‘Nick, darling, are you sure about this?’ Lila asked. She was leaning against his kitchen island looking perfect in a deep blue gown that reminded him painfully of the one Goodie had worn to his parents’ party.
‘I’m sure,’ he said gruffly, fiddling with his cufflink and swearing under his breath when it slipped his grip and clattered onto the granite counter top. Lila clicked her tongue, slapped her hand down on the cufflink before it could roll onto the floor, and then started to thread it through Nick’s sleeve. She sighed.
‘Do you really think this is going to make a difference?’
Nick snatched his sleeve away from her once she was done, and moved to the other side of the island to down the shot of brandy he had waiting for him. ‘I’ve tried everything. I’m losing patience. Maybe this will shake her up at bit. God knows nothing else I do seems to make a blind bit of difference.’
It was a month since the shooting. Nick had healed quickly; he’d had to. Even the slightest flinch of discomfort would cause Goodie to visibly wince and that pain in her eyes to intensify. Security had been stepped up significantly. He now had Sam as an additional close protection officer, and two far guards. But things were about to change. All the deals were nearly done; soon they could get cold fusion off the ground and then the threat to his life would be negligible. Once they weren’t needed any more to provide the momentum to the project, he and Ed would be safe.
In truth the idea and the interest had become bigger than anyone had ever anticipated. Even if their opponents did somehow manage to hurt Nick or Ed, the project itself would now be unstoppable; there was too much investment, too much confidence in it for it to fold now. Once the final deal was completed in the next few days, Nick doubted he would even need protection; it would likely just continue as a precaution. He had thought that closing this deal would be the pinnacle of his life so far. He should be ecstatic, but he found he couldn’t be. Not without her.
He had thought he could talk Goodie around and break through her cold formality once he came out of hospital; after all, he was adept at getting his own way, he’d been charming and manipulating the women in his life since he was five years old. But he was coming to realize that with Goodie this was not going to be the case. She kept her distance from him, avoided direct eye contact unless it was strictly necessary, and had even changed the locks on her flat by the time he was home from the hospital. She refused to talk to him about the shooting.
After a couple of weeks when he was feeling stronger, he’d cornered her in the office to try and talk some sense into her. She’d stared down at his hands on her arms like they were diseased, then cut off whatever he’d been trying to say with: ‘Let me go or I will kick you in the groin so hard you’ll be tasting your own balls for breakfast.’ The look in her eye told him she would do it, too. When he hadn’t immediately released her, she had wrenched so violently away from him that he had been worried she’d dislocate her shoulders.
So yes, Nick thought that this was the only play he had left to make. He wanted to shake things up, and patience was not one of his virtues.
‘Look, Nick-Nack, lying is never a great idea,’ Lila warned him, ‘God knows I’m not this chick’s biggest fan, what with her occupying the slightly scary area between normal and cold-blooded psychopath, but she did save my life. I feel I owe her something at least. This could hurt her.’
Nick shook off the sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach when he thought about hurting Goodie. This was for her own good. She needed to snap out of it. ‘I’m not trying to hurt her. I just want to make her think, that’s all. She’ll come around.’
Lila shook her head but slipped her arm through his regardless.
‘Okay, gorgeous,’ she muttered, pasting a wide smile on her face, ‘if you’re sure. But I’d better get a decent amount of press out of this; you owe me.’
*****
Goodie rapped twice on the dividing glass in the limo and it slid down.
‘Keep the partition down,’ she told Matt the driver, who nodded in response, not taking his eyes off the road ahead. ‘Did you go over the plans of the building last night? You know we’re using the back service entrance?’
‘Goodie,’ Sam said in a low voice as Matt nodded again, ‘he knows. You know he knows. We went over it five times yesterday. You made him do a drive-by in the early hours of this morning. It’s sorted.’
She gave a jerky nod, then sat back in her seat. As her gaze skittered over the happy couple opposite her she found herself sliding her hand into Salem’s fur. Even if he wasn’t allowed in the building she was now glad she’d chosen to bring him this far. The feel of his warm body under her hand helped her claw back from the pain to a place of complete focus.
When she’d seen Nick emerge from his flat with the perfect brunette on his arm, Goodie had nearly, nearly let herself go. After a month of maintaining complete control around him, the absolute desolation she felt seeing him with another woman was almost overpowering. Before she even knew what she was doing she had taken two steps back from them into a less-than-impressed Salem. It had seemed like Nick was going to break away from the brunette at that stage – his body had swayed towards Goodie and his face had softened. But then she managed to get a hold of herself and blank her expression, greeting them both in the most functional way possible and moving to the lift to press the call button. She’d had to swallow twice in the lift to get rid of the constriction in her throat and the feeling that she might vomit.
The view out of the corner of her eye of Lila’s arm through Nick’s, combined with the usual claustrophobia, was enough to very nearly bring Goodie to her knees. But she would not be beaten; she was a professional; she was a warrior; she was not weak. So what if the woman was gorgeous in a stunning floor-length gown and Goodie was in her dark security clothes with minimal make-up? She was there to do a job. She was there to keep Nick safe, and that, she told herself, was all she cared about.
Finally he was acknowledging her place as an employee, which was what she wanted. Wasn’t it? Then why did her chest feel so tight that each breath seemed like an effort? Why did she have the almost unbearable urge to crawl away and hide?
‘Oh dear,’ Lila said, shifting closer to Nick on the back seat. ‘So, no red carpet for us? What a shame.’
Goodie didn’t respond. She didn’t even turn her head. Over the last month, unless Nick or whoever he was with spoke directly to her, she hadn’t acknowledged them at all. Bertie and Ed had made cautious approaches but she’d shut them down. The memory of her loss of control when Nick was shot was too fresh. She would not fail. Not again.
As they neared the back entrance she made eye contact with Nick and then Lila in turn. ‘Keep your head down,’ she told them in a low voice, ‘keep moving. Stick together. Priority is to get into the building. They’re expecting you at the other end. The far guards are in place.’
‘You’re going straight in too aren’t you?’ Nick asked. She looked at him and saw he was frowning.
‘Sam will stay with you. I am going to check the perimeter.’ Nick’s jaw tightened and his eyes flashed.
‘If you don’t go straight into that goddamn building, I’m not moving. I’ll stand right out there in the open.’
‘This is not a joke,’ Goodie hissed, her temper warring with the icy control she was trying desperately to cling onto. ‘You will do as we advise.’
‘I’m not joking,’ he told her as he reached forward to grip her shoulder. ‘I’ll do it, Goodie. I won’t let you hang around outside whilst I scuttle in to keep safe.’
‘Sam will stay with you, that’s the best way we can –’
‘You’ll stay with me.’
‘No, Nick, I will no –’
‘You’re coming with me.’
Goodie felt the last strand of her fraying temper give way. ‘Perfect. Yes, good plan. And so when you are hurt, again, I will be there to freeze and do absolutely fuck all, again. I’ll be there to watch you bleed out on the dirty pavement, not even moving you to shelter. Yes, Nick, great plan. Zhopa.’
‘Don’t call me an arsehole.’
Goodie rolled her eyes, regretting teaching him Russian swear words.
‘Goodie, look at me.’ His voice had softened. Reluctantly she moved her gaze back to his and clenched her jaw so hard it hurt when she saw the concern in his expression. ‘It wasn’t your fault and I’m fine. You can’t keep –’
‘We’re here.’ Sam cut Nick off. ‘Goodie, go with them. He means it; he’ll stand out there exposed if you don’t.’
‘Thanks, man,’ Nick muttered. Sam gave him and Lila a disgusted look as they pulled up to a stop, and if Nick wasn’t mistaken he called him the same as Goodie had under his breath, this time in English.
*****
‘May I say, that’s a frightfully nice blouse you’re wearing this evening, Yuko.’
Despite how she was feeling, Goodie very nearly smiled. ‘Bertie, I’m wearing a security uniform.’
‘Oh golly, so you are.’ Bertie laughed, then gave one of his particularly loud snorts.
Goodie laid her hand gently on his arm. ‘Maybe if you get talking to a lady, look at what they are wearing before you compliment them tonight, yes?’
‘Yes … well,’ Bertie shifted uncomfortably. ‘It’s just I always come out looking like a right boob with the ladies, but they’re always so dashed pretty and clever and … I’m afraid I end up buggering it up.’ He glanced to the side and his face fell even further. ‘Oh balls, that’s just what I need.’
‘Bertie.’ Goodie’s head shot up as she heard Clive’s voice. There was a group of people blocking his view of her, so he must have thought it safe to approach his target. ‘Still weasling around after Nick I see, hanging on his coattails and all that?’
‘I … well … I …’
‘And who are you panting after now with your lame-blouse compliments? Don’t tell me you’ve finally found a bird that’ll …’ Clive trailed off as the people in front of Goodie moved to the side and she came into view. His face drained of colour and his eyes widened. Goodie took a step towards him and realized he was literally shaking with fear. She looked straight into his eyes, leaned forward and uttered a quiet, ‘Boo.’ Clive leapt back with his hands out in front of him, his colour so bad now that he actually looked a little green. For the first time in four weeks Goodie smiled.
‘Clive, old man,’ Bertie said, watching in confusion as Clive leapt away from Goodie. ‘Are you quite all right? Eat one of those dodgy prawn numbers earlier, did you? Glad I steered clear if they’re giving everyone dicky tummies.’
Clive didn’t even glance in Bertie’s direction. He kept his gaze locked on Goodie and continued backing away. Goodie mouthed ‘Fuck off’ to him, and then, when he wasn’t moving quite quickly enough, she added: ‘Now.’ He simply turned on his heel and fled. She watched him until he was safely out of the side exit. Tilly was here tonight and Goodie did not want that prick upsetting her.
‘Don’t listen to him, Bertie,’ she said after she was sure Clive was not coming back. ‘He is but dirt on your shoe.’
Bertie chuckled. ‘Well, I’m not sure about that but I’ll admit he is a tad bit of an unpleasant fellow, all in.’ It was the first truly negative thing Goodie had ever heard Bertie say about anyone.
‘He is as dirt on your shoe. You’re a better man than you think you are, Bertram Chambers.’
Bertie flushed bright red and smiled at her. ‘Gosh … well, you’re a damn, damn fine lady yourself,’ he told her, almost moving in for a hug but losing his nerve at the last minute and going for an awkward shoulder pat instead. As he pulled his hand away she made a last-minute decision. She would be gone soon and Bertie had given her so much, made her smile so many times. She caught his hand as he pulled it back and held it with both of hers before she brought it up to the centre of his chest and laid it flat, saying: ‘No strength without heart.’ Then she dropped his hand and stepped back.
‘I’m sorry, what did you – ?’
Goodie realized that she had spoken in Russian. She looked Bertie in the eye. ‘No strength without heart,’ she repeated, this time in English. When he frowned in confusion she told him: ‘Kindness is everything Bertie. That is where true strength comes from. You are a strong man; don’t you forget it.’ Bertie blinked a few times and swallowed.
‘Thank you,’ he said, his voice thick with emotion. ‘I think you’re a right topper as well.’
Goodie nodded, her eyes caught on a flash of red on the dance floor. She watched as Nick held Lila flush to his body, moving with her in sync to the beat. They were staring into each other’s eyes. He said something into her ear and she threw her head back in laughter before moving even closer to him to give him a squeeze. They looked perfect together and as Goodie watched them she realized that the reason they looked so well matched was because they were both creatures of light, both able to be happy, to laugh and smile easily.
Goodie knew that she was not.
She was a creature of the dark; her place was in the shadows. A monster created out of violence and pain. The mystery was not how Nick could forget what they shared so quickly, it was why he even looked her way at all.
‘I’m sorry, old girl,’ Bertie muttered; he had followed her gaze out to the dance floor. ‘I’m sure he doesn’t want to upset you. Maybe he –’
Goodie gave a hollow laugh and shifted her gaze to Bertie.
‘Upset me? He’d have to do better than that.’
‘Well, I mean, I know it must be painful … after what you two shared and everything – to see –’
‘Life is pain,’ Goodie said as her gaze returned to the couple on the dance floor. ‘Believe me, I’m used to it.’
‘Don’t say that, please,’ Goodie heard a soft voice say in Russian from her other side and glanced across to see Natasha standing next to her. Goodie frowned and quickly scanned the room before focusing back on the beautiful brunette.
‘Don’t be stupid,’ Goodie said under her breath to Tasha, ‘what if you’re seen.’
‘He’s busy enough,’ Tasha returned, nodding over to the other side of the room where Dmitry was surrounded by at least five women vying for his attention. ‘I have to speak to you.’
Bertie cleared his throat from Goodie’s other side and both women turned in his direction. ‘Hello,’ he said, ‘jolly good to meet you again. Afraid my Russian’s a bit on the rusty side. I didn’t realize that you were a friend of Good –’
‘No,’ both women said in unison. Goodie stepped back and melted into the crowd muttering her goodbye to Bertie as she went, and Natasha stepped forward and leaned into Bertie, her perfect lips smiling and forming the perfect distraction.
‘May I say that’s an awfully nice bl … I mean dress you’re wearing this evening,’ Goodie heard him say as she walked away from them, and shook her head. Bertie needed some new material. As she moved to the very edge of the room, her gaze alternated between Dmitry and Nick and Lila on the dance floor before she did another scan of the room and saw Geoff almost filling the doorway. She closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath whilst the relief washed over her. When she opened them again, Geoff was making his way over to her, and she moved to meet him halfway.
‘You sure about this?’ Geoff asked.
‘Of course.’
‘Does Sam know?’
‘Yes.’
‘But not Nick?’ As if they had a will of their own, Goodie’s eyes strayed back to the dance floor and to the gorgeous couple still locked in a tight embrace.
‘Nyeht,’ she said, slipping unconsciously into Russian. ‘I think he’ll survive,’ she told Geoff dryly. He flicked a dark look at the couple and shook his head. She thought she heard him mutter ‘fucking idiot’ under his breath before looking back at Goodie.
‘Will you …?’ he broke off and rubbed the back of his neck before focusing on her again. ‘Where are you going?’
‘To finish this,’ she told him, then melted back through the crowd and out through the doorway.
