“Aaaand we lost her!”
I lift my head with a jerk that startles both Glyn and Ava, the latter being the one who caught my attention just now.
We’re having a girls’ night for the first time since Anni left about a month and a half ago.
This gathering includes a lot of drinking because none of us want to talk or think about the empty spot in our circle or the echoing sound of her absence.
We’re sitting on the sofa, dressed in fluffy pajamas, which was Ava’s idea. She said if we’re going to party at the house, we need to look like glam characters from black-and-white films.
So we’re all wearing her robes covered with feathers, faux fur, and everything uncomfortable.
“I was saying, have you heard the news?” Ava asks from her position on my right.
“What news?”
“Jonah turned himself in for drug acquisition and assaulting a minor.”
The bottle of beer tilts in my hand. I’m not drunk. Hell, I’ve just had this one, and it’s only halfway finished, so I can’t be imagining things.
“Did you just say Jonah turned himself in? The same Jonah we know?”
“Yeah, your ex.”
“Wow,” Glyn breathes out. “I didn’t know he was such a lowlife. You dodged a bullet there, Ces.”
My fingers tremble and shivers snake down my back and into the pit of my stomach.
“I guess Aunt Kim was right when she mentioned having a bad feeling about him,” Ava continues, oblivious to the sound that’s invading my head.
Tick.
Tick.
Tick.
“Yeah. This is so creepy. You really don’t know what people are hiding.” Glyn hugs herself. “But how did you hear about him turning himself in?”
“Uh, hello? It was all over the news. He’s the son of a higher-up in some ministry, and many are speculating that maybe his father is using his son as a scapegoat to hide his crimes. So he’s also under investigation. Following this whole charade is popcorn-worthy, I tell you.”
Mum and Papa probably saw the news, too. Is that why Mum told me she was there for me if I needed to talk about anything this morning?
“Cecy?” Ava grabs my arm, her voice spooked. “Oh my God, why are you crying?”
I pat at my eyes, only for my hand to be flooded with tears. Everything I’ve bottled up for years rushes to the surface like a tornado taking out everything in its wake.
My heart shrivels, my tears won’t stop flowing, and then everything just…pops.
“Ces.” Glyn’s eyes water as she grabs my arm. “What’s going on? Are you okay?”
“I’m not,” I admit, my voice low and emotional. Usually, I would never show them this part of me. I hate being vulnerable, even with my closest friends, but I can’t fight it this time.
“Jonah…drugged me until I couldn’t move, but he made sure I was still aware of my surroundings so I’d feel it when he tried to assault me. The only thing that stopped him was his revulsion when I threw up all over him.”
Ava’s lips part. Glyn’s eyes water.
Both of them are caught in a state of shock, and I understand. There was a time when I honestly never thought the day would come where I’d talk about that experience out loud. I thought if I buried it deeper, if I dealt with it on my own, it’d be over.
Turns out, the exact opposite happened. That night devoured my spirit and consumed my life. It wasn’t until Ava mentioned it the other time that I realized how much I changed after that incident. Yes, I was always an introvert, but it was only after that trauma that I closed in on myself. I quit wearing dresses and skirts and switched to jeans and sarcastic T-shirts because that could help drive attention away. Baggy, unflattering clothes. Just anything that didn’t make me as pretty as that night.
I know it’s a victim-blaming mentality, but the moment I realized that, it was too late. My soul had already darkened, and nothing was left to be salvaged.
“You know how sometimes I zone out?” I continue, staring at the TV, which is playing some Netflix film. “It’s because of that. I also have severe sleep paralysis that’s an imitation of that night. I feel everything around me, but I can’t move. I scream for help, but no one can hear me. Before you ask, I couldn’t report him, because he had nude pictures of me that he would’ve made public and sent to Papa. He would have used them to ruin my grandparents’ political and diplomatic reputations. My mum’s career. Everything. I just… I just didn’t want them to see me like that.”
I choke on my last word, and Ava envelops me in a hug.
“Oh, Cecy.” She cries in my neck, her tears slipping down my skin.
Glyn wraps her arms around me, too, sniffling quietly. “I’m so sorry, Ces. I’m so sorry we weren’t there.”
“You didn’t know. I made sure no one knew. Not even Papa or Mum. I thought I’d be fine, but I’m not. I thought everything would be okay, but I’m tired of pretending to be something I’m not. I’m so tired.”
The three of us cry in unison as they hug me tightly, shaking against me, their hands unsteady, as if they can feel every burst of my pain.
I hate that I’ve turned them into this mess, that I’ve become a burden, but I still take every bit of their support and cooing words.
Ava pulls back, her eyes red, face a mess of tears and snot. A look she hasn’t allowed anyone to see since she was a kid.
“I understand why you couldn’t or didn’t want to tell us, but if we had known, I would’ve killed that fucker with my bare hands.”
“I wasn’t ready to talk about it. I don’t think I am now either, but talking about it is the first step to getting over it. Besides, I didn’t want you guys to feel burdened by this.”
“Bullshit.” Glyn sniffles at my side. “We’ve been together since we were in nappies, Ces. We’re sisters from different misters, meaning we’re there for each other for better or worse.”
“Why would we feel burdened by a situation in which you were a victim? That’s bollocks! He should be the one feeling all these emotions and worse. He should apologize for being a fucking subhuman.” Ava’s voice breaks. “I’m sorry we didn’t notice.”
“You couldn’t have. I spent that summer with my grandparents and Uncle Kirian to recharge, so neither you nor my parents noticed anything. Now that you mentioned he turned himself in, I felt a tinge of relief mixed with anger at myself because he assaulted someone else. If I’d reported him that first time, he wouldn’t have done it again.”
“He threatened you,” Glyn says in a firm voice. “It’s not your fault. It’s his.”
“And here I thought you hadn’t dated since him because you couldn’t get over him.” Ava hits the side of her head. “Stupid me.”
“You’re not wrong. He did scare me away from all relationships, sexual or not.”
“I’m so sorry.” Ava’s voice is all choked up as tears well in her eyes. “I always went with Remi’s jokes about you being a prude without knowing the truth. I feel so horrible. I should’ve been a better friend, but I wasn’t. I’m so, so sorry, Cecy. I’m willing to do anything so you’ll forgive me.”
“There’s nothing to forgive. It’s not like you knew and did it on purpose.” I release a deep, tortured sigh. “I wish I’d stayed a prude. That way, I wouldn’t have gotten hurt again.”
“Oh, Ces.” Glyn strokes my arm. “What happened?”
“Is it about Jeremy?” Ava asks cautiously.
“Jeremy?” Glyn asks.
“We had a thing,” I tell her. “I’m not sure what that thing was, but he was the first person who noticed something wrong behind my zoning out and forced me to tell him about the Jonah thing.”
He was also the first person who gave me courage not only to pursue my fantasy, but also to not be ashamed of it. He opened my heart, my world, and made me feel pretty again. I liked wearing some skirts, shorts, and revealing stuff when we were alone, because he looked at me like I was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.
I used to be scared of relationships, but I wanted one with him.
Of course, I only realized all those things after I’d lost him.
“You and Jeremy?” Glyn repeats, incredulous. “The same Jeremy who’s Killian’s friend and Anni’s brother?”
I nod.
“I thought you guys were getting along,” Ava says hopefully. “You like him, right?”
“My feelings for him don’t matter. He cut me off.”
“That son of a bitch.” Ava jerks up to a standing position. “Glyn, you have access to the Heathens’ mansion, right? Tell your boyfriend to give us his best gun.”
“I don’t think he’ll approve of us killing his friend.” Glyn narrows her eyes. “But we can do it behind his back, because Jeremy is a prick who has no business hurting Ces’s feelings.”
“Let’s decapitate him.”
Glyn interlinks her arm with Ava’s and shouts, “A la guillotine!”
I smile through the tears but shake my head, a deep sigh ripping out of me. “He’s not entirely wrong.”
“What do you mean?”
“He felt that I was being disloyal for cutting ties with Anni. He said he wouldn’t have been surprised if it were anyone else, but coming from me was the worst since I usually care about everyone.”
Their shoulders fall at the mention of Anni, and they lose their murderous moods as they crawl back onto the sofa on either side of me.
Since we were young, we’ve had this formation whenever we’ve needed time away from our troublemaker guy friends.
“Honestly?” Glyn starts. “I also don’t think we should’ve done that to Anni, especially now that Creigh has come back but she never will. We knew how sheltered she was and how being here was her best shot at living her life.”
“Yeah, but she hurt him.” Ava’s chin trembles. “Cray Cray is like our brother, and Jeremy should’ve considered that angle before he accused Cecy of being disloyal. I should have a word with him.”
“I don’t think you can even reach him,” I say with a sad smile. “I know I can’t.”
“Sure as fuck can.” Ava rolls up the fluffy sleeves of her robe. “You say the word, and I’ll bring him to you. Well, not exactly. But Glyn can ask her boyfriend for help.”
“Totally,” Glyn agrees. “Kill doesn’t really like talking about any of his friends and would get pettily jealous, but I have ways of convincing him to arrange a meeting with Jeremy.”
I shake my head, half because the prospect of seeing that harsh look in his eyes terrifies the hell out of me. Half because I wouldn’t know what to say.
I doubt he’ll accept any form of an apology I have to offer. Besides, what’s the point when everything is said and done?
Maybe he can explain why I feel like I’m being watched sometimes. Though I don’t have proof, because I haven’t caught sight of him or Ilya since that day he crushed my feelings.
Or maybe I’m just hoping that he might still be watching me. That maybe, just maybe, he’s not done with me, after all.
But that’s wishful thinking.
“You’re just being negative,” Ava says. “If you want, I can totally dress you up and make you completely irresistible like that night at the club when you drove him crazy.”
“Really?” Glyn stares between us. “How come I know nothing about this?”
“Oh, it’s a very long story.” Ava goes into excruciating detail about the last night I had with Jeremy before everything shattered.
Sometimes I wonder if I can change things. Or maybe it’s better that I don’t.
This is probably the way out that Ilya told me about. I have no place in his life if I can’t understand him and his ways.
And this isn’t about the chasing, rough sex, and blood play. Those are things I shamelessly love.
It’s about him as a person and his lack of limitations.
It’s not who he is, it’s what he is, and I can’t change that about him. I can’t strip him of what makes him Jeremy Volkov.
But I also don’t want to be like him either.
I once thought there could be some sort of middle ground, but maybe that was too naive of me.
My phone vibrates, and I wipe my eyes before I check it out. I’m guessing it’s Landon bugging me again, and I’m ready to ignore him. Again.
But the name on the screen catches me by surprise.
Creighton: I need your help with something.
He recently got back to school, and even though he looks fine on the outside, everyone can tell he hasn’t been the same since his permanent rift with Anni.
It’s so rare for him to text, let alone ask for help.
Cecily: If I can do it, sure.
Creighton: Help me meet with Annika in the States.
My fingers pause.
Cecily: Are you sure that’s a good idea? Her father, brother, and all their guards might kill you on sight.
Creighton: I need to talk to her, Cecily. Please.
This is the first time I’ve seen Creighton say please. He’s so silent and somewhat cold that it feels like he’s unable to show affection.
I mull over his request in my head. If it were any other time, I’d never entertain something so risky, both for his and my sake, but something’s changed.
I don’t want to be a coward or a liar. If I can make amends this way, then so be it. Besides, I really miss Annika.
So I type with confidence I haven’t felt in some time.
Cecily: I’m in.
Creigh lied to me.
He didn’t only want to talk to Annika. He meant to kidnap her all along.
And I helped him, though unknowingly.
I got her on a private plane and left so they could talk. I thought I needed to wait outside the plane for maybe half an hour—an hour max—before Creigh and I took that plane back home.
I thought wrong.
He totally stranded me in New York and left. Well, he did purchase me a ticket to go back to the island.
How very thoughtful.
For the past two days since he disappeared off the face of the earth, I’ve been on edge. Literally and figuratively.
Creigh told his friends and family that he’s going on a holiday, which is why everyone is cool about his absence. They think he needs time off after everything.
I’m the only one who knows the truth about his pseudo-criminal activities. That I helped him with.
Annika’s family must be searching all over the place for her whereabouts.
I contemplated telling them who she’s with instead of keeping them in the dark, but that would mean exposing myself and possibly getting myself killed by her dad or something.
So I needed to find a way to let them know without getting involved.
My solution was to type out a letter, put it in an envelope, and tell Glyn to slip it underneath Jeremy’s door. Because she thought it was a love letter, my friend was super excited, and promised to be discreet.
Annika is with Creighton. They’re safe.
That’s all I said since that’s all I know. But I hope that much can soothe her family’s worries.
Glyn said that Killian mentioned how weird Jeremy feels lately. He doesn’t spend as much time with the others, and when he does, it’s only so they can plot some anarchy against the Serpents or the Elites.
“It’s like he’s distracting himself by trying to stay busy,” she said.
Glyn and the others don’t know about Annika’s disappearance, so either Jeremy didn’t tell his closest circle or Killian kept the information to himself since he doesn’t like worrying his girlfriend.
My vote goes to the second option.
While stacking bags of pet food at the shelter, I try to think of other ways I can help Jeremy and his parents find Annika, but the chances of doing that without hurting Creighton are zero.
I groan, hitting my head against the metal shelf. What the hell have I done?
Even when I try to help, I accidentally mess it all up.
“Trouble in paradise?”
I lift my head at the very familiar suave voice.
Landon stands in the doorway of the storeroom, looking as fashionable as ever in his black button-down, slacks, and luxurious loafers. His hair is styled, accentuating his angular, handsome features.
He has a white-and-gold masquerade mask in hand. Considering his looks, one would think he’s going to a party, but it’s probably one of his club’s events where they’ll instigate mayhem.
I push one sack of pet food in place. “What are you doing here?”
He strolls inside with his eternal boredom and big cat energy. Lazy, silent, and up to no good.
“I’m wounded in my little heart. No hi, how are you?”
“I don’t think you came here for any his or how are yous. I’m surprised you even know this place exists.”
He leans against the shelf by my side, pouting dramatically. “You’ve become so cold, Cecy.”
I tilt my head to the side. “Doesn’t feel good to be treated the way you treat people, does it?”
“Aww, you still mad about that other time? That happened centuries ago in human years.”
“You might be able to hurt others and forget about it, but that’s not me, Lan.”
“They allowed themselves to be hurt. Who am I not to indulge them?”
“You’re impossible, and there’s no reasoning with you.” I release a sigh. “I honestly don’t know what I liked about you.”
A Cheshire cat grin lifts his lips. “Oh? Is this a confession?”
“No, this is me calling myself daft. I think I liked the idea of you, but when I got close, I realized you’re like your statues. Gorgeous on the outside.” I tap his chest twice. “Empty on the inside.”
“Did you say gorgeous?”
I shake my head. “Just leave, Lan. I have some work to finish up.”
“Not so fast.” He blocks my path, seeming to have gained height as he stares down his nose at me. “See, I know you swapped me for Jeremy, and while I’m wounded in my little black heart, I let it happen because you can help me bring him down.”
“You…knew?”
“About your feelings for me?” He grins. “You couldn’t be more obvious, Ces.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
“You didn’t; why would I? Besides, it was only a phase, no? Because you somehow got on Jeremy’s radar and you grew to like it. I rooted for you. I even encouraged it. In that fight, I noticed he was looking at you and I wanted to test him, so I said, ‘How does it feel to fancy someone who loves me?’ Kind of got beaten up for it, but confirming he has feelings for you was worth it. The mighty Jeremy in luuurve. Isn’t that poetic?”
I gasp.
So that’s what happened that day. That’s why Jeremy was so mad.
“I don’t love you. I never did,” I say with determination.
It was only a crush. A stupid one that I shouldn’t have had, but I allowed myself to feel it so I could try and forget about the whole Jonah thing.
If I had secret crushes and attraction, then that meant I was alive, or at least, that’s how my brain categorized it.
“That’s what he thought, though.” Lan grins. “Sorry, I mean thinks.”
“Doesn’t matter.” I push past him to organize the opposite shelf. “We’re no longer together, and even if we were, I would never help you hurt him.”
“Are you sure? Because he has a blonde bombshell hanging off his arm and pasting herself to his side like superglue. There’s her mute clone, too.” His voice darkens at the last bit. “The Sokolov sisters are vying for his attention, and if you don’t do something about it, one of them will have him.”
My fingers tighten on the edge of the shelf, but I slowly release it. “He can do whatever he wants. And don’t call her a mute. That’s not nice.”
“I’m not nice.”
“Shocker.” I roll my eyes. “Also, Mia is only around to watch her sister. She didn’t look to be interested in Jeremy.”
“Or that’s what she wants you to think while she slithers around him like a snake.” His voice has lowered to a strange range I’ve never heard him use before.
Lan might look like a charming god, but he’s emotionless, cold, and calculating. This is the first time I’ve seen him show interest or change his tone at the mention of someone.
“Point is, get Jeremy back.” He grins. “This is the last courtesy I’ll offer you before I slice his throat open and sculpt him into the ugliest stone.”
“I’m not helping you, Lan.”
“I don’t want you to help me.” His voice lowers further. “Just take him off the market.”
“Oh. I get it. Is this about Maya? Maybe Mia? Both?”
“Don’t worry your pretty little head about that and just resume whatever weird thing you had with Jeremy.”
I release a sigh. “I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“He’s not interested in me anymore.”
He stares at me as if I’ve grown an extra head. “Not interested in you? On what planet have you been living, Cecily? The guy stalks you like a creep and actually smiles while he does it—honest to fucking God thought he didn’t know how. He’s also developed some bizarre fetish about removing anyone who poses an obstacle to you. That teacher who was giving preferential treatment to his friend’s kid? Jeremy was the reason he asked to transfer. Those American football players who stole and slashed your textbooks? Jeremy eliminated them. Those guys at the club who danced with you? Jeremy beat them the fuck up and put one in a coma. Oh, and news fucking flash, he tortured Jonah to near death by waterboarding him and threatened to kill his parents, brothers, sisters, and everyone he cared about. Then he proceeded to tell his family about all the scandals he could get them into by airing some of their dirty laundry. That’s the only reason Jonah turned himself in. He still gets beaten up in prison every day because Jeremy and his whole fucked-up entourage have the ability to pay off people who can do it. Inside England’s prisons, which should be far away from their territory, but isn’t. You still think that’s not called interest?”
My jaw nearly meets the floor.
The onslaught of information swirls inside me, barely allowing me to absorb anything.
I frown. “How do you know all of that?”
“I have someone who follows him, just like he has someone who’s following me.”
“Following you?”
“Yeah. You think he knows by now that I’m here?”
“Lan, whatever you’re planning, stop it.”
“I need you with him, Ces. I’m not asking.” And then he grabs me by the cheek.
I know where this is going, what he’s planning, and I want to stop him, but my reaction is delayed.
His lips are reaching for mine, and I try to push at his chest, but before I can do that, Lan is shoved off me.
Not by one set of hands, but two.
Jeremy punches Landon in the face, and when he falls to the ground, a very angry, very beautiful blonde stares down at him with a murderous expression.
Then she kicks him in the nuts. With her giant boot.
