Christmas and New Year come and go. Black is true to his word, and I don’t see Julian at Grey’s again. As the weeks roll by, I start to relax when there are no apparent repercussions, so I can only hope that means that he didn’t recognise me.
Lexi and I spend a wonderful Christmas at the apartment, stuffing our faces until we can’t move, not that I can move with any speed these days anyway. We don’t get dressed all day, slobbing out and watching sappy movies. We exchange gifts; I got her a sexy little leopard print romper and matching eye mask from Agent Provocateur. I got Ryan, well, myself I suppose, a little lacy teddy for me to wear the next time he’s over, also from Agent Provocateur.
We spend New Year’s Eve working at Grey’s. It’s one of the biggest parties of the year for us, and we both make a fortune. I even get a kiss at midnight from Ryan when he pulls me to a dark corner and steals my breath away, devouring my lips and mouth.
I still haven’t committed to him, which I feel terrible for. I’m not seeing anyone else, neither is he as far as I can tell, but I just don’t feel like it’s safe to be together officially. I mean, everyone knows we are sleeping with each other, but that’s it. If Ace does find me, which admittedly is looking less likely the more time passes, he would destroy Ryan, hurting him horribly, and I can’t risk that. I care for him too much. Plus there are my lingering feelings for Tom…and the guilt whenever I think about him when I’m with Ryan.
Spring is finally here, and I’m officially as big as a whale! I’m actually considering if I should stop dancing, as I feel so cumbersome and like it’s time to focus on the impending arrival of my baby. There’s less than a month until my due date, and although I know that babies aren’t always on time, Grey did say I could take maternity leave, so I think maybe I should.
I feel lighter having made that decision. The next morning, I’m woken early by a strong pain tearing across my stomach, ending with a dull ache in my pelvis. Groaning quietly so as not to wake Ryan who’s asleep next to me, I get up and head to the toilet. When I wipe myself, I see the evidence of what the midwife called my plug; basically, slightly bloody goo.
“Lexi!” I shriek, staring down at the tissue. Moments later the door bangs open, Lexi standing there dishevelled, her hair wild, and I hold it out to show her. “Look!”
“Okay, gorgeous,” she says, eyes wide and voice shaky. “Let’s keep calm and call Sally.”
We discussed having a home birth at the apartment with her, which she was very supportive of. Lexi goes off to make the call whilst I clean up, going back into my room to find Ryan sitting on the edge of the bed wide awake.
“Will you stay with me?” I ask him, suddenly needing his strong presence around me as I go through this.
“Of course,” he says immediately, getting up and enfolding me in his big arms, holding me tightly. Another pain flashes across my abdomen, but it’s manageable. “Want me to run you a bath?” he asks, leaning back to look at me.
“That would be perfect,” I whisper gratefully, suddenly a little scared and unsure now that the day has come.
He takes my hand and leads me back into the bathroom, turning on the taps and running me a bath that is the perfect temperature. As I’m getting in, Lexi comes back, telling me that Sally said to give her a call when I’m having roughly three contractions within ten minutes. I nod, then soak in the tub for a while, letting the hot water soothe my body and calm my nerves. Ryan doesn’t leave my side, chatting gently to me and successfully keeping my mind occupied.
Getting out, he helps me dry off, wrapping me in my big fluffy dressing gown and cashmere socks that Lexi got me for Christmas. We walk towards the rest of the apartment, and I gasp as I see what Lexi has done, tears filling my eyes. The whole place is darkened with only dim lamps and fairy lights casting a soft glow on the main living space. There are cards with positive messages everywhere and soft classical music is playing. I can see on the kitchen countertop is an array of healthy snacks, some chocolate, and vitamin drinks.
“Lexi…” I choke out, lost for words.
“I hope it’s okay?” she gently asks, her tone unsure. “I looked up online about calm home birth spaces, and all these things were suggested,” she tells me.
“It’s…it’s beautiful and perfect. Thank you.” I take her hands in mine and squeeze them. She beams back at me, her own eyes glistening. I gasp as another pain hits, causing me to squeeze her hands a little tighter.
“Right,” she says after the pain has passed. “Remember, Sally said to keep moving. Do you want to have something to eat then go for a walk and get some fresh air?”
I nod, thinking that sounds exactly like what I need.
We come back from the walk when I have to keep stopping to breathe through the ever increasingly painful contractions. I get changed into loose PJ bottoms and a tank top, continuing to walk around the apartment with Ryan supporting me. The contractions have picked up. I’m not sure how frequent they are, but Lexi decides to call Sally who says she’ll be over in about half an hour.
A couple of minutes after that, the pain changes and becomes a lot more urgent. I keep breathing, although it feels harder now as there’s very little let up. I feel the immediate need to squat down like something is coming.
“Lexi!” I manage to gasp out, and she rushes towards me looking at me hunched over, gripping Ryan’s arms tightly.
“Are you pushing, Laura?” she asks, and I don’t know how to answer that as another pain hits because I do feel the urgent need to push down.
Not fully aware of what I’m doing, my body has taken over, I push my PJ bottoms down and kick them off, then got onto my knees in front of the sofa. I vaguely hear someone curse as I scream out, pain tearing my body into two, my opening burning. I move one hand between my legs, and I can feel something round emerging from between my thighs. I can’t be ready! First-borns take longer, that’s what everyone said!
I feel a strong grip on my other hand, and I look up into calming chocolate brown eyes. I don’t have time to register more than that. I can hear Lexi on the phone right behind me when another searing pain tears through me. The hand between my legs comes up and I grip Ryan’s other one with my own, changing position slightly. With a scream, I feel my baby slide out with a rush of wetness.
“Come here, little one,” I hear Lexi coo over my rushing heartbeat and panting breaths.
A second passes, then I hear the wonderful wail of a newborn baby, angry at leaving the warmth of the womb. A part laugh, part cry escapes my lips as I let go of Ryan’s hands and Lexi passes a wriggling towel-wrapped bundle between my legs, I’m still on my knees, and into my waiting arms. I look down at a bright pink screaming face, and my eyes fill with tears of joy.
I look up at Ryan to see his eyes wet as well. “Boy or girl?” he rasps out, and I unwrap the towel to see that I have a daughter. A beautiful baby girl. I cuddle her to me, feeling a rush of slickness between my legs as Lexi declares the afterbirth has come away.
A few minutes later, I hear the door buzzer go off, and Ryan gets up to answer it. I’m still kneeling on the floor; luckily, Lexi put down waterproof coverings with towels on top over the carpet.
“What’s her name?” I hear Lexi say softly from beside me, and I look up from my baby who has settled down a little now.
“Lilly, her name is Lilly Darling.”
