tell him about how you helped Lan burn down his property and endanger his life then.
I shudder at the dreadful sound of my internal voice and shove it back to where it belongs.
“Nooo,” Anni says with an awkward laugh, then it abruptly dies down. “I’ve been imagining telling him, and every time, I picture Creigh and Jer either getting into a fight or killing each other. I love my brother, but he’s hotheaded.”
Tell me about it.
I lean forward in my chair. “You can’t hide this from him forever; he’ll eventually find out. Don’t you think it’s better if he hears from you instead of some random person?”
She shakes her head. “That topic and Jeremy are giving me a migraine. I’d rather not think about his reaction that will either be violent or destructive or both.”
I take another sip of my tea, letting the liquid soothe my dry throat. “Has he always been opposed to any possible relationship you could have?”
She lifts a shoulder. “I guess he and Papa feel like no one is good enough for me. They have a Volkov god complex, I swear.”
“Volkov god complex?”
“Yeah, like no one is worthy of our bloodline except for a Russian. I mean, not really, but secretly, they do think that. Maybe I can convince Creigh to start drinking vodka like it’s milk. Do you think he’d be game?”
“I think he prefers wine.”
“I know! He’s like an old man sometimes…” she trails off as she looks behind me. At the window, I think.
While I prefer not to have a direct view of the street, Annika always likes to watch passersby, wave at a baby here and smile at a pet there.
But she’s neither waving nor smiling right now. In fact, her eyes are squinting and her lips are pursed.
I spin in my chair and follow her line of vision. My grip tightens on the teacup when I see none other than Jeremy leaning against his bike, stance nonchalant and expression calm.
But he’s not alone.
A leggy blonde grabs onto his arm, a wide smile brightening her face. She’s dressed in a micro skirt and a tight blouse that leaves nothing to the imagination. Her shiny straight hair falls to the middle of her back and she has the type of beautiful makeup only influencers are able to pull off.
It’s the same girl I saw in front of the Heathens’ mansion after the fire. The one the guard called ‘Miss,’ then let in.
No clue why I erased that incident from my memory. No, not erased. I kind of hoped it meant nothing and she was just a family friend checking on him.
Apparently, I hoped wrong.
“That bitch,” Annika hisses under her breath.
“Who is that?”
“Maya.” She narrows her eyes further. “Nikolai’s sister. I swear she’s like a clingy mosquito. Be right back. I’m going to put her in her place.”
Annika abruptly stands up and storms out of the coffee shop, leaving her purse, drink, and phone behind.
Shit must be really hitting the fan if Annika forgot her phone that looks like it was dipped in purple glitter.
I should probably stay here and not start unwanted drama, but something has happened ever since I saw Jeremy with her and recalled that fire.
That night, after I heard he was hurt, I was sick with worry and couldn’t sleep. And while I was struggling with my demons and nearly throwing up due to nausea, that girl probably spent the night by his side.
After gathering Anni’s stuff, I put on my backpack and head outside. Jeremy’s eyes find me before I even cross the street, and it’s like they’re storms brewing in the distance.
A disaster that’s threatening to happen any second.
How dare he look at me that way when he has another girl on the side that he never told me about?
Or maybe I’m the girl on the side.
After all, we were never in a relationship.
That thought makes my stomach plummet and tightens my chest. My steps are surprisingly calm as I walk toward them. Annika grabs onto her brother’s free arm and glares at the blonde—Maya.
“I have something to talk about with Jer. You can go.”
“Or you can go because I was here first,” Maya says with a fake smile.
“Sorry to burst your bubble, but whether you were here first or last doesn’t count, because I have sister privileges. Now, off you go.”
“Nuh-uh.” She slides her attention to me. “And who is this?”
“My friend.” Anni all but pulls me toward her by the arm so that she’s sandwiched between me and Jeremy. “Oh, I’m sorry. I forgot you don’t know what that word means since you stab them in the back and try to snatch their brother. Jer will never marry you, Maya. Go find yourself another victim.”
Marry?
Did she just say marry?
I glance at Jeremy, thinking he’s focused on his sister and Maya, but a shiver chills me when I find him looking at me.
He’s studying me intently, as if he’s peeling off my skin and peeking inside me.
What exactly is he searching for?
Maya hikes a hand up on her tiny waist. “When my father and yours have a talk about our marriage, you won’t have a say in it, Annika.”
“And yet, they haven’t, and they won’t. But do you know what will totally happen? I’m so going to tell Nikolai you’re hitting on his best friend.”
“No, you won’t.”
“Guess you’ll have to wait and see.”
“You’re too cowardly to do that, Nika.”
I wince.
Annika gasps. “No, you didn’t just call me that!”
“Totes did.”
“I’m gonna kill you.”
“Can you even reach my shoulder, midget?”
Annika gasps again. “You bitch!”
Then she lunges at her, but before she can actually hit her, Maya’s clone appears and pushes Annika back when she stands in front of the original Maya.
She’s wearing a black dress, heavy-looking boots, and her blonde ponytail is held together with ribbons.
Twin sister.
If they had the same style, no one would be able to figure out who is who.
“Stay out of this, Mia,” Annika snarls. “Your sister called me Nika and a midget. Today is her funeral.”
The newcomer, Mia, glares back at her sister, who’s smiling in a gloating way and studying her manicured nails. “What? She said I was a bitch, and while I am sometimes, I wasn’t just now. She was being a busybody.”
Mia signs something to her sister and Maya sighs deeply. “I’m not apologizing. If you look her name up, Nika is really a nickname and she is actually short. Not my fault she doesn’t have my sublime legs.”
Mia stares at Annika and signs.
“Nope.” Annika lifts a hand. “Not hearing your apology. Take your clone and leave. Also, you’ll only marry my brother over my dead body, Maya. I swear to Tchaikovsky.”
Maya grins. “R.I.P. then, midget.”
“You little—” Annika lunges at her again and Maya only makes a face as Mia tries to singlehandedly break up the fight, signing with intense energy.
In the middle of the whole show, the person who caused this, Jeremy, remains in the same relaxed position against his bike.
Still staring at me in that unnerving, chill-inducing way.
I break eye contact before I’m roped into whatever trap he’s laying for me.
For some reason, I always feel like he’s plotting chaos or scheming against me.
As if he wants to prove a point by making sure I know that he doesn’t care. That no matter how much I learn about him, it’ll all be for nothing.
That I shouldn’t trust him, like he told me.
Well, I’m just not going to let that happen without some form of resistance.
I tell Annika I’m going to the shelter, but she’s too busy verbally sparring with Maya to hear me.
Still, I turn around and leave, feeling awkward at first, then I lift my chin and try to look normal while carrying a fluffy bag and a glittery cup that don’t fit with my jeans, shirt, and backpack.
Finally, about five minutes later, Annika catches up to me and I can be rid of her super girly belongings.
“That bitch.” She breathes heavily, then takes an aggressive drink of her juice as she falls in step with me. “Can you believe that she said she won’t only marry Jeremy but she’ll also make me a maid of honor? The audacity, the nerve, the gumption!”
“Calm down, Anni.” I stroke her shoulder. “You don’t usually get into fights.”
She’s somewhat of a people pleaser. The type who doesn’t want anyone around her to feel uncomfortable—or she was before Creigh started purging those traits out of her.
“Maya is the exception. She’s a super diva bitch who thinks everyone is beneath her.”
“Her sister looked nice.”
“Mia is anything but nice, but she’s not a clingy, condescending bitch like her sister. I swear Maya has gotten worse ever since she set her sights on my brother.”
An ache blossoms in my chest and I hate the feeling, or how much I want it to go away but can’t do anything about it.
“Are they…” I clear my throat when I’m about to choke on my words. “Are she and Jeremy engaged or set to be engaged?”
“She wishes.” Annika punches the air. “Maya started this agenda on her own last year and has been actively trying to make it real.”
“Maybe Jeremy agrees, or she wouldn’t have been this persistent.”
“Like hell he does. He really just talks to her and Mia because they’re Nikolai’s sisters. She’s the delusional one who acts like he he’s her nonexistent fiancé sometimes. Ugh. I hate her guts and I’m so going to tell Nikolai so he’ll keep her in line.”
I slide my finger on the side of my nose. “What if Jeremy wants to marry her?”
“Don’t jinx it. No, he doesn’t.”
“He didn’t look bothered just now.”
“Oh, please. That’s his standard expression, but what if…” Her face pales and she comes to an abrupt halt. “What if he actually agrees if our parents arrange the marriage? She’s Russian!”
I pat Annika’s shoulder even as mine goes rigid.
“No, no,” she says, not seeming to believe her own words. “I’m the one jinxing it now. There’s no way that would happen.”
My friend spends the rest of the walk to the shelter convincing herself that it’s all a play of her imagination and cursing Maya for calling her Nika and a midget.
Me?
I just get lost in my own head as I go over the stock of pet food.
On one hand, I shouldn’t feel this way for someone I’m not even dating.
On the other, I hate that I can’t stop.
But what I hate even more is that I care.
Maybe this wouldn’t have made a difference a week ago, but after that night he and I talked, I stupidly thought we shared something more than twisted kinks and savage sex.
But maybe that was wishful thinking on my part.
Maybe, as he said, I should neither trust him nor find him safe.
Because he’s using me as much as I’m using him, and that’s it.
I’m dejected the whole day, despite my attempts to cheer myself up and even chatting with my parents for over thirty minutes.
The thought of going to the cottage and deepening this feeling of nausea doesn’t sit right with me.
You know what? I’m not going.
It’s not mandatory or anything.
So I snuggle in bed with a book, ready to spend a peaceful night.
Now, if I could actually enjoy what I’m reading or focus on it, that would be great.
My door flings open and Ava stands there wearing a killer pink dress and bold red lips and stilettos. “Guess who got us tickets to a VIP lounge?”
I flip a page. “I’m busy.”
“Bitch, please. With what?”
“Reading.”
“You actually developed a habit of doing that upside down?”
It’s then I realize I’m holding the book the wrong way. With a deep sigh, I close it and place it on my lap.
“I’m not in the mood, Ava. Take Glyn or Anni.”
“Both are with their boyfriends. Besides, I want my Cecy with me.”
I snicker.
She grins, reaches me in a few steps, and grabs my shoulder. “Come on, it’ll be so much fun.”
“My and your idea of fun are so different.”
“Pretty please. I’ll owe you a week of Netflix and chill.”
I stay silent.
“Come on, that’s like your kink.”
My kink is something entirely different. But I nod because I’m not going to let her go alone, and maybe a change of scenery is everything I need tonight.
“Yes!! Let’s get you into something pretty.”
“What’s wrong with my jeans?”
“Hell no. You can’t go there in jeans, Cecy. They won’t let you in.”
“Fine. But nothing over the top.”
She squeals. “Let me go pick you something real quick.”
Her ‘real quick’ will take at least an hour.
Shaking my head, I slip out of bed after she’s gone and pause when my phone vibrates on the side table.
Jeremy: What do you want for dinner?
I narrow my eyes to make sure this is in fact a real text. The nerve of this prick to send me this after what happened today. He’s not even going to address it?
But fine. If he wants to play this game, then it’s on.
Cecily: I’m going out with friends and I won’t be coming tonight. So you can have whatever dinner you want.
Jeremy: Come over after you’re done.
Cecily: No.
Jeremy: I wasn’t asking, Cecily.
Cecily: And I wasn’t stuttering, Jeremy. I’m having a night off.
Then I turn off my phone, my blood boiling.
Screw that arsehole. It’s time he gets a taste of his own medicine.
