I DROPPED my hands onto my face and leaned against my closed bedroom door. Tears squeezed out of my eyes.
This was not happening.
My worst nightmare from my past had stood at the end of the candy aisle, smiling that sick smile at me.
Terrance Howells.
Foster dad.
Abuser.
Sick fuck.
Maybe it hadn’t been him? Maybe I had just imagined him, because when I looked back, no one had been there. Had this been a figment of my imagination? Why would he even be in this part of town?
I resisted the urge to go back out to the living room and double check that Ryan had set the alarm. He told me he had set it.
If that had been Terrance, wouldn’t he have approached me? Perhaps I was just getting upset about nothing. Still, a sick feeling settled in my stomach. To help calm myself, I packed a plastic shopping bag of essential clothes and hid it under my bed in case I needed to make a fast escape.
MORNING LIGHT SHONE through my window, but it was my phone buzzing that woke me. I had tossed and turned all night and I felt groggy as I reached to answer.
“Hello?”
Ryan’s voice rumbled in my ear. “You sound like you just woke up.”
I sat up, rubbing my face. “I did. What time is it?”
“Just past 10. You want to give me a hand?”
“With what?”
“I need to buy my mom a birthday gift.”
“Okay.’
‘I’m about to head into practice. Want to come and meet me at the stadium and we can head out afterward?”
“I can. I think there is a direct bus there.”
“Forget that. Make Bianca drive you.”
My eyes widened. “No.”
“Yes.”
“Not a good idea.”
“She’s my PA.”
I lowered my voice. “Not happening.”
“Let me talk to her.”
“That is your worst idea yet.”
He laughed. “Come on, don’t be a chicken. Give her the phone.”
With extreme reluctance, I opened my bedroom door. Bianca sat at the kitchen island typing on her laptop.
“Ryan wants to talk to you.” I shoved the phone towards her.
“Ryan,” she smiled into the phone. Her eyes narrowed at me while she listened. “Of course, I can, but perhaps I could offer assistance as I’m quite versed in gift buying… no, I understand… that’s fine…no, I can drive her. I mean, I’m quite busy but I can make it work.”
She ended the call and placed the phone on the island. “On top of everything I’m supposed to do around here, I get to be your chauffeur.”
“I told him I could take the bus.”
She flicked her hair over her shoulder. “When are you moving out?”
I swallowed hard. “Why?”
“I’d hate for you to outstay your welcome.”
I picked up my phone and walked back to my bedroom. I didn’t need the reminder. I knew better than anyone that the clock was ticking on this life.
AFTER I SHOWERED, Bianca and I made our way down to the lobby. She sighed and repeatedly checked her watch, letting me know what a huge imposition this was.
“I can take the bus.’
“If Ryan wants me to drive you somewhere, then that’s what I will do.”
Next time I would insist on taking the bus.
We walked out of the lobby into the misty cool air.
“I’m parked over here,” she dug through her purse.
I froze.
My worst nightmare stood across the street, leaning against the building.
Terrance.
I swallowed, tried to move, but shock cemented my feet to the ground.
“Are you coming?” Bianca’s voice was sharp.
I tried to speak but cold fear constricted around my throat like a snake. He looked the same. He rolled his toothpick between his teeth and lifted his hand in a wave.
My plastic bag was upstairs. I could grab it and my $800 and disappear.
“Who’s that?” Bianca stood beside me.
She stared at Terrance. He nodded at her.
“No one,” I gasped, turning to walk in the car’s direction. “Let’s go.”
“Who was that?” she repeated.
“No one. Let’s go,” my voice shook.
“He seems to know you,” she smirked. “An old boyfriend?”
I ignored her and stared out the window for the duration of the ride.
RYAN SOUNDED CHEERFUL, “How was your day?”
“Fine.” I felt distracted. I couldn’t get the image of Terrance out of my mind. How had he found me? He must have followed us home from the store. Today he had been waiting for me.
Cold sweat trickled down my back. Nothing good could come out of this situation. I needed to handle this, but I didn’t know how. The smart thing would be to disappear.
“Did Bianca give you a hard time?” Ryan studied me while we sat at a light.
“What? No.”
“You seem quiet.”
I didn’t want to say goodbye to Ryan. He was the first real friend I had made in a long time and I didn’t want to let that go. Not yet.
“I’m good,” I forced a smile past my tight lips.
“You know you can talk to me, right?”
I wanted to. So bad. But nothing good could come out of mixing my old world with my new temporary world. “Yeah.”
The last thing I needed was Ryan asking too many questions. I focused to hide my anxiety. Ryan and I wandered up Alberni Street before he steered me into Tiffany’s. It had guards in suits at the door, and the clerks did the eyeball thing on me before focusing their attention on Ryan.
“Come help me pick out some earrings.” He dragged me to the counter.
I almost threw up when I saw the prices. The cheapest pair I could see was $375, and they ranged up to $50,000. The most expensive looking earrings didn’t even have price tags.
“We should get out of here,” I spoke beneath my breath.
“Why?” Ryan whispered back.
I ducked my head closer to him. So close, I could smell his fresh scent. “You could buy a car for the price of some of these earrings.”
“I bought my mom a car for her birthday last year.”
“That figures.”
“Are you going to help me pick something out?”
I spent the next ten minutes roaming up and down the glass counter, carefully studying every pair.
“I don’t know,” I finally admitted defeat. I really wanted to help, but I was out of my depth here.
“What would you pick if they were for you?”
“I love the starfish earrings,” I said without hesitation. “But I don’t know if your mom would like them.” Not to mention they were $475.
“She might be a more classic jewelry person, but I like your choice too.”
He ended up buying a pair of diamond stud earrings that set him back $6,000.
“Ready to go?”
We walked up the street. I loved spending time with Ryan. The sun seemed to shine brighter when he was around.
“When’s your mom’s birthday?”
“In a few weeks,” he pulled me into a bakery that smelled like heaven. “When’s your birthday?”
In a week. “Not for a while.”
“What’s the date?”
“Why?” I stared down at the pastries.
“Curious.”
“It’s no big deal.”
“It is now.”
“Why?” Ryan casually bought $6 pastries like they were going out of style. Soon, I wouldn’t be able to spend $6 on food in an entire day.
“Because you’re hiding it.”
“No, I’m not.” I glanced up at him. He fixed his curious gaze on me.
“Yes, you are.”
“Why would I hide it?”
“Why won’t you tell me?”
“Bribe me.”
His smile was so charming, it felt like I was being hit by a force field. “Are you looking for another IKEA outing?”
“I meant with a pastry.”
“I upped the stakes.”
“You already have one IKEA outing on the books. Are you sure you want another?”
“I remember.” He put a big arm around my shoulders and squeezed. The three best seconds of my day. “Okay here’s the deal. I’ll let you decorate the living room.”
My heart tripped. “For real?”
“For real.”
“I can get anything I want at IKEA?”
“Anything you want.”
“My birthday is next Friday.”
“Bullshit.”
“Truth.”
“How do you like people to celebrate your day?”
I couldn’t seem to pull my gaze away from his face. He had the most extraordinary cheekbones. “I don’t. Can I buy furniture?”
“Anything you want. Why don’t you celebrate your birthday?”
“The last time someone celebrated my birthday, I was six years old.”
His face instantly became serious, and I hated how my truth and my past always seemed to wreck every good conversation.
I shrugged. “Honestly, it’s no big deal.”
“Pick something to eat and then let’s get you home. I know you’re dying to start planning the living room.”
That, being able to shop at IKEA, was just about the best birthday gift he could give me.
TO MY RELIEF, Bianca wasn’t there when we got home. I watched as Ryan scraped her entire vegetarian and bean casserole down the garburator before he pulled chicken burgers out of the freezer.
“Want me to run to the grocery store and grab buns?” I offered, eager to help.
Ryan pulled his wallet out of his back pocket and tossed bills on the counter. “Come back with as much edible food as you can carry.”
I laughed. “Deal.”
I STOCKED up on Ryan’s favorites and was walking out of the store when something dug into my arm. Confused, I looked down at the big hand wrapped around my forearm, and staggered as it pulled me off balance towards the shadowy alley.
Terrance.
My breath came in and out of my chest in big gulps. “What do you want?”
“Retribution.”
“Leave me alone.”
I flinched when he touched my hair. “You weren’t the first one to run away, but you were the only one I couldn’t find.”
“What do you want?”
“I see you got yourself set up real nice. Seems like you are living the high life now.”
“That’s none of your business.”
“You know, I could have you charged. For stabbing me that night.”
I felt my skin shrink as he drew one nicotine-stained finger down the side of my face. “I’d do it again. In a heartbeat.”
“I want money.”
“I don’t have any.”
“You’re living with some fancy hockey player. I think you have access to a lot of money.”
“No.”
“I’d hate to make trouble for you and your boyfriend.”
I couldn’t breathe. I wrenched away from his grasp. “Stay away from me.”
The sound of his laughter followed me as I walked away from him. “See you soon, Zoey.”
I WOULD LEAVE TONIGHT. I had enough money to catch a bus somewhere and I would disappear. Leaving Ryan without saying goodbye or thanks, crushed me. Maybe once I got someplace safe, I could send him an email and let him know I was okay.
I let myself into the apartment and brought the groceries to the island.
“You’re just in time,” Ryan smiled at me.
I stared up at him, trying to memorize his features.
He paused, looking at my face. “Are you okay?”
“Yup,” I busied myself with unpacking the groceries.
“I was thinking we could go to IKEA tomorrow after practice. Do you think you will be ready?”
My hands stilled. I wanted, more than anything, to go to IKEA with Ryan. A place where the world seemed safe and homey. Maybe I could leave after I got his living room set up. “I can be ready.”
“You sure?” his voice teased.
What would a couple more nights hurt? “I’m sure.”
“Okay. I’ll come pick you up after practice.”
I let out a pent-up breath. “Sure.”
“Hey,” He stepped closer, lifting my chin so my eyes met his. Concerned blue eyes looked into mine. “You know if something is bothering you, you can talk, right?”
I wanted to tell him about Terrance. I wanted to share how terrified I was that my old life would fuck up his, but the words got stuck in my throat. Old habits die hard. As much as I wanted to, it wasn’t in me to ask for help. Besides, as tough as Ryan was on the ice, he was no match for someone as evil as Terrance. I couldn’t bear to watch him get hurt or have his life tainted by someone so ugly.
“I know,” I managed to say.
He studied my face. “Why do I feel you’re not telling me everything?”
I wanted to share with him so bad, it took all my energy to not speak.
“Why don’t you grab my laptop and we can look at the IKEA catalog together.”
“I thought you weren’t interested in that stuff?” I stuffed my hands in the pocket of my hoodie to prevent myself from throwing my arms around him and begging him to help me.
“You make it fun.”
Shit. I would miss him. “I’ll go get your laptop.”
I WAS RUNNING, but he was gaining on me. Everything was dark, and it felt like my legs were stuck in mud. He was so close I could hear him breathing. Fingertips reached out, grazing the back of my head. I tried to scream, but the sound stuck in my throat…
“Hey, it’s okay. It’s just a dream.”
A figure leaned over my bed. A strangled scream escaped out of me as I blindly backed away, curling my body up into a tight ball with my back against the headboard.
“Zoey, it’s me. Ryan.” A familiar voice soothed.
A click and my bedside lamp flooded the room with a soft yellow light.
Harsh air wheezed in and out of my lungs. Ryan sat on the side of my bed. His hair was messy and his chest was bare but navy flannel shorts covered his legs.
“What happened?” I croaked.
“You were having a nightmare.”
I swiped my wet cheek with the back of my hand. “How did you know?”
“You screamed.”
I swallowed hard, still trying to clear the sense of mortal dread from my body. “Sorry.”
And then to my deep shame, I put my forehead on my knees and I burst into tears.
“Hey, hey,” Ryan moved across the bed and wrapped his arms around me. “It’s okay. You’re safe.”
Those words only made me cry harder. I clutched his chest and all my fear, all the dread poured out of me in deep, body wracking sobs.
“Fuck, Zoey,” Ryan’s voice was harsh, his arms holding me so tight.
“Don’t let go.” The words ripped out of me. Against my will. “Please don’t let me go.”
“I won’t,” he rocked me, not understanding my request. “I promise.”
In two days, I’d leave and break his promise for him. That thought made me cry harder.
“Come on,” he pulled me up onto my feet. “You’re sleeping with me tonight.”
I didn’t argue because I didn’t want to be alone. He tucked me in on one side of the bed and got in beside me.
“Can you hold me?” Again, words came out of my mouth against my will.
He rolled towards me, wrapping me in his warmth. “Want to tell me what’s going on?”
I shook my head.
“But something’s going on,” he pressed.
I gave one short nod.
He pulled me tighter against his body. “Whatever it is, you can trust me.”
I knew that. But it wasn’t Ryan that I didn’t trust.
It was Terrance.
