It takes me a while to get going after that. Whatever it was that jolted Steagor out of our lovely moment, I want to know more about it. But if I go to Mara and Dawn with my questions, they’ll want to know how I got close enough to him to notice such a thing, and I don’t want to tell anyone about what happened between Steagor and me.
Mostly because even I don’t know what happened. Or where we stand after we spent yesterday alternating between shouting at each other and bringing each other pleasure, then slept entangled in one bed.
So instead of going to Mara’s rooms, I walk alone down the dimly lit corridors until I reach the great hall. There, I find some late breakfast, and most importantly, the male I need.
Neekar sits with a group of orcs at one of the long wooden tables in the hall, grinning at something a young boy is telling him. This might be his family—there’s an older couple with graying hair and a woman who might be his older sister, along with several children, some of whom are demolishing breakfast rolls while the others run around, chasing each other.
It’s a sweet family scene, and I wonder for the first time whether Steagor has any family. He hasn’t mentioned any, and I haven’t thought to ask. I’ve been too consumed with my own problems. Now shame courses through me at the realization of how little attention I’ve paid to him.
Before I can greet Neekar, the woman who must be his sister spots me and nudges him in the ribs with her elbow. Neekar glances up, and his eyes flare comically wide. He whips his gaze around, probably searching for Steagor and his next attack.
“I’m sorry,” I say. “I didn’t mean to disturb you at breakfast. I’ll come by later.”
I turn to leave, but Neekar jumps up and grabs me gently by the wrist, then immediately lets me go.
“Don’t go,” he says. “Just, uh, maybe sit on Irrin’s other side so I don’t get my scent on you.”
The orc woman smiles at me and scoots over on the bench, and I squeeze between her and the boy, who stares up at me with his mouth open.
“Hello,” I greet him and the other people at the table. “Um, I’m Poppy.”
“So good to meet you,” the older orc says. “I’m Neekar’s father.”
Neekar clears his throat, then rattles off the names for the rest of the family, which I repeat in my head until I’m fairly certain I’ll remember them. They offer me food and a cup of milk, and even though I’ve had a toasted bread roll with butter already, I eat some fruit and watch them interact with curiosity.
Their affection for each other is clear, and even Neekar ribbing his older sister over some old incident is entirely friendly. Their parents join in on the joke, and Irrin answers back as if they’re all equals.
I’ve never heard anyone talk to their parents like this. I loved my father, but he expected me to defer to him in all decisions, and joking with him like this would have been inconceivable. I remain quiet, not knowing how to participate in the conversation without breaking their easy rhythm, and I don’t want to intrude.
But it turns out these orcs aren’t concerned about that at all. Neekar’s mother asks me about my hometown, and the little ones want to know if I’ve ever been rescued by a knight. They pull me in effortlessly, and I find myself laughing, exchanging stories over the remnants of our breakfast.
Once, I feel the weight of someone’s stare on my back, but when I turn around to see who it is, there’s no one there I know, only other orcs going about their business. After a while, Neekar’s family leave one by one, called away to their duties—and the children to school.
Finally, only Neekar and I are left at the table, sitting on the same bench but with a healthy distance between us, and I hate that. I’m hoping he’ll become my friend, so keeping him at arm’s length shouldn’t be a requirement. I’ll have to talk to Steagor about it, and soon.
“So,” Neekar says. “You wanted to talk to me?”
I purse my lips and focus on a crumpled linen napkin on the table. “I have some questions.”
He leans in, dropping his voice. “And you came to me? Why not go to Dawn or Mara?”
“They’d ask too many questions of their own,” I say, glancing up at him.
“Ah.” He folds his arms across his chest. “So it’s free answers you’re searching for.”
I throw my hands up. “Why do you have to say it like that? I’m just confused, and my life has changed so much since I arrived here. I’m playing by rules I don’t understand—and everyone else does, which puts me at a disadvantage.”
He cracks a grin. “I’m only teasing you. Come on.” He stands and motions for me to follow. “I’ll tell you anything you want to know. But I have to be at my post soon, so you’ll have to walk with me.”
I resist the urge to complain but let him lead me out of the great hall and back into the warren of corridors.
“All right, let’s hear it,” he says.
I comb through the long list of questions that have popped up since my arrival here. Many are personal, and I might work up to them, but there are basic ones I want to clear up first.
“What is a mate?” I ask. “I keep hearing the word, and I thought it was the same as a wife or husband, or a partner, but…”
Neekar sends me a sideways glance. “Have you talked to Steagor about this?”
I frown. “No, I mean, not directly. He mentioned that if he had a mate, he would…” My words get stuck in my throat, so I swallow and try again. “That he would treat her very well.”
I would worship her every day. Make sure she was safe and healthy, and if she gave me children, I’d be the best father to them. I’d spend my life making sure she knew how special she is, and I would always, always do what’s best for her.
His words are burned into my mind for eternity, and I can’t stop the painful stab of jealousy that comes with the memory. The more I find out about the male, the more I want this to be me, and it’s a hard thing to admit.
Neekar blows out a breath. “A mate… A mate is the perfect person for you. For an orc, finding a mate is the most ideal thing in life. We cannot have children without our mates. It’s nature’s way of making sure that we find that perfect, compatible person to spend our life with.”
I gape at him. “You can’t have children without mates?”
He nods gravely. “It’s why orcs are slower to reproduce than humans. Your species can breed with whomever. Ours can’t. It’s why orcs usually have large families once mates do find each other. Like Irrin—she has six children.”
My mind whirrs loudly, the truth settling in. That means… That means Steagor would be unable to have children if he remained with me. Or his true mate would be robbed of the opportunity because she’d be waiting for him somewhere while he was stuck with me.
“Oh,” I manage to say. “I had no idea.”
Neekar shrugs. “It is how nature wants it. The wait can be long. But when it happens, it’s worth it.”
I squint up at him. “How do you know?”
“I’ve seen it,” he says simply. “With my parents. My sister. Even King Gorvor.”
“So Dawn is the king’s true mate?” I ask.
“Aye.” He grins. “No doubt about that.”
I chew over that. It seems like I’ll have to talk to Dawn after all.
“I’m going to find my mate soon,” Neekar continues. “I’m going to ask the king for permission to travel to other orc lands in the spring. Might be just me. Or a group of us. But I want a mate, and I don’t want to wait for her like—”
He stops himself, glances quickly at me, then faces the front again. He might have bitten off the rest of what he wanted to say, but I know what he meant.
He doesn’t want to wait for her like Steagor.
Because my guardian is still waiting for her. For his elusive, perfect mate.
My chest constricts painfully at his words. But there are more things I need to know. It doesn’t matter that my heart is being crushed, I like Steagor. He helped me, so I will help him if I can, regardless of the fact that we clearly can’t be together.
“Do you know anything about Steagor’s family?” I ask.
Neekar shakes his head. “He’s been alone ever since I can remember. But I was only fourteen when we left the old Boar Clan, so I don’t know what happened with them.”
His reply fills me with even more sadness. He’s been alone ever since I can remember. How horrible that must have been for Steagor. Especially since other orc families seem to be so inclusive and wonderful.
“I know who might help you with that, though,” Neekar says suddenly.
He stops, closes his eyes, and draws in a deep inhale. I stare at him, eyebrows raised, wondering what’s going on. But he doesn’t explain. Instead, he nudges me into a side corridor, deviating from our path. It’s not as well lit as the main branch of the tunnel, and the murky darkness obscures my vision.
“Come on,” he says. “I have just enough time to take you there.”
I hesitate for only a moment. Then I follow my new friend into the dark.
