Devil’s Night
Six Years Ago
Maybe I’ll be around?
I’d said that. Why had I said that to him in the confessional? And why had I taunted him on the road earlier? There was no way I’d be around or allowed to go anywhere tonight. Not on Devil’s Night.
But finally being able to engage with him, I couldn’t stop myself. He was like a puzzle, giving the impression that there were so many things he wanted to say, but he struggled to get his words out. And then…every once in a while in that confessional, he showed himself. His real self. The monster who my brother said everyone had inside of them.
I coasted back down the long driveway, testing out my bike after the repairs I’d made. I unclenched my fingers from the handlebar, and spreading out my hand, I studied my dirty nails.
He wouldn’t like me, right? I wasn’t his type.
He was used to girls who looked like models, with magazine hair, hundred-dollar eye shadow, and heels for days. I glanced down at my brother’s old Vans on my feet—the ones he’d grown out of six years ago—permanently stained from oil that he’d spilled on them so many summers ago and the fabric shredding along the rubber sole. I didn’t look like a girl, much less a woman.
And at seventeen years old, I was so far behind other girls my age. Kai couldn’t be seen with me even if he wanted to. I’d embarrass him.
And I’d never be able to afford to look like I could even try to fit in with him and his crowd.
I breathed in the evergreens on both sides of the blacktop as the wind blew back my dark hoodie and caressed my hair.
In all the times I’d spotted Kai around Thunder Bay, around my house, at a basketball game…he was cool and calm, touched by nothing.
But not today. I’d made him nervous.
I smiled, pedaling faster as I clicked the little black remote secured to my handlebars. Smells Like Teen Spirit droned in my ears, and I swerved left, zooming right through the iron gates just as they parted for me. I held on tight as the road dipped, and raced down the steep, paved hill of my driveway. Holding the handlebars straight, I closed my eyes, instantly feeling my heart jump up into my throat at the rush of wind and the sensation washing over me.
I made him nervous. My skin still tingled where he chafed it when he grabbed my sweatshirt. What would he have done without that wall between us?
A horn honked, and I popped my eyes open, seeing one of my father’s cars racing toward me.
Shit. I swerved out of the way, turning right, and flew past the Bentley, avoiding eye contact. The driveway evened out, and I continued down the length, feeling eyes on my back as I disappeared around the back of the house, out of sight of the car.
Last night’s rain still chilled the air, but the ground was dry as I hopped off my bike and walked it behind the hedges between the two garages, one loaded with cars that were never driven and one with blacked-out windows and a keypad code that almost no one knew.
I hid the bike out of sight and jogged up to the back of the house. Entering the kitchen, I immediately smelled all the food and nearly groaned as I closed my eyes for a moment.
Marina, one of the household’s cooks, was making bread today, and I closed the door, feeling warm all over.
“Where ya been?” I heard David’s voice and glanced over at the long, wooden table in the middle of the room where he sat with two others of my father’s security, Ilia and Lev.
I looked away, walking to the stove. “Fixing my bike.”
Marina wiped her hands on a towel and winked at me, lifting the lid of the pot on the stove. I leaned over, breathing in and smiling at the chestnut and mushroom soup.
“When your brother calls me,” David barked, “and I don’t know where you are, I feel like he’s going to reach through the phone and rip out my throat. You’re getting me into trouble, Nik. And if you’re going to confession, let us know and one of us will give you a ride.”
I kept my eye roll to myself, taking the bowl that Marina loaded up and handed to me. Walking over to the table, I climbed over the bench seat and plopped down next to David, tearing some bread off the loaf already sitting in front of me.
“Leave the kid alone,” Marina scolded, coming up behind me and pulling my hair out of the back of my sweatshirt, combing her fingers through it. “She needs some freedom.”
He scowled up at her. “You try explaining that to him.”
I remained silent, knowing he was right. He had a right to be mad. No one wanted to deal with my brother. Standing up, I walked over to the sink to retrieve a clean spoon.
I heard Ilia speak up. “Yeah, I can’t even tell him you stole some of my beers last night.” He grabbed me and yanked me down into a headlock. “He’ll just blame me for leading you into temptation.”
I twisted, trying to free myself. “Cut it out!” I shouted, the odor of cigarettes and sweat assaulting my nostrils and making me gag.
“I didn’t steal any of your beers!” I growled. “You were probably too drunk to remember you drank them all!”
I finally whipped my spoon on the back of his head, and he released me, laughing.
I stood upright again and slammed down into my seat, scowling. Asshole.
Dipping some bread into the soup, I stared down, eating and trying to keep my damn mouth shut. The warmth spread through my mouth and down my throat, filtering through my body as I tried to ignore everyone’s eyes on me.
“So, how much penance did you get? Huh?” Ilia nudged my shoulder, not letting up. “Stealing my beer, not doing as you’re told like a good girl…” He listed my sins. “You having any impure thoughts yet?”
“Ask your girlfriend,” I retorted, my mouth full of food. “She eyeballs me more than she does you.”
Lev snorted.
“You little shit,” Ilia gritted out, jabbing his fingers into my stomach.
I jerked away, but he circled his arms around my body and tickled me. I squirmed, hitting him in the chest. “Leave me alone!”
But he just laughed, moving his hands under my arms and then back to my stomach.
“Leave her alone,” I heard David say.
“Mmm.” Ilia’s hand “accidentally” found itself close to my ass. “Getting kind of perky back there, aren’t you?” He pinched me through my jeans. I wiggled away and swung my hand at him, slapping him on the neck.
“Alright, enough,” Marina barked. “Out of my kitchen. Go. All of you. Now!”
Ilia and Lev chuckled, jostling the benches as they rose and left the room, Ilia flicking me on the side of the head as he left. David stood up, emptying his coffee and setting down the mug before leaving the room without another word.
I downed a few more spoonfuls of soup and stood up, ripping a hunk of bread off the loaf on the table to take with me.
Climbing off the bench, I walked toward the back stairs, leading up to my room.
But a voice from behind stopped me. “Nik.”
I halted, squaring my shoulders to brace myself. I had hoped to escape, but I was too late.
Marina wasn’t my mother, but she assumed the job. We had an agreement. I came and went as I pleased, and she reserved the right to tell me what she did or didn’t like about that.
My real mother could barely take care of herself, much less me.
Turning around, I took a quick bite out of the loaf in my hand, hoping that would signal I didn’t want to talk.
But she approached anyway, her blue eyes leveled on me and a sympathetic tilt to her smile. “Try as he might,” she said, “your brother can’t stop time. No matter how you cover up or how big you wear your clothes, you can’t hide forever. Your body is changing.”
Heat immediately rose to my cheeks, and I wanted to look away but didn’t. “So?”
“So, men are starting to notice you,” she pointed out, more urgent. “You’re a pretty girl, and I don’t think it’s a good idea to…” She paused as if looking for the right words. “I don’t think they should be handling you like that anymore. They’ll start to get ideas.”
She raised her hands and rubbed them up and down my arms, adding, “If they haven’t already, that is. You’re a woman now, and your body is yours.”
This time I did look away, inhaling a heavy breath.
A woman. I wasn’t growing up. My body could change all it wanted, but I’d never be a woman. I’d never be anything other than what I was right now.
“It’s okay to grow up,” Marina nearly whispered as if reading my mind. “It’s okay to dress and wear make-up like other women do, if that’s what you want.”
I held in my bitter laugh. “I don’t see how that makes any sense. I don’t want those guys to notice me—” I jerked my head to the hallway where Ilia, Lev, and David had just walked, “—so why draw further attention to myself?”
Why dress up and even try to look pretty?
“Because.” Marina smiled gently, taking a tube out of the pocket on her apron. I watched as she uncapped it and twisted the base, making the cherry red lipstick rise.
She raised it my lips, and I jerked back out of reflex, but stilled as she started to dab it on my mouth.
Smiling, she pulled her hand away and turned me to the mirror she had hung on the wall next to the pantry.
I blinked, taken aback. I rarely looked in mirrors anymore, refusing to face what I knew was happening to my appearance, but I couldn’t stop staring all of a sudden. Rolling my lips together, I felt something I hadn’t felt in a long time. A rush.
The red seemed to make my olive skin glow in a way I never noticed before, and my green eyes pierced me as they stared back through the mirror. Even my hair seemed a richer brown.
“Because, eventually,” Marina continued, “there will be someone whose attention you do want.”
And an image of Kai popped in my head. What did he think of me today?
Marina turned around, getting back to work, and glanced in the mirror once more before heading up the back stairwell.
Things were changing. My brother kept me all to himself, and while he was my world, I was starting to feel like I could fit in more. I wanted more. A bigger life.
I was seventeen. I had no friends and no formal education. What would I do next year when my brother left for college? I could ignore how my body was changing all I wanted, but time was passing anyway, making sure our lives evolved. I’d have to be an adult, eventually.
Reaching the second floor, I jetted down the hallway, heading for my brother’s room, but a scraping sound caught my attention, and I stopped. I looked toward the window at the end of the hall, seeing the tree outside whipping like a flag in the high wind. I stepped up, gazing outside.
What was Kai doing now? Pulling some prank, partying, or maybe doing one of the things he confessed today? On his way to a private room in a private club or something equally painful for me to think about?
Looking down, I noticed a red Charger facing me—fairly new—with a black stripe running down the side. I pinched my eyebrows together. Whose car was that? I didn’t recognize it.
But then a pop went off in the distance, and I jerked my head back, staring into the air above me as I listened to the whir and whistle that followed. Was that…a firework?
All of a sudden, a second, third, and fourth pop went off, sounding like it was coming from the forest nearby, burning and fizzing overhead, and I heard a ruckus downstairs as what sounded like more fireworks began exploding in the sky near the house. Doors slammed shut, and I peered over the railing, seeing servants run to the rear of the house, probably to head outside.
What the hell was going on?
I turned to head back down to investigate, but just then something was shoved over my head, turning my world black, and I whipped around, gasping.
“What?” I cried, my heart jumping into my throat.
Hands gripped my arms, the cloth over my head tightened around my neck, and my feet were swept off the floor as I was carried down the stairs.
“Let go of me!” I thrashed and kicked. What the fuck was happening? Who were they?
A hand came down over the cloth, covering my mouth, and I continued to writhe and twist against their hold as their hard footfalls trampled down the stairs. How many were there?
“Help!” I screamed through the hand. The muscles in my stomach burned as I resisted them with everything I had inside me.
Oh, God. Cool air hit my back where my sweatshirt rose up in the struggle, and I felt their footsteps quicken.
“Get her in!” one of them barked. “Hurry!”
The fireworks went crazy, whizzing in the distance, and I continued to thrash, twisting my head back and forth to get my mouth free.
“Help!” My muffled cry broke out.
That’s what the fireworks were for. A diversion.
I faintly heard something click and a male’s voice jeered, “Hope you don’t mind tight spaces, little one.”
Someone else laughed, and all of a sudden I was falling, hitting a hard surface too high to be the ground. And then, any light coming through the hood disappeared completely and something was slammed shut over me, all noise faint and dull now.
Tight spaces. I shot out my hands and legs, every one of them hitting a barrier, like I was in a coffin. The floor under me rumbled to life, I heard car doors slam, and I moved my hands in front of me, finding a felt-like upholstery above.
I was encased. The engine roared, and realization hit me. I was in a trunk. I immediately began pounding and kicking. “No!” I bellowed, the hand covering my mouth now gone. “Please! Let me out!”
Ripping at the tie around my neck, I pulled it off and yanked the bag off my head, sucking in a lungful of air.
And then I beat the roof above me. I screamed as loud as I could and made as much noise as possible in the hopes anyone would hear me.
“Let me out!” I yelled, my throat burning raw as I howled until every last ounce of breath left my lungs. “Ilia! Lev! David! Help!”
Fuck! The car under me moved, and I rolled a little as it took off. “Help!” I pounded my fists harder and faster, going crazy. The farther away they took me, the greater the chance I’d never be found.
Music started blaring dully from the inside of the car, and my metal coffin vibrated under me, the noise drowning out the sound of my screams.
“Oh, God,” I cried, my eyes welling with tears. “Please.”
I started whimpering uncontrollably, sucking in short, shallow breaths as I patted my hands around the trunk floor, trying to find anything I could use as a weapon. A tool, a tire iron, anything.
But the trunk was completely empty, and I shook my head. My father would never come for me.
Fuck it. I slammed my fists, beating the lid above me again and again, not even stopping when they began to ache. They were going to do what they were going to do. I wasn’t going to lie here and wait for it. There might be a chance, any chance, a passing car or even a kid on a bike might hear me.
“Help!” I screamed, trying to make my voice carry. “Heeeeeelp!”
The car jostled, and I rocked back and forth in the trunk. I thought we turned, and suddenly the road underneath turned gravelly, and we slowed.
But I kept belting and pounding, kicking and shouting. I turned to my side and began kicking against the wall behind the back seat, hoping there might be some kind of escape, since I knew some cars’ rear seats folded down, opening into the trunk. But since I hadn’t seen what kind of car I was tossed into, I couldn’t be sure. So, I tried anyway.
The car continued to slow, and then it finally stopped. I breathed hard and listened. Shifting my eyes around the darkness, I heard the music die off, the car going silent, and doors started to slam shut. How many of them were there? At least two carried me out of the house.
Fear coursed through my body, and a small gasp escaped. I covered my mouth with my shaking hand as a tear spilled across my temple.
Three knocks hit the trunk lid, and my eyes rounded.
“Go ahead and scream,” a male’s cocky voice—the same one from before—said. “There’s no one around to hear you now.”
I heard muffled laughter, and I didn’t know what to do. I wanted out of here, but I also didn’t. What were they going to do?
But another voice spoke up, this one smoother and darker, sounding an inch away from me. “You said you wanted to be hunted. Right?”
My breath caught in my throat.
Kai?
I pinched my eyebrows together as the dots started to connect. Fear morphed into anger, and my gaze tried to burn a hole through the trunk lid.
“You see that little green glow-in-the-dark lever in there?” he asked. “Pull it.”
Lever? What? I darted my gaze around, finally seeing something green glowing in the corner on my right. It was small but readily visible, and I didn’t know how’d I’d missed it. It had a picture of a car on it, and I reached out and pulled it, the trunk immediately clicking open and a sliver of daylight suddenly pouring in.
I exhaled, my nerves relaxing.
Pushing the lid open, I looked up, seeing three of them standing over me, their eyes barely visible through their masks. A chuckle came from the slightly shorter one to the left, in the white and red mask—Will—and I quickly wiped my tears away and scrambled out of the trunk.
“Assholes!” I growled, shoving the one in the silver mask I knew to be Kai with both hands, and then darting out and slamming Michael in the straight, red mask with a hand in the chest. They may not know much about me, but I knew exactly who they were and the bullshit they liked to pull simply because they could. I couldn’t believe they did this! Rich boys playing at being bad.
But the joke was on them. You’re not really bad when you only do shit under the security of never having to suffer consequences.
And where was Damon? I looked around for their fourth, but aside from all the cars in the lot, it was empty.
“That wasn’t funny,” I barked.
The one in the middle simply looked at me, while the other two chuckled softly, walking away and leaving us. I followed them with my eyes, seeing them head off into the brush and disappearing into the trees. More than two dozen cars were parked around us in the gravel, make-shift lot, but there were no buildings, no houses, just forest and cars.
Where the hell were we? It looked like just a clearing in the woods.
I turned back, seeing Kai approach me, his mask still on. He placed one hand on the lid and pointed at the lever I’d pulled inside.
“Every car made since 2002 has one,” he told me. “If that ever happens to you again, you know what to do.”
I scowled up at him. “If that ever happens again, my crew won’t be as polite as they were earlier.”
David might get on my case a lot, but he’d cut out their tongues if he knew what they’d done.
But then, suddenly, Kai pressed into me, making me fall back into the trunk and land on my ass. My legs dangled over the side, and I looked up him, his long body blocking my escape.
“Is that supposed to be a threat?”
And then he leaned down, his vicious mask an inch from my face, making my stomach flip. “I was raised to be a gentleman,” he said, “but if you send other men after me, catching my interest will be the worst mistake you ever made.”
I forced a sneer, but a shiver ran down my spine anyway.
He straightened and lifted the mask off his head, revealing the face I knew was underneath. His dark eyes, underneath even darker eyebrows, stared down at me like a dare, and a sense of foreboding nipped at my insides. But I didn’t look away.
A light layer of sweat matted the edges of his hair, making it messy and sexy. So rare for him to have anything out of place.
Without saying a word, he walked away from me, toward the front of the car and out of sight.
I heard the crunch of gravel slowly getting fainter and fainter, and then it was gone, and I twisted my head, confused.
What? I hopped out of the trunk and slammed it shut, looking over the hood. Where did he go?
Where did they all go?
A sea of cars spread out before me, a forest of trees in every direction, and I looked up, seeing the first stars peeking out of the sapphire sky. The sun had set a while ago, and it would be dark soon.
Chills covered my arms. Shit.
Twisting my head, I saw the narrow, unpaved road behind me that we came down. The emptiness of it as it wound around a turn and disappeared creeped me out. I should go that way. It had to lead to the highway.
But music made my ears perk up, and I turned back to the way Kai went. A girl’s cheer rang out in the night, and I studied the darkness of the dense forest ahead as the beat of subwoofers vibrated off my body.
All these cars, all these people…they were in the woods somewhere. This was a party.
I glanced behind me again. I should take the road. Walk home, catch a ride…whatever.
But he’d brought me here, hadn’t he? Maybe I was a little curious. He was daring me.
Walking around the car, I headed straight for the woods. Someone at this party would have a phone, and I’d call David. He’d blame this on me, but he’d keep his mouth shut. Neither one of us wanted to suffer the consequences of me being here.
I jogged, looking around as gold and orange leaves shuffled under my shoes. The scent of burning wood drifted into my nostrils, but I didn’t see a fire or any people yet. Where were they? I could still hear the music in the distance, so I continued straight into the darkening woods.
I shot a glance back to the parking lot, the light from the clearing getting smaller and smaller.
Maybe this wasn’t a good idea after all. I searched the brush again. “Hello?” I called.
Where was I exactly? I’d taken walks in the woods, but I don’t think I’d ever been out this far. I was pretty sure the sea cliffs sat half a mile to my left, Loch Lairn Cave was behind Stuart Hill to my right, and the Bell Tower should be…
Right there. I looked up, off to my right, and squinted my eyes ahead, making out the stone tower about two stories high and the tall, green shrubbery around it.
The Bell Tower was a ruin, part of an old village that died out over a hundred years ago when a bad storm drove everyone inland a few miles for safety.
“Hello?” I called again. Maybe someone was over there. “Hello?”
My heart raced. It was getting dark.
“Kai!” I shouted.
My foot caught on a log, and I stumbled forward, hearing a creaking branch to my right. I jerked my head, looking for where it came from.
Nothing.
Then a swoosh of leaves sounded behind me, and I spun around, panting.
“Who’s there?”
I caught sight of something black and turned my eyes just a hair to the left.
Kai stood there, leaning his shoulder into a tree and watching me.
I immediately took a step backward. “Wha—What are you doing?”
How long had he been there? He had been behind me, which meant I passed him on my trek. A chill ran down my spine.
He took a step, his mask dangling from his hand.
I glanced around. “Where is everyone? Why’d you bring me here?”
He didn’t answer, his eyes locked on mine as he moved closer. What the fuck?
I moved one step back for his every step forward.
“It was stupid of you to eavesdrop on me today,” he stated calmly. “And an even bigger mistake to reveal yourself earlier. I might never have known it was you.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat, still retreating. The music in the distance felt like a lifeline all of a sudden, and he probably knew what I was thinking.
“You should run,” he said, his warning cool and quiet.
Should I? But this was Kai. I didn’t know him, but I’d watched him. He was the good one. The quiet one.
He was playing with me.
“You…” I stammered. “You won’t do anything.”
“Like I didn’t do anything to that girl in the shower?” he challenged me. “You think I’d go to all this trouble to get you here just to let you go?”
Maybe. Yes. Okay, no, but…
“You see, I don’t like being teased,” he continued, one of his eyebrows arched. “Respect and reverence are important to me, and you have neither. You need to learn a lesson.”
“That’s not true.” I did respect him. I didn’t know he was going to be in that confessional today. I didn’t mean to listen.
“I’m not afraid of you,” I told him, but my feet betrayed me, still backing up.
“That’s because you think you know what’s happening right now.”
And suddenly, I hit a wall.
“But you don’t,” he finished.
I froze, feeling something behind me. Slowly, I twisted around to see Michael standing there, towering over me.
What? I shot my eyes back to Kai, seeing one corner of his mouth lift in a small smile.
Oh, shit.
My breath caught in my throat as Michael’s red skull stared down at me, and I understood the feeling of walls closing in from before. I looked around. We were out here alone. Them and me.
And what about Will? Was he still out here somewhere, too?
I changed direction, moving left and backing away from both of them now. They stepped slowly toward me, Michael pulling off his mask and then his hoodie and T-shirt, and dropping them to the ground.
My mouth fell open, and heat rushed to my cheeks. His long torso, tan from playing ball out in the sun, stood right in front of me, and I dropped my eyes. I’d seen David and the guys without their shirts plenty of times, but they didn’t look like that.
“She’s pretty,” he told Kai, the two of them walking side by side toward me as I kept backing up. “And she looks easy for us to handle. Together.”
I heard Kai’s quiet laugh, and I took another step back, suddenly hitting a tree. I dug my nails into the bark behind me.
“Don’t be afraid,” Michael told me, and I glanced up just enough to see his boxer briefs sticking out of the top of his jeans. “We’re good. We’re really good.”
We’re good? They weren’t serious?
I fucking bolted. Without turning back, I ran through the forest and toward the music. Get to a phone, get a ride, and get home. For once, the hiding I always had to do sounded pretty damn good right now. My brother was right. Guys were assholes.
I panted, digging in my heels harder and harder to get away. Kai would’ve let that happen? For me to be used like entertainment? There was an air of danger about him at the church today, but he was also gentle.
All of a sudden, Kai was in front of me, cutting me off and bringing me to a halt. “Wait,” he said.
But I didn’t care what he had to say. I shoved him in the chest, pushing past him and running away. I dug in my heels, racing as fast as I could without even watching where I was going.
Arms wrapped around my waist, and I was lifted off the ground as a husky whisper breathed in my ear, “It’s not what you think,” he told me. “It was a joke.”
Oh, even better. Something for them to get a laugh out of.
“Why did you bring me here?” I cried, trying to wriggle free.
“Shhh.”
He tried to soothe me, but I just shook my head. I just wanted to go home. If I wasn’t seen, I couldn’t be humiliated.
“Get off me!” I thrashed, feeling him stumble as we both fell to the ground.
I landed on him and heard him grunt, but when I tried to sit up and scurry away, he hauled me back to the ground and climbed on top of me. His body nestled between my legs, and he squeezed my wrists, pinning them above my head.
“Let me go,” I said firmly. “Now.”
But he just held himself up, staring down at me. His groin rested on mine, and I tried to ignore the nerves coming to life.
“Say it,” he whispered.
“Say what?”
“That you only want me.”
“I’d rather lick an ice cream cone of razor blades,” I gritted out.
He smirked. “You let me touch you in the confessional booth today. You liked me touching you.”
I slowed my breathing, evening out my expression. “Really? I barely remember.”
He then shifted between my legs, rising to the challenge, and a small moan escaped me.
Jesus.
Leaning down, he tickled my lips with his. “Stay?” he asked, heat filling his eyes. “I’d like you to.”
God, he was on top of me. I’d never felt someone’s weight on me like this. Unless I counted wrestling with the guys growing up, and even then, it wasn’t like this.
“What’s going on?” someone asked. I darted my eyes up to see some girl come up to Michael, who stood behind Kai. How long had he been there?
She probably came from the party. We had to be close then.
Kai twisted his head, talking to Michael. “Go on to the cemetery. I got this one.”
Michael didn’t say anything, but I saw his shoes walk over to our side and then a condom dropped to the ground right by my arm.
My chest caved. What?
Michael left, taking the girl with him, and Kai looked back at me. He released my arms, planting his hands on the ground instead.
“Pick it up” he ordered me. “Or run.”
I picked it up and flung it away from us, somewhere behind him.
“We don’t need it,” I told him, calling his bluff. “You’re just trying to scare me.”
But then he moved his body, nudging his groin into me, and I felt the rock-hard ridge inside his jeans.
“Ah,” I moaned and then clamped my mouth shut. What the hell?
“We might need it,” he said, a cocky smirk on his face.
My clit throbbed, and I shifted under him, wanting more.
“Who are you?” he asked.
But I couldn’t tell him. The confessional was an accident, and I didn’t have any intention of running into him again. I didn’t think I’d ever have to face him.
I stared up into his dark eyes, wanting to talk to him again like we did today. Wanting him to know me. But I wasn’t allowed.
Instead, I uttered in a small voice, “I’m cold.”
It was all I could think to say.
Kai rose to his feet and took my hands, pulling me up. But he didn’t release me. Instead, he led me in the opposite direction from where we’d come.
Into the Bell Tower.
I looked around, still hearing the music in the distance, and I could make out shouts and laughter, too. We were close to the party. What was he doing?
I stumbled along anyway, though, not resisting. My insides were twisting and knotting in the most exciting way. This was what I wanted, right? A chance to be close to him?
The gray stone structure was about half as tall as a lighthouse, with a bell chamber at the top. I wasn’t sure if the bell was still there, though. The clock had long since stopped working, and an archway welcomed us with a gated door.
I stepped inside, looking around and taking in my surroundings.
The walls were lined with a few windows, and a couple of stone benches were built into the room. There used to be some kind of house or meeting place attached to the tower, but it was long gone now.
Black vases hung from the walls with decaying roses the color of ash sitting inside. Who knew how old they were?
A little light streamed in, making the red, blue, and gold of the stained-glass windows dance off the walls, and wooden stairs wound around a wall and spiraled up, disappearing from my sight.
Kai released my hand and pulled out a book of matches, lighting the small stub of a candle sitting on the windowsill. The small room glowed a little warmer, and I suddenly became very aware of how quiet it was, the music nearly inaudible in here.
His presence—the anticipation—was a weight on my chest. God, he was beautiful.
His skin was a little darker than mine—warm, tanned, and glowing—and I bit the corner of my lip, gazing at his neck. I could see the ridge of the vein coming through the skin, and I wondered what it would feel like to touch it.
I’d seen his mother once. He had her lips and smile and lashes.
But Kai definitely took after his father, too. Angular jaw, lean body, straight nose, and while his hair was thick like his mom’s, it was coal black like his dad’s. He also inherited his father’s sharp gaze…. So sharp and stern it intimidated me.
Kai turned, the candlelight flickering in his eyes, and I heard the wind howling in the trees through the open gate.
“How do you know me?” he asked, walking toward me.
“Everyone knows you.”
“Do you go to our school?”
I shook my head. “I’m…homeschooled.”
Which was, I guess, the best way to describe it. I’d only made it through the sixth grade, missing more school than I attended, when my brother moved me in with him and made me start doing all of his homework, while I stayed home all day. And that’s how I learned Algebra and Spanish and how Shakespeare used corruption, betrayal, and deception as themes to portray guilt, sin, and retribution. He attended the classes, absorbing just enough to pass tests, while I did the written work, absorbing just enough to not be completely ignorant. There were gaps, of course, but I’d done a really good job of disciplining myself to do the work and his assigned readings. I had always been less than everyone around me, and it made me want to be more. I’d try to get my diploma, at some point.
“I see you around, though,” I explained. “My bro… my mom cooks for the Torrance’s.”
I swallowed, my throat like a desert. That was a lie. Marina wasn’t my mother, but it was the explanation we decided to give people, since my father didn’t want anyone outside the house to know who I really was.
Neither did my brother.
I finally looked up, seeing Kai just watching me with probably a thousand more questions in his head that I hoped he wouldn’t ask.
“I should go,” I told him.
I moved to head around him for the door, but he blocked my escape, stepping in front of me again.
“No.” He placed his hands on both sides of me, on the wall, locking me in. “The thing is, you heard my all my shit today, and I like my privacy. How do I know you won’t talk? How do I know you didn’t Instagram yourself in that confessional, bragging that you were punking me?”
I shot my eyes up. “I wouldn’t…I…” I rushed out, stammering. “I would never do something like that.”
“Why should I believe that?”
Because it wouldn’t have even occurred to me! I wasn’t devious. I’d been elated when he started talking in that confessional.
“Because I…” I trailed off, searching my brain. “I don’t even have Instagram.”
He cocked his head, his eyes scolding me for such a stupid response.
“I don’t even have a cell phone!” I blurted out. I didn’t even have the capability to record his confession, dammit.
“You don’t have a phone?” He didn’t look like he believed me. “Everyone has a phone.”
Apparently not.
But before I got a chance to retort, he reached out and put his hands on my hips, squatting down, and trailing his hands down my thighs.
I sucked in a breath, jerking. His hands drifted around to my ass, sliding over my back pockets and his fingers digging just a little.
“Are you kidding me?” I complained. He was searching me?
But an electric current shot through me, and the room in front of me started to spin anyway. He was touching me.
Holding my eyes, his gaze hardened as his hands ran up my back and then over my stomach, searching for the hidden cell phone he apparently assumed I was lying about not having.
Then he stood up, leaning in close and holding my eyes, as one of his hands cruised slowly up the inside of my thigh, and a throb hit me between my legs. I sucked in a breath.
“Stop it,” I gasped, knocking his hands away.
A cocky little grin crossed his face. “Your knees are shaking,” he said. “If I’d known you were this innocent, I wouldn’t have let Michael and myself tease you before.”
I breathed shallow and licked my dry lips.
“Have you ever even been kissed?”
I kept my mouth shut, but I knew that was answer enough for him.
“Turn around,” he instructed.
I looked at him skeptically.
He laughed under his breath and turned me around, leaning into me and hugging my back. I could feel him over almost every inch of me: my spine, my legs, and my arms. He dipped his head next to mine, his cheek on my ear, and he grazed my fingers with his.
“Do you feel that?” he whispered.
“What?”
His long arms blanketed mine, my hands resting inside his. “You fit me like a shirt. It’s a perfect mold.”
I smiled to myself, feeling a blush of heat my face. “For now,” I said. “I’m done growing, but you’re probably not.”
Men typically kept growing a little longer than women.
His breath hit my ear. “Then we’re on borrowed time, aren’t we?”
I closed my eyes, goosebumps spreading down my arms as he ran his lips over my lobe.
Oh, God. It suddenly felt like my body was a thousand matchsticks, every one sparking to life, one after the other.
Taking my hands, he placed them on my thighs and scaled them up my body.
“Is this okay?” he asked.
My body trembled, and I nodded. Yes.
“You’ll have to go to confession again tomorrow,” I joked.
“Why?”
“Kidnapping.”
His chuckle hit my neck as he ran his lips over my skin there. “Hate to break it to you, kid, but I got that place rigged. No penance for me. Unless you want to go with me,” he added. “Purge some of your own sins, maybe?”
“Not Catholic, remember? I wouldn’t even know what to do in there.”
“Well,” he began, sounding suddenly mischievous.
He took my hand and led me to the wall with one of the benches. He sat down and then grabbed me, pulling me in. I yelped in surprise as I fell into his lap.
“First, you go in and sit down,” he instructed, squeezing my hips. “Are you sitting?”
I turned my head to look at him, and he pinched his eyebrows together, looking serious like a teacher.
I rolled my eyes. “I am now.”
“Then you make the sign of the cross.” He took my right hand in his and touched my fingertips to my forehead. “And you say ‘Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned’.”
I let him guide me, my own touch to my chest sending tingles through me as he showed me how to make the sign of the cross.
Our lips hovered an inch from each other, and I tried to talk, but only a whisper came out. “Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.”
“This is my first confession,” he said, telling me what to say next.
I inched in, our lips nearly meeting as I stared at his mouth. “This is my first time.”
He sucked in a breath. His eyes dropped to my mouth, and he placed my hands on my thighs, threading his long fingers through mine.
“Jesus,” he growled under his breath.
A smile pulled at my lips.
“Then he’ll say, ‘And what would you like to confess?’” And then he cleared his throat, his stern priest voice sending a flutter through my stomach. “What would you like to confess?”
I folded my lips between my teeth. “I don’t know if I can. I…” I sucked in a deep breath. “I’m nervous.”
“Relax, my child. You’re in God’s hands now.”
I laughed softly. I liked this foreplay. I knew I shouldn’t care, but I didn’t want to say something stupid to ruin the game. I didn’t want to bore him. Every girl eventually lost my brother’s interest. I hated the thought that Kai would get tired of me and just want to leave.
“A boy got a hold of me, Father,” I told him, looking into his eyes.
“Did he?”
I nodded. “Inside the dark Bell Tower, by the cemetery. I know I shouldn’t have let him, but he grabbed me and…”
“Did he steal you away from everyone else?” Kai taunted. “Get you alone?”
“Yes, Father.”
His fingers dug into the tops of my thighs and his eyes thinned, turning heated on me. “What did you let him do to you?” he accused. “Hmm? What did you let happen?”
“He kissed me on the neck first,” I confessed.
And Kai threaded his hand into my hair, taking the hint as he gently pulled my head back and out, his lips on my neck, slowly nibbling.
I released a breath, closing my eyes. “I liked it when he did that.”
“You know those boys…” he scolded, kissing and biting me up and down. “They like the sweets too much. You have to be stronger and resist.”
“And if I like the sweets, too?” I moaned, feeling my skin tingle.
“Was he the first man to touch you?” Father Kai asked.
“Yeah.”
He groaned.
I bit my lip, scared, but I pushed further.
“And then he put his hand under my shirt,” I said, my chest caving at my own words. “I was so scared, but I knew he’d feel good. I craved it so bad.”
I wanted more. I wanted him to touch me places my brother would want to kill him over.
He pulled his head up and looked at me. His teeth were slightly bared, and I noticed a bulge underneath me.
Reaching around me, he slowly lifted my brother’s old sweatshirt over my head, dropping it to the ground, and then he slipped his hand under my T-shirt, keeping his eyes on mine the whole time.
“I’ll bet you wanted it,” he said, his fingers grazing my stomach. “I’ll bet you even rubbed yourself on him to show him how much you liked what he was doing.”
I groaned, noticing the wetness between my legs. “Yeah.”
I leaned my head back on his shoulder and rolled my hips, grinding my ass on him just a little. The hard ridge underneath felt so good, the ache of the emptiness inside me grew.
I reached back with my hand and took his face, wondering if he was going to kiss me. He still hadn’t kissed me on the mouth.
But instead of that, I felt his hand trail higher under my shirt, and I snapped my eyes open wide, remembering. Oh, God, the wrap. The ACE bandage I wrapped around my chest to flatten myself.
Shit! I shot up, pulling my shirt down and covering myself. He hadn’t seen, had he? Tears sprang to my eyes, embarrassment heating my skin.
Other women wore bras. He’d be confused and definitely turned off if he saw what I wore. He’d think I was weird.
“It’s okay,” he said, his hands suddenly gone. “It’s okay. You don’t have do anything you don’t want to. This place, these games, they’re not for you anyway. I shouldn’t have brought you here.”
Yes, I know. It was a laugh for him and a fantasy for me. What was I thinking? I couldn’t do this with him anyway. It could never happen.
He took my chin and turned my face toward him. “I didn’t mean to push you, okay? I’m an asshole,” he said. “I don’t want to seduce you in here. You’re different.”
“Different how?”
“I talk to you,” he replied. “And I like talking to you. That’s rare for me.”
My shoulders relaxed just a little, and he nuzzled my ear again, making me tremble.
“And I want it to be special,” he continued. “I want to take you to movies and hang out and go for drives and sit you on my lap like this whenever I want. And when we’re ready, we’ll take a long drive down to the inlet and to my family’s boathouse, and I’ll go slow with you.” His whisper caressed my ear, sending chills down my body. “Taking my time where no one can interrupt us. Taking all night.”
God, I wanted that. I wanted to believe it could ever happen.
But—I looked down at my brother’s old shoes and my chewed fingernails—I was deluding myself. Trying to escape my life and dreaming that I could ever look like I belonged at his side.
“Well, well, I’m shocked,” a deep voice spoke up somewhere behind us. “Saint Kai, about to get his dick wet this early in the night, huh?”
My eyes went wide, and we both stilled.
No.
A dark laugh I knew all too well followed, and I hurriedly fixed my shirt, knocking Kai’s hands away.
No, no, no…
“I knew you’d come around,” Damon said, his voice getting closer. “Who do you have there?”
I shrunk in on myself, trying to hide in front of Kai.
“Get out,” Kai ordered over his shoulder. “This one’s off limits.”
I closed my eyes, praying silently and willing myself to be invisible. Please, go away. Please.
Kai must’ve felt me shaking, because he squeezed my arms, giving me reassurance.
But then I felt him.
He was there.
The heat of his glare fell on the side of my face, and I slowly opened my eyes and cast a glance out of the corner, seeing the black shoes on the ground to my right. Looking up, I saw Damon at Kai’s side, his stare meeting mine.
A wave of nausea hit me.
He looked calm, but I knew better. His slightly open mouth closed, and his jaw flexed. It was a subtle gesture, but I knew the signs.
My brother was never calm. If he wasn’t having it out with me now, he would eventually, and I wouldn’t see it coming.
He let out a scoff, continuing the charade of not recognizing me. “Like I would bother,” he bit out at Kai. “She’s a fucking mess. Are you kidding me?”
His eyes fell down on me in a show. He wasn’t taking in my appearance. He knew what I wore every day. They were his old clothes, after all.
He was keeping up pretenses. Outside of the house, I wasn’t supposed to know him. I was a ghost. He didn’t want me to have friends, and he didn’t want his friends to notice me. If anyone knew I was his sister, they’d question why I didn’t go to school with him, dress as nicely as him, or go to parties with him. And if anyone knew Gabriel Torrance was my father, they’d question why I wasn’t treated like a daughter. Too much of a story for people who didn’t need to know.
“There’s beautiful girls out there, man, and you choose the one who looks like a boy?” He pulled out a cigarette and packed the tip on the top of his hand. “Who is she, anyway?”
“None of your business,” Kai snapped, “and don’t be a prick.”
“Relax.” He popped the cigarette in his mouth, lighting it as he spoke. “I wouldn’t touch the dirty, little rat if you paid me. Clean yourself up, honey.” He took the cigarette out of his mouth and blew out a stream of smoke. “Women are good for one thing, and you’re failing at even that.”
I shrunk, wanting to disappear.
But Kai jerked in front of me, his body going rigid as he yelled. “Knock it off.”
“Oh, fuck you. I’m leaving anyway.”
I heard Damon’s footsteps retreat across the dirt floor, and I didn’t look, but I guessed he’d left the tower.
I swallowed the lump in my throat. It was one thing for my brother to catch me somewhere I wasn’t supposed to be, but finding me here with Kai? There would be no mistake in Damon’s head about what he’d walked in on just now.
I stood up, combing my hands through my hair and righting my clothes.
“Hey, fuck him,” Kai told me, trying to ease what had just happened. “He’s an asshole.”
“He’s your friend.”
“And he is for a reason.” He approached me. “He’s just got a lot of ugly inside of him, and he takes it out on people. Just ignore him.”
I swiped my sweatshirt off the floor. “I have to go.”
I had to get out of here. I hated it when he was mad at me. I’ll go home and stay in my room, and when Damon gets there later or in the morning, he’ll find me sleeping right where I’m supposed to be. Waiting for him.
“Hey.” Kai took my arm.
But I jerked away from him.
“Don’t leave.”
I didn’t want to, but I had to. I pushed away the longing still raging through my body and brushed past him, bolting from the room.
“Hey!” Kai shouted after me.
But I just ran, hurriedly pulling the sweatshirt over my head. The tears pooled as I raced back into the woods, diving into the dark shadows of the trees.
“I don’t even know your name!” I heard his shout behind me.
The muscles in my legs felt like they were on fire as I dashed toward the parking lot and the road we came in on.
But then a hand grabbed my sweatshirt and yanked me back, the scent of my brother’s cigarettes flooding me as my body slammed into his.
I sucked in a breath and watched as Damon towered over me, his carefully constructed calm now gone.
“Oh, you’re off limits, alright,” he growled Kai’s words back to me. “I should rip off every single piece of clothing on your body right now. Everything I’ve given you. I told you all women were selfish, lying cunts. He doesn’t get to have you, and you don’t get to have him.” He bore down on me, the liquor on his breath wafting through my nostrils.
“Damon, please?” I begged softly, laying on hand on his chest. “I didn’t—”
“Don’t touch me.” He slapped my hand away. “I told you not to get dirty.”
“I’m not,” I assured him, shaking my head.
But he just looked down on me, fury in his eyes and pain he tried to conceal in his voice.
He grabbed my jaw, and I whimpered as he pressed my back to a tree. “Why did you do this?” he gritted out. “I told you to never let a man touch you.”
“I didn’t mean to let it happen,” I breathed out. “But he didn’t touch me anywhere, I promise.”
“Oh, yes, he did.” His eyes narrowed on me. “And you liked it. All you sluts like it. You’re going to let him take you away from me. You’re going to screw me over, and if you do, I will kill you. Do you hear me? I will fucking kill you.”
My stomach rolled, looking up at his dark eyes that stared at me like I was dirt. Like I was his mother.
I’d lost his respect. He thought I was nothing. He hated me. The last time I did something he didn’t like I was thirteen, and he wouldn’t look at me for a week. I’d treaded very carefully since then.
Until now, that is.
“Please. Damon.” I’d never seen him this angry. “I love you. You’re all I have. Please. I made a mistake.”
I wanted so many other things, but not if it meant losing him. I couldn’t lose him.
I pushed his hand away and dived in, wrapping my arms around him and burying my head in his chest. I hung on tight with every muscle I could muster.
Forgive me.
“I’ve always been good,” I pleaded. “I won’t do anything wrong again. I promise.” I squeezed him tighter. “I’m yours. I love you.”
He reached up and gripped my arms, like he was ready to push me off, but then he stilled, and I kept my eyes shut, hoping. Please, love me again.
No one else in the world loved me except him. He protected me, took me away from my mother, kept my father away from me, and if anyone ever tried to hurt me, he hurt them worse.
I still felt unsafe sometimes, but at least I never felt alone anymore.
Damon’s breathing calmed, his chest moving up and down, slower and slower. His fingers around my arms loosened.
“You can’t take him away from me,” he said in a low voice. “And he can’t take you away from me, either. You understand?”
I nodded quickly, an ounce of relief starting to settle in. “I know. I’ll be good.”
Raising my head, I looked up at him, the tears drying on my face as I kept my arms around him.
“I don’t want him. I just got bored,” I said. “When you’re not home, I don’t want to be there.”
When he’s not home, I stick to our room as much as possible, so I don’t run into our father. But the older I’ve gotten, the more restless I’ve become.
His face softened, and I see a small smile appear. “I know.” He caresses my hair. “Someday we’ll have our own house, and you can be free. I’ll surround you with a hundred fucking acres, and you can go wild. No one will ever look at you wrong or treat you badly.”
I forced a small smile at that dream of ours. The one where he’d go to college and come back for me and we’d disappear to some house, far away, in the middle of a forest or at the edge of the world, and I didn’t have to hide from anyone.
But I knew it wasn’t real. It never would be.
“What’s wrong?”
I dropped my eyes. “Someone’s going to take you away from me, though, aren’t they?” I asked. “Eventually, anyway. She won’t want me in your house.”
Forgetting the fact that the older I got the more I wanted things that Damon didn’t want me to have, but also, he was growing up, too. We weren’t thirteen and twelve anymore. We were eighteen and seventeen, and Marina was right. We couldn’t stop time. Wouldn’t he eventually want a family? I couldn’t tag along and crash the party forever.
But he just laughed at me. “You’re such a dumb shit.” He pinched my chin, nudging my head and forcing me to meet his eyes. “What’d I tell you? There’s pawns and rooks and knights and bishops, but only one queen.” He smiled playfully. “We’re a pair, Nik. Everyone else comes and goes, but you never escape blood. Blood is forever.”
The corner of my mouth lifted in a smile. And I let out a breath, feeling relief that he had forgiven me.
He dug his phone out of his jeans and started dialing. Probably for David, Lev, or Ilia to come and pick me up.
“I can walk home,” I explained, trying to stop him. “It’s okay.”
But he just raised the phone to his ear, staring at the air over my head as I heard the other line ring.
They answered after the first ring. “Damon.”
I recognized David’s voice.
“You’ll never guess who I wrangled five miles from the house, in the dark, without protection. You’re fucking fired.”
“Damon, I can’t watch her every second!” David barked. “You want me to tie her up?”
“Fuck you.” My brother’s cool voice was like the slow slice of a knife. “You and the guys get down here to the Bell Tower and get her now.”
I couldn’t help but drop my shoulders a bit. I knew I had to go home. I just still didn’t want to.
“And bring her to the cemetery,” Damon finished.
I popped my head up, my stomach somersaulting. Really?
Damon gave me a small smirk as he spoke. “She can come to the bonfire, but keep her quiet and keep guys away from her.”
“Alright. We’ll be there in fifteen.”
“Five,” my brother ordered and hung up.
I bit my bottom lip, but he still saw my smile trying to escape.
He tipped up my chin again, warning me with his glare. “They’re going to surround you like a fucking wall, you understand? Don’t piss me off, and don’t let Kai see you.”
I nodded, trying hard not to look too excited.
“That way you get to see what he doesn’t want you to see.” His smirk disappeared. “Who he really is.”
