Things are moving so fast, yet at a crawl at the same time. Hendrix is everything I could ever want and so much more. He says I’m crazy, and maybe I am. I have fallen head over heels in love with him in such a short time. More than that, I want to have his baby. Yes, I am completely nuts.
I put my forearm against my forehead. Nope, no fever. I’m not delirious unless it is deliriously in love.
Are we repeating our parents’ mistakes? My parents never married, nor did his.
I allow my mind to envision us five years from now with two kids. I don’t see myself without him. Hendrix completes me in so many ways. When I have problems, I can go to him, and he is there to hold my hand as I sort it all out. He is my partner. Heck, if I am real about it, he is my protector and my provider. He is everything my mother never had with my father.
Could she have had more with my dad? With the small conversation my dad had with Hendrix where he said my mother was better, I can’t help but wonder, what if? My mom is happily remarried now, but could my childhood have been different? If they had been different, if circumstances had been different, Bryce would have never been in my life.
Bryce. Even after all this time, it comes back to him.
I haven’t told my mother. Things have been so chaotic lately I have only made quick calls to update her on my dad’s progress. If I am going to have my dad come here, I need to have a serious conversation with my mother, though. It’s only fair since my dad knows. I blow out a breath. No time like the present.
“Hey, Livi,” she greets as she answers on the first ring.
“Mom, how’s your day been?” I ask nonchalantly.
We aren’t close like some mothers and daughters, yet we are in our own way. My mom has supported me to the best of her ability. She has always worked. And although she made time for me, after things began with Bryce, I pulled away from her, from everyone. As a single mom for those first years, she struggled. Then, she married my stepdad, and we were better, although still only a middle-class family.
“Long day at work. Charlie still isn’t home. He’s doing overtime since Jason needs braces. Any updates on Darren?”
“He’s stable. He will need to have a private nurse or a long-term care facility. With the divorce from Victoria, he lives alone. Mom…” I sigh.
“What is it, Livi? Something is bothering you.”
“Would it bother you if Dad were to relocate to a facility here in Detroit? Would you feel left behind?” The balance of being a child with two homes; I don’t want her to feel like I am giving my dad more than her.
“Honey, you moving to Detroit was scary. You went so far from home, so far from me, from your dad. I know the teen years are hard. I know Victoria put a strain on your relationship with Darren for all those years. In some ways, I think I would feel better if Darren were closer. At least you would have someone. Not saying your friends aren’t enough, but family is everything, Livi.”
I giggle and snort. “I have a family here, Mom.” The words fly out of my mouth before I can take them back.
“Livi, honey, this boy, I’m sure he’s nice. I’m sure he tells you how beautiful you are and fills your head with so much, but, Livi, first love is rarely what you think it is.”
Anger hits me like a ton of bricks. “Mom, don’t tell me what love is or isn’t. You know what, Hendrix isn’t a boy; he’s a man, all man. He doesn’t tell me how beautiful I am; he shows me. Every single day, he shows me with his actions how much I mean to him. He and his brothers have been with me, backing me up, supporting me, and helping me with everything that seems to be crashing around me.” I am shaking from my need to defend Hendrix and what we share. “He gave me back what Bryce took from me all those years ago.” The words just tumble out in a mess of emotions.
That was not how I wanted this to come out. I was honestly hoping to get her to plan a visit, and then I would tell her in person. Only, the cat is out of the proverbial bag now.
“What did Bryce take from you, Livi?” my mother asks with fear lacing every word.
I breathe in and out heavily.
“Livi, tell me, please,” she begs as tears fill my eyes.
My hand reaches under me to rub my butt between the couch I am sitting on. ‘Own it, overcome it’ covers me today. How fitting my panties are as I battle to continue to overcome my past.
“It’s in the past, Mom.”
“Livi…”
“He feels bad about it,” I mumble.
I hear her sob. “Livi, my Livi.” She cries harder, and I feel worse for telling her. “I should’ve known. When you came home after the summer you were fourteen, you were different. I should’ve known. I should’ve been closer to you, pushed harder for you to talk to me. My God, Livi, I’m so sorry.”
As we both cry without me having to get into the details, Floyd comes over to me, licking my tears away. Finally, my mom sniffles, fighting to compose herself.
“Di—did…” She is stuttering. “Your dad, did he know?”
I wipe my face on one of Hendrix’s T-shirts that I am currently wearing. “Not back then.”
“How long, Livi?”
“Two years,” I whisper, fighting to keep the tears at bay.
She cries out into the phone, and then I hear the sound of her falling to the ground and banging her hand or something on the floor.
“No, no, no. I’m so sorry, Livi. My precious Olivia. I sent you there. I trusted Darren. I trusted Victoria. As rude as she always was, I still trusted her with you, my first born, my baby,” she sobs as she rambles to herself.
“Mom, please, Mom. It’s okay. I’m okay. You didn’t know. It’s not your fault. I saw Bryce when I went out there, and he apologized,” I try to calm her.
“He apologized. My goodness, Livi, he should do more than apologize. You faced him alone? You didn’t tell me about this when you went to the hospital. Darren was okay with having that scumbag in his hospital room? You … you…” she trails off, mumbling incoherently.
“I wasn’t alone. Hendrix was there. He’s good to me. He held me. Bryce feels guilty. He’s been in counseling, and he was abused. Victoria doesn’t believe him, but Dad does. What’s more, I believe him. I believe he is truly sorry. I’m moving past this, thanks to Hendrix. He’s freed me from my past, Mom. Don’t be mad, just be understanding, okay?”
“I don’t know how to do that, Livi. I failed as a mother.”
“You didn’t fail at anything as much as I didn’t do anything wrong, nor did Bryce when he was violated. It’s not easy, but we all have to move forward. I don’t wanna lose more time with my dad over this. I also don’t want secrets between us anymore, Mom. I love you. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”
She sobs. “Baby, don’t apologize. You have nothing to be sorry for. I love you, always.”
I hear Charlie in the background. “Darlene, baby, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
She sobs into my stepdad, muffling her sounds. He takes the phone.
“Livi, you okay? Do we need to come to Detroit?” he asks sincerely.
“I’m okay, Charlie. It’s all okay. Look, I need to get to bed. I have to work in the morning. Take care of Mom and tell her I’ll call in a few days. Love you both.”
I get off the phone, feeling relieved that I have no secrets with my mom. Guilt washes over me that I dropped all this on her now, though. I planned to take my secret to the grave until all this happened with my dad.
Looking up at the entertainment center, my eyes immediately land on one of the few pictures Hendrix has in his home.
Getting up, I pat Floyd on her head as I make my way to the photograph. Pulling it down, I walk back over to the couch, clutching it in my hands. Sitting down, I trace the woman’s face in front of me. Her three boys who are now grown men surround her in the picture.
There is sincerity in the eyes of Janis Caldwell. There is a silent strength in her features. She is a woman who owned her life, her problems, and overcame them. I rub my butt.
‘Own it, overcome it,’ I think to myself.
I continue to stare at the picture. Three boys. The woman in front of me raised three amazing boys into strong, loyal men.
Hendrix’s words replay in my head, “Livi, like it or not, you’re my family. I’ll fight just as hard for you as I will them. Fuck, harder if I have to.”
I’m his family. He will fight for me.
Tears slip down my face. Happy tears. I have found exactly where I belong.
I’m so lost in my thoughts I don’t hear the noise behind me. Before I can react, Hendrix is on his knees in front of the couch. He pushes Floyd aside with his knee as he cups my face, wiping my tears with his thumbs.
“Livi, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
“She was beautiful, Hendrix.” I smile as a hiccup escapes me from crying.
His eyes move to the picture in my hand. “She was,” he replies, continuing to wipe my tears and eyeing me cautiously.
“I’m crazy, Hendrix.”
“Fuckin’ crazy, Livi,” he agrees as I smile at him.
“Your mom … she calms me. She comforts me. I like having this picture here.”
“Livi, babe, don’t take this wrong. I’m … um … glad my mom can comfort you when I’m not here. Could you maybe share with me what you needed comforting from, though, ‘cause my heart is beating out of my chest here, and I’m lost.”
He takes the picture and sets it on the coffee table behind him. Then, he moves to sit beside me on the couch and wraps his arms around me, pulling me onto his lap. I put my hands on either side of his face. I drink him in. I memorize this moment.
“I love you, Hendrix Caldwell. You are strong, kind, loyal, and sexy. You are a good man, a man the woman in that picture loved, adored, and a man she would be proud of. You, Hendrix Caldwell, make me a better person, a stronger person.”
“Livi, I came home early, and you’re crying on the couch. My mom was the best—I’ll give you that—but why did you say she calms and comforts you? What happened while I was at the bar after you came home from work?”
I blow out a breath, knowing that I am, indeed, crazy. Fuckin’ crazy, as Hendrix would say. I giggle at the thought of the word.
“Babe, seriously, it’s not good for my ego to have you crying or laughing when you’re in my arms.”
“You make me smile. You make me happy.” I look at the love shining in his eyes for me.
“Good to know. What made you cry, Livi?”
“I told my mom about … you know … Bryce.”
“Good, now that the secret is out, it’s a weight lifted off you. I don’t want anything weighing my girl down.”
*.*.*.*
“We got ya covered, girl. Go get your dad settled and spend some time with Broody. Although, I don’t think he’s Broody anymore. He needs a new nickname.” Tabby laughs as Toni smiles at me.
Once Dad was stabilized, they sent him through rehabilitation while Hendrix helped me to research and find a home that would fit my dad and not be too far away from me. He is going to be transferred to a facility just outside of Detroit next week.
Hendrix and I have settled into our new routine. It’s been almost two months, and I am finally feeling like everything is solid.
Jagger and Morrison have stepped up at the bar, and as promised, Hendrix doesn’t work Thursdays anymore. He doesn’t want to shake it for anyone, but me, and I’m A-okay with that. He alternates Sundays so we can have a day together, and I am still at the bar on Tuesday, Friday, and Saturday nights, because it is a way to help Hendrix, earn tips, and still spend time with him.
I take off early since the girls have my shift covered. Hendrix and I have a lot to do, and I am due a vacation. My mom will be here next week, the day Dad is moved, to visit and help me settle him in. She is still having a hard time with what happened to me, but I am hoping that by the time she visits, she has come to terms with it.
I want to make sure the guest room is ready for her; therefore, I go straight home to make a list of what I may need to make it perfect. Floyd greets me as soon as I enter the garage, and the first thing I do is squat down and rub my face against her fur. Doggie nuzzles are one of the best parts of my day. I scratch behind her ear then stand up, making my way inside as she follows closely like always.
“What’re we gonna make for dinner, Floyd? Chicken and rice? I know that sounds good to you.” I talk to the dog, laughing to myself. “No? Frozen pot pie will have to do.”
I move around the kitchen, heating up the frozen dinner.
“Spring is here. Spring is here. Floyd, that means longer days.” I look to the pooch, and I swear she turns her head to the side like she understands every word that comes out of my mouth. “Longer days mean going to the dog park to play.”
Her paw comes up over her nose to cover her eyes like she disagrees with my play date idea. Too bad, baby girl, too bad. I laugh to myself again.
Morrison emerges from his room in basketball shorts and no shirt with his blonde hair a mess on top of his head. I giggle, looking at the clock to see it is four in the afternoon.
He moves through the kitchen silently, getting an orange juice from the fridge.
“Long day, slick?” I laugh more.
“Livi, my days are your nights, and you should know, when a Caldwell is involved, it’s definitely a long one.”
“Anyways, how long are you in town this time?” I ask him since he is gone more than he’s home.
Hendrix has stressed over the last two months that this is my home. The one day I even considered the idea of finding my own apartment again, I was quickly shut down.
“Livi, do you not live here now? Do I not have panties in my sock drawer? Have I moved one thing that you purposely came in here and put with my stuff?”
I open my mouth in shock that he knew I did that to mess with him.
“No, I haven’t. Have I complained about having you here? Have you had any complaints about being here? Why would you move out? Did I not tell you I wanna put a Caldwell in your belly? If we’re gonna do all that, then why the fuck would you move out?”
A smile builds as I think back to Hendrix reminding me he wants me here, and I belong.
“Stop thinking about my brother when I’m trying to have a conversation here, Livi.” Morrison smirks at me.
“Sorry, I kinda think about him all the time.” I smile bigger.
“Fuckin’ crazy broad. Swoonin’ and shit over the wrong damn Caldwell.”
I punch Morrison in the arm. “He’s the right Caldwell for me. One day, a woman is gonna come along and lay you flat out, slick.”
“Oh, women lay me out all the time, Livi, right before they climb on my cock,” Morrison replies arrogantly.
“Make sure you wrap it up, Morrison. Some things you can’t smooth talk your way out of, ya know,” I remind him, laughing, yet wanting to protect him at the same time.
“I can smooth talk my way out of anything, Livi. Don’t underestimate me.”
“Never, slick.” I simply shake my head at him.
What more can I say? He truly has a ‘poker face.’ He is unreadable. I feel it in my bones that there is more to him than the playboy he personifies. He simply won’t let anyone see it. One day, though, one day.
