River watched Jackson from across the yard. The dark night cast shadows over his face, but it didn’t detract from how good-looking he was. If anything, it made him more handsome. More dangerous. More…everything.
She swallowed the lump in her throat. Tonight was her last with him. Last for a while, at least. Because tomorrow he was leaving with her brother to join the military.
A little part of her heart broke at the thought. Okay, not a little part. A big, gigantic chunk. It cracked and crumbled at the thought of never seeing him walk around the school halls again. Never waking up to see him sitting at the dining table beside her brother, Ryker.
The man was basically a staple in her house. Her parents treated him like he was their own because, well, his own father didn’t.
She pulled at a loose thread in her dress, very aware that the tremble in her fingers had nothing to do with the cold and everything to do with what she planned to say to Jackson.
Michele leaned close. “When are you going to give it to him?”
River gasped, dragging her eyes away from Jackson to look at her best friend. “Chele! Someone could hear you.”
The yard was packed with people. Most a year older than her, seniors from Ryker and Jackson’s grade.
Michele’s eyes softened. “No one’s listening.” Her gaze skittered across the yard, then back to River. “I think you should do it soon.”
Was that her heart having a little attack at her friend’s words? “Why? Because you think I’ll chicken out if I wait too long?”
Michele raised a brow.
Okay. Maybe her friend had a point. She’d liked Jackson for so long. Obsessed over him basically since the first time she’d laid eyes on him freshman year. She still remembered that moment so clearly. It had been her first day at a new school, only having moved to town the week earlier. And there he’d been, across the cafeteria. She didn’t know what had pulled her gaze in his direction. The romantic part of her liked to think it was fate. But that was dumb, wasn’t it? Because when they were together, all they did was argue. And yet, the second he left the room, she felt his absence like the weight of a rock on her chest.
And that had been her life. For three long years.
“I’m not going to chicken out,” she eventually said, not sure if she was trying to convince her friend or herself.
Hell, she hated being scared of anything. Growing up with a fearless brother like Ryker made her want to be just as brave. But, for some reason, when it came to Jackson, she felt fearful of everything.
His laugh floated across the yard, dulling the sound of music and voices. Her gaze skirted back to him, noting the crinkles beside his eyes. The way his lips tilted up and his entire face lightened.
When he stepped away from the group, she tracked his movement, watching him right up until he disappeared inside the house. Her house.
Michele nudged her shoulder.
She was right, this was her chance.
Nerves trickled down her spine, trying to keep her from moving forward, but she shoved them away, taking a quick, steadying breath before walking into the house.
Jackson’s footsteps on the stairs peppered the air. She already knew where he’d be headed. Ryker’s bedroom. The room with his stuff. The room right beside hers.
She moved up the stairs silently, forcing the air in and out of her lungs with each step. She’d just reached the top when she caught sight of him slipping into Ryker’s room.
River moved into her own room, grabbing the small journal from the top drawer of her desk before slipping out into the hall and then into the room beside hers.
Immediately, her breath caught.
Jackson’s back was to her, and he was shirtless. Thick cords of muscles stretched across his shoulders.
Her mouth went dry. She’d seen him without a shirt before, and each time it had little parts of her belly flopping. He’d always been more muscular than most guys his age. But over the last few months, he’d continued to get bigger and stronger.
He’d just shoved another shirt over his head and turned when he stilled. Their eyes clashed, and it almost felt like a physical blow to her abdomen. It stole her breath and rendered her silent.
“River.” He frowned, scanning her face, studying her. “What are you doing in here?”
Suddenly, the courage she’d been trying to channel slipped, and every strong part of her felt weak. Every brave fissure of her soul wanted to run and hide.
She forced her spine to straighten.
Be brave, River.
She took a small, slow step forward. “I made you something. I wanted to give it to you before you go tomorrow.”
Another step forward. Then she stretched out her arm and handed him the small journal. The tremble in her fingers was still there, and it had her tugging her hand away quickly, not wanting him to see.
He studied the journal as she studied him. His honey-brown eyes. His strong jawline. She took in every little part.
His gaze shot up. “What is it?”
“A book I made for you. It’s probably silly.” She shook her head, not wanting him to see exactly how much it meant to her, how much time she’d spent planning and executing it. How much his reaction meant to her. “I took photos of all your favorite things. I know you don’t like this town very much, so I focused on the people. The ones who make you smile.”
She knew he wanted to get out of here. Away from his drunk of a father. To not be reminded of the fact that his mother had left him when he was so young.
She nibbled her bottom lip, so damn nervous she was scared her knees would buckle.
Jackson flipped open the first page. His gaze scanned over it. She didn’t need to look down to know what he saw. Pictures of him and Ryker on skateboards. They were always on those things. Skating around town. To school. Shops.
He turned the page. The next was him and Ryker in the ring at Larry’s Boxing Club. He hadn’t said the words out loud, but she knew it was Jackson’s favorite place. It was the only place he ever looked truly happy and free.
Jackson flicked through every page, never uttering a word, his face never changing. When he reached the last page, he paused longer than the others.
The last photo was of River, Ryker, Jackson, and her parents. It had only been taken a couple of nights ago. Their final dinner together. God, the house would be quiet without them.
Jackson traced the writing below the picture. She ran her finger along a stitch on her dress, trying to stop herself from any nervous fidgeting. She’d spent hours debating what to write on that page. Eventually, she’d gone with something simple.
Stay safe. We love you.
When he looked up, he was frowning. “You made this?”
“Yes.” She’d spent so long planning. So long walking around town, searching out every little thing she knew he loved. She lifted a shoulder. “I always have my camera so…it wasn’t hard.”
Usually, she snapped shots of the trees swaying in the wind. The sky as it shifted from blue to orange and purple. That stuff fascinated her. But for Jackson, she’d made an exception.
Sucking in a breath of courage, River stepped forward, watching the way his pupils dilated. “Before you go, I need you to know something.”
She paused, her tongue suddenly heavy in her mouth. Why was this so hard? They could usually talk and banter all day, every day.
This is different, a quiet voice whispered. This has the power to change everything.
“I love you.” The words fell from her lips in barely a whisper.
She was only seventeen, but she knew what she felt was love. The emotion was heavy and all-consuming and so utterly devastating that she could barely breathe or think around the man.
His mouth opened but quickly snapped shut.
Be brave, River, those same words whispered in her head again. She listened, taking a final step closer, slipping her fingers around his neck, and kissing him.
“I love you.”
The words floated through the air, seeping into Jackson’s skin, penetrating his chest.
No one had ever said those words to him before. Not in his entire eighteen years of life. His asshole of a father definitely hadn’t. And his mother had disappeared so long ago that he couldn’t even remember what she looked like.
He’d always known that River was attracted to him. How many times had he caught her gaze lingering on him from across a room? But he’d tried to ignore it. Always terrified of what might happen if he didn’t.
Now, standing here, in a home that wasn’t his, being thrown a party by a family who didn’t belong to him, he couldn’t help but want something he’d never allowed himself to want before…her.
Jackson was still in shock, still processing the way her words touched a part of his heart that had never been touched, when River stepped forward. She placed two small hands around his neck before tugging his head down and pressing her lips to his.
For a moment, Jackson was still. So damn still, he didn’t so much as breathe. The small book felt heavy between his fingers. A book that had captured the only good things he’d known in this town.
Then River leaned her body into him, pressing her soft body against him. She swiped her warm lips across his. And suddenly, that thin thread of control he always held so tightly snapped.
His hands slipped around her back, tugging her closer, the book remaining firmly in his fingers.
He’d kissed girls before, but this was different. She was different. She was the hot sun on his frozen heart. The gentle curves to his rough edges.
His tongue slipped between her lips, and Jackson lost himself. He kissed her like he couldn’t get enough. Like, if he released her, this moment would be erased, never to have existed.
How many times had he dreamed about touching her like this? Kissing her? Taking her as his own? So many that even looking at her had begun to feel too damn difficult.
And this kiss lived up to every fantasy. Every desire. She invaded all of his senses. Almost making him forget who he was. Who she was.
Almost.
A quiet hum slipped from her chest. It was enough to allow small tendrils of reality to trickle back into his ravaged mind. He forced his brain to remember why he’d denied himself this girl for so long.
Because she was perfect. Strong-willed. Intelligent. She had a family who loved her. Whereas he…he lived in a trailer park. He had nothing to his name. His family consisted of one man who drank too much and had beaten the shit out of Jackson until he’d become strong enough to fight back.
Suddenly, every reason he was leaving this town, leaving her, came back to him. Every reason he’d promised himself he was never returning.
Jackson wrenched his mouth from hers, taking a large step back. The separation had his body chilling and his heart clenching.
River’s lips were red, her eyes wide and glazed.
Fuck. How could he have done that? How could he have lost control and allowed himself to take something he had no right having?
“That was a mistake,” he said quickly, barely able to meet her gaze.
River frowned, blinking as her eyes cleared. “A mistake?”
“We shouldn’t have done that.”
There was a moment of pause. In that moment, all he could feel was hate. Hate for himself. For his own lack of goddamn control.
Instead of walking away, River’s spine straightened. Her lips firmed. “Yes, we should have. You feel the same way as I do. I know you do. I felt it in your kiss.”
Of course, she’d felt it. The kiss had damn near shattered him.
He scrubbed a hand over his face. “I need to go.”
He tried to step past her, but she shifted in front of him. “Jackson, please. I know you haven’t had the best examples of love in your life, but what exists between you and me…it’s real. You love me too.”
Then she placed a hand over his heart. A heart that was pounding so hard he could hear it as much as he could feel it. And he swore he could feel that touch deep in his chest.
Her voice quieted. “Maybe you’re not ready right now, but one day you will be. And I’ll wait for you.”
She’d wait for him… This perfect woman, a woman who could have the world if she chose, would put her life on hold for him. A man who could very easily amount to nothing, just like his father.
He couldn’t let that happen. She deserved more than he could give. He didn’t even know what love was.
“I’m not coming back, River.”
He could see it in her eyes. She was debating what to do. How to handle this. Because River didn’t give up. To her, a problem was merely a puzzle to be solved.
His heart clenched in his chest. Because he knew what he had to do. Every part of him rebelled against it, but to save her from herself—from him—he’d do whatever it took.
“I don’t love you,” he said firmly, making sure his words were hard and unyielding. “I never have and never will. I’m sorry if that’s not what you want to hear.” So damn sorry, he felt like he was drowning. “But that’s life, River. It rarely turns out the way we want.”
She frowned.
“I’m never returning to Lindeman,” Jackson continued. “I’m never returning to you.”
There they were. The words that would hurt her. Crush her. Because even though she acted strong, he knew it had taken something deep inside for her to come to him tonight. To open up her heart.
And he’d trampled all over it.
Her bottom lip trembled, but to her credit, she didn’t break. She didn’t shed a single tear. Instead, she gave a quick nod before turning and leaving the room.
Every step she took away from him felt like a dagger to the chest. He wanted to reach out. To call her back. But he clenched his jaw and forced himself to remain where he was. Because it was true that he wasn’t returning. But the other part…the part about not loving her, that wasn’t true at all.
