Donnelly Dairy might not be an operating farm anymore, but it’s still one of my favorite places in the world. Grandpa and I take a slow stroll through the grounds as part of the daily exercise his physical therapist wants him to get in.
I was supposed to work this weekend, but Marnie wasn’t having it. She wanted me to take a break.
Since I’m ahead on my assignments and my schedule for the spring semester is even lighter than the credits I took in the fall, I borrowed Reagan’s car after my last class on Thursday and drove home to visit my grandfather. We have one more day together before I need to head back tomorrow afternoon for my Monday morning class.
Grandpa pauses with a tired sigh, leaning heavily on the cane he graduated to when his mobility improved. I’m by his side in an instant.
“Do you want to stop for a rest? We can sit down in the old milking barn.”
He waves me off, stoically smoothing his features to hide his grimace of discomfort. “I’m okay, chicken. Just need to catch my breath. No need to fuss over me.”
“I’m right here if you need me.”
“Tell me more about your work.”
“Right.” I trace the worn stitching on the Donnelly Dairy hat on my head and continue where I left off explaining what animal therapies I get to learn about through Merrywood Farms. “Honestly, it never fails to amaze me how well the animals read us. They’re so smart.”
The soft smile he gives me is full of love. “I’m very proud of you, Maya. You know that, right?”
I nod. “It’s all because you set me on this path.”
“No.” He shakes his head. “You’ve done far more than I could dream to in my lifetime. This is all you, my brilliant girl.”
A wobbly smile tugs at my lips. “I can’t believe I’m almost done, though. In a few more months, I’ll finish this degree. Mom and Dad are starting to plan how we’ll celebrate after the graduation ceremony.”
He hums in acknowledgement.
“They were saying you guys might take a trip down to spend the week in Heston Lake until the ceremony. Then Mom was thinking we could go out for a big dinner together.”
Grandpa goes quiet for a long time. Sometimes he gets like this when he’s going through a bout of pain, but doesn’t want to burden anyone.
Worried, I touch his arm. “Are you okay?”
His somber expression crumples. The gutting turmoil written across his face steals my breath away. He chokes out a broken sob that cleaves my heart in half and sinks my stomach with dread.
“I’m going to make it, Maya. I promise.”
An icy spike drives into my chest with an aching blow at the defeated confession, pain radiating through me. My emotions unravel as quickly as his, my breath catching with a whimpering gasp. Tears overflow and stream down my cheeks.
I throw my arms around him, clutching him as if my desperation could keep him here as long as I need him. God, please. I don’t want to lose him.
His body feels so frail, trembling with his wheezing sobs.
A world without him is unfathomable. As he’s aged and weathered his illness attacking his body, he’s remained happy. It unnerves me to see his fortitude rattled to reveal the truth he hides from all of us.
Since I was a little girl, he’s the one that held me up with a strength I always believed was infinite and unstoppable. Seeing him break down completely, swearing he’ll live long enough to see what I’ve been working towards so hard, absolutely decimates me.
“I’m sorry,” he pleads. “I promise I’ll still be here.”
I have no words. Everything I try to say can’t escape, trapped by the lump lodged in my throat. All I’m able to do is bury my tear-streaked face into his shoulder with a devastated nod.
“I promise,” he repeats again and again.
I hug him tighter, willing my heart not to shatter into a thousand pieces.
A week later, I have the apartment to myself while Reagan goes down to the city for a small show. Easton’s away for the weekend, too. The team left after last night’s game and won’t return until late tomorrow night.
Other than going to class, I’ve spent the week holed up in my room or at the library. I can’t stop working. Guilt plagues me if I take a break because I could be productive instead. It’s the only thing I could think to do after I got back from seeing my grandfather.
The one thing that keeps me sane is fiddling with the gold spiral ring Easton got for me when I get overwhelmed by everything I want to get done to the point of paralysis.
My phone screen lights up with Easton’s name and a goofy photo he took of us while I’m taking notes at my desk. He texted me an hour ago to say his game was done and he’d call when he got to the hotel. I set my notes aside and answer the video call.
The world stops spinning out of my control and every worry on my mind slips away when he appears on screen.
“Hi.”
“Hey. What are you doing?”
“Research for the topic I need to present on. Did you win?”
He sighs, scraping a hand through his hair. “Nah. It wasn’t a bad loss, we just didn’t have it together to put up more points. Cam might have a groin injury. He’s still getting it checked out now.”
“I’m sorry. I hope he’s okay.”
He huffs out a dry laugh. “Fucker tried to play through it before the coaches pulled him to put in our backup goalie, Holland. Eric is feeling the pressure to perform.”
I lean closer to the small screen to study him, wishing we were together. “You don’t seem that worried about losing.”
“I’m staying positive, like that paper you were writing last week.”
My lips twitch. “The law of attraction and its application in mind-brain sciences for alternative therapies?”
“That’s the one.” He snaps his fingers. “We should be okay. Losing this one shouldn’t affect our overall standing since we’ve been on fire. As long as Reeves didn’t hurt himself too badly, we’ll be fine.”
I fold my arms on my desk and rest my head, closing my eyes to listen to his soothing voice. It washes over me, allowing me to pretend he’s here.
“You, on the other hand,” he says slowly.
I crack an eye open, finding him leveling me with a pointed look. “What about me?”
“You told me you finished all your assignments for the next couple of weeks. What are you working on?”
“Um…” I sit up, scanning the array of books surrounding my laptop on my desk. “I figured I should get ahead. I mean, I might as well. Right?”
“What happened to that break Marnie made you take last weekend? This is why she gave you time off.” His brows furrow. “Maya, you’re gonna work yourself into the ground.”
An uncomfortable heat burns in my chest because he’s paying close attention. And he’s right, I’m working myself too hard.
His eyes pierce into me, but I don’t have to explain what’s driving me on again. When I came back from visiting my grandfather, he was the first person I went to. He stroked my hair and listened as I recounted what happened.
I’m still shaken by it. Seeing Grandpa crying has always killed me, but seeing the fear and desperation in his eyes absolutely shattered my soul and stole away the hope I’ve been grasping to that he was getting better.
My grandfather is the strongest person I know, but even he isn’t strong enough to fight death. It comes for us all eventually. It’s a truth we can’t outrun.
Releasing a tight exhale, I swallow past the lump in my throat in an effort to keep my emotions in check.
“I just want to finish,” I push out.
“You will. You don’t have to rush it all.”
“But I’m running out of time.” My voice breaks, throat aching with an agonizing sting as Grandpa’s breakdown hits me again. “I have to finish.”
Easton gives me a heartbreaking look, bringing the phone closer as if it could bring us together from the miles separating us. A band constricts around my heart. I need him and he knows it.
“I wish I was there with you right now,” he says gruffly. “I want to hold you in my arms.”
“Me too. I could really use one of your hugs.”
“The minute the bus gets back to campus, I’ll be there. If you’re already asleep, know you’ll be waking up in my arms on Monday.”
“Thank you for putting up with me.” I sigh, giving myself a squeeze.
“Baby, it’s not a hardship. I’m not putting up with anything. You need my support? You’ve got it. Just like you do for me. We’re a team, right?”
“Yeah.”
“A team has to be open with each other. If we don’t communicate, we’re in the shit, you know?”
“You’re right. I know it’s better to do that instead of holding it in on my own. I’m still getting used to having someone I trust enough to see me fall apart when I’m frustrated or afraid.”
“It’s okay. I’m here for all of it.” His expression softens when I nod. “You just have to let me be there for you instead of bottling it up.”
It’s amazing how much better I feel after talking to him. I’m able to breathe easier just knowing I have him to lean on.
“How about when I’m back we load up on snacks and find a show to binge watch? Just us.”
“I like the sound of that.”
“Good. Now close your computer and put away the books.”
Laughing, I do as he says, lifting my hands to show it’s done. He nods with a smile.
“Don’t even think about touching those for the rest of the weekend.”
My lips twitch. I flutter my lashes playfully, dropping my voice to a husky lilt.
“Yes, sir.”
Easton gives a rough hum, eyes hooding. “That’s my good girl.” His gaze passes over me in a slow drag and the tip of his tongue traces his bottom lip. “I can still help you relax. Will you let me make you feel better?”
I bite my lip, heart fluttering. Even when he’s not beside me, he’s here for me in every way I need him. No distance will matter between us wherever life takes us.
“What do you have in mind?”
He brings his face close to the camera, grinning wickedly. Warmth blooms in the pit of my stomach in anticipation.
“Go get your favorite toy.”
