Shannon Wells burned.
Elizabeth insisted on it. We brought the wood ourselves, building a pyre on the other side of the clearing. Kelly told me quietly it was on the opposite end from where they’d said goodbye to Thomas Bennett, that the ground there was sacred to them and they wouldn’t ever build another fire in that spot.
I could only nod.
Gordo was doing as Gordo did and ignoring everyone and everything, including Mark. I could see the frustration on Mark’s face as he tried to talk to the witch but didn’t get a response. Mark shook his head at me when I tried to approach them, waving me off.
As for Carter… well. The roles seemed to have reversed. Wherever the wolf went, Carter followed, as if he thought the wolf was going to take off the moment he looked away. He muttered unintelligibly under his breath. It sounded vaguely like ominous threats, but I couldn’t quite make them out. Kelly stood near them, wringing his hands like he wanted to reach out for comfort but hadn’t quite worked up the courage. My heart ached for him. For both of them.
“This is so fucked-up,” Rico grunted as he carried an armful of wood. “Just when I think I’m starting to get my feet on solid ground again, there’s a fucking secret brother. I swear to god, witches and wolves are the most dramatic bitches I’ve ever known in my life. Like for once can we just have a normal day without stupid shit happening?”
We were outside of the clearing. Chris and Tanner were off to our left, gathering more wood for the pyre. Elizabeth said it didn’t need to be large, but it needed to be enough. I understood what she meant, and she’d nodded gratefully at me before disappearing with Jessie back up the stairs to ready Shannon for her final journey.
“You guys had no idea?” I asked. Then, “We had no idea?”
Rico snorted. “Nice save, lobito. And no. We didn’t know shit. How could we?” He frowned. “Though I suppose there were little signs, but we didn’t know what we were looking at. The damn wolf came with Elijah. When they first attacked us, there was a moment when the wolf caught Gordo’s scent, and I swear it hesitated, but I always thought I was seeing things. Then there was gunfire and explosions and it just slipped my mind. And after, it was all about him and Carter and how Carter’s a fucking moron who can’t see what’s right in front of him.”
“He’s figuring it out,” I muttered.
Rico sighed. “I know. And it couldn’t be coming at a worse time. What happens if….” He looked distant as he stared off into the woods. Eventually he shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. We survived the beast and the hunters.” He paused, considering. “We survived you. We’ll survive this too.”
“Gee, thanks, Rico.”
“Yeah, yeah. Let’s go. I think we’ve got enough.”
The pyre was crude and shapeless, more a pile of wood than an actual structure. But it was enough. As the stars began to appear overhead, as the sliver of moon peered through the fading light, we laid the Alpha to rest.
Elizabeth carried her from the house, her face stoic, her strides slow and sure. Shannon was wrapped completely in a white sheet, her head lolling against Elizabeth’s shoulder. I could make out the shape of her nose, and at one moment her arm slipped down, swaying with every step Elizabeth took. But Jessie was there, lifting Shannon’s arm back under the sheet.
Elizabeth carefully placed her on top of the pyre. Once that was done, she leaned forward and kissed Shannon’s forehead, lips moving but no sound coming out. She stayed hunched over her for a long, long minute, but eventually she stood upright and took a step back.
The wood was slick with lighter fluid and oil.
It caught quickly.
The flames burned bright as they leapt up the dark sky, sparks and smoke rising toward the stars.
We were all silent, lost in our own thoughts as she burned.
Rico spoke first. “She was an Alpha.”
“Yes,” Elizabeth whispered, eyes reflecting the dancing fire.
“What happens to her power if there’s no one to give it to?”
We all held our breaths.
Elizabeth said, “An Alpha, strong of heart and mind, mated to one they love most, can give their power away in order to save a life. To a Beta they return, never again to hold the power of an Alpha. Just a story, of course. Wolves pass along the Alpha power to their successors constantly, though usually not under the threat of death. I’ve never heard of bringing someone back from the brink in such a way. Regardless, it was too late for her. And stories are just that—stories.” She sucked in a sharp breath. “We come from the moon. And to the moon we return. Her line has ended. All that she was is becoming smoke and ash. It will rise, and she will hear her pack howling her home. There will be no more pain. There will be no more sorrow. She’ll run free and know only peace.”
She bowed her head, a tear trickling down her cheek.
It took only a moment before she was surrounded by her sons, all of them hugging her and each other. Kelly laid his head on her shoulder, but his eyes were on me.
I wondered if this was how it’d been for them when they’d said goodbye to their father.
If they believed her words.
I didn’t know if I did.
Gordo stood away from the rest of us. He wasn’t watching the fire.
He was watching the wolf.
When the pyre was nothing but smoldering embers, the pack began to drift away in pairs. Jessie and Elizabeth, Carter and the wolf, Ox and Joe, Chris and Tanner. Kelly looked at me, but I told him I’d meet him back at the house. He glanced at Mark and Gordo on the other edge of the clearing before nodding. He trailed after Rico, looking back at me over his shoulder only once before he disappeared into shadows.
I waited and watched.
Mark stood in front of Gordo, holding on to his elbows. Gordo was looking away as Mark spoke. He shook his head once, and Mark all but threw up his hands. He sighed before leaning forward and kissing Gordo’s cheek. “I love you,” I heard him say.
Gordo winced. “I know. I love you too. I just….”
“I get it, Gordo. But don’t shut me out, okay? Not about this.”
Mark stepped away from him. He headed toward me. He checked the pyre to make sure it was dying before he said, “It’s hard on him. He doesn’t know what to think. It’s like a large part of his life has been a lie.”
“I know.”
Mark looked at me. “You do, don’t you? Don’t push him, Robbie. It’ll only make him close up more.” He patted me on the shoulder before leaving the clearing for the house.
I took a deep breath before I walked toward Gordo. I didn’t think I could add anything Mark hadn’t already said, but something pulled me toward Gordo. He didn’t seem surprised to see me. His shoulders slumped, and he shook his head before I could open my mouth. “Look, I don’t want to hear it, okay? Ox already tried, and Mark did too. I don’t need anything else right now.”
“Okay,” I said. “We don’t have to talk. Sometimes, it’s okay to just be, you know? Without saying a word.”
He glared at me. “And you think you need to just be near me right this second?”
I wasn’t intimidated. “I think so. If you want me to go, I will.”
His shoulders slumped. “Goddammit. Goddammit.”
“Come on.” I grabbed him by the arm, careful of the stump at his wrist. I led him away from the pyre in the opposite direction of the house. I thought he would protest and pull away, but he didn’t. His head was down, and he didn’t speak, but he followed me willingly.
I found the perfect tree a little ways into the woods. It was old, the trunk wide. There were green leaves on it, and the grass underneath was springy and soft. I pushed him down to the ground before settling next to him, our backs against the tree.
“What are we doing?” he asked.
“Just being.”
“This is stupid. We’ve got things to do. We need to—”
“It can wait.”
“It can’t,” he retorted, but he didn’t try to stand. “Chris and Tanner said they could only reach five out of the ten packs they called. Five, kid. Which means that there are five packs who’ve been torn apart by—”
“You can’t know that.”
“Patrice and Aileen have already confirmed one. They said it was a bloodbath. And the children in that pack were gone.”
I hadn’t heard. I’d been caught up in everything else. “Shit.”
“Succinct as always.”
“I suppose I shouldn’t even try to say that we could just give him what he wants.” I looked down at my hands. “What he’s asked for.”
“Yeah, that’ll go over well,” he said dryly. “Let me know when you’re going to do that so I can make sure to be there.”
“Worth a shot.”
He shook his head. “We can’t….” He shifted, stretching his legs out in front of him, crossing them at the ankles. “I didn’t know.”
His brother. I nodded.
“How did I not know? They hid it from me. All of them. Another secret.” He knocked the back of his head against the tree. “Elizabeth said she didn’t know.”
“Do you believe her?”
He didn’t hesitate. “Yeah. She and I, we have an understanding. But that doesn’t mean Thomas didn’t know. Abel did, at the very least. But I… I should have known. When I saw him. When he saw me. He’s been here this entire time, and he just—I tried a couple of times, to help him. To see if I could break him out of his shift. It never worked.” He flexed his hands in the grass. “He was more wolf than anything else. But I could tell he didn’t like it when I was in his head.”
“He may not even remember who he was, Gordo. How long has he been shifted? Years? That has to take a toll on him. Maybe it has to do with being an Omega. Or maybe he’s just lost.”
Gordo glanced at me. “You sound like you know what that’s like.”
“I do,” I admitted. “Even though I didn’t know exactly, when I was in Caswell, I always felt off. Like the lines of who I was were blurred or the colors inverted. Like a photo negative, I guess. I didn’t know what it was. I do now.”
“It’s weird, right?”
“Yes,” I said promptly. Then, “What?”
He shrugged. “That even through all my father’s magic, part of you knew. That you didn’t belong there. That you already had a home and you just needed to find your way back to it.”
I hated what I was about to say, but he needed to hear it. “And maybe that’s the same for your brother. For… Gavin.”
Gordo tensed. His fingers dug into the earth.
“Why do you think he’s here? Why do you think he’s stayed?”
He spoke through gritted teeth. “Because he’s got it in his head that Carter is—”
“It’s not just about Carter, Gordo. That’s part of it, and maybe a big part, but I don’t think that’s all it is. I think part of him knows. Like part of me knew. And you never gave up on me. You never let me go.”
“I couldn’t,” he whispered.
“You fought for me. All of you.”
“Yeah, kid.”
“I don’t know what’s going to happen. I don’t know if we’ll even make it out of all of this alive. But don’t you think the wolf needs to know we’re fighting for him too? Because he’s part of this. Just as much as you are. Just as much as I am. You wouldn’t let me go. You didn’t forget me, even after all of you were taken from me. We don’t give up on pack. We never have. And we never will.”
“He’s not pack,” Gordo said harshly.
I waited.
“Fuck,” he muttered. “Felt that, did you?”
“The lie? Yeah. But that’s okay. I don’t need to hear your heart to know you don’t mean it.”
We were quiet for a long time after that. I wanted to get back to the house, but I didn’t want to leave him here by himself. Even though he wouldn’t say it out loud, I thought he needed me here just as much as I needed him.
So I stayed.
Eventually he lifted his arm and put it around my shoulders, pulling me close. I laid my head on him, and he didn’t even try to shove me off.
“I’m happy you’re here,” he said quietly, as if it was a great secret just between the two of us. “It wasn’t the same without you.”
I nodded against him. “Can we beat this?”
He didn’t answer right away. And that seemed to be answer enough until he said, “I don’t know. After everything we’ve been through, all those we’ve faced, this should be just another thing.”
“But it’s not.”
“No. It feels different. It’s not just about me. It’s about Mark. It’s about Carter. It’s about all the other Omegas who have had their lives stolen away because of him. And you. It’s about you, because I’ll be damned if I’ll let my father keep the memories from all the times I made fun of you because of your stupid fucking glasses.”
I laughed. It was shockingly loud here in the forest, and it echoed through the trees.
He held me tighter.
And then he said, “I made Kelly a promise. A long time ago.”
“What?” I whispered.
“I told him I would find you. That I would do everything I could to bring you back. And I did, but not all the way. And I aim to keep that promise all the way through to the end. No matter what.”
I felt cold.
They knew we were coming.
Livingstone was right when he said the element of surprise was gone, if we’d even had it at all. Rico and Tanner and Chris wanted to move now, but Ox turned his focus on the wolves who’d sided with the Bennetts, the ones who’d taken in Omegas. He began to move them into hiding, instructing them to stay that way until he heard back from us.
“And what if we don’t hear from you?” one Alpha asked, voice crackling through the phone.
“You will,” Ox said simply.
I almost believed him even as I wondered if it was already too late.
But I kept that thought to myself, especially when Ox came to me on a sunny afternoon toward the end of June. I knew what he wanted. I knew what I would give him.
He said, “I told you once that the day would come when I’d ask you to tell me everything you know. About Caswell. About the wolves there and where their loyalties lie. Do you remember?”
I could only nod.
“You didn’t trust me when I told you this. Do you trust me now?”
Yes, yes, yes.
“Because I am your Alpha.”
Yes, yes, yes.
He stood above me, eyes filling with a swirling mix of red and violet. He leaned forward until he pressed his forehead against mine, and I said, “Oh.”
Green Creek knew something was happening.
They were wary in ways I hadn’t seen before, and at first I thought it was because they were scared of us.
But it turned out they were scared for us.
They stopped us in the streets, asking us what was happening.
What was going on.
If something was coming.
If they needed to fight.
Will seemed to spearhead the rising concern. He came to the garage even though it was closed, banging on the door until Gordo unlocked the front door. “What’s coming?” he asked. “And don’t tell me nothing, boy. That’s shit and you know it.”
“Nothing,” Gordo said. “Because we’re going to it.”
Will’s eyes widened. Then, “You’re all coming back, right?”
“We’re going to try.”
Will nodded. “That’s not very reassuring.” He glanced at me before looking back at Gordo. “Has to do with shape-shifters?” He wiggled his fingers in Gordo’s face. “Magic stuff?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay,” Will said, puffing out his chest. “Then you all go do whatever it is you need to do. I’ll set up a patrol around the town until you get back and Carter and Kelly can take over again. It’s what we pay them for. Don’t want them to shirk their responsibilities.”
Gordo gaped at him as Will turned and marched back out of the garage. “Don’t you worry about the town,” he called over his shoulder. “I’ll shoot anything that looks at us funny, be it vampires or beasts or another religious nut sack who takes the Good Book way too literally. I promise you that. Just make sure you come back, Gordo. We need someone to fix our cars for cheap.” He crossed the street, heading toward the group of townsfolk gathering in the diner.
“Jesus Christ,” Gordo said irritably, though I could hear the pride in his voice.
“Gordo’s pretty pissed, huh?” I told the timber wolf on the final Sunday in June. The wolf followed me as I walked down the dirt road away from the houses. Ox, Joe, and Gordo had spent the morning grilling me about the compound: the wards, the walls, how many people, wolves, witches, the layout. Whether I’d ever used any hidden way in or out of Caswell. I told them there were good people there, innocent people who would want nothing to do with whatever Robert Livingstone had done. And if what we’d heard was true, if he had taken control of children, we’d have to be careful. This wasn’t like what they’d faced before. They couldn’t just kill indiscriminately. Kelly had told me what happened with Richard Collins and the hunters led by Meredith King. This thing we were doing, this absolutely crazy thing, couldn’t be like what they’d done before.
Ox looked grim when he said we would do everything we could not to hurt any of the children.
That should have made me feel better.
It didn’t.
And it didn’t help when Ox and Joe announced they wanted Kelly and me to stay behind.
Before I could snarl at them, demanding to know what the fuck they were thinking, Kelly said, “No.”
Joe frowned. “Kelly, I don’t…. I know you think you need to be there. But you’re human. You could get hurt.”
“So could I,” Jessie said. “Are you going to tell me to stay behind?”
“That’s not—”
“Me too,” Rico chimed in. “Go ahead, alfas. Say it to my face. Say, ‘Rico, you handsome devil, you’re staying right here in Green Creek while the rest of us ride off to kick some ass.’ Say it. I dare you.”
Joe threw up his hands. “I’m not trying to piss anyone off. But Kelly can’t—”
“Maybe don’t worry about what Kelly can’t do and focus on what he can do,” Jessie retorted. “He’s not a wolf anymore, but that doesn’t mean he’s weak. He’s one of us.”
“Motherfucking Team Human,” Rico agreed. “We had to open up enrollment since lobito here tried to eat up half of our membership.” He kicked me in the shin. It hurt. “No offense, little wolf.”
I glared at him as I rubbed my leg. “None taken.”
“And you need me,” Kelly reminded them. “We go as a pack. All of us. That’s the way it’s supposed to be. Stronger together, remember?”
“What about Robbie?” Joe asked, sounding apologetic as he glanced at me. “We know what Livingstone is capable of. What he’ll do. What he’s already done. Can we really take the chance that he won’t try to trigger Robbie? If we’re in the middle of a fight, we can’t be worrying about whether or not we’ll literally get stabbed in the back.” He winced. “Sorry, Robbie.”
I tried to keep a straight face, even though it hurt to hear. He had a point. We didn’t know just how far Livingstone’s reach over me extended.
Gordo stepped in, though he sounded unsure. “We’ll shore him up as best we can. Patrice and Aileen are coming back to Green Creek with as many wolves and witches as they can. I can’t make any promises, but we might be able to keep my father from triggering him.”
That wasn’t the ringing endorsement I’d been hoping for.
“And he’ll be with me,” Kelly said fiercely. “I won’t let Livingstone anywhere near him.”
“That won’t matter if he gets to you again,” Joe argued. “Kelly, I love you so goddamn much. All of you. I don’t want to risk losing you. I can’t. What if Livingstone does get to Robbie? What if he forces him to turn on you? What do you think that would do to him?”
“Everything is a risk,” Elizabeth said quietly. “All that we do. And yet we do it anyway, knowing it’s for the greater good.”
And Joe said, “I can’t believe this. I can’t believe you’d all take this chance.” His chest was heaving. “We… we’re so close to ending this. And you’re all getting hung up on this one detail. This one thing.”
And on and on it went, spinning in dizzying circles.
They were talking around me. Talking for me as if I wasn’t even there. I turned and left the room, struggling to breathe.
The timber wolf followed.
Gavin.
I’d barely stepped off the porch when I heard something behind me. I glanced over my shoulder to see him coming down the stairs, trotting toward me.
I waited until he was next to me before continuing on.
It felt strange. Talking to the wolf without knowing if he could understand me. Ox said he was an enigma, that trying to connect with him through pack bonds wasn’t unlike what was going on with me. There was an empty space, a void. He was an Omega, but Ox didn’t have control over him as he did the others. And yet he didn’t seem to be feral, not completely. There was a spark of intelligence in his eyes, but that didn’t mean he knew what we were saying. What I was saying.
And there was something weirdly cathartic about it.
“And Carter’s pissed off too,” I said as we walked. “Though I don’t think he knows why, exactly. He’s good, Carter. And brave. Smart. But not about this. How the hell can he not see what’s right in front of him?”
The wolf snorted, and I took it for what it was.
“Did you know? About him? About Gordo? Before you came here?”
He cocked his head at me, ears twitching.
“You had to stay for a reason, right?”
He growled.
I sighed. “Right.” The houses were out of sight behind us, the road stretching out before us, and I was struck, then, by just how easy it would be to take this decision out of their hands. To put an end to all of this, just as Livingstone had said. I was under no illusions that I could trust a single word that came out of his mouth, but what if? What if he was true to his word? What if all he wanted was the two of us and he would leave everyone else alone?
“We could just go,” I said suddenly, and the wolf stopped. I did too. I didn’t look at him, but I knew he was listening. “You and me. We could just leave. Head east on our own. Because that’s what people do for those they care about. They do anything they can to keep them safe. I don’t think I had that in Caswell.” I paused, considering. “Either time. I was sent here to keep tabs the first time, and I never left. If I’d had a home before, I wouldn’t have stayed. These people. This pack. They made something for me here. They allowed me to stay.” I closed my eyes. “It would hurt them, but it would be a gift in the long run. They could see it in time. They might even forgive us someday.”
I opened my eyes as the wolf rounded in front of me, hackles raised. He bared his fangs as he growled at me, pawing the dirt and gravel. He took a step toward me, and I took an answering step back. His eyes were alight, and the air was hot and hazy around us. It almost felt like I was dreaming.
Before he could take another step, a voice spoke behind me. “You can’t.”
I turned.
Joe stood in the middle of the road. He looked impossibly young for one so strong, here in these woods that thrummed with the blood of all those who had come before him. He had a complicated expression on his face, part anguish, part irritation. And there was blue too, rippling off him like he had no control over it.
He said, “You can’t. You just can’t.”
I hung my head. “Why? It’d be easier—”
“I don’t give a fuck about easy,” he snapped, Alpha filling his voice, creating a deep and unwavering timbre. “If I did, I wouldn’t be here. We never would have made it this far. Look at me, Robbie.”
I did. I was helpless not to.
The irritation was gone, though the anguish remained, filling in the cracks. He looked stricken, hands jerking at his sides like he wanted to reach out for me and thought better of it. The wolf stood next to me, tail swishing, waiting to see what the Alpha would do. What he would say.
Joe shook his head. “I let you down.”
I barely kept from rolling my eyes. “I think you were justified—”
“No,” he said, taking a step toward me. I was frozen in place. “That’s not fair. That’s an excuse. An easy one. And one I’ve taken before.” He took another step. I could see his mother in him. His brothers. He felt like the wolf from my dreams, the one I knew now to be his father. And in this haze of green and blue, he was a king without a crown. I thought he could save us all if only given the chance. “My father….” His chest hitched. “He told me that an Alpha couldn’t be absolute. That I would need to listen. He said the measure of an Alpha isn’t the power he holds over others but what he does with it. I would need to know kindness as well as strength. I would need to put pack above all others, even myself. An Alpha without a pack isn’t an Alpha at all. Richard Collins didn’t understand that. He only wanted the power. To use it to twist everything until it lay in ruins. He wanted to destroy. He almost took everything. Do you know why he failed?”
The wolf nuzzled my palm, nipping lightly at my fingers.
“He failed because he didn’t understand the lessons of my father. He didn’t understand what it meant to be pack. And neither did I. Not until you taught me.”
I was alarmed when he fell to his knees in front of me. I was horrified when he bared his neck, a sign of submission I’d never seen from an Alpha before. His eyes were wet and pleading. His voice was broken when he said, “I let you down, Robbie. I should have done more. I should have listened. To Ox. To Gordo. To Kelly most of all. I forgot the words of my father. You were—are—part of my pack, and I—I just let you go.”
“Get up,” I said roughly. “Get up, get up, get up—”
And he said, “No. Not until you hear me. Not until you understand. You are important to me. When you were gone, I tried to ignore this hole in all of us. I told myself that we had other things to worry about. I closed ranks, and that was a mistake.”
I saw movement behind him, and there, standing down the road, was Ox. He watched. He waited.
Joe never took his eyes off me.
“If you leave,” Joe said, “if you decide to give up, to give in, then what the hell are we fighting for? What’s the point of all of this?”
“It’d be easier,” I whispered.
“It would,” he agreed. He tried for a smile, but it shattered. “But I don’t want that. Not if it means losing you. You’re my brother’s mate. But more than that, you’re my brother, just as much as Kelly and Carter. You can’t go, because without you, we’re incomplete. And if we’re incomplete, then we’re nothing.”
“You survived,” I said, surprised at how bitter it sounded.
“We did. But there’s a difference between surviving and living. And I want to live, Robbie. I want to live for you. For all of you. Because we deserve it. We deserve to exist in a world where we only know peace. We deserve to be happy. You deserve it. And I forgot that. If you’ll forgive me, I promise I’ll never let it happen again.”
I wiped my eyes. “You can’t promise that. No one can.”
“I can,” he said.
“Why?”
He reached out for my hand, hung on as if I were a lifeline. “Because pack is family. And family is everything. An Alpha is only as strong as his pack. And you are my strength.”
He brought my hand up to his throat, wrapping my fingers around his neck. I felt him breathing. I felt the steady pulse of his heartbeat.
He spoke only truth.
His truth.
I sank to my knees before him, his hand still pressing my own against his throat. He swallowed thickly, his Adam’s apple rising and falling against the webbing between my thumb and pointer finger. The wolf circled around us, brushing against the both of us, eyes still brightly violet.
I said, “Joe.”
He said, “Robbie.”
And I said, “Alpha, Alpha, Alpha.”
His eyes filled with fire. His claws prickled my skin. There was a moment, a brief and shining moment, when I thought I heard his voice in my head, when I thought I felt the thrum of bonds connecting us, and though they were tenuous, they held.
And in this whisper, I heard
pack
pack
pack
Then it was gone, as if it’d never been there at all.
But it was enough.
The road behind us stretched on, but it wasn’t meant for me. Not now. Not yet. And when I put feet to it, I wouldn’t be alone.
“Never again,” Joe whispered. “I promise.”
And for the first time since I returned, I believed Joe Bennett.
We stayed until the full moon, though it felt dangerous to do so. The longer we waited, the more time Livingstone had to prepare. Help was coming, Ox told us, and we needed all we could get. And it was better to be on the other side of the full moon. The wolves in Caswell wouldn’t be as strong. Neither would we, but that was left unsaid.
July 5, 2020.
A Sunday.
It started with Tradition.
We laughed a lot that day. There was food, more than even a pack of wolves could eat. And stories, so many stories, told by each member of the Bennett pack.
Elizabeth spoke of a dream she’d once had. Of her husband and how he brought her stone wolf back to her.
Joe told us about a time when it’d been just him and his father. He’d been little, sitting atop his father’s shoulders as they wandered through the forest.
Rico regaled us all with a story of how he, Chris, and Tanner had gotten Gordo high for the first time when they were thirteen, and how all the lightbulbs in his house had burst at once. They’d chalked it up to a power surge at the time, but now he knew it was because Gordo had been talking about Mark in a disgustingly dreamy voice. We all laughed at that, even as Gordo glared at Rico.
Mark said how full his heart had been the first time he’d seen Gordo after the Bennetts returned to Green Creek, that even though Gordo was yelling at him to stay the hell away, Mark had wanted nothing more than to hug him and never let him go.
Chris and Tanner took turns, almost giggling, as they reminisced about when Jessie had first come to Green Creek and how Ox had acted like an idiot at the first sight of her, following her around like a creepy stalker.
Not to be outdone, Jessie reminded them of how the same would probably happen to them one day now that they were wolves—that they would most likely succumb to the mystical moon magic. Chris and Tanner were outraged.
Gordo, on his third beer, seemed loose and easy when he said he never would have expected that he’d actually like having wolves around again. He had a goofy grin on his face, and he laughed without reservation when Mark tugged him close, his nose in Gordo’s hair, beard scratching Gordo’s cheek.
Carter spoke of seeing Joe for the first time after he was born, and how he told his mother he didn’t think something so small and wrinkled and loud could ever be an Alpha. I didn’t think he realized that his hand never left the timber wolf’s head, rubbing between his ears.
And Kelly, always Kelly. Kelly, who was only halfway into his first beer and yet was talking loudly and snorting in quiet laughter, even as Carter tried to get him to drink more. Kelly, whose eyes were wide and bright, Kelly who looked at me as if I were the moon itself, Kelly who said we were where we were supposed to be, with who we were supposed to be with. And seemingly without thinking about it, there, in front of everyone, he leaned forward and kissed me, a loud smacking thing that caused Rico and Tanner and Chris to hoot and holler, demanding we get a fucking room.
I was dazed, my head spinning, my heart thundering in my chest. I tried to find the words to tell him, to tell them all, what this moment meant. What I thought we could be. That it almost didn’t matter if I never remembered the life I’d once had because I knew I could make a new one out of the bones that remained.
It was Ox who spoke last.
He said, “I love you,” and we all fell silent. He looked at each of us in turn. “More than I could possibly say. And I’ve never been prouder of who you’ve all become. Remember this. Here. Now. If there ever comes a time when all seems dark, when all seems lost, remember this moment. Because this is who we are. This is who we’re supposed to be. It’s time. It’s time to run.”
He tilted his head back as the sky filled with stars, as the moon shone down around us. He howled, and it echoed throughout Green Creek, shaking it to its very foundation. It rolled through each of us, and as we sang our songs in response to the call of our Alpha, I told myself nothing could stop us.
“Jesus Christ,” Rico muttered as Chris and Tanner took off their clothes. “Chris, you really need to do something about your bush, man. It’s like an old-growth forest down there. What the fuck. Learn to manscape.” But he was laughing when Chris threw his shirt into Rico’s face.
We ran that night.
Through the woods to the clearing.
The humans kept up with us, light on their feet and breathless.
In my wolf head and in my wolf heart, I knew that no matter what happened, I would have this moment.
And no one, not even Robert Livingstone, would be able to take that away from me.
We slept together that night as a pack, curled together safe and warm.
I thought everyone was asleep. I was about to drift off when I heard whispers from my left.
I opened my eyes.
Carter and Kelly lay facing each other. My arm was around Kelly’s waist, and Carter was holding on to my hand, but I didn’t think they knew I was awake.
Carter said, “We’ve got this, man. You’ll see.”
“What if we don’t?” Kelly asked, and I ached at the worry in his voice.
Carter sighed, reaching up to flick Kelly on the forehead. “Stop being so pessimistic. You gotta believe.”
Kelly huffed. “You’re so stupid.”
“Yeah, probably. But I’ve got my looks still, so I’m not too worried about it.”
They were quiet for a moment. Then, “Carter?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m scared.”
“I know, Kelly. Me too. But as long as we’re together, we’ll be all right.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. Really. You stay with me and Robbie. You protect us, and we’ll protect you. I’ve got your back, okay?”
“Always?”
“Always.” He sighed. “Can I tell you something?”
“Yes.”
“I really hope we fucking straight-up murder Gordo’s dad. I’m sick and tired of this Omega bullshit. I want my tether back.”
Kelly laughed, though it sounded closer to a sob. “I’m right here. I’m right here.”
Carter squeezed my hand. He knew I was awake. “I know you are. It’s just… I miss it. Having you always in my head. I didn’t realize just how much I’d miss it until it wasn’t there anymore. It’s like this… this vacuum, you know? I get it now. How you must have felt when Robbie was gone. I never want you to feel like that again, so we’re going to fucking destroy Robert Livingstone, and then we’ll come home, and it’ll be like it used to be.”
“You promise?”
“Yeah, Kelly. I promise.”
They slept soon after, curled together.
I stayed awake for a long time.
The sky had barely begun to lighten when I shook Kelly awake. His eyes opened slowly, unfocused and blinking. He saw me, and he smiled. I knew right then and there that I would do anything for him.
“Hey,” he said. “What’s going on?”
“I need your help,” I whispered.
He unwrapped himself from his brother, who smacked his lips and grunted in his sleep before turning over, burying his face in the timber wolf’s stomach. The wolf flicked its tail once before breathing deeply.
Elizabeth opened her eyes in the low light. She didn’t speak. She smiled before closing her eyes again.
I led Kelly by the hand up the stairs to the second floor. We passed by his room. He yawned, jaw cracking as he rubbed his eyes. “Okay?”
“Yeah. Okay.”
I pushed open the door to the bathroom. I let go of his hand, and he stood in the doorway. I went to the sink and stared into the mirror. It was the face I’d seen for as long as I could remember, but it wasn’t the right one. Not yet. Parts of myself were still hidden away, lost in the grip of magic behind an unbreakable door.
I shrugged my shirt up and over my head, dropped it to the floor. I opened one of the drawers beneath the sink. The electric razor was still there, where I’d seen it a few weeks previous. I hadn’t been ready then.
I was now.
He took it from me wordlessly, looking down at it, then back at me. I closed the lid to the toilet and sat down on it. I reached back and grabbed a towel hanging from the wooden rack. I spread it over my shoulders. I took a deep breath.
He said, “You don’t remember. But sometimes you act like you do. It’s almost like muscle memory. A reflex.”
I blinked. “What?”
He closed the bathroom door. “Before. You didn’t like people you didn’t know touching you. That included getting a haircut. You weren’t mean about it, it was just….” He shook his head. “It was just one of your things. You said it made you nervous.”
“I’ve always been that way.”
He smiled, though it faded almost immediately. “I know. You did it, though, because none of us knew how to cut hair. When we were on the road going after Richard Collins, we shaved our own heads. I told you about that once and you all but demanded I do the same for you.” He laughed. “You told me later that you just used it as an excuse to get my hands on you.”
I groaned. “Jesus Christ.”
“Yeah, I pretty much saw right through you. Mom always used to do it for you, but then you asked me and I just….” He shrugged. “I couldn’t say no.”
I looked down at my hands. “Couldn’t?”
“Wouldn’t,” he said. “It was such a little thing, but it felt so big. I was pretty bad at it at first, but I got better at it. You trusted me, and so I made sure I knew what I was doing.”
“I want it all gone,” I told him. “All of it. You don’t need to…. It doesn’t need to look like it was before. I just….”
“I know. Here. Sit on the edge of the bathtub. It’ll make things easier.”
I moved. My hands were shaking, and I wasn’t sure why.
He watched me for a moment before motioning for me to spread my legs. I did, my feet flat against the white bath mat. He stepped between my legs, and I sighed as the scent of him enveloped me.
Grass.
Lake water.
Sunshine.
He ran a hand through my hair. I leaned into the touch. He gripped it slightly, pulling my head back to look up at him. My pupils felt blown out, my hands shaking as I curled them into fists on my lap. “You sure about this?” he asked.
“Yes.”
“There’s no going back.”
“I know.”
He hummed a little under his breath. He slid the switch of the razor up, and it started to vibrate.
There was something extraordinarily intimate about what followed. We didn’t speak. We only breathed. He put his hand around the back of my neck, holding me in place. I followed the sound of his great heart, a minor drumbeat in the grand scheme of things, but something so terrifyingly precious in this fractured reality. He started at the front, and hair began to float down around me, onto my shoulders and back, individual strands clinging to my cheeks. It felt like we were the only people in existence. It didn’t take long, and there were times when he stepped back, gripping me by the chin, turning my face side to side. My eyes never left his. I couldn’t look away. I didn’t think I ever wanted to. And it filled me with a staggering fury, knowing I’d been torn away from this.
From him.
If I wasn’t in love with him yet, I knew I would be soon.
It was inevitable.
I needed him to understand.
I did the only thing I could. I gave him back the words he’d once gifted to me.
I said, “There was something… I don’t know. Endless. About you and me. We came here sometimes. Just the two of us. And I pretended to know all the stars. I would make up stories that absolutely weren’t true, and I remember looking at you, thinking how wonderful it was just to be by your side.”
He gripped the back of my neck tighter.
I could smell the sharp sting of salt and knew he was crying.
Leaned forward and pressed my face against his stomach, breathing him in.
He held me there for what felt like hours.
Eventually I pulled back, and he continued.
He slowly stepped into the bathtub so he could finish what he’d started.
By the time he was done, the sky outside the open window was brightening. He stepped out of the bathtub and switched the razor off, set it on the back of the toilet. He ran a hand over my prickly scalp, brushing off the last few hairs.
He put his finger under my chin again, tilting my head up.
His eyes were bloodshot, but he was in control.
“There you are,” he whispered. “Hey. Hi. Hello.”
“Here I am,” I croaked back.
He knelt before me slowly, hands resting on top of my thighs, the tips of his fingers under my sleep shorts. I shrugged until the towel slid off me, falling into the bathtub.
Kelly’s eyes were shining, so human, but with the undercurrent of a born wolf.
I cupped his face.
I leaned forward until our foreheads pressed together.
My thumbs brushed over his cheeks.
His expression stuttered.
And I kissed him with everything I had. I put everything I was feeling into it, my anger, my despair, my hope and dreams that one day all of this would be behind us and we could be as we once were. That all would be well and nothing could ever hurt us again.
I pulled away, but only just, our lips still brushing together. I lifted one of his hands and pressed it against my chest, right over my heart. I needed him to feel it. I needed him to know. “I’m going to love you,” I whispered to him. “I’m going to love you, and I’m never going to let you go.”
My heart remained steady and true.
He laughed, though it cracked, and then he kissed me again and again and again.
The others were waiting for us as we descended the stairs, hand in hand.
They were still in the living room, curled together, though they were all awake.
Rico, of course, spoke first. He whistled. “Looking good, little wolf. Still got a weird-shaped head, though.” He rolled away, cackling as Elizabeth threw a pillow at his head.
Gordo stood, Mark’s fingers trailing along the raven in the roses on his arm. He stepped over the others until he stood before us. His gaze searched my face. And then he grinned, and my god, it was blinding. “Good to see you, kid,” he said. “Missing something, though.” He reached up, and I didn’t even flinch when he carefully put my glasses on. He tweaked the tip of my nose before stepping back. “There. That’s better. You look ridiculous with those on.”
Something settled within me, and it was warm.
We all turned toward the front of the house a moment later at the sound of an engine coming down the road.
Many engines.
“That’ll be them,” Gordo said. “We ready?”
Kelly squeezed my hand as I said, “Yeah. We’re ready.”
