Icebound: Chapter 15

“Nina!”

I pound my fist against the private bathroom door she sprinted inside a minute ago. There’s nothing but silence, so I knock again, resting my forehead against the cool metal.

“Nina, are you alright? Can you please answer me? I’m worried about you.”

My stomach lurches when I picture Nina’s pale face, eyes wide like she was about to pass out. The thought sends a shot of intense energy through me that rivals an adrenaline rush on the ice.

I wish I could see through the door to know she’s not lying unconscious on the tile in that goddamn dress that’s driving me wild. What was I thinking telling her she looked fine when she looks fucking breathtaking?

I couldn’t keep my eyes, or my hands, off her all night, but I only let myself look when I knew Nina wasn’t watching. I wasn’t the only one staring, either. I’m used to heads turning when I walk in the room, but every eye seemed to zero in on Nina in that dress.

She captivated everyone in the room. It’s like the girl’s made of sunlight.

I wanted to cover her with my suit jacket just as much as I wanted to show her off, but then, some asshole whispered in my ear about how lucky I was to be with a younger woman, and it took everything in me not to drag the guy out of the party.

Now, I can’t stop thinking about Nina’s wrinkle-free face and wondering if every person at this event is judging us for being together.

I shake my head hard enough to crack my neck. I’m an ass for thinking about that right now when she’s sick.

What was that?

Is she drunk?

She doesn’t seem like it, but I wouldn’t be surprised with all the champagne she’s been chugging all night. That’s exactly what I would’ve done in my twenties at some stuffy event, so I don’t blame her.

My grip tightens on the handle because I want to do something. No, I need to do something. I’m the man Rowyn always calls for help—even if it’s two in the morning and she needs someone to fix her leaking sink.

The silence on the other side fuels my frustration. I shake the knob hard enough to break, but the lock won’t budge.

“Nina,” I grunt. “Please say something.”

“Go away, Rhode. I’m fine.”

I bump my forehead hard against the door. “Please, Nina. I’m worried about you.”

“Just go.”

“Just tell me if you’re okay,” I press, bordering on begging.

“Would you just leave me alone?” she shouts through the closed door. “I’m having a panic attack, and I need a fucking minute!”

I flinch at the anger lacing her voice. Her admission hits like a savage slap shot to the glove.

A panic attack?

I’ve only had one, and it was one of the worst experiences of my life—a lot scarier than I thought because my body actually kicked itself into fight or flight mode. The panic, the adrenaline, I never knew it was all so real.

I hate the idea of leaving her alone to deal with that, so I stand frozen by the bathroom door, torn. I want to be there for her, but if Nina needs space, I want to respect that more.

Trying to shake off the weight of concern, I make my way back to the ballroom and help the waitstaff clean up, but I’m thinking of Nina. I can’t stop picturing her in there, worrying, wondering if she needs anything. As I bend down to collect the pieces of glass, Andrea’s pointy black heels come into view.

“Tremblay,” she says. “How’s Nina? I was worried there.”

Standing, I dump the shards in the trash. “She’s alright. She’s been feeling sick all night, so she needed a moment. Sorry for the mess.”

“Don’t worry about it. This is nothing compared to our last event, where the puppy we were auctioning off bit our biggest donor’s leg. I wanted to check up on her, but listen, I’d like to sit down with you and discuss that sponsorship opportunity in more depth sometime.”

Any other night, I’d be jumping at her offer, but with Nina on my mind, all I can manage is a nod of appreciation. “That sounds great, Andrea. I’m looking forward to talking.”

“Perfect. I’ll ask my assistant, Matthew, to schedule some time. You take care. Tell Nina it was great meeting her, and I hope she feels better.” She grips my hand before striding away through the dwindling crowd.

I pull out my phone, opening our Puck Buddies group text to see a couple messages in the chain.

Thirty minutes and one lengthy debate about birds later, we’ve cleaned up all the glass. So, I go back to the bathroom door, my fist hanging in the air for a moment.

With a tentative touch, I tap the wood. “Nina? You still in there?”

I’m shocked when the door swings open. Strands of hair are plastered to her flushed cheeks, black makeup’s smeared under her eyes, and she’s got a sheen of sweat on her forehead, but I don’t care what she looks when she’s got that frown on her face.

All I care about is her.

“Are you alright?” I grimace as soon as the words leave my mouth. Is that really the best I could come up with? She’s clearly not, but I don’t know what else to say.

She won’t look me in the eye. “It feels like I ran a marathon underwater, but yeah, I’m fine.” She heads straight for the sink, turning the faucet on full blast.

“Can I come in?” I ask.

“Sure,” she mutters.

I pull the bathroom door shut to give us some privacy. I don’t know what to do, so I end up staring at her as she washes her hands. I want to pull her into my arms so bad, but I have a feeling she’d push me away. When she’s done, she holds onto the black sink like a lifeline. Her stormy eyes meet mine in the mirror.

“Okay, let me just get this out… I’m so sorry, Rhode. For the champagne, for screaming at you. I knew this was important, and I embarrassed you and fucked everything up,” she says in a voice that sounds like it’s breaking, but not broken.

There’s only one person in my life that I can’t forgive, and it’s sure as hell not Nina. I cross my arms, leaning against the bathroom wall, even though I’m tempted to hug her.

The fact that this girl thinks she could ever embarrass me is downright laughable. “You’ll have to try harder than that to embarrass me. I set a yacht on fire in my twenties, spent the night in jail, and had it splashed all over the internet, so you’ve got to top that.”

She snaps her head up, and the corners of our lips lift like they’re connected by strings.

“I didn’t ruin the sponsorship for you?”

“No. You didn’t ruin the sponsorship for me. In fact, Andrea wants to meet up to discuss it. Things like this happen, and it was an accident. None of the waitstaff got hurt, and everyone’s fine. There’s nothing you could do to embarrass me, Nina. Anyone would be proud to belong to someone like you,” I cut myself off.

The thought of her with another man has my muscles tightening, but I force my stance to loosen. It doesn’t matter that I want her more than any other woman.

She isn’t looking to get married, and I’m not going to force her into a life she doesn’t want. I’m not letting her change for me when she’s perfect as herself.

The ridge between her shoulder blades eases, but she doesn’t break eye contact in the mirror. “I’m still sorry for yelling. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you, but sometimes when I get overwhelmed, I snap at the nearest person.”

I’m starting to realize one of the best things about Nina is the way she speaks her mind. I’m used to people making excuses that she’s like a Zambonied rink—refreshing.

“Remember what I said in the car that first night? You can snap if you need to, just don’t break on me.” I think she tries to grin, but it doesn’t form. I need to see her smile. “Hey, I’m serious. I’ve been there. I’ve had one panic attack, and I made Cruz drive me to the hospital for it because I thought I was dying.”

Her pretty hazels go wide. “What? Really?”

“Yeah. It was pretty recent after one of my interviews when they bombarded me with contract questions.”

“But you always look so put together on TV?”

“It’s all an act. After the interview, I swore I was having a heart attack, and I threw my stick at Cruz and then yelled at him to take me to the hospital. It was the first time he actually listened, and he stayed until they discharged me. The kid annoys the shit out of me, but he’s one of the good ones. When the doctor said what it was, I felt like an idiot because it felt like my heart was failing, so I’ve been there. It sucks.”

She blinks like she’s processing my words. After a few beats, she blows out a breath. “I’m sorry that happened to you, but yeah, it’s awful. I’ve been dealing with it my whole life, though, so I’m used to it.”

I tilt my head, surprised. “What do you mean your whole life?”

She shrugs, and the thin strap of her dress falls off her shoulder. I zone in on the tiny strand, aching to pull it back up. I ball my hands into fists.

“I mean that I’ve been getting them ever since I was a kid. After my sister, Charlie, died…” She sighs, leaning against the sink. “It took me forever to realize what they were. I always thought I was sick. I mostly have it under control now, but it’s still unpredictable.”

Her words hit like a fist to the jaw. That one panic attack almost broke me, and the idea of facing that hell over and over again?

I can’t wrap my head around it. “Damn, I couldn’t even handle one. It was hell for me. You’ve got to be the strongest person I know.”

Her eyes trace the contours of my face. Once. Twice. Again.

“What?” I ask, rubbing my jaw to make sure I don’t have leftover crab cake in my stubble or something.

“I don’t feel strong,” she mutters. “Most of the time it feels like I’m constantly climbing out of this mental ditch while everyone around me is walking up mountains of success, but I’m still stuck, always ending up in the same place no matter how hard I try. I hate it.”

I stuff my hands in my pockets, so I don’t do something stupid like pull her into my chest and never let her go. “Not everyone can climb up a mountain. That takes a hell of a lot more strength if you ask me.”

She glances at the hand dryer, and her mouth pulls down at the edges. The back of my neck starts sweating the longer she stays silent, but then, she leaps into my arms and wraps her hands around my neck, pulling me against her soft body. Her glasses fly off her face from the force of her hug, clattering to the tile.

I’m frozen, hands dangling at my sides because she feels too good against me, but I snap out of it quickly. I wrap my arms around the curve of her waist and pull her as close as possible, telling myself that this is how I would hug any woman.

Except, I don’t rest my cheek and breathe in the scent of every woman’s hair when I hug them while imagining what’s under her dress.

Nothing, I bet, because I don’t see any panty lines, and I’ve been trying to figure that out all night.

Nina doesn’t say anything as I hold her, or maybe she’s holding me. Who the hell cares? We’re holding each other. Every time she breathes, that nipple piercing that’s going to be the death of my resolve brushes against my chest. It makes me a jackass for noticing, but I do. Her hair also smells like citrus. I notice that too.

I trace my fingers over the curve of her spine. “Don’t,” she mumbles against my suit, but her grip stays tight. “I’m all sweaty and flushed.”

I lift her chin, bringing her mouth closer to mine. Dammit, I want to kiss her. “Good. I like you all sweaty and flushed.”

Fucking hell.

I shouldn’t have said that.

She stiffens in my grasp, her tits brushing me with each heavy breath. She’s making those same noises she made in the kitchen, and heat rushes to my dick at the memory. I force myself to step out of her embrace even though I’m imagining her bouncing naked on top of me.

“You know…” She bites her bottom lip. “If you like me all sweaty and flushed, you could see me that way tonight.”

Tempting.

She’s too damn tempting.

I groan into my hands, lying straight through my teeth. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. I’m too old for you, Nina, and I don’t think of you like that anymore… I just meant that you look fine sweaty or not.”

Her face turns even more red, and now I feel shitty. “Fine? The compliments just keep coming.”

I wince at her sarcasm. “Sorry. Want me to take you home?”

She looks down at her dress, fisting the silk in her hands like she doesn’t want to look at me, and I feel terrible for lying, but this is better than leading her on and pretending like we have a future when our reality is a hard stop.

She pauses, and I wait to see if she’s going to call me out for changing the subject, but I’m relieved when she doesn’t.

“Yes, let’s go. I’m exhausted. I shouldn’t have offered anyway.” She laughs, but it sounds like it’s filled with something broken. “You’re so far out of my league that we may as well be in different solar systems.”

Regret fills me, and I catch her wrist, gently stroking her soft skin. “Hey, don’t talk about yourself like that. You should be proud of the dreams you’re chasing, and trust me, I never could’ve gotten a girl like you in my twenties. I was a shithead you wouldn’t have looked twice at.”

“I definitely would’ve looked twice at you. Maybe even three times.”

Her smile steals my next breath, so I let her hand go because I shouldn’t be flirting with her, but it’s hard when I’m always wondering what’s going to come out of those beautiful lips.

Bending down, I pick up her glasses, pretending to examine them to give myself an extra minute to collect myself. “Come on. Let’s head out.”

We exit the hotel, and I pull out my phone to text the valet. My jaw goes tight when I read the messages on the screen.

“Is everything okay?” Nina asks.

I click off my phone, choosing to focus on Nina. “Yeah, why?”

“You look like you want to crush your phone.”

There’s no chance I’m telling her about Morgan because I don’t talk about that with anyone. “No. Just ready to get home. That was a lot of talking.”

“I know. I’m going to need at least twelve hours of alone time to recover.”

She shivers, so I drape my jacket over her shoulders to shield her from the cold night air.

People gather around us, and remembering her words from earlier about crowds, I turn to her. “You sure about coming to our game next weekend? Don’t feel like you have to just because Cruz keeps asking. No pressure.”

She tugs my jacket tighter. “No, I really do want to come. I can tell Micah wants me there and I want to be there for him, but it’s hard dealing with crowds. I’ll be okay, though. You don’t have to worry about me. Just focus on the game.”

I fight the urge to ask if she’s only going to support Cruz or if I play a factor. He already won’t stop talking about how amazing Nina is every second.

I have to leave the room anytime he brings her up. Otherwise, I’m tempted to smack the kid, and we need him on the ice to make it to the playoffs.

“Is there anything that makes it better?” I ask, trying to keep my voice level since I have no right to be this irritated over her friendship with Cruz.

She hesitates. “I don’t want to be an inconvenience.”

“You’re not an inconvenience. You’re a priority. If you want to be there, just tell me how I can help. If you don’t, that’s fine too.”

She hugs herself. “Maybe an aisle seat? Somewhere with fewer people around and close to an exit or bathroom? Just in case I need to leave for a little bit.”

“Done,” I reply, making a mental note to buy out a few extra seats around her so she’s got more space.

She blinks in surprise. “Just like that?”

I nod, firmly. “Just like that.”

Her lips curl into what looks like relief. “Thank you, Rhode. For everything. I guess you don’t owe me anything else. That can be my favor.”

“That’s not your favor. Whatever you need, I’m here.”

We stare at each other for a second. I can’t be honest with her about everything, but I can be honest with her about this next thing. “And Nina?”

“What?”

I pull my jacket tighter around her, so she’s all warm and covered up. “When I said you looked fine earlier…” I swallow. “What I meant was that you looked absolutely breathtaking tonight, and the person you end up with is going to be one lucky bastard.”

Her lips tilt to the starry sky. “Now, that’s a compliment worth spending two hours getting ready for.”

“Should’ve just lead with that.”

The valet pulls up with my Range Rover, and as soon as we slide into the car, Nina rests her head on the window and passes out for the whole ride back to her place.

As I drive, I can’t stop thinking about the way she stood up for me. Her solid strength. I’m not used to having someone standing tall by my side.

Pulling up to her apartment, I put the car in park. Nina doesn’t even stir when I open the door to get out. I squeeze her bare shoulder, trying to wake her up, but her eyes stay shut. She must be exhausted. After pulling out the key from Nina’s purse, I scoop her into my arms.

“Come on, let’s get you to bed,” I whisper, cradling her against my chest.

I carry her into her sister’s brownstone bridal style, and it takes me five minutes to find her bedroom, but based on the amount of pottery and plants, I’m pretty sure it’s Nina’s room.

I lay her on the bed and grab a crocheted blanket from the armchair, peering at the stitching. That’s some good handiwork. I place the blanket on top of her, but she doesn’t budge.

This girl could sleep through a buzzer.

She might have a killer headache when she wakes up, so I head back into the kitchen for some pain medicine, jerking to a stop when I see Gwen standing in a pink robe. She lifts her head from the green fridge, eyes widening in surprise.

“Rhode? What are you doing here?”

Annoyance blasts through me as I grab a glass from the cabinet and fill it with water. “Nina wasn’t feeling too well after the event, so I brought her home.”

“Is she okay?”

I keep my eyes on the water running from the sink. I’m not the biggest fan of Gwen, but I don’t want to be an asshole to Nina’s sister. “She’s fine. Just sleeping.”

“That was nice of you.” She shuts the fridge so there’s no more light in the kitchen except for the moon. “How are things going with you two?”

I shut off the water, grabbing the bottle of painkillers. “Look, I know Nina doesn’t like talking to you about us, so I’m not going to either. You can ask her.”

She tucks a blonde strand behind her ear. “Of course, I get it, but um, listen… I never apologized for the bar incident, and I wanted to talk to you about that.”

“So you remember kissing me then?” I try not to sneer, but it’s hard.

She clutches the robe tighter, and her cheeks turn red in the moonlight. “Yeah, I’m sorry. I was pretty drunk that night and dealing with my own issues. It’s not an excuse, but I wanted to thank you for keeping our secret.”

“Hold on, let’s get one thing straight,” I interject, irritation rippling through me. “It’s not our secret. It’s your secret. I don’t mean to sound like a dick, but I haven’t thought about that night once, and I probably wouldn’t have remembered it if I hadn’t seen you again. The only reason I’m not saying anything is because it’s not important to me, alright?”

She glances at the orchid on the windowsill. “Well, thanks anyway for not saying anything. Nina and I are finally in a good place, and I don’t want to mess anything up again. I’m still figuring things out with Isaac too, but I never should’ve done that.”

“Yeah, you shouldn’t have, and you should probably spend less time talking to me about that and more time talking to your boyfriend and your sister.” I grab the glass of water. “I’m going to check on Nina.”

Turning, I head back to Nina’s room.

She’s still in the same position, passed out on the bed. A grin spreads across my lips as I watch her sleep. She looks so peaceful that I almost want to curl up beside her.

I place the water on her nightstand and write out a note. Drink Me. Then do the same for the pills. Eat Me. I think I saw that in a movie or something. I glance at the box of cinnamon gum by her bed, and my eyes drift to her lips. Without a second thought, I pocket the gum, stashing it in my jeans. I’ll chew this just to know what she tastes like.

Being around Nina is harder than I thought. I’m impressed at how she keeps finding new treats for Chicken and mails them to my apartment like that’ll make my cat like her. She’s got all my stats memorized and has my back, even though she swears she can’t stand hockey.

Everyone always calls out the big things about my life, like my wins and successes, but people rarely notice the small stuff like she does. The hardest part of all of this is that I like Nina’s strong personality the most, which makes it hard to stay away.

I crouch down beside her, pushing away the dark blonde strand of hair that’s caught in her nose piercing before leaning closer. I brush my lashes against her warm cheek like she said her sister used to do.

This is the closest I’ll let myself come to kissing her.

After tonight, I need to keep my distance so I don’t drag her into my hectic life. I’m not going to be the man who forces her to change her priorities. It doesn’t matter how big or small her dreams are, the last thing I want is to hold her back.

“Goodnight, beautiful,” I whisper, stroking her hair. She shifts a little, but her eyes stay closed. “Don’t have sweet dreams. Have wild ones.”