“What the fuck?”
I surfaced with a savage snarl, cracked open my eyes, and instantly regretted it. Tobias stared down at me, his face chiseled in cold, hard rage as he bent and picked up the empty bottle of Scotch next to my bed. “You were fucking drinking?”
I winced at the words. My pulse was already in flight, racing, aching. I tried to blink through the sting of my eyes and closed them once more. “Go the fuck away, T.”
“So, you’re out there, drinking and what…partying, while Ryth is in that fucking Hell?”
I kept my eyes closed as my heart howled in agony. There hadn’t been a second of rest for me, not even under the blur of the alcohol. I’d tried to drink to forget what I’d seen last night. Tried to muffle the moans and the whimpers that resounded over and over inside my head. Tried to drink to hide my own sick fucking need. Because when I looked at Killion, all I saw was myself. But never once did I ever drink to forget her.
She was all I thought about.
All I wanted to think about.
Ryth.
But she was in that place. That fetid, foul, disgusting place, and every second she was there was a second too fucking long.
“You fucking disgust me, brother,” Tobias growled as he kicked another bottle.
Thud! The bottle landed on the floor beside my bed with a deafening sound, one that made my heart punch hard against my chest.
“You’re drinking and just living it up while we’re out there trying to FUCKING GET TO HER!”
I opened my eyes, hating how his words cut right to my core. “Get the fuck out, Tobias!”
We’re…
What did he mean ‘we’re’? I shoved upwards, still dressed in my shirt and trousers. The stench of cigars and pain clung to me, making the torment even worse. “Get the fuck out of my room.” I rose from the bed, glaring down at T.
He hated me at this moment.
Fuck, he hated everyone.
I pushed him toward the door, catching the clench of his fist and the flare in his jaw. I waited for the swing, but it never came, and I was too fucking heartsore to care. If he beat me, it might even make me feel better. Maybe the pain I’d feel would be worth it. Maybe…
I drove him to the door and out of my bedroom.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Tobias stepped backwards, glaring at me.
From the doorway across the landing, I caught Nick stepping out. Panic flared as I took in the darkened circles under his pain-filled eyes, and the dressing strapped around his bare chest. What the fuck? Fear struck me at the sight of my bother.
He shouldn’t be out of the hospital!
Fuck, he shouldn’t even be alive, let alone walking around, yet there he was, staring at me in…disappointment. I swallowed hard.
“You fuck—” T started, and I didn’t wait for the rest, just closed the door in his face.
That constant ache bloomed in my chest as I walked back to the bed and slumped down. I didn’t care that I was still dressed in the filth, didn’t care that my brothers’ hate still roared outside my bedroom. I turned over, grabbed my pillow, and clamped it around my head, trying my best to muffle the screams.
You want your own private fuck toy. Someone you can control. Killion’s voice resounded, no matter how hard I pressed. Whimpers followed, feminine whimpers. But it wasn’t Killion’s sick words that made that thing twist in my chest. It was my own words, my cold, desperate tone…
Yes. The words echoed. I do.
