I hadn’t realized the school was on an island. For all of the worrying I’ve done the past few days, it didn’t even cross my mind to Google the actual building.
As our car was loaded on the ferry, my nerves ramped up, to the point where I could barely focus on the small talk between James and Jon—the two of them taking to each other like ducks to water. But once we’re back on land, I’m able to focus in, and my chest warms as I listen to James give attention to my brother, the way I always wished our father would. And at some point, I know I’ll need to give up my naive view of him. I’ll have to stop remembering him as the dad who lifted me on his shoulders and told me I could help him run the world and start seeing him as the stranger who likes to keep me small and useless.
It’s just hard to let go of someone, to let them drift away until they only exist in your memories. Once I do, I’ll have to admit that maybe he never really existed at all.
“Are you alright, darling?” James’s voice snaps me from my thoughts, our car pulling into the lot of Rockford Prep.
I force a grin, not wanting to focus on the absence of my father, choosing instead to think about how it’s James here now, making sure Jon and I don’t do this alone.
The school itself is large, looming over us like a castle with steepled towers and arched windows, but the air surrounding it is heavy. Suffocating. I brush off the feeling, hoping it’s just my volatile emotions giving me a skewed view.
Maybe he’ll love it here.
“Looks nice,” I say, trying to infuse a lighthearted tone into my voice.
Jon stands next to me, his eyes taking in the building.
James’s hand rests on my lower back. “It looks rather dim, doesn’t it?”
Jon grins at him. “I looked it up before I came. I knew what to expect.”
Surprise flows through me, my heart pinching at the fact that he so easily shared with James what he hasn’t shared with me.
We move inside, a melancholy grip squeezing my lungs. I don’t want to leave Jon here, if for no other reason than I’ll miss him. Family has always been the most important thing in my world, and now it feels as though I’m in the middle of a riptide, watching as everything gets washed away, and I’m left struggling against the current.
The air in the main office presses around me with every step, and it’s only when I feel James’s hand on my back that I straighten my spine, allowing him to infuse some of his confidence into my bones. I lean into him for the support.
There’s a woman sitting behind the front desk, her gray hair pulled into a tight bun, glasses pinned to her shirt with beaded straps.
“Hi,” I start. “I’m here to drop off my brother. He’s supposed to move in today.”
Her lips pinch as she takes me in, then moves her gaze to Jon, before finally resting on the man at my side. “Headmaster Dixon will be available shortly,” she says. “Until then you can sit down, I’ll let you know when he’s ready.”
“Okay, thank you.” I turn to go, but James’s strong grip at my back keeps me in place.
“I do apologize, Miss…” He leans in over the top of the desk.
The woman’s eyes grow round, her lips turning up in the corner. “Mrs. Henderson.”
“Right. Of course, you’re a Mrs.,” he purrs. “Pity.”
“Oh, now.” She glances down, her cheeks gaining a rosy hue, and amusement dances through my chest at the fact he seems to be flirting.
“I understand you and Headmaster Dixon must be extremely busy people,” he continues. “But we are rather in a hurry.”
My brows pull in. We are?
“You’d be doing me a great favor if you would let him know we’re ready now.”
Her grin drops, and it’s no surprise, because while he sounds nothing less than a gentleman, there’s an undercurrent of command in his tone, one that leaves no room for argument.
She nods slowly, reaching out and picking up the phone, before speaking a few words and hanging back up. “I’ll take you back.” She smiles.
“Wonderful.” James claps his hands together.
Jon and I share a look, and James’s palm comes back to rest on my lower back, propelling me into the hallway.
Headmaster Dixon is a short, stocky man who sticks out his chest, and smiles so wide you can see his wisdom teeth. He goes through the curriculum, and promises Jon will be in good hands, especially being Peter Michaels’s kid; who he reminds us no less than thirty times that he’s friends with. But for as much posturing as he exudes, he can’t command a room the way James does just by existing within it, and for every question that James asks, Headmaster Dixon’s voice grows tighter.
“Do you have any other questions before we say goodbye?” Dixon says. “I’ll have one of the head boys come down and show Jon to his room.”
My throat starts to close, not wanting to say goodbye, and I reach out, my fingers tangling with James’s.
He squeezes my palm in his, bringing our joined hands to his mouth and pressing a kiss to the back. My stomach flutters.
“You and Jon go wait in the lobby, yeah?” he says. “I’m going to have a quick word with the headmaster.”
My head cocks. “For what?”
“Darling.” He brushes my hair behind my ear. “I want to take care of you, and that extends to your brother. I’m simply ensuring we’re all on the same page.”
Warm, gooey gratitude drizzles through my insides. Because he’s here. Because he’s going to make sure Jon has what he needs. Because he cares. I rise on my tiptoes, pressing a kiss to his lips. “Thank you.”
He winks and spins me around, lightly pushing me into the hallway. I twist one last time to see him closing the door, the headmaster’s eyes widening the slightest bit.
“What do you think he’s doing in there?” Jon asks once we’re back in the front.
I shrug. “I don’t know. Business-y type stuff, I guess.”
Jon hums. “I like him.”
Smiling, I look over at him. “I like him too.”
“It’s okay, you know?” he says.
“What is?”
“To be sad that I’m gone.”
My throat tightens, and my eyes look to the ceiling, trying to stem the tears. I swear I’ve cried more in the past two days than I have since my mother’s death, and I’m sick of it. I hate feeling so weak.
“I am sad.” I smile at him. “But you’re not too far, and I’m only a phone call away.”
He nods. “I’ll miss you too.”
His arms wrap around me, and I close my eyes, the knot in my throat expanding until it burns.
“I love you, Wendy.”
The sting moves to rest behind my eyes, and my arms tighten around him. “I love you, too. I’m sorry Dad isn’t here.”
He pulls back, his jaw stiffening. “We don’t need him.”
James walks out of the hallway a few moments later, heading straight to Jon and handing him a piece of paper. “I’d like you to take this number and put it in your phone. If you ever need anything, you call me.”
My heart skips at his gesture.
The muscle in Jon’s jaw twitches, his nostrils flaring. “I’ll be fine.”
“Of that I have no doubt,” James replies. His hand squeezes Jon’s shoulder as he bends down to speak in his ear.
I lean in close, straining to hear what he says.
“Just remember that whenever things feel bleak, all situations are temporary. It’s not your circumstance that determines your worth, it’s how you rise from the ashes after everything burns.”
