“Who got you smiling like that?”
I have no idea how I manage not to flinch and then calmly place the phone on the table.
We’re in the kitchen that’s filled with purple and pink chairs, utensils, and curtains. Even the fridge wrapper and dishes have some of those colors, thanks to the two girly fashionistas Glyn and I share a space with.
Ava sits across from me, waffle in hand while she licks the syrup that’s managed to escape from her fingers.
She finally woke up when I announced I got us waffles. Her hair is gathered in a messy bun, and she has a white de-puffing mask on. Add that to the constant groaning and moaning about last night and it’s like I’m in the company of a whiny ghost.
I busy myself with cutting a piece of waffle to avoid meeting her gaze. “Oh, nothing. Just some meme.”
Please don’t let it show on my face that I’m giddier than usual this morning.
“Uh-huh. Didn’t know memes made you look like you’re in love.”
“Don’t be ridiculous.” I pour some orange juice and slide it in her direction. “Eat up or you’ll be late to school.”
“Try again.” She lifts her leg up on the chair and hugs her knee, then brings the waffle to her mouth while she narrows her eyes at me. “Sooo I might have been drunk, but, and this is the important part, I remember things.”
Blimey.
I’d hoped she was too hammered to remember stuff—she usually doesn’t. Or maybe she only pretends she doesn’t.
Mimicking a monk’s serenity, I take a sip of my coffee. “Things like what?”
“Like how Jeremy was at the club last night.”
That’s not so bad. I can work with it. “He probably goes to all the clubs on the island. That’s not weird.”
“The fact that he talked to you is. He was close.” She holds her thumb and forefinger a hairsbreadth apart. “This close.”
“You were drunk. You probably saw it wrong.”
“Did I also see it wrong when he got into your car with his silent scary mate? Or when you were talking to him outside my room? He was right here last night! Well, not here in the kitchen, but here in the flat.”
My ears heat despite my extensive attempts to appear unaffected. That alone gives Ava the answer she’s been playing detective to find.
“OMG! You totally shagged him in the club, didn’t you?”
“Ava!”
“You did!” She all but rips the mask from her face, revealing her shocked expression. “You smelled like him, and you had these puffy lips, watery eyes, and flushed cheeks. I think I’m going into a state of shock.”
“Hey—”
She holds up a hand. “I just need a moment to process things.”
I grow stiffer in my chair, and my T-shirt starts to stick to my back with sweat the longer I wait for her.
Ava opens her mouth a few times, then shakes her head and clamps it shut before she finally asks, “Is it true?”
“Is what true?”
“Everything I heard and saw and eventually deduced?”
I nod. It’s useless to hide it from her anyway. She would’ve found out sooner or later.
“Oh my fucking God. This is huge.” She drops her leg to the floor and leans forward in her chair. “When did it start? How? Why is it Jeremy, of all people? The Jeremy Volkov. Why is the scary big guy at TKU the one you gave up your prude status for? You hated him! Most importantly, why didn’t you tell me? I thought we shared everything.”
I wince, gripping the cup of tea tighter before I set it back on the table. “It’s not that I didn’t want to tell you, it’s that we’re not really a thing, per se.”
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean? You guys are shagging, right?”
“Uh, yeah. But we only recently started some sort of a relationship.”
At least, I think so.
Jeremy didn’t promise me anything, but he also didn’t say no to what I asked. I know that with time, he’ll come around. I’ll try to make him come around.
Because I can’t just stand there while he takes and only gives back sex in return. It’ll eventually drain me, and I’ll have nothing left.
“The more I listen, the more surreal this becomes.” Ava grabs her phone. “Hold on. I need support. Can I tell Anni and Glyn the news and call for an urgent girl squad meeting?”
I all but fly across the table and snatch her phone away. “No.”
A crease appears between her delicate brows. “Why not?”
“I told you this thing is new, and I’m not sure if it’ll work. So I don’t want to get the others, especially Anni, involved yet.”
Hell. I don’t even know how she’ll react to this. She was super pissed about that Maya trying to steal away her brother, so maybe, she doesn’t think anyone is worthy of him.
“Fine, fine. I respect that,” Ava grumbles and stretches out in her chair. “Now, tell me, why Jeremy?”
“I don’t know either.”
“Come on, there must be something that drew you to him. I would’ve sworn you hated his guts, background, and everything in between. So how did cursing him and the whole of TKU turn into dirty fucks at the club?”
I flop down on the chair beside her with a sigh. The first time I officially met Jeremy, at the fight club, when he was exerting his controlling behavior and kicking Annika out, feels like ages ago.
“Now that you’ve reminded me, I did hate his guts. Honestly, sometimes, I still do. He’s controlling, abrasive, and doesn’t have a gentle bone in his body. Well, mostly. He can force himself to be soft sometimes, but it’s like he’s an alien who’s emulating human behavior. It doesn’t come naturally to him, but he puts in the effort, so I guess that’s a start. Oh, and he’s persistent.”
A stalker, actually.
But I won’t tell Ava unnecessary things. If she finds out the extent of how fucked up Jeremy and I are, she’ll probably try to poke his eyes out and will get herself shot dead by his guards.
Besides, it’s not that I feel threatened by his presence or whenever I sense him watching my every move.
In fact, I feel surprisingly safe.
“That seems serious.” She takes a slurp from her orange juice, looking pensive.
“It’s nothing of the sort. We’re just winging it.”
“Cecy, I love you. I really do. But you don’t even know the meaning of that word. Besides, Jeremy definitely didn’t look at you like he was winging it.”
“You were so drunk that you fell asleep. You have no idea what expression either of us wore.”
“I do too! I can’t mistake something like that. He looked at you like he…” she trails off, seeming at a loss for the right word before she snaps her fingers. “Like he can’t get enough of you and wants more, more, and everything.”
“You…must be imagining things.”
“Hell no. Trust me. I know that look all too well. That guy is so obsessed with you, he beat that bloke for daring to touch you.”
“You…saw that?”
“Uh-huh. It’s slowly coming back to me.” She grins like a Cheshire cat. “That’s when the fucking happened, right?”
“Ava!”
“All right! I can’t believe you’re still a prude even after sex with a beast like Jeremy. He looks like he likes it rough.”
You have no idea.
“Can we change the subject, please?”
“Okay, okay.” She leans over and wraps me in a hug. “I’m so happy for you and how you’re finally moving on from Jonah.”
I automatically stiffen at the mention of his name, and I hate that. I hate that he affects me even long after he got out of my life.
“What are you talking about?” I speak in a tone so awkward, it vibrates through my chest cavity. “I was over Jonah a long time ago.”
“Bollocks.” She pulls back and strokes my hair. “You haven’t been the same since you broke up with him. It’s like a piece of you has been missing or something. You weren’t always so gloomy and distant before him and you stopped wearing dresses and dolling up after he got out of your life. It’s like he sucked out your energy and left you with nothing. I did ask Bran and Creigh if we should find the arsehole and kick him in the balls for hurting you, but Creigh said you probably wouldn’t like that. I still scratched his car and ruined clothes for daring to hurt you.”
My lips part as I listen to her. This is the first time I’ve heard their perspective about that clusterfuck. Ava wouldn’t stop asking why I broke up with him, and I told her we weren’t compatible.
That’s the only excuse I could come up with at the time.
I thought they’d let it go, but apparently, that’s not the case.
“Point is.” Ava smiles. “I’m glad you’re regaining your old self, even if slowly. And while I’m not sure if Jeremy is good enough for you, if he makes you smile while looking at his texts, then it’s a start. I’ll totally kick him in the nuts if he hurts you. He might kill me, but I will have died for a good cause.”
“You’re saying that as if Eli would let him put a finger on you.”
“Shhh. Not He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named.” She squints, then her eyes widen. “Oh, fuck.”
“What?”
“Remember the tidbit about how things are slowly coming back to me?”
“Yeah?”
“I think He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named was at the club.” She physically shivers.
“RIP. I love you.”
“Cecy!” She glares but then touches her hair, pretending everything is perfect. “But whatever, it doesn’t matter.”
Uh-huh.
“Point is, I’m so happy and excited for you. Jeremy better treat you right.” She hugs me again, and I wrap my arms around her.
Maybe it’s time I finally choose to be happy.
Later that night, I drive to the cottage.
Jeremy and I didn’t really talk about whether or not our arrangement will remain the same, but there’s no reason it shouldn’t.
Not only is this place ours, but it also hides us from the world so that it’s only the two of us.
And maybe I like that a little.
Okay, a lot.
Ava stepped out of her room and waggled her brows at me when I attempted to sneak out.
I threw a fluffy pillow at her, then picked it up after she dodged it and let it fall to the floor.
She just danced excitedly, made me put on her favorite lipstick, and did some provocative gesturing, but she didn’t make a sound so she wouldn’t wake Glyn up.
Earlier tonight, we were at the pub with everyone else, including Glyn, Anni, and Creigh. Because, of course, Ava completely forgot about last night’s epic hangover and chose to have fun again.
Creigh sort of dragged Anni out of the circle soon after we got there, and Remi spent the rest of the night being dramatic about how he lost his spawn and how fast children grow up.
I think he really believes himself to be his father sometimes.
Me, on the other hand? I was bubbling with energy, counting the hours until I could come here.
I have no idea when this place started to grow so close to my heart, but it’s managed to snag a place.
As I park the car in front of the house, I pause when I find no trace of Jeremy’s bike.
I look at my smartwatch, and it’s about one in the morning—the time we normally meet.
Jeremy is usually here first, but I did come a little early tonight.
Trying not to feel dejected, I grab the bag of groceries and cleaning supplies I brought with me, then step into the house.
I light the fireplace and cook some soup and casserole. While waiting, I do some cleaning.
Not that the place is dirty, but it could glow up a bit more. It has its charm with its cozy furniture and intimate structure, but you have to look past the gothic feeling first.
After the food is ready, I cover it so it stays warm, then I go upstairs for a shower.
Fifteen minutes later, I step out dressed in a bathrobe while drying my hair. My phone vibrates once on the side table and I basically jog over to check the text.
The name Jeremy doesn’t appear on my screen, and I hate how my chest deflates.
It’s about three in the morning, and there’s still no sign of him or even a text.
Instead, it’s my best friend, who should be sleeping by now.
So should you.
Ava: Sooo I know you’re probably busy, but I just learned something weird. Like super weird. Remember the guys from last night? The ones Jeremy pummeled to the ground for coming near you?
I sit on the bed and type.
Cecily: What about them?
Ava: Snap! Why are you here?
Cecily: What about you, then? Shouldn’t you be sleeping?
Ava: I was practicing. Anyway, back to the topic. My gossip antennas let me know that two TKU students were admitted to A&E today. One of whom is in the ICU. Guess who? They’re Larry and Steven! The latter is in the ICU.
A shiver snakes beneath my skin and I swallow thickly. There’s no way this is just some coincidence or an arbitrary incident.
Larry and Steven approached me and ended up in the hospital.
Steven touched me and said that weird sentence that threw me off, and he’s in the ICU.
Ava: AND, you know what the strangest part is? Their friend, Donovan? The guy who was with me at the bar. He completely disappeared. That’s just next-level scary.
I grip the phone tighter, my fingers unsteady as I reply.
Cecily: Are Steven and Larry okay?
Ava: They’ll live. But with pain. I feel so sorry for them. Do you think Jeremy did it?
Even she thought of that.
That’s the most logical answer, after all. It all lines up.
Cecily: I don’t know.
I hope not, though I’m kind of sure he did.
My chest constricts at the thought that he hurt those people severely just because they talked to me or touched me.
And where the hell is he, anyway?
I click on his contact.
Cecily: I’m here. You’re not.
I wait for him to read it and reply.
And wait.
And wait.
Then I fall asleep while waiting.
I wake up feeling a shiver of cold. At first, I’m disoriented, then the events from last night rush back to my memory.
The first thing I notice is the empty spot by my side.
I grab my phone that has fallen to the floor because I might have slept with it in my hand.
It’s ten thirty. Holy hell. How did I sleep in?
My belly flutters when I find a text from him.
Jeremy: There was a situation. I’ll talk to you soon.
His words seem clipped, almost dismissive. Or I hope I’m reading too much into it.
Cecily: What type of situation?
Jeremy: Nothing you need to know about.
My blood boils, and the sense of dejection from last night rushes in at full force.
Cecily: You could have, I don’t know, let me know beforehand so I could’ve been with people who are actually considerate of me and my time instead of staying in this gothic house.
Jeremy: Drop the sarcasm and watch that mouth.
Cecily: Fuck you.
I pause, and I think he pauses, too, because there’s no typing on the other end.
Why the… Did I just curse? Okay. It doesn’t count since it’s in a text. It’s not like I said it out loud.
I startle when the phone vibrates in my hand again.
Jeremy: Next time I see you, I will be the one who holds you down and fucks you until you’re screaming while you’re bouncing off my cock.
A splash of heat slithers through me and I try—then fail—not to clench my legs.
It’s not fair how much he can affect me with mere words.
Jeremy: I’m going home for a few days. There’s a situation with Annika that I’m sure you’re fully aware of.
I stiffen for a completely different reason.
He knows about Annika and Creigh.
Dammit.
Cecily: Are you taking her home? To your father? Why?
Jeremy: She wanted to convince him and I’ll be there to prove that she can’t.
Cecily: Don’t do that to her.
Jeremy: Worry about yourself and don’t even try to provoke me. Just because I’m not there doesn’t mean I won’t take action.
Cecily: Just like what you did to the guys from the other night?
Jeremy: They deserved more.
Cecily: Did you also hurt TKU’s American football team because of me?
Jeremy: Maybe.
I pace the length of the room, feeling hot to the core and not in a good way.
He’s not even going to deny it or offer excuses.
Cecily: You can’t just beat people up because they talked to me, Jeremy. That’s not how this works.
Jeremy: I don’t give a fuck about whatever this is or how it fucking works. You let me deal with it when it comes to outside threats.
Cecily: You mean to let you beat up and eventually kill people? I will never get behind that.
Jeremy: You’ll learn to. Didn’t you ask for more of me? This is me, Cecily. I feel not an ounce of remorse for those fuckers. If anything, I’d do it again and again, until death transforms from dread to a luxury. I’ll torture them until they can’t recognize their own images in the mirror, and I’ll do it often, repeatedly, and with gradual brutality, until there’s nothing left of them.
The words start to blur due to the sting in my eyes. A powerful emotion snakes through me and leaves me breathless.
It’s fear, I realize.
I’m scared of this part of Jeremy. The inhumane, ruthless side who wouldn’t blink before offing people. Though it shouldn’t come as a surprise considering his background, but it’s the first time I put him in a frame.
One in which I’ll probably suffer from incidents like these constantly. As long as I’m with him, he’ll find a reason to hurt others.
I need to leave this place.
After changing my clothes in record time, I grab my phone and storm out the front door but come to a halt on the threshold.
Ilya stands there, arms crossed in front of him. He’s dressed in casual clothing and a denim jacket that I think I saw a gun hidden beneath last night.
His face is a bit angular yet handsome, but his blank expression never changes. I don’t think I’ve seen any feelings on his face.
Sort of like Jeremy most of the time.
You know what they say about birds of a feather.
“Hi,” I say cautiously.
He nods in greeting.
“What are you doing here?” I ask.
I know Ilya is Jeremy’s shadow, in a way, but I’ve never seen him at the cottage before.
“Boss said not to go inside the house if you’re in it.”
My eyes widen. “Don’t tell me you stayed out here all night?”
“I had to make sure you were safe.”
“Oh my God, but it’s freezing.”
“It’s okay. I’m Russian.”
“That’s bollocks. I bet you didn’t eat anything either.”
Not that I did. At the reminder, my stomach growls, and Ilya does a perfect job of maintaining his poker face.
I open the door wide. “Come in. I made some soup we can share.”
He shakes his head once. “You go eat.”
“If you don’t come with me, I won’t.”
He shakes his head again.
“If you don’t, I’ll tell Jeremy you came into the house.”
“I didn’t.”
“Try convincing him of that after he beats you up like he did the guys from the other night.” I narrow my eyes and he narrows his back before he finally steps in.
After I heat the soup, we sit around the table. It brings back memories of Jeremy and his crazy Russian roulette.
My skin gets goosebumps as I remember how the crazy bastard nearly killed us both.
I should’ve known he lacked limits after that happened.
Ilya eats in silence, definitely uncooperative in offering any insight into his overbearing boss.
“So.” I clear my throat. “Why did you beat up those guys from the club?”
“Ask Boss,” he says point-blank.
I purse my lips but force myself to remain calm. “He’s not here, which is why I’m asking you.”
“I can’t tell you that.”
“Okay, but can you tell me why you beat them up until they were in a critical condition?”
He lifts a shoulder. “Because they deserved it.”
Of course he’d think they did.
“Where’s the third guy? Why have you taken him away? He didn’t even approach me.”
“We didn’t.”
“But he disappeared.”
“Wasn’t our doing. We left the three of them together.”
I frown. If it wasn’t them, then who—
Eli.
Of course.
Not sure how Ava will feel about this tidbit.
I move the spoon in my bowl and only raise my head when I feel eyes on me.
Ilya. He’s staring at me with that serial-killer gaze.
“What?”
“I know you’re not like Boss and have no clue how dangerous and complicated his life is. So if you’re not going to put the effort in understanding it, I suggest you leave.”
Okay. That was direct and bold.
I think Ilya doesn’t like me.
But it wasn’t said with ill intent. He really thinks I’m not fit for Jeremy. I agree.
I place the spoon on the table, losing my appetite. “I can’t get behind his acts of violence. I might turn a blind eye once or twice, but it’ll kill me if it’s a recurring theme.”
“Boss only inflicts violence when it’s the last resort or if it’s personal, and only against individuals who’ve earned it. Have you tried to understand why he did that last night?”
“Because they talked to me and touched me and he needs to protect his ownership.”
“He did it because your safety and mental state are important to him. Do better. You have a long way to go.” He shakes his head, drinks straight from the bowl, then stands up and gets out.
Leaving me with a myriad of questions and emotions.
