It’s still dark outside when I wake up. Ash sits on the edge of the bed, leaning over to tie his shoes.
I roll over on my side. “What time is it?”
“Early. Go back to sleep.”
“Where are you going?”
“For a run.”
“Can’t sleep?”
He shakes his head. The ramifications of my past with Gabe feel like a wrecking ball for the people around me. I don’t regret telling Ash, but I hate the position I’ve put him in.
“Can I come?”
“You want to go running?”
“I run sometimes.” I fight a yawn. “Okay, I walk quickly sometimes, but I do know a cool place if you’re up for a change of scenery.”
It’s still early so only a few other people are out, but we see a cute Cavalier and two Yorkies walking along the path around the park.
“I love coming here,” I tell him. “It’s great for dog shopping.”
“Thinking of nabbing one?”
“No.” I laugh lightly. God, it feels good to laugh today. “Just window shopping. My dad is allergic, so we never had one growing up. I used to spend hours looking at puppy ads online, but then I discovered that if you go to a park early enough in the morning you can see them in person.”
He chuckles. “Wonders of the world.”
“And this way I get to see what their personalities are like. Did you have any pets growing up?”
“We had cats, mostly, but when I was about nine, my parents rescued a little lab and pointer mix. She was already six so we didn’t have her that long, but she was cool. I took her skating with me all the time.” He smiles wider. “I forgot about that.”
We’re both quiet for a few minutes as we walk along the path, watching the sun rise.
“How are you feeling this morning?” Ash asks, taking my hand as we move over to the side to let a bicycle pass.
“Okay. Relieved in some ways and not so relieved in others.”
“Does anyone else know?”
“Grace knows about yesterday and Everly knows everything.”
“No one else?”
“I lost touch with my friends when Gabe and I started dating.”
“What about your parents?”
“They loved him. He’s really good at charming people when he wants.” I bite the inside of my cheek. “And I guess I was ashamed that I let things get so bad. I know it wasn’t my fault, but there were so many red flags that I ignored.”
His thumb strokes the outside of my hand. “I’m not sure the best way to navigate this, so bear with me, but have you considered talking to someone? A therapist or something? Or trying again with your parents? If it were my sister or mom, I’d want to know.”
“Maybe.” My throat tightens.
“Whatever you need, I’m here. I could ask the team doctors for recommendations.”
“That’s okay, but thank you.”
“And I’ll go with you, if that’s something you want. I don’t want to screw this up.”
“You won’t. You’ve done more than enough already.” I try to laugh it off, but the sound is weak and brittle.
He stops and steps closer. “Last night you said this was supposed to be casual but, Bridge, the way I feel about you isn’t casual. It never was. I want to be with you. I want to take you on dates and vacations and out with my friends. Hell, I woke up yesterday morning thinking about asking you to move in with me. I’m sure that freaks you out right now, but I want you to know where I stand. I’m crazy about you and I’m not giving up. We’re going to figure this out.”
Panic fills my veins not because I don’t want those things too but because I don’t know how to get there without blowing up his career. He thinks it’ll all be okay, but he can’t know that for sure.
“Come on. I promised you a run.” I start jogging down the path before the tears can fall, and a few seconds later, Ash falls into step beside me.
