I jump back against Hendrix and swear I feel it. It! His thingy poking me in the back. It makes me laugh, which makes Jagger laugh even harder. I decide an explanation is necessary.
“Hendrix is teaching me how to do the rub.”
“I see that,” he says, wiping his eyes. “He told me how to rub meat, too, but never showed me.”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Jagger; what’re you doing here?” Hendrix growls from behind me. I look back as he steps away from me to adjust his … thingy.
“You said you wanted me to back her up tonight. Guess you got that all under control. And while you two are back here rubbing and shit, you have a bar full of people and Sally needs a hand—”
“Oh, dear Lord,” I say, pulling the bar rag out of Hendrix’s hands. His eyes squint a bit as I wipe off my hands and toss it back to him before heading to the bar where I see a usual customer who I have guessed is Hendrix’s friend.
“You’re early, Jared,” I say as I put his draft down in front of him.
“Hendrix not around?”
“He’s cooking,” I answer, pouring his shot.
He looks a little disoriented. He’s used to Hendrix or Sally taking care of him. They interact so well with him. He’s a bit standoffish.
“Do you have a joke for me?” I ask with a smile.
“That’s not how it works,” he groans and takes a drink.
“What is Bruce Lee’s favorite drink?”
He looks at me like I’m crazy.
“Wataaah,” I say while doing a fake karate chop.
He takes another drink and sits back silently, reminding me I am a terrible joke teller.
While he stares at me, I begin to feel pretty dang stupid. I am ready to apologize when he laughs so loud everyone in the bar looks at him. I immediately start laughing along, because his laugh is so over the top that I can’t help myself.
“Is everything all right?” Hendrix walks out from the back to stand beside me.
“She’s a keeper,” Jared says with a chuckle as he wipes tears away.
Morrison and Jagger come up beside us, too.
“Well, shit, Livi,” Mr. Slick laughs. “What did you say to him?”
“Our secret,” Jared deadpans as he looks at Morrison.
“You gonna spill it, Livi? I can’t get this son-of-a-bitch to laugh for nothing.”
“Like he said”—I wink at Jared—“it’s a secret.”
*.*.*.*
Two hours later, the bar is packed, and I am actually enjoying myself. With Jared now making me feel comfortable, along with two of the locals who come in every Friday night smiling when they see me, I feel like this place is part of my home now, too, exactly like Hendrix said they all feel.
I know their drinks before they can even sit down—High Life on tap. I mean, technically most of the regulars order the same thing, but these two always have their first round with a shot of vodka and a wedge of lime.
“The cheap stuff, doll,” old Burt greets.
The dinners are rolling out, and I have no idea how Hendrix is keeping up, yet he is.
I run to the back to give him a bar order to find Morrison in the kitchen with Hendrix and the two girls from last week. I didn’t see them come in. Now I know how he is keeping up.
The blonde kisses Hendrix on the cheek, and I turn away. I have heard all these woman talk about the Caldwell brothers, I didn’t like it then. I see her kiss Hendrix, and I definitely don’t like it now.
“Everything okay out there?” Hendrix pulls away from the blonde bimbo and walks to me, stopping right in front of me.
“Sure is.”
I look around him, and sure enough, bimbo is smirking at me. Yep, she sure is.
I rub my butt. ‘Classy and Fabulous.’ Then, I step back and pull myself together, while he looks at me in the way he always does—like he is trying to figure me out.
“Just have some orders. People are eating at the bar. Must be your special rub.” I say it a little louder so the bimbo hears me. Though, I am shocked I said it out loud, much less to rile blondie.
His eyebrows shoot up, letting me know I have surprised him again. A slow smirk creeps up in the corner of his lip as he shakes his head and crosses his arms in front of his chest.
“You gonna give me the orders or keep them for yourself?”
“Maybe I should give them to her,” I whisper.
Now he is full-on grinning. I never noticed how white his teeth are, and I like them.
“Sadi,” he says loudly, “Livi has some orders she needs filled.”
“Since when do I fill orders for your temporary help?” she sneers as she walks around him and shoves her hand in front of my face.
“Since now.” I hand them to her and glare. “And I’m not temporary help; I’ve been here two weeks and one day.”
She huffs and Hendrix chuckles.
“Sadi, you want to keep this little Friday night gig—”
“And Thursdays,” she says tauntingly.
“Fill the orders.” Hendrix continues smirking at me as I scowl and turn my back to walk away, rubbing my butt for my daily reminder.
I am almost behind the bar when he catches my elbow. “You wanna tell me what that was about?”
I look back at him, rub my butt again, and shake my head.
“Look, you come get the food, the tips are yours. She brings it out, they’re hers. The faster we settle this debt, the faster you can—”
I feel my stomach flip.
I brush past him and grab the plates of food off the counter before she does.
She whispers, “Watch it, bitch.”
“Excuse me?” I whisper back, honestly not thinking she could have possibly said that to me.
“He has no interest in you.” She snickers as she looks me up and down.
“My interest is in my job,” I say back with as much confidence as I can gather up.
I need this job in order to pay off my debt to Hendrix. Then, I can move on, put all this behind me, and he can go back to whatever he has with her or whoever else.
My chest burns in annoyance. I want to rub my butt again. ‘Classy and fabulous,’ that is going to be me tonight. Always work this fabulous backside with nothing but class. I got this. I run this mother.
Pushing past her, plates in hand, I focus on my job.
When dinner is over, Jagger comes up behind me and starts rubbing my shoulders. “Rush is over, coolers are stocked. Go take fifteen minutes and chill. You’re pretty damn tense, Livi.”
“No, you go ahead,” I say, regretfully stepping away from the shoulder massage.
“I insist.”
I’m about to refuse again when I see Hendrix glaring in my direction and decide to take the break I need.
Once I step outside, I let out a loud sigh.
“You really think you have a chance?” I look over as Sadi blows smoke out of her mouth in my direction.
“I’m here to work, not keep anyone’s attention.”
“Yeah, that’s what they all say.” She throws her cigarette on the ground and stomps on it with her leather boot. “After he fucks you, he’ll let you go, just like everyone else.”
“Well, I will assume this is your way of marking your territory, and I can assure you—”
“Why do you think he doesn’t want you here on Thursday nights anymore? After he gets all worked up, do you really think he wants you cramping his style? I mean, you can’t even keep your shit straight behind the bar. You depend on him for everything. A man like Hendrix doesn’t need a needy, little troll like you holding him back. He took care of his mother for years and finally—”
“Sadi!” I look away from her as Morrison storms toward us.
“You keep your fucking mouth shut,” she whispers.
As I turn to walk away, Morrison stops me. “You all right?”
“Of course.” I rub my backside as I walk around him. Classy.
*.*.*.*
It’s closing time, and everyone is gone, except Hendrix and me. He is ready to take the cashbox upstairs as I grab my things.
“See you tomorrow.”
He stops for a minute like he wants to say something important. Instead, he nods. “Drive safe.”
“Of course.”
Once home, I get out of my car and cross the street when women’s intuition, sixth sense, call it whatever, kicks in. I feel eyes on me. A noise draws my attention, and I turn to look around me. I swear I see a man with cold eyes in a hooded sweatshirt meet my stare before he ducks into the alley and disappears. Cold eyes.
There was a time in my life when I watched the light of life dance in a boy’s eyes turn to darkness as black as death over time. Feelings, gone. Conscious, non-existent. Cold … blank … unfeeling … unmoving.
Bryce.
A shiver runs through me, and it is more than the cold, Detroit winter. My stepbrother. My step-monster’s oldest son. The boy who could do no wrong in his mother’s eyes.
“Come on, Livi. Let me see them. I’ll make sure there’s nothing wrong with you. Daddy dearest doesn’t want a broken child,” he whispers to me in the darkened night of my bedroom, his teenage hands roughly groping my budding breasts.
His weight presses over me, pushing me farther into the softness of my overpriced mattress at my father’s house. The mattress that is nothing like my mattress at ‘home,’ my mom’s house.
He is suffocating me between his words, his actions, and the mere feeling of him over me. He pulls at my nightgown as I simply lie still, unsure what I should do.
“My mom may be a bitch to you Livi, but I like you. Feel how much I like you,” Bryce whispers in the dark.
When I don’t lift up, he wraps the long shirt over my head, exposing my developing body to him. My panties are all that is covering my body from him as my face is now hidden inside my shirt. I feel safe hidden by my shirt. I am lost inside my shirt.
He’s on top of me, his hands are touching me. It doesn’t feel bad. And, he likes me even though his mom doesn’t.
Mom.
My mom bought me silk panties when I ‘became a woman.’ After my first period, she said I was too old for days of the week panties. Now, my silk panties for womanhood are there for Bryce to see.
Bryce likes me even though his mom doesn’t.
His hands are down my panties. His fingers run through my folds. I shake my head back and forth.
“I like you. I wanna make you feel good. You like me, too, Livi, don’t you? You wanna make me feel good, too, don’t you?”
I’m frozen. The sensations are overwhelming me. I whimper, but can’t make the words come out.
“Shhh, Livi. I’m gonna make you feel good. I’m gonna make you feel like a grown up. Lay still now.”
“No, Bryce. Please, no,” I beg him in a whisper from behind my shirt.
His fingers are there, rubbing, sliding, moving on me there, at my special place.
It doesn’t feel bad. It doesn’t hurt, per se. It shouldn’t feel good, though. Nothing feels good when I’m here, but this sensation.
My body is in control, and I’m at a loss. What’s wrong with me? My body is responding, while my brain screams for him to stop, but I can’t make the words come past my lips again. Why do I want him to touch me more now? Stop it. Don’t stop it. What is wrong with me?
I am going to puke.
I am going to puke. I drop to my knees in the snow, breathing raggedly, until reality finally washes over me. No more. He can’t touch me anymore. I now know the word ‘no.’ I now know that it was wrong. I now know that I am in control.
I push away the memories of how my nightmare began, and where my world stopped and tilted on its axis. I have always wondered if life would be all right again.
I get up to my feet and go inside.
*.*.*.*
Saturday night goes by quickly. There is an acoustic guitar player singing and playing, and everyone is having a great time. What’s more, for the first time, I am truly able to keep up.
When Hendrix closes up the kitchen, he comes out and looks around. “I’m gonna fill the coolers. Then you can take a break.”
“I’m fine—”
“Livi.” There is a warning in his tone.
“Fine.”
I’m standing outside in the cold when I get that feeling again, the one from last night. There is a tingle on the back of my neck like someone is staring at me, the tingle of someone drinking me in.
When I hear what sounds like a trashcan being tipped over, I quickly make my way inside to the safety of Hooligans. I hate that I feel like part of something here when, in fact, I am only an employee.
I rub my butt for security. ‘I got my own back,’ and that is a reality that I was completely all right with until two days ago. My past has come barreling back into the forefront of my mind, and now I’m skittish, to say the least.
“You okay?” Hendrix asks as he grabs my waist when I attempt to blow by him.
“Yep, fine,” I say, looking up into his deep brown eyes. I put my hands over his, my skin warming immediately. I allow myself to soak it up only for a moment before I push them away and look down. “Excuse me, please.”
At the end of the night, I leave, while he is taking care of the cash drawer again. It’s best to avoid any more awkward situations.
I stand at my car and try to unlock the door that has iced over due to the storm that came through a few hours ago. I chip at it a little bit and have the key just about in when I swear I hear my name.
I hear his voice, I think.
Bryce.
I jump and drop my keys, looking around me then into the dark night sky. My breathing escalates as I hear footsteps quickening and coming toward me. I feel a hand on my shoulder and immediately jump again and scream.
I start to run as an arm wraps around my waist from behind, stopping me.
“Please don’t,” I yell. “Oh, God, please.”
“Livi? What the hell is going on?”
