“I’m sorry, you said you’re coming over?” My friend’s announcement over the phone didn’t make sense.
“Yeah, we’re all coming over for movie night,” Vick repeated so loudly that I held the phone away from my face and curled my lip at Bastian in question.
He was lounging on the couch as he watched TV and scrolled through his cell. When I mouthed that it was Vick and she wanted to do a movie night here, his cheeks hollowed out and he widened his eyes, sucking on a chunk of pineapple from the bowl of fruit on his stomach. He looked absolutely ridiculous, and I could tell from the smirk that followed his loud eating that he was mocking me.
“You’re in on this, aren’t you?” I popped my hip out and raised the phone back to my ear. “You talked to Bastian already about this, didn’t you?”
“Well, my husband was working with your boy toy this morning,” she started as if she was going down the list like the girl in Legally Blonde. “I might have mentioned last night that I haven’t seen you in a very long time. They discussed business quickly, and business is good, Katie. You know that. All of our businesses within Chicago are operating very well.” She emphasized each word. God, she was way too bubbly.
“I don’t understand how we ever became friends,” I groaned and flipped off Bastian when he started chuckling. I should have chucked my phone at him. He’d been weirdly available all afternoon, and now I knew why. He’d planned a damn movie night behind my back.
“Well, I can remind you. Brey and I became college besties. You and Brey had been high school friends despite all the baggage you both have. Lo and behold, you found you loved me.”
I sighed. “Vick, tonight probably isn’t the best—”
“We all need a night to relax. What better way to do that than with movies and friends? We’re coming over. I need to see you. Brey needs to get away from her little rascal. And I think Rome will—”
“He can’t come!” I shouted and then spun around to stalk toward my bedroom. My heart pounded as I tried to come up with excuses for why this was a bad idea. “It’s not the best time. Bastian and I have business to—”
“Business is good.”
“Look, I’ll see you all at the gala in a few days.”
“The gala will be all stuffy, and we’ll only be able to drink champagne when we should be able to drink vodka.” I heard her husband say something in the background, and she replied with, “Well, babe, of course I’m still going to drink whatever I want.”
“Vick, let’s just cancel. I’m not feeling that good.”
“Oh, get real, Katie. You’ve never been sick a day in your life. If you’re going to act like a badass all the time, suck it up and be one. We’ll be there at eight.” She hung up like she wasn’t at all scared of my badass vibe.
I knew why. It was because I wasn’t at all frightening. Instead, I was the one panicked.
I needed to stay away from Rome; I needed to keep this relationship with Bastian separate from my friends. I didn’t want to be in front of them with my feelings all mixed up.
I stormed down the hallway and grabbed a pillow to throw at Bastian.
“What the hell, Katie!” he yelled as his fruit went flying.
“You planned a freaking party without consulting me.” I threw my hands up. “What happened to I’m your guest and you want to make me feel comfortable?”
“I thought having your friends over would make you feel comfortable.”
“Why the fuck would that make me feel comfortable? I’m basically staying here to bait a goddamn government deal and bait my ex into slipping us information about it. Now, I’m going to have to pretend it’s something more.”
He sat up. “It’s not? We kissed a few nights ago.”
I stuttered at his assessment. “I’m sorry. Do you want it to be something more?”
Something shifted in the room. The fun we normally had slid over to allow questioning to roll in.
“I’m not sure, Katie.” He narrowed his eyes and looked me up and down. “I enjoy you, that’s for sure. I know another man does too. He’s supposed to be the man who will give his life for me, though. Rome is supposed to be my brother, woman. We need to find a balance.”
“So you’re throwing us all together.”
“What better way to figure out how we all work than to get us in the same room?”
“It’s absolutely ridiculous,” I replied and stepped back as Bastian unfolded from the couch and walked toward me.
“I’ve never seen you look so uncomfortable. Everyone who is coming over here is everyone who cares about you,” he pointed out.
I took a deep breath, knowing that was exactly why I was freaking out. My dad had cared about me. I was okay with one-on-one care. I did that fine. Having a best friend from high school stick around as long as she had proved my point. Brey and I had gone through a lot together. She didn’t know my whole story, but she didn’t need to either.
No one did.
And I didn’t need any more than one person who cared about me in the same room. The idea had me itching. I checked to make sure I didn’t have hives.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” I mumbled.
“If it makes you feel better, I won’t bite that sensitive spot on your neck when Rome is looking,” Bastian taunted with a smile, but there was question there too.
Were we toeing a line we shouldn’t be? Playing too close to the sun?
“I don’t care what you do in front of Rome.” I scoffed at the idea.
“You do.” Bastian picked at imaginary fuzz on my shoulder. My body didn’t heat at his touch the way it did with Rome. The low sound that escaped my throat as I shifted away from him was frustration.
Bastian tilted his head. “You told me you needed to figure things out, and I’m trying to do that too. I’m trying to figure out what you want, Katie. I’m not sure I can, because I don’t think you know either.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose and closed my eyes. “Why can’t we just move on, Bastian? If something else happens between us, then so be it.”
“I think it’s because I could really fall for you. I could really rule an empire with you too. We’d make a fascinating and devastating team.”
His words were like warm caramel poured onto vanilla ice cream. Enticing, delicious, and not good for me at all. My mouth watered at the idea of what we could be, of what I could be with him, of having a partner that was good to me but that I also controlled.
We stared at each other’s lips, and I wasn’t sure who moved in first.
We kissed each other for a minute, taking in the feel. I moaned at the sensation. It felt good, great, so soft.
Safe.
But there weren’t fireworks or explosions.
It wasn’t me kissing Rome.
Wasn’t love supposed to feel this way though? Safe. Wasn’t a relationship supposed to be about give-and-take and feeling comfortable enough to do all those things?
At one point, I’d thought I’d loved Jimmy for that very reason. A young girl’s mind gets murky around a man pushing her to be an adult.
Bastian’s worshipping me was much more innocent. His fingers massaged my lower back as he tilted his head to pull away and whisper to me, “You’re beautiful, Katie. So beautiful you could stop the world.”
My heart clenched at his words. Beauty had gotten me this far. It’d made men trip over me, made them come to my door in the middle of the night while their wives slept. It’d also given me what I needed to survive.
The beauty was part of the broken side of me. Did he see the cracks? Did he see the shattered pieces, or was he just fixated on how my beauty could shine?
My mind wandered. Bastian’s stare was bright on me, but Rome’s had always been dark. That man only saw my jagged edges, the ones that were so broken he thought I was a lost cause inside. He saw the ugly under the beauty. Still, he wanted me.
Maybe that’s why I wanted him too.
