Current Day
The reception was being held at a hotel not far from the church. When we walked in, we were informed by the concierge that the entire sixth floor had been reserved for those who wished to stay the night at the expense of the groom.
Tristan and I hung back as Luca and Veda walked over to the newly married couple and gave them their congratulations. Only those who knew him very well would notice the tense set of Luca’s shoulders, or the way his smile did not quite reach his eyes.
And only someone who was standing directly behind them would see the way his hand gripped the back of Veda’s dress, as though he were afraid someone would try to take her from him. Which wasn’t as crazy as it sounded.
As Luca had ordered, and for the safety of everyone there, I hid my pain behind the dark lenses of my sunglasses and the relaxed, yet alert, posture of my body. If anyone who had been at the wedding was curious as to my reaction to the bride, they didn’t dare say anything to me about it. I kept my eyes averted from Sera, because if I looked at her, if I saw the trapped expression on her face, there was no way in hell I’d be able to leave her here. With him.
But even though on the outside I held myself completely in check, I couldn’t do what Luca had asked. I couldn’t shut myself down. Not completely. What had once been so easy for me was now impossible.
And it was all because of her.
We lingered in the reception area only as long as absolutely necessary, and then we headed inside to eat and drink and act like none of this was as fucked up as it actually was. Luckily, the fact that I was on duty saved me from having to partake with the other guests, because there was no way in hell I would’ve been able to choke anything down. Not when my guts twisted and my head pounded as I watch the woman who was mine sit beside her new husband.
I’d never hated him as much as I did in this moment. Not even when the son of a bitch had ordered me to shoot my own wife. No, that wasn’t true. I did hate him then. I just didn’t allow myself to feel it. I was a soldier before I was anything else, and I did what I was ordered to do. No questions asked. Not even if they were burning inside of me.
I stood behind Luca and Veda as they ate and drank and danced, and this time I could no longer keep my eyes from straying toward the woman seated at the front of the room. Her face frozen in a mask of acceptance, she wouldn’t return my attention. But I noticed that even though she had her wineglass refilled often, she barely ate anything. And when Luigi took her out onto the dance floor for the first dance of the bride and groom, she was stiff and uncoordinated.
At one point, I saw her wince when her new husband squeezed her hand too tight. I took a step forward, my only thought to remove his fucking touch from her, but Tristan’s hand shot out to grip my arm, stopping me. My jaw clenched so hard it made my teeth ache, I took a step back, taking my place beside him once more. In my peripheral, I saw her father, Ciro, watching me carefully from his table near the bride and groom’s.
Taking a calming breath, I clasped my hands in front of me and went back to watching for any threats to my boss.
When the first dance as husband and wife was over, Sera immediately removed herself from the circle of his arms. But Luigi wasn’t finished with her yet, and he took her hand and led her over to a table of mafia men and their wives so he could show her off. After introductions were made, she leaned into him and spoke into his ear. He shook his head, and she tried again, more urgently this time. After giving her a threatening look and what I could only imagine were words of warning, Luigi snapped his fingers at one of his guards and let her go. Quickly, she crossed the floor and headed toward the double doors that led out into the hall, the guard close on her heels.
I watched her go until she was out of sight and Luigi had turned back to his friends. Then I glanced toward Ciro. He was standing up, his back to us as he chuckled about something with one of the other guests. “I’ll be right back,’ I told Tristan.
His eyes never leaving the crowd he scanned, he asked, “Enzo, what are you doing?’
‘I’ll be right back,’ I repeated. As discreetly as possible, I followed her across the floor. By the time I got out of the room and into the hall, she was nowhere to be found. Following my instincts, I turned left and headed toward the restrooms.
As I rounded the corner, I saw Luigi’s guard standing outside the ladies’ room. My steps were silent on the carpeted floor as I approached. He didn’t so much as glance up from his phone until I was right on top of him. Without a word, I shoved him up against the wall with my hands around his throat. I squeezed until his eyes rolled back into his head and his legs gave out.
His body slid down the wall as he passed out cold. After a quick look up and down the hallway, I grabbed him by the shoulders of his jacket and dragged him into the men’s room. Luckily, it was empty, and I sat him up in the stall. By the time he woke up and realized what had happened, we would be long gone.
Sera was standing in front of the gold-rimmed mirror when I barged into the ladies’ room without announcing my presence. Her eyes flashed to my face, and for an instant, I thought I saw relief in the blue-gray depths. But it was there and gone so fast that I questioned whether I’d ever really seen it at all.
‘Get out,’ she told me.
“Sera…”
‘I said. Get. Out.’
“No.”
I stalked toward her as she backed away, throwing one hand up, as if that would stop me. She made to run around me out the door, but I anticipated that she would do exactly that and I lunged to the side, lifting her up off her feet and into my arms. Through the overpowering scent of the bouquets of roses that decorated the sink, I caught a whiff of coconuts and tropical flowers that made my heart ache inside my chest.
Bold as you please, she stared up at me, her eyes dull and cold. A direct contrast to her scent that warmed my soul. ‘I’ll scream,’ she threatened, but I had a hard time believing she would. I was greatly outnumbered here, with only Luca and Tristan and perhaps a small handful of others to back me up. If she carried through with that threat, the odds of walking out of here alive weren’t great.
I cocked my head to the side. “Do you want me dead?’
Her upper lip twisted into a sneer. ‘Why should I care what happens to you? What do you want, Enzo?’
I couldn’t answer her, because I didn’t know. Not exactly. I just knew I had to see her to see if…what? If she hated me? If she still wanted me?
When I still didn’t release her, she shoved at my chest. “Get off of me. Let me go.”
Her protests didn’t faze me. After what I’d done to her, I expected her to be angry. But what tore a fucking hole in my chest was the complete and utter lack of emotion in her eyes and voice as she tried to get me to release her.
Words hung on the tip of my tongue. Things I needed to say. But after her initial struggle, she turned her face to the side and just…waited. I stilled as a cold shiver traveled down my spine. But then I got angry. I was not some fucking green boy she could just ignore and I would go away.
Opening my arms, I released her so fast she would’ve fallen backwards if I hadn’t caught her. Her hair was down except for a diamond clasp on the crown of her head holding some of it off her face. I fisted the silky pink strands in one hand and forced her head back. She grunted with pain and closed her eyes, her lips pressed tightly together.
That wasn’t going to fucking work for me.
Grabbing her jaw, I pressed my fingers and thumb into her cheeks between her teeth until she opened for me, and then I took her mouth, kissing her with all the self-loathing and frustration inside of me. She tasted sweet, like wine, and I moaned, fucking her mouth with my tongue the way I wished I could fuck her body, unable to get enough of this woman I wouldn’t let myself have.
I was so hungry for her that it took me a minute to realize she wasn’t responding to me the way I was to her. Frustration ripped through me, and I sank my teeth into her bottom lip until I tasted the salty copper of her blood, trying to force a reaction from her. I didn’t give a shit what kind of emotion it was. I just needed something, anything, that would let me know she was still in there. Somewhere. That my rejection hadn’t completely destroyed the girl she was.
Hadn’t completely destroyed us.
But other than a hiss of pain, there was nothing. She didn’t even try to push me away again. She just hung there in my arms, limp, like some kind of drugged-up rag doll.
Wrapping my hand around her throat, I shoved my face down into hers. “Stop pretending you don’t feel anything. Because I know you fucking do.”
“That’s where you’re wrong,” she rasped, and I realized I was squeezing a little too hard. I loosened my fingers just a bit. Slowly, she opened her eyes…
…and my heart stopped. They were dead. Emotionless. My skin broke out in gooseflesh as she told me in that same flat tone, “I did. Once. Feel something for you. But now I know how little I mean to you. So, you want to fuck me one last time? Is that what you want, Enzo? Then do it and get it over with. My husband is waiting for me.”
Each word sliced through my skin with the pain of a dull knife. “You’re lying.”
“I’m not,” she insisted. “And when I go back in there, I’ll tell him that you raped me. Just like you did that night in front of your guards.” Disgust twisted her mouth. “I guess I should be grateful there’re no witnesses this time.”
I stared down into her unblinking eyes, searching for the light that once sparkled within them. The light that lit up my darkness and made me crave things I had no business wanting. But there was nothing. Not even a glimmer.
Roughly, I shoved her away from me. And I was glad that I hadn’t taken off my sunglasses and let her see how she tore me up inside. “I will not apologize for being a monster. After all, no one has ever told me they were sorry for making me this way. I am the way I am so I could survive. And that is exactly what I’ve done.” I let my eyes roam over her face one more time. “Have a good life, Sera.”
Turning on my heel, I left her standing there in the empty restroom, surrounded by white tiles as cold as she was.
