Something wakes me up during the night, but I don’t know what.
I’m on my stomach, face down on my pillow. I graze my hand over to the empty side of the bed, and my chest sinks to the pit of my stomach.
He’s still not home. He’s not home…in my bed because I’ve distanced myself from him. Because he’s still fucking working…
I haven’t answered his calls or texts.
He doesn’t blow up my phone, though. He only reaches out to me at the oddest hours, sometimes late at night or around three in the morning, wishing me sweet dreams.
But he knows.
He knows I’m purposefully ignoring him.
He knows there’s something wrong because he stopped trying to get a hold of me. There haven’t been any more missed alerts from him, and he should be back any day from his mission because the military ball is in a week, and we were supposed to go together.
Not anymore.
I’m still going because Violet will be there with Zeke, and she begged me to go to it since it’s her last night in town before she has to return to Texas.
I continued my daily routine, not letting the uncertainty of my relationship with Danny alter my mood and work. I made sure my mother was okay by calling her first thing in the morning as I got ready for work. I pushed through the long hours of sick patients and a grumpy boss. I would play soccer for a few hours after I made myself dinner with music blasting through my headphones until I was so tired and covered in sweat. Even through the freezing winter winds, I was able to exhaust myself and overheat.
Unsurprisingly, Danny missed Christmas. It should have been our first Christmas together. I wanted to watch his face light up when he saw that I bought him a new rifle he’s been eyeing. The uncertainty only grew more after that.
I spent the holiday with my mother a few days prior. Eating posole every Christmas was a tradition. She would make it for my brother and I. I helped her make it while we listened to Christmas music, and talked about our New Year’s plans. We finished the night off with a homemade blueberry pie I freshly baked from scratch, topped with ice cream.
I couldn’t help but feel like something was missing, and it took my happiness away. The ability to feel grateful for another day was difficult because of Danny’s absence. His absence leaves a hole in my heart and a weight on my shoulders.
Would it be like this for the next few years that he’s in the Navy?
Spending holidays without him? Not a phone call? Not even a text?
We opened up our cliché Santa Claus wrapped gifts. I got her a new watch that tracks her fitness goals. She talked about wanting to stay in shape and wanted some more motivation when she took her afternoon walks to the park, earlier this year.
She knitted me a blanket.
So here I am again, after another long shift at the hospital. I stopped by my mother’s place after for dinner. This time she made green spaghetti with chicken. She hadn’t made it in a while because it was hard for her. It was one of Paul’s favorite dishes, but this just meant she is starting to accept he was gone. Another leap in a good direction.
I drove home after I helped my mom clean up. After we finished eating, I washed the dishes, said goodbye, and headed back to my place.
Even the weather is different tonight.
It’s dark and rainy. It makes me reminisce about the night Danny took me to his house for our first date.
My phone starts to ring, interrupting the radio. My windshield wipers aren’t the only thing I hear anymore; instead, Danny’s phone number spreads across the display screen in the center of my car.
Two options stare back at me, and I hit the red one.
It grows quiet except for the thunder and unforgiving rain that explodes on the glass. The winds threaten to sway my vehicle. I drive by the thick trees surrounding my cottage home, eager to get into bed and sleep. I cry myself to sleep like I usually do every night since Kane’s revelation.
Nowadays, I sleep next to the Glock that Danny bought and trained me to use—waking up several times during the night because my anxiety gets the best of me.
Even though Shane is dead and Nora is in jail, I still wake up, clutching my non-existent baby bump as the Grim Reaper lingers in my head.
And then…my life turns sour again. I have the incredible shit end of the stick because now I get to worry about evil people that want to hurt me…to get to Danny.
I can’t believe I’m thinking this, but Damian might be right.
Fuck him and his ego. And fuck him for the way he treated Danny and his mother.
But the bastard might be right, and I hate that.
This life is hard.
This military world has already eaten you up, chewed you, and spat you out, leaving practically nothing behind.
It’s not for everyone. It isn’t for you.
Those words stung and left a bitter taste…Is he right?
Danny still has a few years left before he retires, and I’m not sure if I’ll be strong enough to support him and watch him leave me over and over again.
Fully aware he might not come back home to me.
When Kane almost kissed me, promising me things like a family and about the possibility of leaving the military, it did something to me. It made me realize that I want those things.
I want all of those things and more.
But not with Kane.
I want it all with Danny Rider.
It’s getting dark. Purple and blue shades barely illuminate the sky, and the raindrops from the rainstorm bang louder.
That’s when I catch Danny on my porch, sitting with his head hanging down on a bench he built for us. He carries a bouquet of flowers in his hands, dressed in all black.
Tulips.
Pink tulips dangle from his big hands. As I drive to park next to his truck, I swallow the rock in my throat. His betrayal weighs heavily on my spirit, and I don’t know what will pour out of my mouth when I walk out of this car.
All I know is that this should have never come from Kane. I wanted transparency from Danny, and I’ve told him this repeatedly. I’ve set my standards high after Shane, and I will not lower them or apologize for it.
I turn off my brother’s Bronco with a heavy sigh as I stare at the speedometer, and the engine transitions to silence. Thunder rumbles in the distance, rain drops blur my windshield and I can’t see anything clearly anymore.
My hands shake as I pull my keys out of the ignition.
I open the door, and the rain hasn’t let up. In fact, it just got worse. Freezing water hits me hard as I step out. I plant my running shoes into puddles of water, getting them soaked through until I feel water in my socks. I take a deep breath and close the car door.
My hair and uniform get drenched right away, and my skin explodes with goosebumps.
It’s so cold.
My thoughts are already scrambled as Danny stands from my porch and walks into the rain to get to me.
My heart breaks because the closer he gets to me, I know the wall I’ve built has shattered into irretrievable pieces, and Danny will unfortunately get cut by them. From breaking my vows to God to losing my best friend and my baby in the same shitty year, I’m letting this entire year’s trauma affect me now.
We stand there in the rain, our bodies facing each other, but my eyes linger on the ground. I still can’t look at him just yet because once I do, I feel like I’ll want to let him bury himself inside me. A part of me wants to keep pretending. Like our paths are fine, and I should give in to the dangerous lust we hold for each other until the sun comes up.
But I refuse.
“You’ve been ignoring my calls.” Danny breaks the icy silence first. He deadpans, his tone unreadable, and I can’t tell if he’s sad, mad, or disappointed. “Are you okay?” He leans forward, taking one step closer, but I don’t answer. “Let’s go inside and talk.” He offers his hand for me to take, and I push it away.
“No.”
“Ari.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I tilt my head up, glaring at him through the harsh rain hitting us both. My black hair sways from the wind and his dark blond hair is wet and shaggy. His light blue eyes darken, and his jaw tightens.
“Tell you what?” He takes another step closer, but it sends me another step back, creating a distance between us so I can say what I need to say without his magnetic, sinful attraction to alter my strength.
“Why didn’t you tell me that the same people responsible for my brother’s death are after you…after us?” He goes rigid, his grip on the bouquet intensifies, and his knuckles turn white. “Why are they after you, Danny? I know you’ve never been in a serious relationship before, but this is definitely something you warn your girlfriend about.”
My bangs drip with rain, and Danny rubs his hand through his beard, looking away from me.
“Who told you?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“You’re right. Why am I asking? I already know who it was.” His deep voice concedes with a grimace.
“It doesn’t matter. I’ve told you time and time again. No more secrets, and you still can’t do it.”
“Ari, it’s a little hypocritical of you, don’t you think?”
I’m taken aback. I narrow my eyes in confusion at his accusation.
“No more secrets, but you still haven’t told me about Kane’s visitation.”
My heart sinks, and I had already forgotten about that because nothing happened. Kane has always visited me and kept his promise to my brother. Visiting me in the middle of the night was something out of the norm, but still, he has always been there since Paul died, even though I never gave him any attention. I acknowledged his efforts, but that was all it was. I never carried personal conversations with him since I was too busy grieving and studying in the past.
Lightning strikes in the distance, flashing Danny’s face with light shades of white, like a flashlight.
“I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to create an unnecessary rift between the two of you.” I wave my hand defensively. “You guys work together, you guys are friends, on the same team, and I won’t add more fuel to a fire that doesn’t need to be ignited. It’s silly, pointless, and innocent.”
He squints through the rain. The water has completely flooded his clothing, accentuating every muscle underneath his black shirt.
He sighs.
“I didn’t tell you to protect you. You don’t need to worry about the bullshit that my job holds. Nothing has happened so far. My team and I are taking care of it, and if that means you can focus on rebuilding yourself without having to worry about things you shouldn’t, then I’ll be the fucking bad guy in your story.”
“Really?” I squeak, my scrubs feeling heavy on my body now. It’s fair, but at the same time, it’s dishonesty.
My eyes sting and grow heavy with anguish. I look away from his beautiful face to muster more courage to say what I need to.
“I don’t trust you anymore,” I tell him brokenly. It almost comes out like a whisper, but I know he heard me. “Your father was right. I’m only going to hold you back.”
“He’s not right about anything, Ari. He’s a narcissist.”
“But…your job…this constant feeling that Death surrounds us like it has a permanent hold on me and the ominous darkness of it reminding me that it did its damage on my soul. It echoes over and over again in the depths of my mind. I can’t do it anymore, Danny.” I suck in air because I feel like I’m suffocating. My voice pitches high with despair. “You are no good for me. I… I need time alone. We need time apart.” I say sternly. “You’re poison to me.”
He stops breathing, and so do I when the words leave my mouth.
Do I mean it? Do I really mean this?
Danny pales, as if I just shot an arrow through his heart. His face falls, jaw clenching hard as he straightens his back. He steps away from me, turning around slightly and rubbing his chin.
“You’re always gone, anyway. I’m always alone.” I feel like I have to tell him these things. For one, it’s the fucking truth. And second, maybe I can make him hate me this time around. Maybe it’ll help him realize I’ve been a complication all along like he said I was.
“I won’t let you leave me, Ari. Grant me mercy by putting a bullet in my head, then. Because I’d rather die than live in a world where someone else has your soul and not me.”
I’m inflamed with anger, and I charge over to him. I push his shoulder, but he doesn’t flinch.
“Just please go! Leave!” I point to his truck menacingly. “Leave like you always do. Leave now! Before I say things.” I scream.
The rain picks up harder, and the pouring water patters the surface of our skin.
He looks up at me and furrows his eyebrows. He’s in pain as my words leave my mouth.
“No. Just say it, Ari, stop being so fucking scared all the time. Stop being so fucking weak.”
Now, I’ve pushed him too far for the first time, and a part of me regrets it. Maybe I’m being unfair…or maybe I’ve just hit my limit with lies and the horrid events I’ve been through this year.
The words sting, and a lump grows more in my throat. Anger makes my body tremble, and I grow hot as fire blows out of my mouth like a dragon with my words.
“All right, Grim Reaper.” I spit. “Your name fits you perfectly because so much death surrounds you. Everyone around you dies! I will not be a part o-of—” I stutter. “—of this curse that surrounds you.”
Danny’s jaw clenches harder, and I can’t tell if he’s shocked from the different side of me that has unlocked or hurt because my words are getting to him, but I don’t care. For the first time, I don’t care if my anger hurts someone else. I want him to feel what I feel. I want him to be angry with me. I want him to hurt like me.
“Everyone dies around you. I almost did. Our baby died.” I pause and palm my lower stomach where I used to hold our child, taking in a deep breath, before continuing, “Damon.” I didn’t mean to bring up the hostage, but the thoughts keep pouring into wounded words. “My own brother died around you.”
Then he stiffens and looks at me with an incandescent expression that sends chills up my spine, and I almost retreat, drawing back my actions, but my boiling wrath doesn’t let me.
“I lost my baby too!” He points to his chest. “I don’t get to be a father. I didn’t get to know him or know what he would look like. If he was going to have your brown or my blue eyes. If he was going to have your black hair.” His face flickers pools of affliction, his voice roaring with affliction. “I know I said fucked up things to you that one night and that will forever eat me alive.” He drawls, stalking toward me, his steps loud and indignant.
“You’re really blaming me for everything? Don’t you dare act like I’m not a man at the end of the day. I’ve been grieving, too, but I handle my shit differently, Ari. I do my best to save who I can when I’m out there with my team. You don’t know what you’re talking about. You have no idea what it’s like to watch a body get burned alive.” Each word hits me like a bolt powered by resentment.
“When I told you I was pregnant with our baby, you couldn’t even look at me, Danny.” I sniffle, my voice crescendoing high and breathy as the memories of my announcement in his truck flood me like a hurricane of disappointment. “You crushed me. You broke my heart. You broke my heart over and over again this past year.”
“Yeah…I did. Because all my life, I’ve been this man who couldn’t feel anything unless I was drunk. I did react in such a fucked up way, and I’ll be groveling for the rest of my life at your feet. There is no excuse for my reaction, but there is a reason why I didn’t want children.”
“What is that reason?” I wave my hands, awestruck, then cross them over my chest.
“Do you know what it’s like to carry out dismembered children from an explosion from a fucking playground?” He quirks his brows, daring me to answer him.
I flinch, regretting my choice of words.
“To have a child bleed all over you while their parents beg you to save them, knowing damn well it’s too late?” I flinch as he roars. “Children, Ari! Babies! Dead. Because of the level of evil these motherfuckers will go to, and with a smile on their face! Paul made a huge impact on my life, and you know that. I drank myself past dangerous limits all year because of it.” He roars at me with cold, distant eyes. He deepens his tone, and I’m tempted to backpedal this conversation.
But I can’t stop. Words spew out of my mouth like scorching lava, ready to swallow and burn anything in my path.
“All of this did happen because of you. I gave you all of me. Everything. You completely obliterated every moral I held so dear to me. If you hadn’t started a war between you and Shane that night at El Devine, maybe he wouldn’t have tried to kill me. Maybe our baby would still be here. Don’t even get me started on Nora.”
“So, I should have just let that coward abuse you?”
“Why didn’t you? Because of the promise with Paul? That you refused to tell me about?”
“No, Ari, fuck the promise. This is more than that. I will always protect you. Look out for you and your mother because you are everything to me.”
“I could have defended myself. I don’t need your protection. I don’t want it.’ My voice comes out high-pitched, and I’m yelling even louder. “Dammit, Danny! If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have these scars on me. Are you happy now? Are you happy that my body now carries scars just like yours?” I’m shaking, crying, and Danny holds his ground like I just obliterated his heart. He’s listening to me, and his chest rises up and down from his heavy, angered breathing, or is it from his hurting?
Either way, I can’t stop.
“You want to break me? Well, guess what, I’m broken. Mission accomplished! Do you want to hear me scream? Well, I’m screaming, and I don’t know if I’ll ever stop.” I sob, my breaths rattled. “I should have never thought this could work. I fell for you so hard. Something about you captured my heart instantly, and yet you can’t say the words I’ve felt about you since the first time you kissed me. You can’t say those three words, can you? Are you even capable of that emotion?”
I narrow my eyes at him while he watches me fall apart, and my heart pounds. Every single vein boils with emptiness. “I knew our ending could never be a happy one.” The words spit out of my mouth, full of heartache and resentment. I resent him. I can’t stop myself. It just keeps pouring out of me like a broken dam, and the water flows without regard, destroying everything in its path.
“Well, I can say them.” Raindrops fall down my cheek, and I push him from me, hitting his broad chest, but of course, he doesn’t move, and through heavy salty tears, I shout, “I. Love. You.”
He stares into me, nostrils flaring, but then he completes changes when I say it. The tension he holds inside shifts and diminishes when I say it.
“I love you,” I repeat, shrugging. I say it like it is the easiest thing in the world for me because it is, and it’s the truth.
“I love you!” I shout again. “I love you all the time, Danny. I’ve loved you since the day I met you. I love you even when I shouldn’t. I worry about you because I love you. Every time you walk out that door, I’m scared you won’t come back to me. I think these things because I love you. I love all of you…everything. All the parts of you that you consider dark? Every part of you that you deem unworthy? I think are beautiful…because I love you.” My voice bleeds pure honesty, pleading with him to understand why I can’t do this anymore.
It hurts to love him.
“But it hurts so much,” I whimper, looking at the flowers and then back at him, my vision blurred with crushed tears. “It pains me to love you, Danny, and…” I sob, shaking my head, biting my lip, my teeth sinking until it throbs. “I don’t think this life is for me.”
I look at him, expecting to hear some type of response, or maybe those three haunting words.
Of course he can’t say it back to me.
What was I expecting?
“If we have a family again, what am I supposed to do? Have them go through the same thing I do? Lonely nights and mornings? Missed birthdays, missed holidays, missed milestones like their first word or first steps?”
He doesn’t respond. He stares at me, shutting me out like he always used to do when we first met. He’s unpredictable again, and I don’t like it.
I shake my head.
“No, Danny, I don’t think I will allow that to happen if I want to start a family.”
“That’s not fair, Ari.” He watches me, but he’s quiet, and he looks away from me again, running his hand through his wet hair.
“Tell me, Danny, what the fuck are you?”
I’ve encapsulated his attention again.
He looks at me, his jaw closing right before he laughs, grinning, stressed. His mouth gapes open, amused as if I said something funny. He rubs his hands through his beard, grinning devilishly.
“Fucking tell me! I saw the way your eyes turned black. I dream of your tattoo every night. That’s what I dream of. A freaking Grim Reaper haunts me every night since the day I almost died. So tell me, what the fuck are you?”
He shakes his head.
“What do you want me to tell you? You already know the answer to your own question.”
“Tell me, dammit.”
“You see him in your dreams, right? He talks to you, doesn’t he?”
My shoulders slump and my eyes bulge because it feels like he’s reading my thoughts.
“You know the answer. You know just how fucking real life can get, don’t you? That’s why you wake up screaming most nights?”
He’s right, but I don’t want to admit it. It sounds ridiculous.
When I fall asleep, he talks to me, only whispering the same words over again.
“Time waits for no one.”
“You want to know? It’s simple,” he says. “He haunts me, too, and it started when your brother died.” He looks away from me and looks up at the sky, letting out another sigh as white fog escapes from his body heat. The temperature drops even further.
“E-explain,” I demand, my teeth chattering.
“There isn’t much explanation, but just that. I only see him on missions or deployments. He’s always there, like a fucking shadow. Talking to me.”
Fuck, this all sounds so weird and crazy. It shouldn’t make sense…but it does.
“When you died, I dared to talk back to it, begging it not to take you. I don’t know how, but it let me save you. He gave me your soul back.” Danny is transfixed on me as if he’s staring into my soul, waiting for a reaction out of me, but all I can do is swallow as tears continuously fall, blending in with the freezing rain.
Then a massive gust of wind hits me, sending my hair flying, and another lightning strikes, but this time, it’s close by, and I shudder when the crack of thunder jolts through me as if it struck me.
It all makes sense. Death possessed his body. The dreams, the nightmares with the Grim Reaper. Death has been here all along, trying to give me clues. He’s a shadow stalking the living. Stalking Danny and me.
Stalking everyone, just waiting to grab us.
But this only makes me realize one thing. I should have died. I could’ve died, and all this suffering would have been avoided.
Danny robbed me of my chance to be with my baby and brother.
“I could have been with our son. I could have been with Paul. Why?! Why wouldn’t you let me die?”
“Because, Ari…” He steps closer to me and I let him get close to me. So close I can feel his body heat, and he still clutches the tulips.
He leans down, so he’s right in front of my face.
“I needed to save you…like you’ve saved me.”
Some emotion flashes through his eyes, and I swear they’re watering.
“You saved me, Ari, don’t you get it?” He grabs my hand gently, holding it with his calloused hand. “I call you my little angel for a reason.”
“You can’t save everyone, Danny.” I retract my hand from him. “You should have let me go.”
“What about your mother, Ari?! Why would you want her to go through losing both of her only children?” He tucks the flowers into his jeans and cups my face into his hands aggressively. “What about me?”
I shake my head, sniffling.
“I could have been with our son. I could have been with my brother,” I repeat. Am I so far gone? Is it such a horrible thing to want to follow my child into the afterlife?
He lets my face go, letting out a sarcastic scoff and smile. His face falls, but he still lingers close, not moving away.
His smile is anything but happy. It’s wicked and sinister. Then he returns my gaze, his eyes piercing through me like a knife.
“Now, look, who’s the selfish one?”
I slap him across the face, hard. I didn’t even think twice about it. Something unusual came over me when he said it and I didn’t hide from it.
He looks down, emotionless and unfazed by my outburst.
Internally, I’m apologizing. I step closer to him, but then I stop myself from palming his cheek when that’s all I want to do. My hand falls back to my side. I can’t believe I just did that. I didn’t mean it.
“I’m sorry.”
“I don’t need your apology. What I need is for you to realize that I will never let you go. You’re mine, Ari.”
He cups my face into his big, rough hands again and kisses me. His eyebrows narrow in, and he shuts his eyes tight. His kiss deepens harder and harder, but it’s not from lust… I swear it’s from love.
Then he stops kissing me, barely moving away.
“Kane might leave the military for you, but… I would die for you,” he breathes against my lips. He sighs, retracting away from me, shrugging his shoulders, stretching his back, and I can hear his bones pop.
A tear escapes me.
I swear, even though he hasn’t said those three words specifically to me yet…it feels like he just did.
I’m stuck. I love them both, but in two different ways.
“I don’t think I can live for myself,” I whisper, my lips trembling as my dark confession unveils. I feel like I’m losing everything…even myself. I don’t want to lose him, though.
“You need to be strong, Ari. Be strong for yourself. Not for me, not for your mother. Not even for Paul, but for yourself. Embrace your wounds. Embrace every single scar because they don’t define who you are in the ways you think they do. It just means you can’t be killed so easily. You don’t go down without a fight. You’re stronger than you think. Your wings may be bent, little angel, but they aren’t broken. You’re stronger than your scars. Because they’ll fade away, but your soul won’t.”
I close my eyes, not wanting to face him anymore…it hurts too much. Everything hurts all the time.
Then he pries my hands open. I look down to find he placed the bouquet of tulips in my hand, covered in raindrops. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a sealed, small black envelope and drops it in my other hand.
“Merry Christmas, angel.”
He forces my hand to close around them and walks away from me.
Then his phone rings, and I’m crying heavy tears in silence.
He looks at his phone intensely.
This is the part I hate. It can’t be work calling again at this time. He just got back…no way. He can’t leave me now. This is important.
He walks further away from me. A dreadful, long, sad silence between us stops us from talking.
“So this is what you want, right? Me, gone?” he recites my words back to me, spewing them with anger and frustration.
“I—” He interrupts me.
“I’m no good for you?”
“I—”
“I’m poison to you?” he shouts, the veins in his neck making a presence, and I’m growing desperate. I haven’t seen him this hurt since the night he confessed everything.
“Danny, sto—” I try to interrupt him, but it doesn’t work. This time, there’s no stopping what’s about to happen.
“We need time apart?” he growls.
“I don’t know!” I shout, frustrated. I look into his eyes, my own searching back and forth vigorously for mercy and patience. I need him to wait for me, but…I can’t say it. I don’t think it’ll change how I feel or how he feels.
He nods, defeated…and I swear the first time when I look at his blue eyes… He’s the one that’s broken, and I’m afraid Noel was right. I think I just broke Danny beyond repair.
“I’ll make the decision for you, then. I’m leaving.” He brushes his beard with his hand, looks at me, then back at his truck. “Goodbye, Ari.”
It feels like my chest got defibrillated with pain.
Shit.
I never thought the word “goodbye” would hurt me with the devastation of an impact like it does now. A type of farewell that holds much more of a sting.
It feels like I took what we had built up these past few months, from when we first met, our journey of healing together, to his growth…and obliterated it. I depleted it like glass shattering on the floor into a trillion pieces with no repair in sight.
That’s the first time he’s ever said goodbye to me. It’s always a “see you soon,” but he didn’t say it.
“You mean, see you soon, right, Danny?” I croak out. My whole body feels like it’s going to fall over.
“I have to go.” He looks at me through a tightened jaw.
He’s really saying goodbye this time, and I’m full of regret.
He walks to his truck, but every step he takes breaks me more and more as I come to self-clarity.
“Say it!” I shout at him. My voice bleeds with sadness, pleading with him, like if he won’t say it, I’ll die. I walk after him, tripping over a rock, but I catch my balance, avoiding stumbling into the flooded lawn. My arms swing forward, and I see my reflection in a puddle, my wet hair falling into my face.
But he says nothing.
“Please say it! Say see you soon, please.” Not one more word comes out of his mouth, and I know I went too far with my truth.
I stop walking when he gets into his truck and starts it. My chest heaves with desperation, sobbing against the freezing wind. I’m watching him through raindrops that blur my vision.
He’s actually leaving.
His engine roars as he slowly pulls out of my driveway.
He’s halfway down the road already, and I don’t know what I just did. I’m full of remorse. I watch the rain in the sky, and I blink fast.
I run toward the road in the cold, freezing night. There’s no more light. I reach the road in less than a minute, and I’m crying uncontrollably with each stride of despair.
“Danny!” I stomp my foot on the street and yell as loud as I can as if he could hear me, but he’s already turned a corner to the main road.
He’s gone. He’s really gone.
“Danny…” I murmur through rapid breaths. I can see my breath in the air. My feet burn, and I feel like frostbite threatens my skin. My eyebrows furrow deeply. It makes me feel alone, and the only place that can make it better is going back in time.
I reach for the envelope, tearing the barrier open, and I bite my lip, shaking my head. My fingers tremble, and I do my best to shield it from the rain.
It’s a drawing…
The photo of Paul and me as kids. The same one that I found torn to shreds in Iraq when someone had broken into my room and destroyed my things.
Danny hand-drew the picture, bringing back the memory of my favorite photo in pencil. It’s incredibly detailed.
What have I done?
