That summer was filled with sorrow, pain, and handling legalities after I left her that night. Going to live with my father—hours away from my mother, little brother, and Aubrey—had always been my plan. I didn’t want to stick around and go to college like every other person in that small town. I wanted and needed more.
That night, we laid together after I snuck into her room. I pulled my guitar out and sang lyrics I’d written for her after us being on the lake.
“Sweet Sin, Sweet Sin.
You pulled me in.
Taste of cinnamon,
Sweet as ever and mine forever
Sweet Sin, Sweet Sin,
I can’t avoid this now
Meant to be waking up and sleeping next to me.”
She cried like they meant everything to her, and then we made love like we were meant to be. In that moment, my desire to be everything to her nearly did me in. She was the one girl who’d made me feel everything—good and bad, all at once.
When I got up to leave, I’d thought about bringing her with me, but when I looked at her lying in bed as I grabbed my duffel, I knew I couldn’t wake her and ask her to come. Her smooth skin glowed in the moonlight, her lips parted just enough to keep their natural shape and show the plump upper lip that bowed. Her hair was undone and the dark waves clashed with the white sheets my mom thought looked so nice. Little did she know how much of a bitch it was for me to clean when I’d taken her virginity there.
Damn, I wanted to wake her up and look at her emerald eyes one last time. But if I did, I would give in to their sadness and do what I knew I shouldn’t.
I wouldn’t enable her or myself any longer. We needed to heal from the tragedy we’d both experienced. She needed to learn I wasn’t there to save her, and I needed to learn what fucked-up emotion I was dealing with when I looked at her.
We needed to grow the fuck up without one another because, at this rate, I wouldn’t let a soul near her. I was ready to knock more than a few heads together to shield her from the shit that was being said about that night.
Already had.
More than that, I needed to protect her. I could do that from farther away. I’d do that by doing the one damn thing she was sure to never forgive me for. I’d do it by leaving her and by visiting the damn man that lit her life on fire.
The next day, I was patted down after walking through metal detectors. When a boy, who’s supposed to be a man at eighteen, shakes from the clash of culture shock after walking into a prison, he realizes one thing about himself. He’s a pussy.
That prison shaped the rest of my life, maybe for the better or maybe for the worse.
Aubrey’s father sat across from me, such a different man than I thought he was.
Looking back, the signs were there. The way she never made a mistake, the way she entered a room almost too quietly. How her face lit up like she’d never seen a happy home every damn time she came over or how her clothes were never out of place. But shit, she hid the turmoil of abuse well. Or maybe I was ignorant, not realizing that most families hide those secrets so much better than others.
So many years ago, I remember how she would panic. She didn’t say much, but when she panicked it was fucking scary. Jay handled her panic attacks better, knew how to soothe her, handled her better in general. Which pissed me off.
I’d never been jealous of my little brother until I saw how Aubrey looked at him. He was her protector, and she was the treasure he would kill me over. Even if neither would admit it.
The only other time as a kid that I’d questioned Aubrey’s home life was the day I found that her hair had been cut after she’d panicked at my house. When I saw her at school the next week, I almost collapsed in shock. Her hair was cut into a bob, and something in me just knew she hadn’t wanted it cut that way. Something in me, even stronger, made me forget. No one wants that shit on their conscience and I was young and stupid.
I wasn’t being stupid this time around.
Aubrey’s father must have seen that in my eyes, read me better than I was ever able to read people. After we stared at one another—his green eyes so much like Aubrey’s, but colder—he leaned back in his chair and smiled.
How closely the girl I loved resembled the man I hated scared the shit out of me. When he smiled, I saw Aubrey, but I also saw a sort of menace Aubrey could never have.
“You here to apologize?” he asked so softly. Yet, his words reverberated so loudly through me.
I shook my head, trying to clear it. “Apologize for what, Frank?”
“We aren’t on a first name basis yet, boy.”
My jaw clenched, and he saw it. He was waiting for it and pounced.
“But maybe we should be, huh? It seems you were in the company of my daughter enough. Maybe we should have met on a more regular basis.”
“What your daughter and I do is not really your concern anymore.” I smiled and looked sweepingly around to emphasize my point. The man would be behind bars for a long time.
His eye twitched a little then. I’d struck a chord and he knew it. “You think these walls can protect my daughter from me?”
“Your daughter doesn’t want anything to do with you.” My voice was low.
“My daughter doesn’t get a choice. I’m her blood,” he spat the words out smugly.
I started to rise. “I’m glad I came to witness this. You’re right where you belong—”
“Sit down,” he hissed.
“Maybe you forgot, but I’m not locked up in here. I can go whenever I want,” I reminded him, still standing.
Somehow, the man seemed to rise above me even as I stood over him. He stayed sitting and showed his hand, the one he’d been sitting on, the one he knew was the trump card. “Aubrey thinks she’s donating her mother’s trust fund to that little charity, doesn’t she?”
“Who the fuck cares what she does with it? If it makes her happy—”
“Oh, I’m aware it makes her happy. You know she lives for that? Doing something for someone else. She and her mother were just so alike. So giving.”
“Fuck you, old man.”
“No, no, no.” He shook his head slowly. “You and I have a lot of business to do together and you talking to me that way just won’t do. Now, let’s remember, I didn’t give Aubrey’s mother any money.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. What he was saying didn’t add up.
I could always read people though. They were an equation that could always be solved. Frank was no different. His plan was as clear as day to me immediately.
My face must have paled or turned red, I don’t know. I didn’t hide my disgust so easily back then and knew Aubrey would never accept the conclusion I’d come to.
“Ah, you understand.” Frank smiled at me, teeth so white and perfect, they just called to be knocked out. “So, you see why we’ll be working together. You can’t possibly be all right with me telling my daughter she’s spending your parents’ hard-earned money. That trust fund is a little lie they spun to make sure she was comfortable.”
“You piece of—”
“Sit down,” he hissed again.
This time, I listened.
“Now, we’ve got stocks to talk over and you’ve got algorithms to look at for my company. I expect my business to still be running smoothly by the end of my time here.”
“I’m not a businessman or an investor.” The walls of this place started to seem as though they were closing in. “And you’ll never get out of here.”
“Then you’ll be investing my stocks for a long time, won’t you?”
“Like I said, I’m not a business—”
He cut his hand through the air to silence me. “I know your worth. I’ve read about you in the news. You’ve worked closely with your father and have made some of the best investing decisions possible in your first eighteen years of life. Don’t play dumb with me.”
“Aubrey won’t care,” I replied, but my voice sounded panicked.
“Maybe not. But she’ll care that you’re responsible for her mother’s death. That you left me when you grabbed those keys that night.”
My poker face went up like a motherfucker then. We both knew I would never admit to anything like that. Not here or anywhere.
“You don’t have to admit anything, but it doesn’t matter how much I had to drink. I always kept my keys on me when I locked them up.”
I almost vomited at his blatant confession of abuse.
“So, when can I plan on seeing you next? I need to make sure my company gives you access to my finances.”
The prison I thought I could freely walk out of seemed to mock me.
I walked out that day in my own personal lockup, chained to a monster that happened to be the father of the girl I loved.
