Leaving that damn woman’s apartment was like leaving a song unfinished. Aubrey spoke to me like the perfect melody, a harmony that wrapped you up and stuck on you for days. When I got that close to her, she was that damn hook in the song that made me forget any other song existed.
I would rather have climbed through barbed wire than her doorway at that moment. Because whether she wanted to admit it or not, we made the perfect song together. No other man could get her off like I did.
At least I fucking hoped so.
That hope had me spiraling. I got back to Jay’s empty house and figured focusing on the algorithms for my new app would help.
Instead, I tried to break down her facial expressions. I couldn’t read her as well anymore and didn’t know if she meant everything she’d said.
Did she think learning about the bullshit Frank and I talked about would help, would allow her to forgive me for leaving her?
Hell, I could barely forgive myself.
Add to it the shit I did for him while he rotted in prison, not even the devil would forgive me. Probability was not in my favor, and I wasn’t willing to risk her never talking to me again.
I’m not proud to say I spent hours working over a single glitch in the app and it amounted to nothing. I couldn’t focus on how we were going to swing the PR. I couldn’t focus on when the best dates were to maximize profits on the launch concert. I could barely focus on what music should be put into the app first.
Walking down to the lake finally cleared my head. Any lake was an old friend of mine, ready to bring clarity where it was needed.
Mostly because every lake reminded me of her. The calmness, when everything was quiet at night, lapped quietly at my soul and soothed every nerve just like she could. When the winds picked up and the waves crashed into the rocks nearby, I remembered her wild and free near the lake that night so many years ago, begging me to let go with her. Her dark hair caught in the wind, whipping away at the world, her eyes a vivid green, and her soul so lit up, it battled out all the darkness around her. She’d finally become herself, and there was no way I would ever let someone take that independence from her.
All of this was for her. She may never know it but protecting her from her father was about the only thing I was willing to give her up for.
I didn’t waste more time there but jetted back to the city to work out more details.
My flight took longer than expected. It allowed me to map out the investments I wanted to make, calculate the stocks with just the right amount of risk, and discover that the app would generate more success than Stonewood Enterprises had ever expected.
My driver was waiting for me when we finally landed. He mumbled something about Isabel instructing him to tell me to call her. I grunted and as I slid into the black SUV, my shoulders relaxed like a damn weight had been lifted.
Here, I was comfortable. I was a Stonewood and that held the most weight in this city. My instant fame from one album didn’t matter in the city where my name overpowered it. People feared and respected us here. It reminded me of why I left in the first place.
Here, I could hide away from my demons and could make something of myself so I didn’t have to focus on selling my soul to the devil.
I remember distinctly the day the news broke of my visit to see Aubrey’s dad in prison. Tabloids everywhere captured me striding into the building and variations of “Jax Betrays Family by Visiting Whitfield” were the headlines. Walking into Stonewood Enterprises that day to let my dad know the news wasn’t something to look forward to.
He mirrored an older version of me, a version that had been around the block, had calculated his every move, and had learned everything the hard way.
He was a better man and a scarier one. Before I walked into his office, I almost turned around and fled back to my mother, thinking nothing could be worse than disappointing and facing him.
Walking through the doors and seeing the look he had on his face made me realize two things that day. My father wasn’t just a ruthless businessman, he was also a ruthless father.
“You all right, son?” he asked quietly, his eyes working over my face as if he could find the answer before I opened my mouth.
I nodded and let him scrutinize me more.
He nodded back at me as if he’d come to the conclusion that day that I was a man, a Stonewood man. “You want me to handle this with Frank and the tabloids?”
“I’ve got it taken care of.”
“Your mom loves Frank’s girl like her own, Jax,” he warned.
“Yeah, and I love her more than I do my music, my life, and my damn soul combined,” I answered back.
He sighed and ran a hand over his face. “I figured that. Be careful, then.”
“Always am when it comes to what’s mine.”
My father rubbed the side of his mouth before saying, “I thought that once too. Don’t make the same mistakes I did. This city is a good place to find yourself and lose yourself all at once,” he whispered almost to himself more than me. He looked down at a picture on his desk, one I knew was of my mother.
“She’s still waiting for you whenever you’re ready to give up this life, Dad,” I mumbled.
He grunted, and I left him to his own thoughts because I had my own thoughts to sift through that day. I had to come up with a plan to cut ties with Frank, fulfill his requests, and protect the damn spitfire that had me wrapped around her finger.
Chicago held so many memories, but I found comfort in knowing I was doing the same thing as my father. I was able to hide from my true self, the one that felt fucking pain every time I saw a glimpse of a woman who looked like Aubrey or a magazine that captured her hanging out with Jay or Roman.
People either go to the big city to be a star or to disappear into the masses. No one cares what anyone else does there unless they are doing something phenomenal. The beauty of the cityscape is that a person can either change it by creating their own empire or get lost in it without anyone noticing they ever existed.
I accomplished both of those things by moving there.
My cell rang, and I scrubbed my hands down my face as I glanced at the screen.
Isabel.
Because the damn woman couldn’t give me a second to breathe once I was back. I ignored it, knowing I needed a good night’s sleep and barked at my driver to take me home.
That night, I dreamt of Aubrey wrapped around me, in her neutral-colored clothes and all.
Going to see Frank in prison the next morning would make the headlines. I knew when I saw two SUVs following. They’d snap a picture and build a story on anything they could right now. With the app set to launch in just a few weeks, anything was more than nothing to them.
“Want me to lose them, boss?” My driver asked.
“No use, really. Others will be waiting when we get there.”
My phone rang, and I saw that Isabel was calling again.
My driver chuckled to himself.
I shot him a look and he outright laughed at me. Probably the only man who would. “I told you to call her last night, boss.”
“Shut the fuck up,” I said as I pushed the privacy window button.
“Isabel, I’m busy,” I answered.
“You’re on your way to that god-awful prison. You can’t be that busy.”
“News already?”
“Yup. They’ve got your SUV on live TV. Now that leaves me to clean up the PR mess before your launch, and honestly, we don’t have time for this shit, Jax.”
“This shit is what I pay you to make time for.”
“Then maybe you should answer your phone when I call so you can prepare me for making time for it.”
I sighed. “Isabel, I’m not in the mood. You know what I’m doing. What do you want?”
“Well, I want a call when you’re back in town, Jax.” She sounded a little hurt but I’d become immune to people feeling hurt when they worked for me. “We could have gotten dinner or something.”
“Like you said, I have this launch coming up. I don’t need to remind you that it is a multimillion-dollar launch that needs my time and attention more than you need it at dinner.”
“I’ve never wasted your time, have I?”
I smiled. “No, you haven’t. Yet. You are a pain in my ass though.”
“Sweet talk from the boss,” she purred. “I love it. Does my boss want to scratch an itch tonight with me? I haven’t been fucked since you’ve been gone.”
Just like her to cut straight to the point. “That’s not my problem. You can sleep with whomever you want.”
“Right. Well, I recall having to make out with you for every one of your launch concerts, which somewhat limits my little black book, considering no guy is willing to step on your toes. And let’s be honest, you’re easier than most men I sleep with. Might I remind you, we seem to work, Mr. Stonewood.”
I grunted because, normally, she was right. The woman had an uncanny knack for knowing how to do well in the PR industry, which included manipulating our relationship in the press just the way she wanted. It had always served in both of our favors, in more ways than one.
I just wasn’t so sure it would serve me well in the future.
“How are we trending? Is our launch date still looking good?”
“Of course.”
“Then that’s all I need from you now.” I hung up, not willing to discuss anything else with her, as we pulled up to see Frank.
Over the years, the jitteriness of facing him had subsided. It’ll make a damn man out of you walking into a prison and facing a monster. I used to hope I’d become like Jett or my dad, but they lacked one thing I learned by coming to visit Frank for all these years.
I learned that power doesn’t just come from doing everything right, from calculating and stepping in all the right directions.
Sometimes, power comes from fear. Facing the fear over and over again until you are manipulating it and breathing the fear onto everyone else. What most people couldn’t do though, was learn to calculate the fear and unleash it at just the right second.
The time drew near with him, it would be only a few more visits, then I’d never have to see him again.
