I WOKE UP IN BED, feeling hot. The clock between the beds said it was around four thirty in the morning. Levi lay sprawled on his stomach, clutching a pillow. He had kicked off the covers and was completely naked. I crept off my bed and stood at the end of his bed. The moon through the open window cast long shadows that highlighted his buttock muscles, still firm even as he slept.
I moved to the bathroom and had a long, cool shower as the day replayed in my head.
The food fight, my sister’s words, my mother’s hand striking my face—it all came back to me, making me feel sick. I couldn’t even meet my own reflection as I brushed my teeth. I shut off the bathroom light and crept back into the room. After sleeping so much, I was no longer tired.
I heard Levi sigh in his sleep. I moved to stand next to his bed so I could get a closer look. He now lay in the center of the bed on his back, but the blanket was pulled over his waist, covering what I wanted to see most. His body, which looked like it was carved from stone, made me aware of all my imperfections.
As if someone like Levi would ever want to sleep with you. Helene’s voice taunted me.
Maybe part of me had misread Levi’s signals because I wanted to feel desirable. Now I felt unsure of everything, including my ability to read people. It had been a mistake to bring Levi along this weekend. I had all but forced him to get involved in my most private business, but today he had witnessed me at one of my lowest moments.
I needed to move forward in a professional capacity only and prove to him that I had things under control.
I took one step back from his bed and gasped when a strong hand grabbed my wrist. He wasn’t pulling me closer, but he was keeping me from stepping back.
I tugged on my wrist. “What are you doing?”
He sounded sleepy. “Come talk.”
“It’s the middle of the night.”
He tugged on my wrist. “Come talk anyway.”
I climbed onto the bed, bemused when he moved to wrap some covers around me.
“Thanks.”
He lay back, resting his head on one elbow. He seemed surprisingly awake for someone who had been asleep a few moments before. “How are you feeling?”
I was mortified—not only because he’d witnessed my mom slapping me, but because he’d seen my pain and tears afterwards. “I’m embarrassed.”
“I thought you held your own in that fight, but it wasn’t a fair fight.”
I felt a lump in my throat. “What do you mean?”
“Bea deliberately wouldn’t let me sit with you.”
I frowned. “I didn’t know that.”
“You ended up down at one end of the table, without an ally close by, and your sister provoked the fight. You took a stand and asked for an apology. She refused, and she essentially threw the first punch with the mashed potatoes.”
I could still remember the feeling of everyone’s eyes on me while my sister and I hurled insults and food at each other.
He reached out and grabbed my fingers in his. “And your mom, who was the most lopsided ref, she broke the cardinal rule. She lay the blame at the wrong feet, and when you challenged her, she struck you.”
I couldn’t meet his eyes. Having him acknowledge the truth almost hurt worse. “I should let you sleep.”
“Do you still want to head to Tofino? Mica called and said Charlie was worried about you.”
I realized in that moment that Levi had endured an epically bad long weekend on my behalf. Mostly I just wanted to go home and lick my wounds, but that would be selfish. I knew Levi would benefit from one day with a couple of beers and Mica.
“It’s up to you, but there’s some good cold-water surfing in Tofino. I know that Mica could hook you up with a board and a suit.”
He sat up. “Want to go now?”
“It’s four thirty in the morning.”
He stood up, dragging a corner of the covers with him, barely protecting his modesty. “We can be there by seven. Let’s go.”
LEVI AND MICA surfed all day. I spent the day with Charlie and her baby daughter, Nadia. Charlie’s close friend, Jasper, and Mica’s mom were also there, so it wasn’t until late afternoon that Charlie and I got to spend time alone.
We sat wrapped in sweaters on the deck, drank some wine, and soaked up the late-afternoon sun. She listened carefully as I told her about Eduard showing up in the middle of the night, and how Levi insisted on coming for the weekend. I left out the naked shower scene and the fact that Levi had deliberately broken Eduard’s shoulder, but I told her exactly what had happened with my mom and my sister.
“I’m really upset that happened to you,” she said with a concerned look.
I shook my head. “I survived.”
“I’m glad Levi was there.”
I had trouble meeting her eye. “Me too.”
“I can’t believe how creepy Eduard is acting.”
“I can’t believe my sister is going to marry him.” I didn’t want to face the idea that Eduard would be part of my family for the rest of my life. The thought was almost unbearable. “I think I’m done talking about him.”
She reached over and refilled her glass. “I think the best solution is to drink more wine.”
Mica walked onto the deck. He beelined for Charlie, giving her a kiss. His hair was wet, and he looked cold.
I waited for Levi to come around the corner, but he failed to appear.
“Your rookie can surf,” Mica told me before he turned to Charlie. “Where is everyone?”
“Your mom is cooking dinner for us. Nadia is still sleeping, and Jasper went into town to buy us more wine for tonight. Where’s Levi?”
Mica rubbed his wet hair. “He’s still surfing. I came back to have a hot shower, and then I’m going back to pick him up.”
A look passed between Charlie and Mica. I’m pretty sure it had something to do with the mention of the words hot shower.
I set my still-full wineglass back down. “Take your time. If you tell me where to go, I can pick up Levi.”
MICA HAD GIVEN me detailed instructions on how to get to the beach. I parked in the parking lot and then had to hike down a series of stairs to get to the beach, but the effort was worth it. The beach was long and mostly empty, with wonderful frothing waves that crashed against the shore. The late-October air was cooling as the sun began to set, and there was more exposure to the wind. I crossed my arms against the chill and walked down to the water.
There were six surfers, all wearing cold-water surfing gear, but even with the best wet suits, I couldn’t imagine how cold the water felt. I sat down on a log and watched the surfers play on the waves, but they were so far out, I couldn’t tell which one was Levi.
I took some photos of the beach. The desolation felt wonderful and the brisk wind refreshing. I took a deep breath. I needed to remember to relax and enjoy moments like these. Sometimes I got too busy and missed the little things.
The mood was ruined when my phone rang. When I saw my sister’s photo show up on the screen, emotion hammered through me. My sister usually took days to get over a fight with me. Maybe she was calling so she could finish telling me off.
I hesitated as the phone continued to ring in my hands.
I needed to get over myself and stop being a coward. If she wanted to fight, we could keep on fighting, but I wasn’t going to measure my words in private.
“Hello?”
“Oh, so you answer Helene’s calls but not mine?” Eduard’s voice in my ear felt like a knife to my throat.
I clutched the phone as unexpected dread washed over me. “Why are you using my sister’s phone?”
“Because you won’t answer my calls when I use my own.”
“Where is she?”
“Oh relax. She’s fine. She went to bed early.”
“Have you always been this certifiable?”
“Krista.” He gave a long, low laugh. “You pushed me to it.”
“You need to stop, Eduard. This has to stop.”
“At first, when you didn’t want to talk to me, I was hurt. I wanted to explain my side of the story, and I couldn’t believe you didn’t want to listen.”
“I don’t care what you want any more, Eduard. Your needs and wants are no longer my priority.”
“You think you can send your fuckboy after me and get away with it?”
My stomach tightened. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“He purposely broke my shoulder.”
“Your shoulder was an accident.”
“If you don’t want me to press charges and make things really complicated for your client, you’re going to need to grow the fuck up and meet me for an adult conversation.”
“I’m the only adult here, Eduard.”
“I mean it, Krista. Don’t provoke me.”
I squeezed my eyes shut. Eduard was a thorn in my side that I would see at every future family event. It would get ugly if this fight got legal, but it would be intolerable if I didn’t take steps to better protect Levi and myself. “If you want to meet, I want a legal document from you that releases Levi from all liability.”
He gave a slow laugh. “You always were a bitch of a negotiator.”
I knew if provoked, Eduard would gleefully take legal action against Levi and that was a mess Levi couldn’t afford right now. “Take it or leave it.”
“I’ll draw something up and send it over to your office tomorrow.”
“Next time you want to talk, you’ll need to go through my lawyer. Don’t call me again.”
I hung up on him and then gave a muffled scream of frustration. Why was this happening to me? My world no longer made sense. I spun around and came face-to-face with Levi, who stood there in his wet suit, holding his surfboard.
He stared at me with no laughter or joy on his face. He looked pissed.
“How much of that did you hear?”
“Enough.”
We stood there, staring at each other. I spoke. “You must be freezing. Come on, let’s get to the car.”
He gave me another look before he turned around and headed for the stairs.
The wind was picking up, and the walk back to the stairs seemed long. By the time I had power-walked up all the steps to the parking lot, I was out of breath, cold yet sweating.
He tied the board on the top of the truck, and then, while I waited inside with the heater on full blast, he changed into a pair of sweats and a T-shirt. He was shivering when he got back in.
“You okay?”
He ignored me. I drove, unsure if he was just super cold and uncomfortable or if he had figured out who had been on the phone.
I glanced over at him. “You know the surfers here surf all year round. Can you imagine the water in January?”
He ignored me.
I looked over at him. “Can we talk about it?”
“Not interested.”
Wow, he was not happy.
Back at the house, it was quiet. Levi disappeared into his bedroom. Dinner smelled wonderful, but no one was in the kitchen. I walked to my room and felt hurt that Levi was angry with me. It felt like one of my biggest allies was turning his back on me. And it angered me that he wouldn’t let me explain.
I got ready for dinner, changing into a cozy sweater and adding a touch of soft-pink lip gloss. Then, against my better judgement, I went looking for Levi. It took me a bit, but I found him standing alone on the lower deck, looking out over the water.
“Can I just take a minute to explain to you why—”
He grabbed my wrist and spun me around so that I faced him with my back against the rail. He planted both hands on either side of me. “I’m listening.”
“Why are you standing so close?” I sputtered, feeling unnerved.
“Talk.”
I stared defiantly up at him. “It’s not what you think.”
“You think you know what I’m feeling?”
“I know you’re pissed.”
His dark eyes looked angry. “I’m trying to protect you from him.”
“Eduard wants to press charges against you.”
He looked indifferent. “So let him.”
“I agreed to speak to him if he legally releases you from liability.”
“No.”
I frowned, shocked that he thought he could tell me what to do. “What do you mean, no?”
“It’s not worth it.”
“This is my job. As your agent, I make this kind of stuff go away. Mark Ashford has already bailed you out of jail once. We have an ongoing situation with Spears, and the last thing your career needs is another legal battle.”
He put his face close to mine. “And do you know what happens when you say yes to that guy? He’s going to realize that as long as he pushes you hard enough, he’ll get what he wants from you.”
“Well, I can say no next time. But right now, my priority is getting you signed with the Wolves.”
“You need to let me protect you.”
“For how long, Levi?”
“What?” He narrowed his eyes at me.
“How long are you going to be around to protect me? Christmas dinner, maybe Easter? Eduard is going to be around for a lifetime of family dinners and events. I’m going to be dealing with him for the rest of my life. There is no escaping him.”
He put his angry face up to mine. “You have no idea how much that thought pisses me off.”
“What I don’t need is for this situation to escalate.” I stared up at his beautiful face. “Let me just handle Eduard the way he needs to be handled.”
“I want to be at that meeting.”
“Absolutely not.”
“I’m not taking no for an answer.”
“I’ll see what I can do,” I lied.
He studied my face and must have recognized the lie he saw on my face because, without saying another word, he pushed off the railing and walked away from me.
I covered my face with both hands and let out a huge sigh. I had no idea what the fuck I was doing anymore.
“Trouble in paradise?” Mica asked as he came up the stairs with an armful of wood.
“Nothing I can’t handle.” I lied to Mica too. I wasn’t sure I could handle any of this. One part of my life had been broken, and now the other parts were going off course and colliding. The harder I tried to keep everything apart, the worse things got. I followed Mica over to the fire pit.
He gave me a look over his shoulder before he dropped the wood. “You hooking up with the rookie?”
I gave Mica a long, slow blink. “No.”
“’Cause that conversation sure looked personal.”
“Mica,” I warned.
He bent over to stack the wood. “You know why he’s pissed at you?”
I crossed my arms. “Because he’s trying to protect me, and I’m making it difficult for him.”
Mica turned around and looked at me. “You need protecting from someone?”
“Everything is fine,” I lied again. The last thing I needed was Mica getting involved.
Mica studied me. “For what it’s worth, he’s a way better guy than Eduard ever was.”
I put my hand on my hip. “You think I don’t know that?”
“Well, if you know that,” Mica paused a beat, “maybe you need to cut him some slack.”
“What the hell does that mean?”
He gave me a wicked smile. “Figure out what you want.”
I swallowed hard. “It’s not that simple. Sometimes we don’t get what we want.”
“Figure out what you want, and then let him know.”
I want to get naked with my rookie. “Why are you telling me this?”
“The guy will take whatever you give him, but you need to make up your mind about some things.”
My face flushed. I was pretty transparent if Mica could see all of that in me. “That’s your advice?”
“Fish or cut bait.”
“And if I don’t know what I want?”
He gave me another look. “Then stay away from him until you do.”
The problem was I didn’t want to cut bait. I wanted my rookie.
