I couldn’t keep trusting them. And yet the only place I felt home was with this man between my legs, and he was keeping me from the world.
We couldn’t go on like this.
My father’s note echoed over and over in my mind. I was made for more than just hiding in the shadows, letting others take control. I’d embedded myself deep inside this family so that I could be a true part of it, not a pawn.
Staring into the eyes of the man I thought I loved felt like war against my own mind. The longer I sat there going over all my days with the family, the more I wanted to demand answers.
Yet Rome didn’t ask me for anything. He didn’t ask anyone in the family for anything, really. He executed his job like I did mine. We’d been the same for a long time.
“I want gourmet food and you to read me Poe until you lose your voice.”
He eyed me curiously.
“I should be able to sneak around your house at least. If Bastian and them already know, what’s the harm? You guys can keep the Russian mob out of here. And I want to get some clothes.”
“I’m agreeing to everything but the last thing. You don’t need clothes.”
“Bring me more clean shirts, then.”
“Done.” He grabbed a book from the shelf and wrapped his arm around my waist before he lifted me and carried me back to the bed.
I snuggled into the crook of his arm. It might have been selfish and totally stupid, but I wanted these last couple of days with him. I wanted him to myself in our little panic room. “I’m probably going to regret agreeing to this.”
“If you do, we’ll have had this at least.” He held up Poe. When he turned to a page and started reading, I got lost in the story.
Darkness and death were obsessions of the author, and maybe that’s why we both gravitated toward him. I looked at Rome and his strong jawline as he read. He glanced at me, and his smirk warmed my body. In a different life, maybe we could have been the perfect couple.
When he finished the story, he grumbled, “I think Poe killed people.”
“Like you?”
“Somehow. He writes like he knows.”
“Do you ever wonder what it would be like if you hadn’t ever killed anyone?”
His lip pulled back, and he grunted. “Not really. I was born for it. My soul was never really quiet. I was an anxious kid and always had tendencies.”
“Like killing baby animals?” I lifted my eyebrows in mock horror.
He chuckled at me. “No, crazy woman. What the hell? I just liked finality. I wanted an end to everything. I wanted puzzles complete, shows to come to their end, and people to finish everything they started. It led to me wanting to complete business for the family, and that was ultimately taking lives and tying up loose ends.”
“Hmm. Do you think we’ll be a loose end?”
“One way or the other.” He picked at the fuzz on the blanket I’d wrapped around me while he’d been reading. “I think we’ll figure out how to end us if that’s the case, though. It’ll probably be explosive.”
“Why do you say that?”
“I killed my father. Not everyday someone gets to say that. I’m the monster, Katalina. It’s what I always was. And you’re Cleo. What we have will always be explosive, it always was.”
“I wasn’t always Cleo, and you weren’t always this way. We were all kids once.”
He shook his head. “My father didn’t have time for a kid. I grew up the moment I was in his care.”
“I’m sorry,” I said because I at least got the love from my dad and wouldn’t have traded it for anything else in the world.
“No reason to be. He raised me to compartmentalize and be perfect for the job I do now for the family. I learned his mean streak was predictable, and I trusted that in him. Until I couldn’t. Then, with his betrayal, he taught me to trust no one.”
“Is that why you’ve been circling me for years instead of giving in to us?”
He shrugged. “Maybe. Maybe I’m scared of what the monster will do to you . . . or what the monster in me will do for you.”
“The monster in you saved me,” I murmured, remembering the day he showed up at Marvin’s, how my heart swelled, how I tried my best not to care, and how I cried silently that night when he told me he couldn’t take me in.
“I’m starting to think my monster loves you.” I held my breath at his words. “And I’m scared at some point I won’t be able to control it.”
“Then I guess our end will definitely be catastrophic.” The words were ominous, but I smiled at him because I’d lay down destruction at this point to be with him.
“Best way to go out.” He winked at me and then dove for my mouth. I giggled and let him have me.
Those were the days I would long for later on.
Rome got more lenient with my stay hour after hour, and I came out of his panic room the next day. We cooked together—terribly, but still together. We laughed together, moved and lived in harmony together.
Hope and happiness blossomed in me when I ignored the glaring issues we were facing. I kept myself cut off from the world. I didn’t ask for a phone, didn’t attempt to turn on the TV or contact my friends through the internet.
I was isolated with the man I knew I loved for those few days in an ignorant, stupid bliss. I shouldn’t have been so blind, and I shouldn’t have turned the other way.
I regretted those days and longed for them all the same.
