I knew this day was coming but I hoped I would get more time. More time to recover from the last correction. This one will be worse. He has days this time, not just hours. On my way out of the locker room, Coach told me he had spoken to my father and I was excused from tomorrow’s game.
“I hope your sister is okay.”
The words haunt me. What did he do to Lily? What lie did he tell to my coach to get me excused from a game? I wasn’t going to play anyway, I earned myself a one game suspension for attacking that player, but it was worth it. He purposefully hooked Jeremy with his stick, tripped him, and now he has stitches. Fuck that guy. Jeremy is mine. I am the only one who gets to leave marks on him.
“Go get in the car, Charles. We’ll discuss this at home.” My father’s voice cuts through the memory of watching Jeremy hit the ice.
He walks out the door, his footsteps fading down the hallway. He knows he doesn’t have to wait, I’ll follow like the kicked puppy he’s trained me to be. Jeremy’s confusion and care almost break me. I hate this, that I have to give in to my father, that when I get back, Jeremy will have to bear the brunt force of it. This is why I never have roommates. I can’t lay my shit at someone else’s feet.
I’m on the verge of hyperventilating as I look at him. He looks as stricken as I feel.
“I’ll be back Sunday night.” The words sound far away despite coming from my own mouth.
“Sunday?” He steps closer, reaching for my hand, but I move out of the way. I can’t let him touch me. I desperately want to let him hold me, wrap myself around him and lose myself in him, but I can’t. Not now.
“We have a game tomorrow! You can’t miss it.” He gets close enough to me that if I took a deep breath, our chests would touch. “Is whatever is happening here worth getting kicked off the team?”
I close my eyes for a second and breathe, not letting the trepidation of what I know comes next take over.
“It’s been cleared with Coach.”
Confusion has lines forming between his eyebrows while his eyes search mine. I stare at his blue-brown eyes, memorizing them before I leave.
“But—”
I cut him off by grabbing his face and pressing a hard kiss to his lips. He opens immediately and I sweep my tongue into his mouth. Just for a second. Just to remember how he tastes. It’s fucked up and selfish, but I need this memory to get through the next two days.
The spicy, woody, almost smoky scent of his deodorant fills my head. I know I’ll get whispers of it for days, my mind playing tricks on me while I’m sleep deprived and in pain.
“Charles.” My name is barked from down the hallway and I let him go instantly.
He grabs my wrist and I let him this time. I want his touch branded into my skin.
“Don’t go. You don’t have to leave with him.” His eyes plead with me to stay with him.
I want to cry at how earnest he is. He means the words; he thinks it’s that simple.
“I’ll be back on Sunday.”
“No, stay.” Jeremy holds tighter to my wrist, demanding I defy my father.
I damn near break when I tell him, “I can’t.” My words are small and quiet in the space between us.
I turn away from him to leave. He holds onto me until the last second, finally letting my arm fall to my side as I walk away. Clearing my throat, I hide my emotions from my father and follow him down the hallway to the elevator. He doesn’t say a word while we wait, just stares forward, so I do the same.
The ding announces the arrival and the metal doors slide open. We step in and turn to face the hallway. Jeremy is standing in the hallway outside our dorm room, fists clenched at his sides. I’ve never had the urge to run to someone, to know they would comfort me in a moment of weakness, but I feel the need right now and hate myself for it.
“He’s a distraction, ruining the hard work you’ve done. Get rid of him.” My father’s matter of fact tone grates on my nerves.
“No.”
“You aren’t exactly in the position to make that call, are you?”
I take in a slow breath, forcing myself to stay calm.
“He’s my roommate and teammate. I can’t get away from him.” I try to backtrack but it’s useless. He’s going to do what he wants and I’ll just have to deal with it. I won’t be surprised if he calls Coach and forces his hand to get me a new roommate.
“You’re allowing yourself to become distracted by him. Are you going to let a piece of ass ruin your life? Ruin your dreams?”
My dreams? I don’t have dreams. Not anymore. I just hope to survive.
“What did you tell Coach to excuse me from tomorrow’s game?” I’m not arguing about Jeremy with him. It’s pointless and will only get me into more trouble.
“That your sister is horribly sick and we aren’t sure if she’ll make it,” he says like he’s commenting on the weather.
My head snaps to the side, staring at him. How the fuck am I supposed to keep that up? Why would he even come up with that story? It’s easy to log into any social media platform and find her. Since my father doesn’t talk about her much, she stays out of the public eye so she’s shit with keeping her shit personal.
“And I will magically be back on Sunday?” What the fuck is he thinking?
“She will have turned a corner and be getting better.” He shrugs like this isn’t going to blow up in my face on Monday when my teammates are asking questions I don’t have answers to.
“What did you tell him was wrong with her? What is she miraculously going to heal from?” I clench my teeth so hard they ache. The elevator stops at the ground floor and we step off. His driver is standing at the curb waiting for us, holding the door open once we exit the building. My stomach rolls when I sink into the leather seat, staring out the front window like I’m just taking a trip and not about to be tortured for the next two days.
Pulling out my phone, I call Lily to make sure she’s not really in the hospital.
“Hey there, caveman,” she answers. Great, she saw the game.
“Hey Lily.” Relief floods my system knowing she’s safe.
“What the hell tripped your murder switch? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you after someone like that.”
I don’t have time for this right now, and I really don’t want to explain to my sister something I can’t accept myself.
“Can you do me a favor and make a post on your socials like a friend is posting for you, saying you’re super sick and hospitalized? Then stay off for a while, log out, and don’t post anything for a few days.”
“Uh, why? What the hell is going on?” I hear the sound of girls laughing in the background.
“Something came up and I need to miss the game tomorrow. Since I’m not playing anyway, I told the coach that you are basically dying.” Not exactly the truth, but close enough. If she thinks she’s helping me, she’s more likely to do it. If I just demand she do it, she won’t.
“Oh, sure. What am I dying of?”
I look at my father who is pretending like he isn’t paying attention.
“Pneumonia?” I rub my forehead. “I honestly don’t know. Make something up and let me know what you choose. Can’t be anything crazy.”
“You are the strangest brother. I doubt this is the shit normal siblings do.” She scoffs.
“Do you really think siblings don’t lie for each other? That’s one of the perks of having siblings. It’s absolutely normal.” We are almost to Father’s building and I know he’ll take my phone as soon as I’m inside. “Thanks, Lily. I gotta go. Talk later.”
“Bye, loser!”
She hangs up and I slip my phone back in my pocket.
I’m doing this to protect her. To give her as normal a life as I can.
“You talk to her regularly?” Father questions, like he’s surprised.
“At least twice a week during the season, less often during the summer.” I doubt he calls her even once a month. His secretary probably sends a very impersonal email.
Father puts his hand out as we get close to his building and I hand him my phone. I watch him power it off and slide it into his pocket, my lifeline gone. I knew it was coming but it’s so much more crushing this time.
The driver pulls up to the building and gets out to open the door for us. We climb out and head inside to the penthouse without anyone noticing we’re there. I guess it pays to live where the ultra-wealthy live.
The cold, sterile apartment is waiting for us, but this time it’s even colder than before. It’s probably sixty-five degrees in here. It’s going to be a long weekend.
“Go change.” And just like that, it’s started.
Standing in the bathroom in only compression shorts, once again staring at myself, goosebumps cover my skin. It’s fucking cold in here. The AC has been blowing more than it’s been off. I have no idea how long I’ve been standing here but I’m already tired. My body sways, for comfort, for warmth, to try to stay awake. It’s been a while; I can tell that by how dark the sky is outside. My body is ready to crash after the adrenaline rush of the game.
Footsteps in the hallway have my body tensing.
The door opens and Father has a bag of goodies with him. Great.
“Put these in.” He hands me a pair of wireless earbuds and I hesitate for only a second to take them. I know this means I’ll be subjected to painfully loud noise at random intervals to make sure I don’t fall asleep.
“In the tub.” He nods in the direction of the big white tub in front of the huge window.
The porcelain is cold against my skin when I sit and seeps through the thin fabric of my shorts. Since I’m so tall, my knees are bent and the edge of the tub sits against my ribs.
Father plugs the tub and turns the cold water on before he picks up my clothes and leaves with them, coming back with a long orange cattle prod. Fuck me. The water is like needles against my flesh. It won’t be long until my skin turns blue.
The thick cattle prod has a battery pack handle, a long orange rod with a U shape at the other end with two metal prongs sticking out. The fucking thing hurts like a bitch but doesn’t really leave marks. If he gets me with it now, there won’t even be a red mark by Sunday night.
He comes toward me, spinning it around like he has no cares in the world.
Relax.
Tensing up makes it worse.
Breathe.
I close my eyes and focus on breathing so I don’t anticipate the hit.
His footsteps on the tile are quiet, but I can track him as he turns the water off with just enough in the tub to cover my feet then moves to stand behind me.
Don’t tense up.
Relax.
Without a word, the metal prongs hit my shoulder, sending a snap of electricity through the muscles. My body jerks away and I hiss at the immediate pain. The shock fucking sucks. It only lasts as long as the prongs are touching me but it’s sharp. If he gets the right spot, it steals my breath.
He zaps me twice more in damn near the same place. Sweat breaks out on my skin despite the temperature in the room and my knuckles are white as I grip the edges of the tub.
Moving around to the side of me, he gets me on either side of the last cut he added to my body.
“Fuck!” My pectoral muscle seizes for a second and I pant through the pain. I fucking hate getting shocked. I would rather he hit me.
In my ears, the piercing decibels of static turns on and I flinch. Father just smirks at me and leaves, closing the door behind him.
The sad fact is he doesn’t have to lock me in here. I’m bigger, stronger, and faster than he is but I never fight him. I never try to escape.
My body slumps against the tub, my head hitting hard enough to echo in the room, but I can’t hear it. Tired of playing this fucking game, a tear treks down my cheek as my body trembles. I’m cold, sore, exhausted, and just want to go to bed wrapped around Jeremy.
What’s he doing right now?
The sound in the headphones shuts off as suddenly as it started, leaving my head ringing. My body relaxes as I’m finally able to breathe. The muscles of my shoulder and chest ache like I’ve gotten hit with a bat, but I can ignore it for now.
As I take in a slow, deep breath, there’s a whisp of Jeremy lingering just out of reach. I know it’s not possible, my head is fucking with me, but it hurts just the same that he seems so close and I can’t touch him.
