“This is it.”
Farrah and Olivia stared at the dorm, the place where they lived, laughed, and loved for a year, and where Farrah had some of the best—and most heartbreaking—moments of her life.
She was the first of her friends to leave. She’d spent the entire morning saying goodbye—to her friends, to FEA, to everything and everyone she’d loved this past year.
All except one.
Farrah’s chest squeezed.
“We’ll see each other soon,” Olivia said. “We’ll be in New York together this summer.”
“Hopefully.” Farrah hadn’t received her summer assignment yet, but the thought of New York was the only thing keeping her going today.
Farrah, Olivia, and Sammy together in New York. It would be a dream. She didn’t even mind playing third wheel to her friends’ nauseatingly sweet relationship—the only one in their group that lasted the whole year.
But as much as Farrah loved Olivia and Sammy, it wasn’t about the three of them. It was about the collective, and she didn’t have the heart to tell her friend that even if they all somehow met up again, it wouldn’t be the same. They would never be as young and carefree as they were now. They would never live in the same dorm, knowing the others were just a few rooms or a floor down. They couldn’t hop into a cab and grab dinner in the French Concession, or dance the night away in 808, or take spontaneous day trips to a neighboring water town. The magic of the group only existed in this place and moment in time.
What scared Farrah the most was not leaving Shanghai; it was the possibility they’d forget what FEA meant to them. For a year, maybe two or three, they’d reminisce and stay in touch, but what happens after five years, ten years? Shanghai will be just another memory, relegated to the sandbox of time.
Her cab driver, who’d been busy cursing his future son-in-law on the phone, hung up. He got into the driver’s seat and turned on the engine, a clear signal it was time to leave.
Panic and regret washed over Farrah. She’d resisted going to Blake’s room to say goodbye. She had no reason to. They didn’t stay friends after their breakup, but it felt wrong to leave without seeing him one last time. She didn’t need to speak to him; she just wanted to see him. To remind herself that, despite how it ended, what they had was real.
Tears prickled Farrah’s eyes. She sniffled and wiped them away with the back of her hand. “Sorry. I’m a mess.”
Olivia wasn’t paying attention. She stared over Farrah’s shoulder with a strange expression on her face.
Farrah turned. Her heart burst out of her chest when she saw Blake standing there. She may as well have conjured him with her thoughts. Dressed in a warm-up suit with earphones embedded in his ears, he was clearly en route to the gym.
They stared at each other, both at a loss for words.
Farrah couldn’t breathe. She dreamed about him last night, a dream so vivid she could’ve sworn it was real. She even woke up to what she thought was his signature crisp, citrusy scent lingering in her sheets. Sometimes, her wild imagination sucked.
Olivia cleared her throat. “I’m saying ‘see you later,’ since this isn’t goodbye.” She squeezed Farrah tight and whispered, “Do what you need to do.”
“I love you so much.” Olivia had been her confidante, partner-in-crime, and the best friend she could’ve asked for in Shanghai. Farrah would never forget that.
Olivia looked sadder than Farrah had ever seen her. “I love you too.”
Their hug lingered for a few more moments until Olivia released her. She flicked her gaze to Blake before disappearing into the lobby.
Farrah took a deep breath and turned around again. Blake was still standing there, but he’d taken his earphones out. His jaw tensed. He closed the distance between them and opened his arms without a word.
That one simple gesture caused Farrah to forget everything from the impatient cab driver to the way Blake broke her heart to all the nights she’d spent crying over him. Instead, she acted on instinct and went into his arms, pressing her cheek so tight against his chest she heard his heart beat.
His strong arms enveloped her in a familiar embrace. Farrah squeezed her eyes shut and tried to savor every millisecond, knowing each one could be the last.
They weren’t friends. They weren’t enemies, either. Whatever they were, this felt like a proper goodbye. For better or worse, Shanghai wouldn’t have been the same without him.
“Have a safe flight.” The deep rumble of Blake’s voice startled her from her trance.
Farrah allowed herself one more second before pulling out of Blake’s grasp. His hands dropped to his sides.
“Thanks.” Farrah held back a fresh wave of tears. Not now. Not yet.
“I guess this is goodbye.”
“Yes.” Her voice came out hoarser than she would’ve liked. She cleared her throat. “I guess it is.”
Blake looked down. His Adam’s apple bobbed. “Farrah, I—”
That slight hesitation caused her heart to gallop like a racehorse upon hearing the starting pistol.
“I—” Blake’s jaw clenched. “Goodbye.”
Farrah deflated. What did she expect? That he was doing to drop to his knees and say how much he loved her and what a huge mistake he’d made? Life wasn’t a book or a movie. It was silly to think otherwise.
She climbed into the cab, unable to look at Blake any longer. She was about to close the door when he spoke again.
“Do you hate me?”
Her head jerked up in surprise. Blake’s jaw remained tense as he waited for her response.
Did she hate him? She had reason to. He broke her heart, made her believe they’d be together forever when she was just another notch in his belt, and ruined her last few months in Shanghai. At the same time…
“No.”
His eyes flared with surprise. “No?”
“No.”
Blake caused her more pain than she could’ve imagined, but he’d also made her happier than she thought possible. He confirmed True Love did exist, even if it was unrequited, and that made all the heartbreak worthwhile.
One day Farrah would find someone who’ll make what she had with Blake pale in comparison, and maybe then she’d forget about the blue-eyed boy in front of her. But Blake would always be her first love, and for that, she could never hate him, no matter how much she wanted to.
“I’m sorry.” Blake’s stony expression cracked. His eyes shone with regret, sadness, and something Farrah couldn’t identify. “For everything.”
“I know.”
They stared at each other for the last time. The air between them was heavy with broken promises and unspoken words, but their time had run out. Not everyone gets a happy ending, and not all loose ends get tied up in real life. The only things they could take with them were the memories.
“Do they actually work for you?”
“Excuse me?”
“Your cheesy pickup lines. Do they actually work for you?”
“Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me about your dad.”
“I think you drive me crazier than any person ought to. And I think I might die if I can’t be with you.”
“You will never lose me. I will always love you. Always.”
Farrah smiled a sad smile. It had been good while it lasted. “Goodbye.”
She closed the cab door and settled into her seat. She kept her eyes forward as the driver pulled out of the courtyard.
They didn’t make it to the main street before the skies opened up and droplets of water splattered against the windows like crystal tears.
Farrah leaned her head against the glass. She could just make out the buildings that defined Shanghai’s skyline through the rain: the Pearl Tower, the Jinmao Tower, the World Financial Tower.
It had been a morning of heart-wrenching farewells, but now she had to say the hardest goodbyes of all: to Shanghai and to the person she was here, in this place and time, knowing she’ll never be this way again.
Goodbye, Shanghai. Until we meet again.
