With my panicked heart still racing, I sank to the floor against the closed door, listening for the sounds of Cameron walking away on the stony ground. I never trusted anyone, ever, and for good reason.
He might be the loveliest person in the world, and his parents, too, but I’d still put myself into a stupid situation.
The camera bag had scared the shit out of me. Like I’d been ambushed, though logically I knew that wasn’t the case.
I hadn’t exaggerated when I’d told him that my words nearly always reappeared in the press. ‘A source close to the subject’ might be an acquaintance I’d met once, or in other cases, people truly close to me. I’d had to fire multiple assistants for it, and even an agent once.
All day, a thought had been niggling at me, driving up my paranoia.
The poison pen email about Dad had included a location. Dad never told people where we vacationed, but we’d gone to Mexico five or six years ago, to Los Cabos. Me for just a few days in a gap in filming, and him for a couple of weeks.
No pictures or gossip had appeared online, and I’d told few about it.
Someone close to Dad had known about the Cabo trip then turned it into a threat.
The idea crystalised into fact, and I wanted to run out into the hills and scream.
It was a wonder I hadn’t picked up that camera bag and laid into it with my teeth. God knew I’d done worse in my time.
I exhaled and closed my eyes, focusing on breathing right. What a mess. I was still living in a state of alarm and it hadn’t lifted.
My phone dinged.
I extracted it from my pocket and sighed at my manager’s name onscreen.
Don’t forget today’s picture! she’d messaged.
Fuck.
I found the photos of me at dinner and scanned the background to make sure I wasn’t giving up my location. On a dresser over my right shoulder, a family photograph sat at an angle. Unless you knew what you were looking at, there was no way of identifying Cameron and his parents.
I posted the shot, no curiosity now for checking headlines, then crawled into my bed.
A strange, eerie feeling woke me several hours later.
In the dark bothy, with the fire flicking, I sat bolt upright and grabbed my phone then scrolled through my messages.
A bomb waited. Ticking. Loaded.
Derren, my ex, had messaged me.
Derren: Elise, my manager wants me to talk to you about fake dating until the movie’s out. Benefit in ticket sales, yada yada. Either way, you have to talk to me again at some point. We’re filming together in a few months. Besides, you owe me.
I flushed hot then cold.
The nerve.
The last time I’d seen Derren had been a nightmare. It had been hard enough being around him for filming, considering our breakup, but then he’d flaked. Every scene had the director ranting. No chemistry. No life to the shots.
Then what he’d done had dented my mental health so badly I’d become a walking wreck.
Derren had taken matters into his own hands. For the very last take, he’d broken a cardinal rule of sex scenes.
He hadn’t been acting.
Which meant I’d…been sexually assaulted? I rolled the idea around in my mind, the realisation painful. Guilt rushed in. I hadn’t been raped. Other women suffered far worse than I had. Maybe I didn’t have the right to make that kind of claim, even to myself.
No matter how I felt.
And now Derren messaged me like it had never happened. And that claim… I owed him?
He’d barely got a tiny dose of what he deserved.
My shiver returned. The steady shaking that hurt to the bone. I hadn’t noticed it lifting, but it had been absent today.
I was right back to square one, and drowning.
Mid-afternoon the following day, Leo finally called. “Elise! How are you?”
“Not as good as you.” I smiled, despite myself. Despite the fact I’d been hiding in a one-room stone building for the best part of a week. “Congratulations on the new baby. How is he, and how’s Viola?”
“Both are grand. We’re taking visitors, so Cameron will come and pick you up and we’ll see you in an hour, if that’s good?”
A flicker of alarm rose. Leaving this place altogether had been on my mind, and jetting back to the States, but I needed to see Leo first. Viola, too. She’d been all kinds of sweet to me.
Plus in an hour, it would be dusk. Like a vampire, it was safe for me to come out.
“I can’t wait.”
We hung up, and I dragged my depressed, sorry hiney into the shower. After dressing, I even added a little makeup. With each sweep of my mascara brush, I packed away the angst from last night, compartmentalising like a pro.
Right on time, Cameron pulled up outside. It was just him, no dog for me to hug. I took the front passenger seat and managed a quiet “hey,” but didn’t know what else I could say.
Likewise, Cameron didn’t seem in the mood to chat. Instead, he put on music as he drove.
He liked Pearl Jam. Dad had been a fan, too. I squirreled away the fact.
To the dulcet tones of Eddie Vedder, we travelled off the moor, along a lake, and then through a forest to a beautiful castle.
Leo had shown me pictures of his home, but seeing it was a whole other deal.
I’d always been in awe of history, and I openly stared as we entered the castle. Thick stone walls, ancient design. Solid and defensive.
Inside a huge hall, Cameron called out a greeting and received an answer from a doorway to the left.
In a wide sitting room, curled up on the sofa, Leo waited, his arm around his wife. On her shoulder, snuggled in, rested their baby.
I’d never been one for babies, never had one iota of maternal urge, or really seen the appeal. But this guy was cute.
“Hey!” I whispered. “Wow, look what you guys made!”
Viola gave a happy laugh, her friendly expression open. Leo leapt up and grabbed Cameron into a hug. Then the friendly musician did the same with me, though with a much lighter touch.
“Come, meet Baby G.”
Cameron blinked in surprise. “G? Don’t tell me you’ve named him Gordain?”
“Aye, we did,” Viola said in her lilting Highlands accent. “Well, he’s Finn, with Gordain for his middle name. That’s my father’s name,” she advised me. “He’s so over the moon to have his grandson here, and we wanted to make him cry. Since then, Baby G has kind of stuck.”
Cameron chuckled. “Did ye get the tears?”
“Worked like a charm. He’s on the phone now telling everyone he knows.” She smiled at me and patted the couch cushion. “Elise, come and sit down. Have a baby cuddle.”
My heart skipped a beat. “Oh, I don’t know. I’m afraid I’ll drop him.”
Cameron leaned in to kiss his cousin on the cheek, and he gazed adoringly at the newborn. His eyes flashed with humour as he peered back at me. “Pretty sure that’s why Vi told ye to sit down for the hold.”
Feeling awkward, I took the middle seat on the sofa. Viola kissed her baby and slid him across to me.
He was so tiny. And very warm. I adjusted his weight in my hands, too scared to rest him properly on my lap or do anything apart from just balance him. The baby opened and closed his mouth, pursing his little lips. His face reddened, the flush fading again.
“Here.” Viola helped me to settle him in the crook of my arm.
My terror didn’t ease a bit, but at least the baby was more comfortable.
He wriggled and writhed, probably sensing my mood. There was something in the shape of his face that reminded me of Cameron.
“He’s adorable,” I said.
Viola beamed. “Isn’t he? I’m just happy he’s here safely.”
“Was the birth very hard?” I asked.
“Ye really don’t want the details of how that went down.” Viola shuddered. “If I’d known the different medical interventions I needed, I’d have opted for a caesarean from the off. But no matter. I’d do it again in a heartbeat to have him here.”
The baby stretched out, then gave a squeak that sounded like annoyance.
“Hey, little man,” I whispered. “Aren’t you the luckiest? You have your mom and dad and this great big castle to play in. Relatives everywhere.”
Viola stroked Baby G’s head and answered a question from Cameron.
Warmth surrounded me.
A few times since we met, she’d made efforts to keep in touch with me, but I’d let the contact slide. I only had one true friend in Rory. I wish I’d been more receptive to Viola, though.
“Thanks for letting me come here,” I murmured.
“You’re very welcome. I wanted to see ye.” Viola pointed to her cousin. “Your turn with my bairn.”
Cameron stooped and grazed his big hands over my arms and under the baby, lifting him to his chest to snuggle at his brawny shoulder. He handled the infant with ease and gently swayed on his feet.
Instantly, the baby quietened.
“You’re a natural,” I told him.
“Lots of bairns on the estate,” he said, gazing at Baby G like he was memorising his face.
Perhaps he was. The family were so close-knit, they’d move mountains for a new member.
“Welcome to the family, little one,” Cameron said softly.
My heart gave a pang at the sweet moment.
Leo peered at his son’s face. “Straight to sleep. Wow. You’re staying here tonight, Cam. We haven’t slept more than a few hours at a time for days.”
Viola related more about the baby’s first few days, and Cameron and Leo chatted. Outside, darkness fell over the castle grounds. The strain holding me taut eased.
Being here was nice, if just to see how a family could work.
Having babies had never been on my radar. For women in the acting world, it could spell the end of a career. That was a decision I’d face in ten years’ time. Or maybe never. I wouldn’t want a child to be raised the way I was.
Cameron kept hold of the baby, bouncing him gently as he talked.
Then the boy woke with a loud yell.
“Nappy change or hunger?” Leo asked his wife.
She cocked her head then shrugged. “We’re working out his different cries. My guess is the first. Want to take this one, Daddio?”
Leo took his son and carried him over to a changing table at the far end of the spacious room. Cameron went with him, continuing their discussion about two warring cousins.
Left on the sofas, Viola turned to me. “Leo mentioned how he’d forgotten to call ye until today. I’m really sorry we’ve not been in contact.”
I flapped a hand. “No, no. Don’t be ridiculous. He offered me a place to hide out, and that was all I needed. You were off doing way more important things.”
“I know, but I still feel bad. Post pregnancy hormones are real. Seriously, I cried over ye this morning.”
“You did?” I stared, beyond surprised.
Viola considered me, her gaze shrewd but in a friendly kind of way. “Ye helped me out once when I was so upset. I’ve never forgotten how ye came to my rescue. I feel like we’ve failed in doing the same for ye.”
“Cameron’s been there for me. I’ve been fine.”
“He’s a sweetheart, isn’t he? Still, if ye need someone to talk to while you’re here, please. I’m an expert in girl chat.”
Casey had used that term for their messaging group. I envied that so hard.
The most recent of my problems popped out of my mouth. “Would you go along with something you really hated, just for the sake of doing your job?”
I meant the fake dating Derren had offered me. But even as I said it, a secondary realisation hit me. He’d said about money being the ultimate goal, but the main beneficiary from my point of view would be Mom. More precisely, Mom’s production company.
I wondered what Mom would say if she knew what Derren had done, and his question to me now.
Viola shook her head, her hair pulled back into a loose ponytail of black curls. “No, I don’t think I could do something like that. Ye used the word ‘hated’, which suggests you’re compromising a personal ethic. If ye want to be more specific, I can help work out where your line might be crossed?”
I heaved a sigh. “It’s fine, this is just my life sometimes. I just put on a brave face and act. That’s what I do.”
The men came back with a cleaned-up baby, and an older woman entered the room. She looked so much like Viola I knew it had to be her mom ahead of an introduction being made.
“Food’s ready,” she announced. “Cameron, Elise, you’re our last guests of the day so you’re welcome to stay.”
Really, the visit should be over, but my stomach took that moment to gurgle loudly. Both Viola and her mom chuckled, and I had no choice but to follow them into a spacious kitchen.
“Cameron eats with us often. We always make more than we need,” Viola’s mother explained. She was English, I noted.
In the kitchen, rich scents had my mouth watering. She’d made chilli with rice, flatbreads, and sour cream. Mexican food. The coincidence with Cabo didn’t escape me, my worries not far from the surface.
Yet conversation flowed easily, and the meal was delicious. Before I knew it, another hour had passed.
On the kitchen hearth, new baby greetings cards lined up, and I realised I’d failed to bring one.
I sidled up to Viola, seated at a chair, and made my offer. “I’d like to send you a gift for the baby.”
I received a soft, tired smile in response. “That’s very lovely of ye.”
“I’ll pick out something and send it.” Cameron’s advice about making it personal hadn’t gone astray.
Leo and Cameron joined us, Leo sliding into the chair next to Viola’s. Instantly, he reached for her, making a connection. I’d noticed them doing this every time they returned into each other’s orbit. How lovely to have that need and ability.
Leo regarded his wife. “Worn out?”
“Permanently. My eyes keep trying to close on their own.”
“Go on up to bed. I’ve got Baby G.”
“Are ye sure? He should be okay for a feed for a while.”
She leaned on him, and he kissed her head. So tender.
“Go, love. I’ll join you soon.”
Viola rose, seeking the crutch she used to walk with. When I met her, she’d been in a wheelchair, a car accident somewhere in her past.
“Night, everyone. Elise. Lovely to see ye again. We’ll chat later, aye?”
“I’d love that.”
She left, and Leo watched her go. Across the kitchen, her dad toted the baby on his shoulder, a thick tattooed arm clenched, the picture of a happy grandfather.
Cameron gestured between a retreating Viola then me and Leo. “I’ve wondered about how the three of ye met. Vi said something earlier about ye being her hero.”
Leo tilted his head. “Didn’t you tell him this story? Elise was amazing. We were at a festival, and I was in a meeting with my band and management team ahead of the evening’s performance, so Vi went out to explore the site. We’d been a couple for maybe six months at that point. She had a bodyguard with her but, when they came back, he left her inside the first backstage area. She should’ve been fine, but the douchebag had been instructed to bring her all the way back to me in the inner zone.”
My cheeks warmed at the memory of Viola in her wheelchair trying to persuade a guard to let her in the next gate. “That backstage area was rammed, too. They usually are. People were staring.”
Cameron leaned in, his attention on me.
It was…nice.
“What happened to Vi?” he asked.
I took up the story. “She’d misplaced her pass. I overheard her asking the man to look her up. He basically told her to get lost.”
Leo folded his arms. I continued.
“I was on my way back inside so I stopped and asked her if she was okay. She wasn’t. The guard had treated her like crap and she was upset. Honestly? It made me so mad. It was busy, sure, and people try to sneak into the artist-only area all the time, but that wasn’t the issue. He didn’t even try to be helpful. He refused to acknowledge her, like a woman in a wheelchair couldn’t possibly be with a rock star.”
“Fuck that guy,” Leo spat. “It still makes me angry to this day. Vi had tried calling me but I had my phone on silent in the meeting. Never again. Tell Cam what you did.”
“Yelled at him. I called him a discriminating asshole and demanded he get his supervisor down to the gate.”
Cameron’s lips curved. “Did he?”
“Oh yes. I was there with two beefy security dudes because I’d had to do a visible walk around the site. The guard jumped to do as I asked. He was overly apologetic and said that he’d assumed Viola was looking for the disabled access. I’d clearly heard her say she was there with Leo, so he was just a moron.”
“Then the two of them appeared at my meeting and were as thick as thieves for the rest of the day,” Leo finished for me. “The rest is history. I asked Elise to be in my next music video. Which brings me neatly onto a request.” He regarded me. “I don’t know if you’re free, but how do you fancy joining me onstage for a summer gig I’m doing? I’m booked in for a couple of late August festivals in the States. You said once that you thought it looked fun, and I know you play.”
“Are you kidding? I’ve always wanted to go onstage.” It was the opposite of acting where you could do a retake. I wanted to try it out.
My mind raced. There was time free at the end August—I had two weeks off before the movie season started again in the fall.
In September, I’d be filming the second part of the trilogy with Derren. I couldn’t even think of it.
“Do ye sing?” Cameron asked.
I let my gaze linger on him for longer than I should. His handsome face was a much better focus than my dark, inward thoughts. “A little. I play guitar better. My dad taught me.”
I’d written songs, too, not that I’d admit it in front of Leo the friendly rock star.
Leo slapped his hands together. “Let’s do it! I’ll send you something to learn and we can jam. Or if you don’t want to play, we can make it into a performance. It will be fun. I’m not touring much until Baby G is at least six months old, but I’ll do the summer gigs. Imagine walking out onstage in front of a hundred thousand screaming fans and doing something crazy with me. It’ll be hilarious. Vi will be there, too. You can hang out with us.”
God, how I’d needed something to look forward to. “I’ll book it in. I’m excited about it already.”
Leo fist bumped me then took up his phone to email the details.
Pretty soon, it was time to go. I congratulated Leo again, asked him to thank Viola when she woke, and stroked their baby’s head. If anything, the visit had shown me how nice settling down could be, even if that was as far from my existence as I could possibly imagine.
All that was left now was for me to return to my hideaway.
Alone. Left with my up-and-down emotions that I couldn’t quite get under control.
I had to fix myself. Perhaps that would start right here, with the people who’d proved themselves kind. One in particular I liked beyond expectation.
Cameron turned to me. “Shall we?”
This time, my smile came a little easier.
