THE DAY of my mother’s funeral, there’s a heat wave in New York City.
Of course, there is. It makes perfect sense. Whit tries to make a joke about hell welcoming our mother home, but Summer jabs him in the ribs to shut him up.
I almost giggled but corrected myself at the last second.
Sylvie acts like a zombie—an impeccably dressed zombie but still. She moves slow. Doesn’t respond to our questions like she doesn’t even hear them. She flat out doesn’t say much at all while Spencer guides her through the motions, as if she can’t even walk or talk on her own. I’m sure she’s still in a state of shock. While their relationship wasn’t normal, they were close, no matter how much Sylvie tried to get away from her.
I stay and sit with my family at the church while West sits with his mother, who is beside herself with grief. She was close to my mother for such a brief time, and another death in her life only two years after her husband’s pushed her over the edge, West explained to me before the funeral started.
“If you want me by your side, I will be there,” he said, his voice firm, his gaze serious. “But I also don’t want to intrude on your family either. I know this is a difficult time for all of you. I remember how it is.”
It’s better this way, I think as I sit with my father, who holds my hand throughout the entire service. West can console his mother while my father consoles me. Augustus Lancaster loved my mother at one point, yet he also hated her. Their divorce was nasty. All sorts of fighting over money and the children, though we were all shipped off by then. Mother just wanted the status and the name by the end of it all. That’s all she cared about.
My parents may have been divorced, but deep down, he still cared about her. She still mattered. She was the mother of his children.
A sea of Lancasters attend the funeral as well, most of them showing up to pay their respects to Sylvia. I’m surrounded by them, all of us sitting together at the front of the church none of us attend unless for weddings and funerals. The occasional baptism. A Christmas service or for Easter. Some of us could benefit from spending a little more time in church, but that’s a discussion for another day.
Once the service is over, we all walk out of the church together as a family, so many people murmuring their respects. I teared up a little during the service, but I feel all cried out today. I’m not much of a crier in the first place and shedding so many tears the last few days has completely wiped me out.
“Come straight over to the apartment,” Father announces. “I’ve already told everyone. There’s food and drink, and an entire staff to serve it. I hired a piano player and everything.”
“Mother would love this type of party,” Sylvie says.
“She would,” Whit agrees.
“At least someone is playing the piano in Daddy’s apartment,” I say with a little shrug.
“Carolina,” Sylvie says out of nowhere.
I turn to look at her. “Yes?”
“I love you.” She shifts closer, pulling me into a hug.
I cling to her, closing my eyes for a brief moment before I turn my head and press my lips to her cheek, saying the words back to her. “I love you, too.”
When was the last time we said that to each other? I have no idea. Most of the time I believed Sylvie resented me. That she hated me for being able to escape the house while she was stuck behind.
But maybe not. Maybe she envied me. Perhaps she even missed me. I know sometimes—a lot of the time—I missed her and Whit. They might’ve been shitty to me as only older siblings can be, but I did miss them.
With our mother gone, maybe we can be closer now.
We’re about to load up in the limo to head for my father’s apartment when West calls my name. I turn to find him, standing off to the side, his mother standing next to him with red-rimmed eyes.
“How are you?” he asks when I draw closer.
I offer them both a weak smile. “I’m dealing.”
“That’s all you can do.” He brings me in with one arm slung around my shoulders, kissing my forehead.
“I’m so sorry for your loss,” Laura says, and West releases me so I can hug his mother. “You’re so strong. I would be a sobbing mess.”
“You were a sobbing mess,” West says, his voice lightly teasing, trying to ease the heaviness that lingers.
There’s no use though. That heaviness is going to be with me—with us—for a while.
“I’m just so sick over what happened. I know how hard it is to lose someone.” Laura releases her hold on me and I realize it’s so much easier to let people touch me now. I don’t even flinch.
How … strange.
I think I owe it all to West.
“It’s been difficult,” I agree, because I know that’s what I should say.
We might’ve been on better terms lately, but my mother wasn’t a good person. She was manipulative and abusive toward Sylvie. I also think she suffered from mental issues, yet she never sought help.
I wish she would’ve. Things might’ve ended up differently.
“Your father asked everyone to come to his apartment,” West says.
“Please do. I’ll be there. I’m going to ride over with them.” I hug him once more, needing to absorb his calmness, his strength for a little bit longer. “See you there?”
“We’ll be there.” He kisses me, quick and soft, and I’m not embarrassed that his mother saw it. I might’ve been a few months ago.
But not anymore.
I ride over to my father’s house with him, shocked to receive a group text to all of us from Whit that they had to make a detour to the hospital because his wife has gone into labor.
“Summer is going to have the baby,” I announce to him.
He jerks his head in my direction, his brows drawn together in confusion. “Right now?”
I’m reading the texts from Sylvie, who’s explaining that they’re stopping by the hospital to drop Whit and Summer off before they come to the gathering. “Yes, right now. Can you believe it?”
“You lost your mother and you’re gaining a niece, and me a granddaughter, all in the same day.” Father shakes his head, a faint smile on his face. “It won’t be just a day to mourn any longer.”
I smile at him in return, the tears returning to my eyes. I try to fight them, but it’s no use, and I let them flow, wiping them off with my index finger. “Is it odd to feel happy right now? About the baby coming?”
“Not at all.” Father reaches out and pats my knee. “It’s a good thing, this baby being born today. Your mother would’ve loved that.”
Would she? The baby is stealing her thunder. This day is supposed to be about Sylvia Lancaster, not the next generation.
But then again, she’s not here anymore, and there’s no thunder to steal. This feels like divine intervention. Both of my parents would call it a gift from God.
“Do you think she knows?” My question is a whisper, and I’m referring to my mother. I feel silly asking it, but I can’t help but wonder. “About the baby?”
“Carolina, I’m positive that your mother not only knows, she’s the one who made this happen.” He offers me a reassuring smile. “One last gift from Sylvia.”
I’m shocked by my father speaking so kindly of her, but I suppose he still had a bit of affection for the woman. She was the mother of his children, even if she was not necessarily a good one.
I too would rather think of her in a positive light than a negative one today, so I’m going to have to agree with his statement.
When we arrive at my father’s apartment, he turns it on for the crowd that has gathered. The eternal host. Ready to entertain and tell his stories while surrounded by an audience. He launches into multiple ones about our mother, sharing old details about things I’ve never heard about her before. I listen for a while, relieved when I spot West and his mother entering the apartment, and I go to them immediately.
“Summer is at the hospital. She’s in labor,” I announce.
“No shit?” West grins, his mother slapping him on the arm.
“Watch your language. We were just at a funeral,” she chastises.
“Yes. She was having contractions all through the funeral, I guess. Whit demanded the limo driver take them to the hospital right away. The baby is going to be born today. Whit is giving us updates,” I explain.
“Aw, I love that. There’s something about this moment that feels very full circle, don’t you think?” Laura asks.
I nod, hooking my arm through West’s, so I can lean my head against his chest. “Very full circle. We lose someone in the family and gain someone, all in the same day.”
“That’s sweet,” Laura says, getting misty-eyed.
I smile at her. I like that she has a soft heart. That she isn’t hard like my mother was. Sylvia Lancaster was jaded. Cynical. Always trying to find a way to get something out of someone. From what I see with West’s mother, she’s not like that at all.
And I love that. It means that West has some of her soft heart too.
After a few minutes of conversation with West and his mom, I wander around the apartment and chat with various people, including my relatives. I spend a little time with my cousin Crew and his brothers, Finn and Grant. I catch up with Charlotte and her handsome husband, Perry. I give my younger cousin Arch some shit because he’s a devil just like my brother and Grant, and he deserves it. I spot the terror twins, the youngest sons of my father’s youngest brother, Fitz. Not sure where his daughter is though. We’re closer in age and when we were little, we played together a lot.
There is so much family here, and while I’ve avoided them for the last eight years of my life for the most part, every one of them is warm and welcoming toward me, asking me plenty of questions, seemingly interested in my life. Well, most of them. Some are grumpy.
Most though, are fairly decent.
After I chat with yet another friendly relative, I realize that I regret treating my family like an afterthought. Family is important. I should connect with them more. Spend quality time with them. All of them. My brother and sister and father. My cousins and my aunts and uncles. When I was a little girl, we would get together all the time for various family events. As we got older and my parents went through their difficult divorce, everyone scattered in different directions, and it was never the same.
I’d like to change that and soon. We can’t just let funerals and weddings bring us together. We should actually want to spend more time with each other.
And I want to include West in these celebrations too. And his mother. They only have each other while I have this big, welcoming family that will surely take them in.
Well, I might be stretching it a bit when I use the word welcoming. The Lancasters can be a snobbish bunch when they want to be.
“Hey.” I turn at the sound of West’s voice to see him lingering near the entry to the kitchen, and I go to him, letting him wrap me up in his embrace. “We’re probably going to leave soon.”
“Okay.” I close my eyes when he kisses me on the forehead. I love it when he delivers those. Why did I ever want to flip him off again? I feel like a completely different version of myself. “I’m going to stay here a little while longer.”
“You want me to come back and pick you up?” The concern in his gaze, the offer he just made, makes me feel safe.
No one has ever done that for me. Not really. Not ever.
Until West.
“That would be nice.” I smile at him just before he kisses me.
“Give me like an hour. I’ll be back. Text me if you need anything.”
I hug Laura, thanking her for her sympathetic words, appreciating her too. Appreciating both of them. What was supposed to be a time of celebration for them with the sale of the House of Fontaine has turned into something sad. But they don’t blame me for it.
I don’t blame myself either. This is just life.
And sometimes things don’t go as planned.
