The sun shone bright the next day, in a crisp cold-blue sky. Zane went with me back up the mountain, carrying me on his back for most of the way. My pride told me I should have limped my way up the hillside, but maybe for once — just once — I could set my pride aside and accept the help.
It would have taken us hours to reach the cabin if I’d been walking. The Eld really did a number on me; my body ached as if someone had beaten me with hammers. The closer we got to the yard, the more my nausea grew. I could still smell the stench of death.
Just at the edge of the yard, Zane set me down.
“Wait here,” he said. “I’ll get your brother buried.”
“I can help —”
He held up a clawed hand. “No, you can’t. You don’t need to keep exposing yourself to seeing his body. Give yourself a little mercy, Juniper.”
I didn’t argue with him. He was right, I couldn’t bear the sight again. I’d seen plenty of death through the years, I’d taken lives, I’d inflicted and endured brutal injuries. But this was my brother, and he wouldn’t have wanted me to see him like that either.
Give yourself a little mercy. Easier said than done, but I tried.
It was only a few minutes before Zane returned and motioned for me to follow him. There were few signs of the carnage from last night, but splintered trees at the edge of the yard served as evidence something massively powerful had ripped through here. A shiver went up my spine at the memory of Zane fighting the Gollums, and the brutal, untamable strength he could unleash. I had no memory of what he’d done to the Eld, but when he said he’d slaughtered them all, it must have been a bloodbath.
The grave was filled again; Marcus laid to rest once more. But this time, the massive log I’d buried him beside had been pulled over the grave, a barrier against anything that wanted to dig him up again.
The Prince was laid to rest in his crypt beneath the castle, and in the castle he’s safe.
“Here.” I turned to find Zane standing there with my shotgun in his hand. “I found it back in the trees.”
I took it carefully, immediately more at ease with the weight of it in my hands. But a gun couldn’t save me from foolish actions. I’d let emotion drag me into danger last night, and it had nearly cost me my life. I wouldn’t make that mistake again.
“I’ll be nearby,” Zane said, and he walked away to give me some privacy. I knelt down near the grave, and laid my hand over the dirt. All my tears were drained, the sharp agony now a dull, cold ache in my chest. No matter what I did now, no matter how hard I fought, Marcus was gone.
But he wouldn’t be forgotten. I wouldn’t let them forget. Those who had done this to him — those who had done this to me — would die with our names on their lips.
“I’m coming for you, fuckers,” I murmured. I kissed my hand and laid it to the dirt in one final goodbye. Then I went back to the cabin and collected the few things I had. As I left the house, locking the door behind me, the wind picked up and rustled through the trees, tracing a cold chill up my back.
“Juniper…”
I turned. Even on a sunny day like this, shadows lay beneath the trees. There would always be dark places in these woods.
“I’ll find you.”
The voice was a hiss on the wind, but it was also a whisper in my ear. The God had come so close to having me once; It would never forgive my escape. No matter how far I went, no matter where I hid, it didn’t matter. It would always be looking for me, grasping for me, trying to drag me back into the dark.
“Find me,” I said softly, glaring into the trees, into the shadows where wicked things hid. “I’ll be bathing in your servants’ blood when you do. You can’t stop me.” The wind blew harder, colder. The trees groaned under the sudden force. “All you can do is watch the destruction.”
My injuries kept me from moving around much for the next few days. As it turned out, I was severely sleep-deprived besides my extensive wounds. I collapsed into bed mid-afternoon and didn’t stir until the next morning. I woke up only to eat, down an antibiotic and another oxy, and then fall back asleep for another twelve hours.
Miraculously, I didn’t have any nightmares. My dreams were disjointed and strange, long looping visions of walking through the woods as it got darker and darker. But nothing came out of the darkness for me, at least not yet.
By day three, I couldn’t take it anymore. If I had been alone, I would have already been dead or on my way to it, and that wasn’t acceptable. I hauled myself out of bed, made eggs and toast for breakfast, took an antibiotic but skipped the pain pills. I was sore as Hell, but that wasn’t an excuse. I couldn’t keep lounging around.
I jogged around the lake, keeping close to the shore. I had to stop far more than I found acceptable. I was risking tearing open my stitches, but I was getting anxious the longer I let myself rest. I was out on the deck, into my second set of burpees when I noticed Zane near the house.
I tried to ignore him. He didn’t let me.
“The fuck are you doing?” He watched me move up and down, his frown deepening in confusion. “You’re bleeding through your bandages. I can smell it.”
“I’ll…deal with it…later,” I panted. My head was getting a little light, but that didn’t matter. I got up for another jump, but Zane grabbed my upper arm before I could.
“Juniper, in general, I find humans to be painfully fragile,” he said. “Annoyingly delicate. Bump one of you mortals the wrong way and suddenly you’ve got broken bones. But you’re not going to kill your own mortality by breaking your body again. Opening your own scars won’t make them disappear.”
“Don’t try to be philosophical.” I was trying to catch my breath, but damn, now that I’d lost my momentum, the exhaustion was hitting me hard. “I don’t deserve to just sit in the house.”
“You tell me not to be philosophical, yet here you are imposing arbitrary stipulations on your own healing.” He scoffed. “You know what demons do when we’re hurt? We sleep. We’ll sleep for years if that’s how long it takes.” He shook his head. “What the hell do you mean, you don’t deserve it? What does deserving have to do with it?”
I was too dizzy to keep standing. I sat on the deck, panting, and realized Zane was right about the bleeding: a large red stain had appeared on the bandage on my right arm. He squatted down across from me, so I knew he wasn’t just asking those questions for the hell of it. He wanted answers.
“Why does it matter to you?” I traced my thumb over the bloody stain. I should have been worried about the stitches I’d torn beneath; but instead, when I looked at the blood, all I saw was weakness.
“You need to stop asking that question.”
I glared up at him. “Why?”
“Because neither one of us is ready to hear the answer.”
That wasn’t what I’d expected to hear. But as I looked at him, at those golden eyes with black veins creeping in at the edges, I knew he was right.
“Do you know the story?” I said softly. “About the girl who went missing? The girl who lost her mind?” I looked down at the deck, at the swirls in the old, stained wood. “Do you know the story everyone told, or do you know the real one? You’re friends with Leon, so…maybe he told you.”
“Your story,” he said. “The girl who was lured into the woods, captured, tortured, thrown underground to die.” He nodded. It was the first time I’d heard another soul acknowledge what happened — what really happened. After so many years of only hearing the lies, to hear the truth from another mouth was stunning. “But you didn’t die. You got out. And that’s all I know, because that’s all Leon knows.” He chuckled. “He never understood how you got out of there. How you got away from him. I don’t, either.”
“I didn’t stop,” I said softly. “Everything hurt. I was so fucking scared. But…”
I had to get out.
I didn’t know how long I’d been screaming, only that my throat was so raw my voice was broken. What had happened after Victoria opened the church doors was warped by the LSD, shrouded and blurred by panic and pain.
All those people, faceless, hidden by their masks. Kent Hadleigh with the knife. Victoria, her hand around mine like Judas’s kiss. Jeremiah, cold and uncaring. Meredith Hadleigh, watching me in disgust. Heidi Laverne, asking for my name. Everly, hidden in the shadows, witnessing me bleed.
I knew them. I’d trusted them.
I dug my fingers into the mud, dragging myself up the slope with shaking arms. Every breath was a panicked sob, adrenaline had overtaken every nerve, every muscle. Another fingernail ripped off, pain shooting up my hand into my arm. They’d boarded up the entrance to the shaft, I’d heard the hammers pounding as I screamed. Part of my brain thought I was already dead, and I should just lay down and wait for whatever I could hear moving around in the dark to come take me.
I didn’t stop.
I found little roots in the mud and grasped them. I flattened myself to the ground, my cheek sliding through the mud, shuddering with pain as I scrambled higher…higher. I couldn’t slip down again. I wouldn’t be able to make it back up. My strength was failing.
If I fell again, it would be for the last time.
“Juniper Kynes…come to me…”
“No,” I growled frantically, grasping for another handhold. “No, no, no, get away from me!”
I didn’t know if the voice was real. The acid was still warping my vision, creating fractals and bizarre colors in the dark. None of this felt real. This was just a nightmare, and any second, I’d wake up.
I had to wake up.
Sobs wracked my chest as I reached the boards over the mine shaft entrance. I grabbed onto them, the first solid thing I’d felt in those long, painful minutes of climbing. There was space between the boards, enough for me to stick my arm through and wave it weakly in the rain.
“Help me.” My voice was barely a squeak, even though I tried to scream. “Please…please…somebody help me…” I pressed my shoulder against the boards, my feet slipping in the mud as I tried to get some leverage. The boards didn’t even wiggle. I couldn’t squeeze between them. Desperately, I dug my fingers into the dirt beneath. I could dig out. I had to.
Then, in the darkness, I saw a white cloak approaching.
Their hood was pulled up, and I couldn’t see their face in the dark. I gripped the boards, my heart hammering against my ribs. I should have known they’d be waiting for me, to make sure I didn’t escape. But I wouldn’t go back into the dark. They couldn’t make me. They’d have to kill me if they wanted to throw me back down there.
I felt like a cornered animal as I swung my fist at them through the boards, growling, “Get away! Don’t you fucking come near me!”
“Keep your voice down.”
The voice was familiar, but I couldn’t put a face to it. Soft-spoken and gentle, it still triggered a deep and smothering panic in me as the figure laid their hands against the boards blocking me in. I thought they were checking their sturdiness, ensuring I wasn’t about to escape.
When the boards fell away, as if the nails in them had vanished, I froze in complete disbelief.
But only for a second. Then I was up, scrambling to my feet. I shoved them out of my way as hard as I could, I tried to run —
They grabbed my arm, fingers digging into my skin. I thrashed against them, I tried to scratch their face, I balled up my fists. Their hood fell back as they struggled against me, and I realized who it was.
Heidi Laverne.
I froze for a moment in utter terror, before I went at her with renewed viciousness, snarling like an animal. She’d done this. She’d stood there beside Kent; she’d watched in silence; she’d let them do this to me! But something strange coiled around my arms, some invisible force that restrained my fists and anchored my feet. I spat at her. I cursed her. I threatened her with every violent thing that sprang to my mind.
“Give me a moment,” she said desperately, her eyes wide as she nervously glanced back. “Please, child, just a moment.”
She reached out for me, laying her hands against my forehead. I couldn’t move away. I couldn’t fight her. But a bizarre moment of perfect calm swept over me, beating back my terror, making my tense arms go limp. Her hand was warm. She smelled like lavender and lilac.
“You will be hunted,” she whispered quickly, still glancing around as if she feared someone would come upon us at any moment. “A monster will be sent after you, to take you back underground. He won’t see you, child, as long as you run.”
She let go of me, and the strange restraints released me. I stumbled back, the feeling of calm instantly disappearing and cold fear taking its place.
“Go,” she said. “Run. Don’t stop. No matter what you see, don’t stop running.”
“I ran all night. I’ve heard that people can get super strength when they’re scared, like mothers pulling cars off their children. Whatever causes that…whatever crazy adrenaline rush that is…that’s what I felt. Everything hurt and I just kept running.”
I paused. The last time I’d told anyone this, they’d laughed at me. When I told it again, they told me I’d hallucinated. They even told me Heidi wasn’t even in Washington, that she’d gone to visit friends in Alaska so she couldn’t have been there in the woods.
But I knew what happened to me. Even if I hadn’t known why, even if it made no sense. I hadn’t imagined it.
Zane wasn’t looking at me with disbelief. He was just nodding, slowly, his eyes narrowed. There was nothing comfortable about telling him this. But there was relief in getting it out.
“She was right — a monster came after me. I kept seeing him…seeing his eyes in the dark. He looked terrifying.” I swallowed hard. Right in front of me sat a demon with claws, bright eyes, and sharp teeth; but back then, in the dark, I hadn’t known anything like that existed. The thing I’d seen chasing me had been a monster straight out of my nightmares. “I should have died. I was meant to. But here I am. Alive, even though I fucked up so many times. That’s why I say I don’t deserve it. Because every day since then, I’ve earned survival. I’ve earned staying alive. When I do nothing… when I let someone else help me…it’s like I didn’t earn it. And I don’t deserve it.”
I didn’t want him to look at me with pity. I didn’t need any sympathy. I just wanted to say it. I just wanted it understood. My brain worked in fucked up ways, and I didn’t know how to fix it. But if I was going to be vulnerable, I figured I’d go all the way.
There was still a part of me that feared he would laugh, and God, that would be worse than pity.
“I shouldn’t have told you that,” I said quickly. “I don’t think this shit would make sense to a demon anyway. Probably sounds ridiculous.”
I looked up, finally, my expression hardened so if he laughed, at least he wouldn’t get to see that it hurt. But he wasn’t laughing. I didn’t know what the expression was I saw on his face, only that it felt gentle despite the bright eyes and sharp teeth.
“I’ve been alive for somewhere near a thousand years,” he said. The declaration caught me off guard, and I stared, speechless. “Not nearly as long as some. But long enough to see hundreds of thousands of human lives come and go. The fall of kingdoms, armies wiped out — I’ve been involved in a few.” He smirked, but his expression quickly sobered again. “Deserving has nothing to do with it, Juniper. Whatever force of will that brought me into existence, brought you into existence too. Fuck, what did I do to deserve eternity when your natural life is so short?” He shook his head. “It has nothing to do with what you deserve. Life itself is probably just a spontaneous abnormality in this chaotic universe, but here it is. It’s ours regardless. I know you humans like to look for purpose; some demons end up doing that too. We all want to know why, at some point.”
He was staring out across the lake, his bright eyes softened in the sunlight. “I don’t believe in fate or a higher purpose. I believe we take these rare, unusual, nonsensical lives of ours and do whatever the hell we want. Don’t waste your life punishing yourself.” He looked over at me, a mischievous smirk on his face. “You’ve got eternity, at the end of all this. Your mortal life will end, but Hell awaits. You’ll outlive the Hadleighs, the Libiri. Despite all the pain they caused you, you’ll see more than they ever will. Maybe that frightens you. Don’t let it. I’d like to see what becomes of you, Juniper Kynes. A human like you, in Hell, can be a powerful thing.”
I smiled before I could catch myself. “Ugh, God, I still have to put up with you in Hell, don’t I?”
“Oh yeah.” He laughed. “You’re stuck with me. I get to keep bothering you for eternity.”
Seconds passed, with only the sound of the lake beneath us and the birds in the trees. I needed to change my bandage and re-do a few stitches, but I didn’t want to get up. I didn’t want to leave his side.
I felt comfortable there. I felt calm.
I hadn’t felt calm in a long time.
“So…you’re old as shit, huh?” I finally said, breaking the easy silence. He laughed.
“In the eyes of other demons, I’ve barely hit thirty,” he said. “But my kind tend to stay mentally young and obnoxious forever.”
“You said you’ve made deals with kings?”
“Oh, yes. Kings, emperors, monks, priests, chiefs. I never take a dull bargain.”
“Tell me about one. Tell me about the most unbelievable, wild bargain you’ve ever taken.”
“Shit, have I got a story for you. It was Japan, 1467…”
I laid down, stretching out my back on the deck. It felt nice to lay there. I was finally breathing easy as I closed my eyes.
