The warmth of his hand gripping the back of my neck radiates through me, heat melting my strength. His green eyes are locked on me, and the determination in them churns my stomach. I don’t stand a chance, because I want nothing more than to be trapped in his gaze all day.
“Where will you be later?” His lips barely move, his voice barely above a whisper, barely disturbing the moment.
I lick my dry lips to prepare an answer, and his eyes drop to my mouth, his fingers twitching on my neck. I affect him too, and that knowledge excites me, speeding up my heart as he licks his own lips and eases me a little closer to his shirtless chest.
“I don’t know,” my voice is strained, unable to take in air.
“Sure you do.” His other hand comes up to grip the other side of my head, and I need that support when he smiles and closes the space between us. His warm, large, body skims mine as he stands over me.
“You’re going to be at my place tonight.” It sounds like a fact.
“Your place…” I repeat, stupidly. A sinking weight pulling me out of my haze. “Why?” I cringe because I know the answer already, and that’s not what I meant to ask. But I need time to compose myself, to pull away.
“Baby, I want to know you better.” His low voice sounds like sex, and his hand travels to the center of my back, sending a thrill down my spine as he pulls me closer.
I take a breath, unable to stop myself from breathing him in. He smells like strength and pure hot male. I’ve never smelled anything quite like it, but it’s almost like the smell of a storm approaching— I know that’s exactly what he is. And I need to get away.
“I can’t,” I speak into his lips, before they make contact.
He pulls his head back some but doesn’t release me. His eyes flick around my face, searching for something. “But you want to. You want this, just like I want this, so what’s the problem?”
“Tatum—”
He drops me the moment her name leaves my lips. “Why should she matter to you?”
I shrug my shoulders and wrap my arms around myself, the cold air in the gym finally getting to me now that he’s taken away his warmth. “You and her have something.”
“So what?” He crosses his arms over his chest with smug confidence. “It doesn’t concern you, or anyone else. All you need to know is she’s well aware we’re not in a relationship. I’m not looking for a relationship, Brook.”
“I’m not looking for a hookup.” I try to use the same matter of fact tone he used.
“That’s too bad.”
“For who?” I question him, unsure of his meaning and confused as to what I want the answer to be.
He drops his head and swipes his hand over his dark hair, but when he looks back up, it’s clear he’s laughing at me. He takes a few steps away, still facing me with a dark smile. His green eyes focus on mine, but I can’t read the meaning in the tingle inducing gaze. “I’ll see you later, Brook.”
He strolls out of the gym like our exchange had no affect. His easy movements stretch the lean muscles of his back, and I don’t know how to look away. He left me with an aching body that craved everything my scattered thoughts warned me to resist.
I stare at the computer screen as my mother rambles on about her day, inserting an occasional “okay” and “huh” when she pauses. But I’m not really focused on the English paper I need to write either. My mind’s distracted by the one thing I’m trying to forget, Andrew.
“How about tomorrow, then?” Her voice takes on a new excitement. “Oh, I’ll come around dinner time, we can go to a restaurant near campus. What’s your favorite—”
“What? You’re going to come here? That’s too far.”
“Sweetie, it’s only an hour and half drive. Don’t worry about me. I want to see how you decorated that room in person. You can invite your roommate, and any other friend you want. I know you college kids need to eat.”
I cover the groan bubbling in my chest, that wouldn’t be fair to her. “I’m not sure about tomorrow. I have a lot of homework. What about next week?”
The door flies open, and I roll my eyes to Rose, pointing to my phone. She knows exactly who I’m talking to.
“Hi, Ms. Shaw,” she calls loud enough for my mom to hear.
TJ follows behind her, his massive size dwarfs our room, and he doesn’t seem to fit on Rose’s bed when he crashes back on it. But he keeps silent, which I’m thankful for. I don’t want to explain a boy in our room— she’s not stupid, but I don’t want to give her ammo in arguments about the dangers of college. I don’t want to cause her any more stress, she’s had enough to last her a lifetime from everything that happened with my sister, everything that I caused from not minding my own business.
“Tell her I said hi, sweetie, and tell her about our plans for dinner next week.” Her happy tone drops as she questions, “You’re still going to come home this weekend at some point, right?”
“Yeah, Sunday. I’ll talk to you more about dinner then. I’ve got to finish my paper, okay?”
“Oh good,” she sighs with relief. “I’ll call tomorrow. Good luck with your paper.”
“Sunday?” Rose’s questions when I’m off the phone. “I thought you were going to try and go one weekend without going home?”
My gaze slides to TJ as embarrassment heats my cheeks, but he only looks bored with the entire conversation.
“I’m still going to try, it’s just easier to agree to get her off the phone sometimes.” I swivel back to my computer and stare at the two paragraphs I’ve written so far.
“Nope. Get off that computer. Get out of this room. Come out with us to get something to eat.”
“That’s okay. I’ve got to get this done.” I stay focused on my computer, but I can feel TJ’s gaze on my back and sense him as he sits up.
“Come on, roommate. Come with us, it’ll still be here when you get back.”
I turn to him as he stands from Rose’s bed. I don’t know why I still feel so embarrassed, but I do.
“I’m sorry, all right?” He grips the back of his neck, head dipping in a shy smile.
I sit back, confused, but I nod for whatever he’s apologizing for.
The smile turns up a little more, feeling a little less genuine than before. “So come out. I don’t care if you hang out with us.” He slips his arm over Rose’s shoulder. “I never cared that you were around. So come on.”
I look towards Rose, but she lifts her hands claiming ignorance on where his apology came from.
I can’t decide what would be more uncomfortable, continuing to refuse or going as the third wheel.
“We’re going to South Street Wings.” He rests his chin on Rose’s head. “Fifty cent wing night.”
I ignore the nerves pulsing in me and stand up. “I need time to think about what I’m going to write anyways.”
South Street Wings is two blocks over from our dorm, so we walk there. The place is packed with college students feasting on cheep wings and washing it down with beer. Some Monday night football game is broadcasted on the many screens around the dark wood bar. But it’s our college’s red and white football player’s photos and jerseys lining the wall. And the hostess seats us immediately, even though several groups are waiting at the front.
Several people greet TJ as we follow the host to a corner booth, with others already seated at it. Some of the faces I recognize from the frat party, some I don’t, but at least Kyle isn’t among them. Neither is Andrew.
I shed my nerves as we settle in our seats and conversation revolves around the game on TV.
After a while, I’m full on wings and relaxed on a bit of beer, just enough to give me a little confidence. But it’s cracked the moment Andrew walks in. The crowd parts for him, and all eyes follow him, including mine, as he strolls to our table. His white t-shirt is snug across his wide shoulders, fitted enough to hint at his lean torso that I can remember all too well. His dark jeans move with him, an easy style that he wears with perfection.
The guy sitting next to me calls out to him as he approaches, and maybe he acknowledges him. I don’t know because I’m stuck on the way his eyes are stuck to me.
“Hey man, took you long enough, the game’s almost over.” TJ rises from the edge of the booth and greets him with some sort of man hug.
Andrew barely glances at TJ though as he steps away from him. “I got here when I could.”
“Brook.” His smile melts me to my core, and my heart stops when he stops in front of me. One of his palms grip the table as he leans towards me, his other hand slips a lock of my hair behind my ear, sending a shiver over my skin as his lips and warm breath tickle my lobe. “I told you I’d see you later.”
“You did.” I duck my head to hide the nervous giggle that slips out. I can’t help it. It was crazy enough that he gave me attention when we were alone, but this—in a crowded restaurant— was something else. I lift my eyes to his, and his deep green stare silences my laughter. “And here you are.”
His brief, deep chuckle rumbles through me, more growl than laugh. But then he surprises me and raises back up and walks away.
I watch him till he slides up to the bar and is engulfed by others there, then I glance to Rose sitting at the opposite end of the table. Her eyes are about to roll out of her head, she has them so wide, and she’s biting down on her smile. She slides from the booth, pushing TJ out to come over towards me.
“I’ve got to pee,” she declares and grabs my hand with absolutely no shame.
Before we even enter the restroom, she’s squealing in my ear for me to spill everything. So I do, seeing if she can make sense of any of it.
“He’s definitely into you. But since you don’t want to just hook up, then you shouldn’t. Oh, but girl, the stories you’d be able to tell if you did… but don’t. Not if you don’t want to, because there’s even less of a chance of this leading to anything than there is with me and TJ.”
I stare at her in the bathroom mirror as we wash our hands. “But you and TJ seem like you are something more. He’s seen you everyday he could since you two started hanging out.”
She won’t meet my eyes and turns away to the dryer. “It’s only for now though, I know that. I’m fine with that.”
I follow her out of the bathroom without questioning her further since it’s clear my typically chatty friend doesn’t want to talk about her relationship. And she’s probably right anyways, about both boys.
I know she’s right about there being no chance with Andrew, especially when he stays at the bar talking to all those around him.
I still have a paper to write and an early dance class tomorrow, so when the game ends and my food is done, I say my goodbyes.
“Brooklyn, hey.” A familiar face stops as he walks by me on my way out.
“Scott,” I greet him, and he pulls me into a warm hug. “How’d your group go?” He had shown up to the clinic on Saturday, and I paired him with a group of children and another counselor, but I hadn’t had the chance to talk with him after.
“They were…” He laughs with a shake of his head. “Well, they had a lot of energy. I was wondering if you can help me come up with a project so I can get the credit hours for being there.”
“Sure, I can try. It’s up to your professor though what they require. But if you get the information, I might be able to help you brainstorm.”
“That would be great.” His face cracks a large smile, shoulders relaxing as he lets out his breath. “Can I call you this week?”
I nod, about to say more, but Scott turns away from me, towards Andrew as he steps to his side.
“Good game this weekend.” Scott seems genuinely impressed but Andrew doesn’t acknowledge him.
“Are you leaving?” Andrew questions me with a steel tone that pokes my frustration.
“Yeah,” I dismiss him, but turn back to Scott. “Call me when you find out the requirements.”
“Bye.” Andrew’s arms are crossed as he glares at Scott, and Scott barely nods a goodbye in my direction before he walks away.
I don’t give him a chance to speak; I just turn and walk away. My blood is pulsing through me. Even though I’m not sure I have a right to be angry, I am. And the fact that he pulls irrational emotions from me only makes me angrier.
It’s not till I get outside that I confirm what I suspected, he’s followed me. I stop my retreat and spin on him. “Are you going to keep silently stalking me, or do you actually have something to say?”
He keeps walking towards me, a menacing determination lining his face. “I’m not letting you walk back by yourself.”
He grips my elbow, pulling me away from the restaurant, and it’s only then I realize we have an audience. I swallow my words till we’ve put distance between us and the patrons eating outside on the patio.
“My dorms right there.” I nod to the tall building easily seen above the trees on the opposite side of the road. “I can make it on my own.”
“But I want to walk you there.” He grips my arm tighter to keep me from pulling away.
“Fine.” I figure the sooner I get there, the sooner I can walk inside and get away. He was already sucking me in, the closer he got, the more he talked. Even when he was confusing me, there was something in me that reached for him.
I bite the inside of my cheek to stay silent as we walk through the warm and breezy night. But even the silence has its own pull, because it’s with him.
The sidewalk and path to the dorms is lit up, but when we reach the circle of light from the building, I gently pull away from him, almost with regret. “Thanks for walking me.”
“Wait. Don’t go in yet.” He takes those slow steps towards me, and I know what’s coming, but my body won’t let me stop him. I want his hands on me.
His hand slides to that familiar grip on the back of my neck, and even though my body is submitting, my brain is still urging me to get away.
“Why?” I question him, much too softly.
“Because I want you to stay out here with me.” His other hand slips to the other side of my neck, cradling my head so I can only focus on him.
“But why? I meant what I said, I can’t be a casual hookup.”
His eyes look black, shadowed from view as they drop over my face, and he bites on his bottom lip in a way that makes my legs clench. “Baby, we are going to happen. There’s no question about that. I want you, and I know you want me, your body doesn’t lie.” His thumbs move light circles over the thin skin of my neck, and I have to trap the moan that wants to escape at his skilled touch. “You just have to realize it, and I’ll give you time for that. But make no mistake, this will happen.”
The surety in his tone seeps into me, warmth penetrating my heart as it revs with fear at his declaration and the unknown edge he’s led me to.
“What will happen?” I question, but I let his confidence take us over, submitting as I look up into his gaze—a gaze full of wanting, just as intense and sure as his words were. That burning look is my undoing.
A smile flickers on his lips as he dips close, brushing them against mine with a feathery softness.
It’s the softness that tips me over and my lips meld with his, keeping his slow, hypnotic pace. His light breaths against my mouth are just as delicious and heated as his lips.
My hands shake as they move to his stomach, gripping his shirt in my fist. It holds his warmth, but the danger of not being able to pull back keeps me from touching him.
Control over anything is forgotten when his hands drop from my head and his long arms wind around my waist, pulling me to him in a sudden sweep that effortlessly takes me off my feet, and his tongue plunges into my mouth setting everything ablaze. All concerns dissolve into ashes.
He surrounds me, his entire being wrapped around me, and I never felt so small. I never felt so desired either. I never wanted anyone more.
My arms slide up his solid chest, over the soft t-shirt and smooth curves of muscle till I wrap them around his neck, pulling myself up his body further as his hands travel over me, guiding my thighs to circle his waist. His large grip glides up the bare skin of my legs, fingers dipping into the edge of my shorts.
When I open my mouth wider and slide my tongue against his, his throaty growl vibrates me down to my sex. His hands flex on me, pulling my hips against his arousal. And I’m gone, hurling into some oblivion at a chaotic speed.
I lift myself on him, trying to better reach his lips as my fingers twine in his hair, no fear of being dropped. He’s got me in a firm grasp, and my legs are locked around his waist.
One hand is up the back of my jean shorts, kneading at my flesh and moving my hips as his thumb teases the edge of my underwear. His other hand travels up my back but over my shirt.
His kiss slows, and he drives me wild as he speaks into my open mouth that can’t get enough of his taste. “Baby, lets go to your room.”
I settle back into my skin, back into the reality of the moment as he lowers me to the ground. But my body is surging, desire drowning my thoughts.
He’s urging me to walk to the dorm, still wrapped around me and taking steps that move us both in that direction.
And I want to let him lead, but I can’t. The icy drip of reason slides down my spine, freezing me. I lay my hand flat on the center of his chest, stilling him, unsure if it’s my heart or his that’s hammering through me. My muscles begin to shake as my adrenaline recedes fast and hard, and I struggle to breath but manage to speak, even if I can’t look at him. “I don’t think I can do this.”
“Shhh, baby.” His hands rub over my shoulder, up to my neck, trying to pull me back to look at him. I avoid his gaze though, keeping my eyes low, but even my hand on his chest, supposedly keeping him back, is a live wire connection to him that I can’t bring myself to sever. And his smoky voice entices me and makes me want to give in. “Don’t think. Just let yourself go. I want this. You want this. Go with it.”
“I don’t—I don’t want this.” I finally let my eyes settle on his, knowing he needs to hear me. “Not like this.”
His fingers flex on me, and he trails one hand through my hair with a sigh, his body relaxing as his eyes dance over my features. “You’re scared, I know, but you don’t need to be. I’ll be gentle.” He dips down and pecks the side of my lips, murmuring, “I know you want me, just as much as I want you.”
He’s not hearing me, his hands are too busy caressing and teasing, and he’s too busy drinking in my body’s reaction. But he needs to hear me.
“Stop,” I speak loud and clear, forcing my hands down to my side so I’m no longer touching him. “You don’t know what I want. You don’t get to tell me what I want. You don’t know me. So stop and listen to me.”
His eyes narrow as his hands disappear from me. I don’t know where his hands went, but the absence of them from my skin is almost painful, but not nearly as painful as the cold look that now traps all my attention.
“Fine.” He steps back, the cool anger in his gaze present in his sharp voice as well. “But I do know you. I know your type. Good girl who’s too scared of disappointing her daddy to let herself have a little fun.” His eyes travel up and down my body, but his self-satisfied smirk gives me chills. “You’re the only one not listening here. You’re not listening to what your body is craving. You were all over me a second ago. You wanted to be fucked, you can’t talk your way out of that.”
The intensity drops from his predatory gaze and he shrugs, dismissing it all with ease and sliding his hands in his pocket. “But it’s cool. Go back to living for your parents. Do everything to make mommy and daddy happy, and see where that gets you.” There’s nothing relaxed in his voice, and I finally react to the jab.
“My dad’s dead.” That wasn’t what I meant to blurt out, but there it was. “You don’t know me at all, so stop talking about things you don’t know about. I didn’t—”
“Perfect.” His loud, obnoxious laugh cuts me off. “Even better. Exactly my point. You don’t only have a family at home that you don’t want to disappoint, but a dad who you probably think is watching you right now.”
“You’re unbelievable.” I stare in awe, disgusted at the guy who a minute ago had me melting. “This has nothing to do with my family, except that maybe they taught me to have self respect. Maybe I’m doing exactly what I want to do, and maybe you’re just mad that I said no to letting you do what you want.”
“Maybe.” That smirk of his taunts me as he shrugs. “Maybe you—”
I cut him off before he can continue, not done with what I have to say. “Considering we’ve spent all of an hour together tops, and half of that was you trying to get into my pants, you have no basis for your assumptions about me. I could do the same thing, you know?”
“What’s that?” He questions with a grin.
I’m shaking as I step towards him. His amusement at my anger only keeps me going, and I wish I could be him and have such command of my emotions, but my voice cracks with frustration tightening my throat “I could make assumptions about you being an entitled, spoiled jock, who can’t handle losing or hearing the word no. But I won’t, because I’m not like that. I don’t jump to conclusions about people without hearing them out, even though your behavior this entire time would support it better than what you’ve said about me.”
He crosses his arms and cocks his head, a small tight smile on his lips as silence settles between us for a moment, giving me time to regret the entire night.
“Entitled? Spoiled? Jock? That’s what you said?” He questions each word with a raised brow.
“Yes, but I wasn’t saying you are one. I meant I could assume you were, but I don’t. I don’t know you enough to assume that.”
My words are covered by his laugh, like pebbles being thrown at me. “I was wrong. You’re not just scared of disappointing your parents. You’re scared of everyone. You can’t even fucking insult me properly. Own it. You think I’m spoiled, say it. Tell me what you think. Quit being too damned scared to speak.”
“You’re a jerk.” But I choke on the disappointment that fills my words, not daring to blink as my eyes burn with frustrated tears.
“That’s a start. Keep going.” His voice is dark and low, but the excitement flashing in his eyes like an electric storm gives me pause. He’s egging me on, begging me to fire insults at him, thriving off of this. And I can’t do it.
It all weighs me down, drowning me in sadness, and I struggle with how to respond. Because he’s wrong, it’s not that I don’t want to disappoint, I don’t want to hurt anyone. I never wanted to hurt anyone. And despite what people say, words can do just that. Not that I have the ammo to hurt Andrew, I know I don’t. But I don’t want to even try.
“I don’t want to do this.” I shake my head in defeat.
“Then go inside.” He’s angry again. “I’m over this.”
My head pops up at his dismissive words, and there’s a challenge in his gaze. I’m tempted to rise to it, but one glance at his determined face tells me what I need to know. There’s no winning this. There’s no way to save it. It’s better left alone.
I turn and walk away, back to my dorm, not allowing myself to sneak a glance back even though every fiber in me wants to.
As the heavy door shuts behind me and cool air surrounds me inside the lit up entranceway, I pretend that I rose above his baiting me for a fight, instead of cowering away. I pretend that it was strength that made me leave him there. I pretend that his accusations didn’t slice me open, that his dismissal didn’t hurt. And I pretend that he was wrong about everything he said.
But it’s hard to pretend when you’re alone. And as I slip under the sheets of my bed, I let the weight of his words squeeze out my sadness and cry into my pillow.
I still feel the sting of Andrew’s accusations the next day, thankfully. I hold onto that feeling so it can erase the memory of his hands on me, the taste of his lips, the smell of his skin, the heat of his body wrapped around mine, supporting me.
The thoughts are enough to make me blush as I walk into the dance studio, but the sight of Tatum blows away the lust that’s still clinging on.
I was a fool to think he ever wanted anything more than a quick lay when he has her. I can’t even imagine why he’d want to sleep with me when she’s got a body like a goddess. Still, I can’t get my mind to shut off, no matter how I force it to. I know the facts. I know what’s right. But desire still swirls behind my anger.
She smiles at me, but doesn’t break her conversation with our instructor. Others are filing in, and we all line up to begin class. I go through the movements, mind always half occupied unwillingly. He’s hijacked my thoughts, and I keep replaying last night and all the different ways it could have gone.
When class is over, I don’t waste time, and as soon as I have my sweats over my leotard, I make for the exit before any others.
“Brooklyn, wait up,” Tatum’s melodic voice calls out to me.
I cringe and turn, sure all my thoughts are scrolling across my forehead.
“I heard you came to the mixer this weekend? What did you think? Are you going to pledge Sigma Delta in the spring?” She nods towards the hallway without waiting for an answer. “I’m going to get coffee before my next class, come with.”
She starts walking but pauses to make sure I’m following. “I’m only going to the small cafe next door, not the bigger one in the union. So come on, tell me, is it true?”
“What?” I ask, nerves making it hard to understand her question. She wasn’t asking about Andrew, was she?
Her smile drops some, but she laughs it off. “Are you going to pledge Sigma Delta?”
“Oh, yeah.” Relief floods me but guilt is quick to fill the space. “Maybe. It was fun.”
“You’ll love it. It’s really something special. You learn the value of friendship and what it means to be a sister.” She pauses and glances at me as we exit the building. A hint of cool air blows through the warm sunny day.
I pull out my sunglasses, feeling a little better with half of my face covered, but I’m still prickling with nervous energy.
“I never had a sister before, but now I have lots of them. That’s what it becomes, a big family. And living in the sorority house is great, there’s always someone to talk to.” She throws another smile at me, and I try to smile back, but still feel wary, like she’s talking around something. “I’m going to miss it when I graduate in the spring—The sorority and Andrew.”
She pulls open the door to the café and waits for me to go through, and then changes the conversation. “They don’t do the smoothies here, but I love their iced lattes. What are you getting?”
“I’ll get an iced coffee.” Our conversation trails off until we have our drinks.
She moves to a table and slides out a chair. “Do you have any brothers or sisters?
“Yeah, one.” I stay standing with my drink in my hand. “I can’t sit though, I’ve got to get to my next class across campus.”
“Oh. Well, I’ll walk with you.” She stands back up and follows me out the door. “I had something else I needed to talk to you about.”
My drink sweats in my grip the moment we step outside, I’m surprised I’m not doing the same thing.
“Look, Brooklyn, I just want to be straight with you and cut out any awkwardness before it starts.”
I nod at her, my stomach sinking as I brace for what she’ll say, what she might know.
“I know you left the bar last night with Andrew.”
“Yeah, he walked me home.” It was a lousy excuse.
She smiles with a puff of air. “Yeah, right, Andrew doesn’t just walk people home.” She puts her hand up, cutting me off before I can start to reply. “It doesn’t matter. That’s what I’m saying. Don’t let that keep you from pledging, don’t let it keep you from hanging out with us. It’s fine. I know how he does. I know that practically every girl on campus would take him if they had the chance. But I also know that it doesn’t mean anything to him. He’s having fun now so he can settle down later, and that will be with me. I’m the only one he cares about.” Her smile is almost sympathetic, like I’m the one to feel sorry for. “So whatever happened, I don’t need to know about it, as long as you understand it’s over.”
