Will
“GODDAMN IT!”
I slammed my stick hard on the ice a week later — too hard, in fact, because it broke in half.
The rink went quiet, save for the skates gliding and the heavy breaths of my teammates. I glared at the puck in the back of the net, the fourth one I’d let past me in today’s practice, before picking it up in my gloved hand and heaving it across the rink.
Coach told everyone to grab some water and take five, and as soon as he did, Vince and Jaxson skated over to me.
“Don’t,” I growled.
“Fuck you,” Vince shot back. “If this were us, you’d pin our ass against the boards and demand to know what’s going on. So guess what, grumpy guy? It’s your turn.”
Jaxson plopped down onto the ice criss-cross style like a child, leaning his chin on his hands and smiling up at me. “This ought to be good.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “I’m fine. Just a rough day.”
“Bullshit,” came a voice with the slightest hint of a German accent, and Aleks slid to a stop next to Vince. “You’re too tight, Jeansbügler.”
The other guys and I blinked at each other, trying to decipher what that word meant. I could easily ascertain that it wasn’t meant as a compliment.
“What he said,” Jax chimed in, pointing up at Aleks. “Are you injured and not telling us?”
“No. I’m fine.”
“Did something happen to Ava?” Vince guessed.
“No. Ava’s also fine.”
“Uncle okay? Dad?” They kept on, and on, and on, with me answering more and more angrily each time I had to say no again.
But when Jaxson joked, “Need a trip to Boomer’s?”, the other guys laughed, and for some reason, my amusement died in my throat.
I sniffed, tearing off my gloves and leaning against the goal.
“That’s it, isn’t it?” Vince said, and his eyes lit up, jaw dropping like he was surprised and thrilled at my unfortunate circumstances. “Holy shit.”
“I’m fine,” I ground out.
“Bro, this is an easy fix. I know at least five women I could call who would jump at the chance to jump on you.” Jaxson acted like he was about to skate off and grab his phone to make good on that promise, but I reached my half-broken stick out to trip him before he could.
“If you flies don’t buzz the fuck off,” I warned, spitting on the ice. “I’m just having a day. Let’s go again.”
“It’s the nanny.”
Jaxson and Vince whipped their heads toward Aleks, who was smirking at me with a devilish gleam in his eye.
My jaw clicked with how much pressure I put on it as I stared back at him with what I hoped he picked up as a warning glare.
“I see the way you look at her when you think no one is watching you,” he said. “Like at the game last night.”
My throat squeezed, skin prickling like I’d been caught in a murder instead of checking out my nanny. Ava had been begging to come for a game, and since they didn’t have school today — some sort of planning day or something — I’d agreed to let Chloe bring her.
Ava had worn her custom-made jersey, and Chloe had sewn a cobalt blue glittery dress to match. That dress had a deep V neck that accentuated her breasts, and it hugged her waist before flaring at her hips — as if I needed the reminder of how lush they were, how much they begged to be held.
I’d never felt so distracted in a game, not in my entire career.
I’d also never felt so determined.
I’d blocked every shot like my life depended on it.
I also might have taken my sweet fucking time doing warmups, since I knew she was watching. Since I knew she enjoyed the view.
And clearly, I hadn’t been as suave as I thought when I’d met her and Ava in the friends and family lounge. I thought no one noticed when I watched her laughing from across the room. I thought no one saw how my eyes drank her in, inch by inch, no matter how I reminded myself she was off limits.
“No fucking way,” Vince breathed, but he smiled, clapping me on the shoulder. “Oh, the sweet irony of it. You work all that time to find a nanny who’s great at what she does and doesn’t have some sort of ulterior motive to get to you through your daughter. And when you find her, it’s you who’s the scoundrel.”
I wanted to flick him in the nose, tell them all they were wrong, and skate off in an angry huff. But that would have been admission just the same as my silence. And as it was, I didn’t have the energy to fight them or lie.
I was using every bit of energy I did have to keep my hands to myself when I was in my own fucking house.
“Still an easy fix,” Jaxson said. “Tell her. My bet is she’s just as hot for her boss as he is for teacher.”
“Not possible,” I ground out.
“Why?” Aleks probed. “If you need to get your balls rubbed to be the goalie we need you to be, then don’t be fucking proud about it.”
“It’s not pride, you shit for brains,” I barked at him. “It’s common sense. She works for me. She’s my daughter’s caretaker. She’s the first good nanny I’ve found in the years I’ve searched. I’m not fucking all that up just to get my dick wet.” I yanked my gloves back on, clamping my mouth shut before I kept listing reasons.
Like the fact that I was still supremely fucked up from Jenny.
“And it’s not impacting my game. I performed last night, did I not? We won. I’m having one fucking off day at practice.”
“Why do you think you’d fuck it up? Chloe seems nice. You like her.” Jaxson quieted a bit, like he was afraid to say his next words. “It… it’s been five years since…”
“Don’t,” I warned again, and this time, I meant it. If he said another word past that, if he dared to say her name right now, I’d have his ass laid out on the ice.
Jaxson threw his hands up, and Vince looked down at the ice like he didn’t dare tack on his own thoughts.
It didn’t matter how long it had been.
Jenny taught me a lot of lessons, but the one that stuck with me the most was that I couldn’t survive losing another person I loved. I couldn’t even bare to lose another friend.
And the easiest way to prevent that from happening was not to make any new friends to begin with — especially of the female variety.
“You’re right,” I said after a moment. “I need to get laid. I’ll take care of it.”
“He says, as if it’s the worst chore in the world,” Vince deadpanned.
“Suit yourself,” Aleks cut in. “But I think you’re making a bigger deal of it than you need to. It’s not like you have to marry the girl. Sex doesn’t have to be complicated, especially if she’s on board with the rules.”
“Rules?” Jaxson made a face like that word was a jinx. “Those don’t work out well in my experience.”
“They do if you set the boundaries and expectations up front,” Aleks countered. “She hasn’t tried anything with you, right?” He asked me pointedly. “Who’s to say she wants anything at all from you? She’s young. She’s busy. She probably thinks you’re hot but has no interest past that. My bet is she wants to keep getting paid just as much as you don’t want to have to find a new nanny.” He shrugged. “But maybe she wouldn’t be opposed to also getting off from time to time.”
“Since when are you invested in anyone’s well-being on this team?” Vince questioned Aleks, suddenly suspicious.
“I’m not,” he said easily. “I just don’t want to lose because Pickles here can’t perform. I’ve seen better hands on a digital clock.”
Jaxson bit back a laugh at the chirp, and I tongued my cheek, nodding and forcing a breath so I wouldn’t take out my winger right there on the ice.
“You’ve made your point,” I said to all of them. “Now fuck off.”
I skated away to get a new stick, and Coach McCabe lifted one brow at me in question. I nodded. He nodded. I grabbed a new stick, and we got back to it.
Thank fuck at least he understood when I didn’t want to talk.
I was somehow able to focus enough not to let another puck past me, but I still wasn’t playing at my best. I knew it. My team knew it. Coach sure as hell knew it, and with one squeeze on my shoulder as I passed him on the way back to the locker room, he warned me that I needed to figure it out.
We had a home game tomorrow against Miami, who hammered us the last two times we played them. It was becoming a joke now, that they were our kryptonite, the one team we couldn’t win against.
Add in the fact that one of their veteran wingers loved to chirp me and had a knack for getting under my skin, and we all knew I needed to be in the best head space to win tomorrow.
I went up to the team gym for a long bike session, telling myself I’d be fine.
By the time I hit the shower, I was convinced I needed to get laid by whatever means necessary. Clearly, my hand wasn’t doing the trick. And if I went another week wound this tight, I’d spiral.
I was even desperate enough to actually go out to Boomer’s if I had to.
But when I dressed and made it to my car, all I wanted to do was go home.
I was halfway there when I remembered that Ava was having her first sleepover tonight.
The realization made my foot slip off the pedal, my car slowing until I cursed, shook my head, and started driving again before anyone could honk at me. My heart started racing. My mind spun with thoughts that were as dangerous as they were impossible to stop.
Ava was gone for the night. She was sleeping at Charlotte West’s house for her birthday. She’d actually been excited about it, which I had no doubt was thanks to Chloe and the strides she’d made with my little girl.
I was picking her up tomorrow after morning skate.
Chef Patel had made cupcakes for Ava to take with her, and she’d also pre-made dinner and put it in the fridge for tonight at my request.
Chef Patel had the night off.
My Chef and my daughter would both be gone.
Which meant…
I swallowed as the implications set in, and I wondered how I didn’t realize this little tidbit when I’d first agreed to the sleepover. Chloe and I would be alone.
Then again, I had told her to take the night off, too.
Maybe she’d take the chance to go sleep at her own place — to get away from me for the night after a week of awkward silences and very clear avoidance.
Maybe she’d go spend time with her family.
Maybe she’d go out with coworkers, or with friends.
Maybe she’d be out on a date.
Even as I thought the options, my heart pounded faster with what I knew was the truth.
She’d be home.
At my home.
It would just be me, and her, alone.
When I hit the gas with a little more gusto, I knew I was literally driving myself crazy.
Because when I flew through the front door of my home, I marched straight through it and out to that pool house with only one thing on my mind.
