Falling was the least of my concerns.
My chest squeezed, and my vision grew blurry. Everything was dark, and I knew that Aasher’s hands were around my waist, but with my throat closing, it felt like they were around my neck.
I was desperate for the chilly air to cool my lungs. My hands shook as I tried pushing off Aasher’s hard chest to get away, but he pulled me in closer. His fingers got lost in my hair and my face fell into the warm crook of his neck. His scent attempted to calm me as it canceled out the icy-scented mist flying up all around us.
“Breathe,” he demanded, pulling on the strands of my hair.
I gasped for air. I was straddling him, but all I could think about was the hard ground against my knees. My thin leggings did nothing to block out the ice through the cotton. From the outside, our position probably looked like something more than it was.
“Riley, you’re safe.” Aasher’s warm breath wafted in between us, and he pulled me in closer. Our bodies were mended together. I made no attempt to move, because truth be told, I did feel safe with him. Much safer in his arms than I did standing on my own a moment ago.
I squeezed my thighs around him when I felt him stand. His fingers dug into the backs of my thighs, skimming the curve of my butt. “Keep your eyes closed, okay?”
The only response he got from me was a gulp, but I made sure to do as he said, comforted by the darkness behind my eyelids. His breathing was steady, and the more I focused on it, the more mine became steady too. “That’s it,” he reassured. “You’re doing great, Ry. Just remember that I’m the only one here with you. No one else is watching you or waiting for some miraculous jump on the ice. All you have to do is breathe. You’re safe. You won’t fall, and if you do, I’ll catch us both.”
His words are comforting.
I wanted him to keep going. I needed him to keep going. I was beyond frustrated that panicking was the result I got when I tried to skate now. But PTSD had a strange way of tricking your mind into thinking the worst, and there were snippets of falling in front of what felt like a million pairs of eyes, and the trembling in my limbs was something that both Aasher and I noticed.
“Keep going.” My voice was a rasp. I blew out a breath of air into the safe part of his neck. The fighting between us was a long-lost thought, and the only thing I was focused on now was how to make the intrusive thoughts disappear. News article headlines were stomping all over the place in my mind, and Gray’s breakup reasoning crept in, reminding me that he was the one who broke the last stable part of me. My parents’ worried faces after I woke up in the hospital. It was coming at me full swing.
“What do you need me to do? Tell me.” Aasher’s voice cut through the noise. My heart pounded so hard it hurt. I pulled back and stared at the worry lines on his forehead below his backward hat. It had been so long since I breathed in the fresh air of the rink, and I wanted it to relax me like before instead of spin me into a spiral.
“Get me to relax.”
“Tell me how, and I’ll do it.” His eyes bounced back and forth between mine, and though he usually used his brash, arrogant tone with me full of nothing but snippy remarks and insults, right now he was soft and sincere.
“Treat me like any other girl.” I surprised us both.
My body grew tense after I said it, knowing very well that I was crossing a line.
“Wh–what?” Aasher’s heavy browline deepened, and his eyes grew hooded when he realized what I meant. “Riley…”
“I can’t think of any other way to get through this.” I was reaching. “Holding me in your arms and telling me to breathe isn’t enough, so just do what you said you’d do if I wasn’t your coach’s daughter.” I was pleading, begging, and it went against every single thing I stood for, but I’d deal with the repercussions of that later.
I needed a solution, and the longer I was surrounded by the cold and my eyes adjusted, the choppier my breaths became.
Aasher eventually sighed. My hands rested against his shoulders as my hair came down like a curtain around us. “Are you sure?” he asked with a tone that stained my cheeks pink.
Gray’s face faded from my head when I stared into Aasher’s eyes. I nodded curtly, adjusting myself in his arms. I glanced at the ice and sucked in a breath, closing my eyes.
It was unfair to feel this unsettled.
The rink used to be my happy place, my home. Now, it brought back nothing but an ugliness that I couldn’t hide from. I was afraid to fall into the same mindset as before and dip into those coping mechanisms that put me here in the first place.
I held on tight as Aasher walked with me pressed against him. When I felt the glass wall against my back, I slowly pried my eyes open and found him staring at me. “This means nothing,” he whispered, taking his hand and dragging it up my leg to rest against my groin. He pushed my leg open farther and crept closer. “You got it? And you tell no one.”
I nodded. My heart was racing even faster than before, but the more I focused on Aasher’s mouth moving, the more I thought about the devilish things it could do instead of the bite of his insult.
Of course it means nothing to him. I’m not his type.
It meant nothing to me either, except for a brief act of saving.
“Wait.”
Aasher’s lips rolled together as he raised an eyebrow, waiting for me to continue. I couldn’t tell if the look in his eye was relief or disappointment. “Second thoughts?”
I shook my head. “I want you to have all the control.”
His eyes widened but only for a second. “I don’t think you know what you’re asking for, Duster.”
This entire problem started with me needing to have control. I knew exactly what I was asking for. I never let Gray have control in the bedroom, and after a while, he grew sick of being the submissive one. I was too far along to realize why I was so afraid to let someone else have the power. But I understood it now.
“Please, Aasher,” I begged. “I know what I need.”
He paused before licking his lips. He looked down at the ice before staring right at my mouth. “Fuck it.”
One of his hands disappeared, and he held me up with the other one like I was as light as a feather. The brush of my scarf being unraveled from my neck sent chills flying down my arms. I blushed at how needy I felt with Aasher in charge. Instead of fighting to take back control, I was falling into a trap of submission and anticipating what he was going to do next.
“Put your hands in front of you.”
I did as he said, putting my hands together. My back pressed harder into the glass behind me, and I was thankful that Aasher kept my legs pinned behind his back as he wrapped the scarf around my wrists, tying them together. “Is this okay?”
I nodded, appreciative that although I was handing the reins over to him, he was still being respectful and going slow. I knew it was because of what I’d told him happened to me, but it was much more than I could say for any other guy that I’d been with.
“Good.” His voice dropped low as he moved his hands back to my butt. The warm whisper in my ear was like stepping close to the sun. Sweat threatened to prickle my temples as I inhaled his scent, falling for his words harder than I expected. “Now spread.”
I swallowed my tongue as I followed every one of his commands. A breath hitched in my chest as he lazily dragged his finger over my hip and down the crease of my groin, rubbing his knuckle over the seam of my leggings. How does that feel so good with a layer of clothing in the way?
“You’re already wet.” His teeth grazed my jaw before he nipped at my earlobe.
Oh my god.
“And it’s a fucking turn-on, Riley.”
It is?
“It’s even hotter because I’m not supposed to be touching you. Who knew that I turned you on this much?”
Aasher’s breathing picked up in pace, right along with mine. His hand slowly crept up past my hip and dipped underneath my sweater. He kept his eyes on mine, and I couldn’t decide if he was trying to see if I was going to panic or trying to see if I enjoyed it.
I wasn’t panicking, because I was too busy anticipating his next move.
I didn’t really care if he was a narcissistic hockey player with an ego bigger than the universe, nor did I care that this didn’t mean anything serious, because his touches were way too inviting to want to stop.
“It’s been a long time,” I murmured, trying to blame my arousal on the fact that I hadn’t been with anyone since Gray.
I was hyper-focused on his finger trailing up my ribcage and underneath my bra. His palm cupped me, and I arched my back, thrusting my hips into him. He grunted before I felt his hand disappear from under my shirt. His fingers dug into my waist, and he shoved us apart.
My mouth formed a pout—something I could feel before he commented on it.
“Stop pouting. I’m in control, remember? Keep still so I can remember every part of this.” His mouth brushed over mine with his reminder. “Because this is the only time I will touch you.”
Got it.
I nodded, sucking in a shaky breath. I forced myself to stay still against his lips, refusing to kiss him. With every word that left his mouth, I felt the faint sweep of his lips against mine. A quiet whimper crawled out of the depths of my body, and I knew he heard it.
“Breathe in the scent of the rink,” he whispered, dragging his finger along the crook of my neck and all the way to the outskirts of my leggings. “Can you smell the ice? Does it feel like home to you too?”
I didn’t answer him as I inhaled. Sorrow was distant through the chaos I felt from his teasing touches, but I still recognized it. The rink didn’t feel like home to me anymore, and that made me panic.
I stopped breathing when I noticed that Aasher’s finger didn’t move. He was right at the brink of sinking into my pants, but he leaned back and raised an eyebrow. “Answer me, or I’ll stop.”
I zeroed in on the faint smirk ghosting his lips when he saw my eyes widen. I rushed out the truth and wiggled in his arms. “It makes me feel homesick. Like I’m home, but not really.”
Aasher resumed his exploration and swiped the very top of my panties with his long finger. My stomach was in hot knots, burning hotter and hotter as he touched and whispered things about the ice that I longed for.
The smell.
The temperature.
The feeling of it beneath his feet.
“Do you miss it?” he asked, pausing over my clit. Is he trying to kill me? Provoke me? Make me beg for it?
“No,” I lied, growing impatient.
His teasing was painful, and I wasn’t focused on my nerves, or the ice, or figure skating in general anymore. I was centered on his mouth and how his hand hovered over the spot that throbbed for him.
“Wrong answer.” He pulled his hand out of my panties, and I tried to stop him, but my hands were tied.
He smirked. “I’m in control, remember?” His loud swallow echoed around us. “Answer correctly, and maybe I’ll reward you. Do you miss the ice?”
“Yes.” My answer erupted around us. I stared at his mouth and prayed that he’d put me out of my misery. “I don’t feel like myself without skating.”
I glanced away, uncomfortable for admitting the truth, but Aasher didn’t allow me to succumb. Instead, he pulled all of my negative thoughts into one single focus, and that focus was him. He pushed his finger into me and teased me with long, tediously slow pumps.
I was panting.
My hips moved to meet his hand. I was chasing the rush that he was giving me and forgetting about everything else. There was a ring of fire surrounding us, melting the rink from my sight. His kissable lips were opened slightly as he stared down at me with a lustful gaze that I couldn’t bring myself to look away from.
Aasher tore his hand away, and I whimpered at the loss of pleasure. He licked his bottom lip before kissing me. His tongue swept inside as he pulled me closer, kissing me to the point that I was withering in his grasp. The kiss was deep and sensual, and my mind was a mess. I took my tied wrists and pulled them up over his head to trap his face to mine.
I’d never felt so desirable from a single kiss. The way he lapped at my tongue messed with my emotions to the point that I didn’t know who we were.
He moved backward, breaking our kiss. “You’re driving me wild.” His fingers dug into my sides as he shoved me away. He was hard through his sweats, and it threw me off. “This was such a bad idea.”
A gasp escaped my chest when he pushed our bodies together again. His mouth was everywhere. He pressed quick kisses against my jawline, sucking and nibbling until he landed on my earlobe. “Do you want me to keep going? Is it working?”
Oh, right. I’d forgotten how we got here and why he was kissing me.
“Yes.” I rasped out a breath. “Don’t stop.”
Aasher shut his eyes and tilted his head away. It gave me the perfect view of his chiseled jaw. I leaned in and placed a sweet kiss against his thrumming pulse, feeling satisfied for a split second at the feel of his skin against my mouth.
The desire went both ways.
I was totally and irrevocably his at this moment.
When he pulled his attention back to me, something had changed. “It’s getting hot in here.”
Sweat trickled down the side of his flushed face at the same time it crept against my neck. He followed the little bead with his eye before whisking me away from the glass and placing me down on the ice.
I tensed as he hovered over me. He quickly untangled himself from my arms that were trapping him and pulled at the end of the scarf. It fell swiftly, and Aasher intertwined one of his hands with mine and slowly pushed it over my head and onto the ice.
“Eyes on me.”
He knew I was back. He knew I was remembering where we were and why he was touching me.
I nodded shakily.
“Open your legs.” Our eyes met, and my stomach hollowed.
Aasher pushed the inner part of my knee, releasing himself from the vise grip I had on him.
“Good girl,” he whispered. “Now I’m going to need you to come for me.”
His dirty words swept me away. I relished in the burn of the frosted floor as he pulled my leggings down in one quick motion. His rough palm rubbed against my clit as he cupped his fingers inside of me, pushing farther and farther until he hit a spot that my body liked.
Oh my god.
“You like that?” he asked, staring down at me like he wanted to devour me. “That’s it,” he coaxed, rubbing faster. I moaned, and he cursed under his breath.
“Come for me, baby, and make it good, because I’m the only hockey player that gets to see this.”
My body betrayed me, and I completely shattered around him, arching my back against the hard, frosted rink. He squeezed my hand tightly, keeping it pinned to the ice. He pumped his finger in and out as I squeezed and whimpered, shutting my eyes to enjoy the way my body came alive.
Aasher pulled his hand away. But instead of releasing me altogether, he cupped my waist and rested his sweaty forehead on my lower belly, inhaling deeply. “I need to burn this from my fucking head.”
His tone was a bite to the air, and chills flew to my skin with his hot breath. With the ice beneath my back and his warmth on my front, I felt unraveled. We stayed like that for so long my back started to grow numb, and a chill cracked down my spine.
But it worked.
I was on the ice.
Aasher eventually pulled me to my feet and made sure my leggings were back in place. I looked down and knew that standing on the ice was nothing compared to putting skates on my feet and landing a triple again, but it was a step in the right direction.
It was too bad he couldn’t touch me like this all the time.
We stayed silent as he pulled me off the ice. We walked slowly, and my chest grew tight as I slid beside him. When the door shut, he pulled me into his chest. His thumb gently tugged at my chin, and his finger swept across my lips.
“Not a word, Duster. If you tell anyone…” He looked away, full of guilt. “Be here tomorrow night, seven sharp.” He put distance between us and walked away. With his back to me, I still heard the sharp warning. “And wear a fucking chastity belt.”
