Chloe
Scratch that.
I was afraid.
I was very, very afraid.
The morning came too quickly, too harshly, the sunlight streaming in through the windows of Will’s room. We hadn’t thought to shut the blinds last night, and I winced a little as I sat up in the bed, my head aching.
Shit.
What time was it?!
I ripped the covers off me, quickly dressing and not thinking about the fact that I’d be parading about in yesterday’s clothes as I ran down the hallway and up the stairs to Ava’s room.
When I creaked the door open, I saw she was still sound asleep.
I let out a long breath, watching her for a moment before I silently shut the door again. Will had decided she wouldn’t be going to school today, and after what happened, I called in and used my second vacation day of my career so that I could stay home with her.
I decided to let her sleep a little while longer. Judging by the sun alone, it was likely around seven-thirty or eight. After all the adrenaline yesterday, she could use the extra rest.
We all could.
And with that thought, the night came rushing back to me.
I pressed my back against the wall, heart racing as I closed my eyes and a flash of Will struck me behind the lids.
My own hands traced where his had been, washing over my neck, my collarbone, my lips. I still tasted him there, still felt the bruising pressure of his mouth seeking mine.
He kissed me.
I blinked open at the realization, chest tight and mind whirring.
The last week and a half had been so strange between us. After our last night together, I couldn’t help but pull away from him… because just like my Reddit friends had warned, I knew I’d started falling for him.
Hell — I had already fallen. Hard. A face-planting, knee-skinning type of fall that left you bruised and bloody for life.
I thought putting distance between us was the right thing to do. The Reddit advice flew in faster than I could read it before I deleted everything, but it all echoed the same sentiment — pull away. Go ghost. Don’t talk to him, don’t confess feelings, and definitely don’t get naked again, not until you pull your shit together.
His words from yesterday floated through me.
I miss her, I do, but I miss you more.
And then he’d kissed me.
And last night, that wasn’t a lesson. That wasn’t fucking.
That was making love.
That was sensual, slow, every move intentional.
I frowned, blinking rapidly and trying to keep up with my mind as it spiraled.
Because he was already gone this morning.
I tiptoed down the stairs, and when I heard rustling in the kitchen and the sound of voices, I breathed with relief again. He probably just got up to check on Ava. He was probably in the kitchen with Chef now, waiting for me.
What would he do when he saw me, I wondered?
Would we smile and wink and keep our secrets like always?
Would he pull me into him, kiss me in front of Chef, claim me for more than just the nanny he fucks occasionally?
Did I… want that, too?
That last question was both the easiest and the most difficult to answer. My heart, my soul responded with a resounding yes. I wanted him. God, I wanted him more than anything.
And yet there was a loud voice in my head, maybe two of them, reminding me of all the reasons it was stupid to even admit that to myself, let alone out loud.
I tried to school my features as I rounded into the kitchen, but when I stumbled upon Chef and Uncle Mitch, my steps faltered.
Uncle Mitch was in the kitchen with Arushi, laughing as they cracked eggs together over a mixing bowl. He pretended like he was going to lick his fingers and she swatted his hand away, shaking her head and calling him stupid, but with eyes that said she thought he was anything but.
It felt like a private moment, but when Chef saw me enter, she didn’t act surprised. She simply smiled wider as she rinsed her hand and dried them on her apron.
“Good morning, sunshine,” she said. “How’s our girl doing?”
I blinked, looking around like Will would manifest out of thin air. “Still sleeping,” I managed. “I’ll wake her here in a bit.”
“It’s okay, might as well let her sleep. She didn’t wake up when Will checked on her earlier, either. Poor thing is probably beat,” Uncle Mitch said, crossing the kitchen to where I stood after he’d washed his own hands. He pulled me into a hug that I felt rather stiff inside before he framed my arms in his large hands.
He looked so much like Will, it made my chest hurt.
“How are you doing? Must have been quite a scare.”
“I’m okay,” I said, the lie coming a bit too easily.
He gave me a look like he knew better. “Well, Will called me this morning, asked if I’d come spend the day with Ava. He thought it might help her feel better to have this old clown around while he was at work.” He winked. “Besides, he was pretty adamant that you take the day off.”
I blinked. “Oh.”
“He said you really stepped up to save the day yesterday,” Chef chimed in.
And that was the crack that broke the dam inside of me.
He just… left.
He left without a word.
He left without talking about what happened last night, about what this meant, about what the hell we were now.
Which left me feeling like I’d overanalyzed it all, like it didn’t matter.
Fuck the rules, he’d said. But maybe he meant just for the night.
Need you, he’d whispered. But maybe he just needed the release.
I’d read too far into it already, making a fool of myself in the span of twelve hours.
Mom would be so disappointed. Grandma would suck her teeth and shake her head.
I was a simpering idiot.
My eyes flooded so quickly I couldn’t do a damn thing to stop the tears before they were streaming down my cheeks. I swiped them away as quickly as they came, but it was too late.
Mitch and Arushi shared a concerned look, and then Chef was wiping her hands again, hooking me by the arm and tugging me out into the back yard. She barked some orders for Mitch to take over in the kitchen, and then we were outside and she was hugging me in the shade near the pool.
“Okay. This is not about Ava,” she said, squeezing me tight as more tears fell. “What’s going on?”
I sniffed as I pulled back, shaking my head, emotion clogging my throat and making it impossible to speak. But Chef Patel wasn’t taking no for an answer. She stood there with me, letting me cry, letting me feel it all while she rubbed my arms and waited.
“Oh, sweetie,” she said after a while, her thick brows folding inward. “You love him.”
I covered my face and cried harder, ashamed by the possibility that she might be correct.
“I’m a foolish girl,” I whispered.
“Stop that.” Arushi pulled me to sit in one of the lounge chairs, taking the one next to me and folding my hands in hers. “He loves you, too, silly.”
I barked out a laugh at that.
“Don’t laugh me off,” Chef said. “I know that man, okay? I’ve had four years in this house with him, with his grumpiness and general disdain for the world. But you?” She smiled, shaking her head. “You made him smile again, made him laugh again. You brought the light back in. Not just for him, but for all of us — for me, for Ava. You may not be able to see that clearly, but I can.”
“He left,” I said, sniffing and bringing my eyes to her. “We… last night, we…”
Chef made a tsk noise, but her disappointment wasn’t toward me. “He is such a bewakoof.”
The corner of my mouth lifted, because I didn’t need to know the literal translation to know she was calling him an idiot of some kind.
“It’s fine,” I tried, wiping my nose with the back of my hand. “We had an… agreement of sorts. And this is what we agreed to. It’s just that last night, something… well, he…”
I groaned, slapping my forehead at the stupidity of it all. Was I really going to say he kissed me, so I thought it was different?
Chef leaned down to catch my eyes. “Start from the beginning, and tell me everything.”
Every part of me wanted to scream no, thanks, but at the same time… I needed to talk to someone about it. And Arushi and I had become friends, good friends.
How long had I wished for friends like her, like Maven and Livia and Grace?
So, after a deep breath, I let it all spill.
I told her about the tension between Will and me in the beginning, about the night we’d made a deal. I told her about the rules, how they’d been bent even from the beginning, how we violated the let’s not be friends part almost immediately. I told her about why he’d booked the boutique for me, about how he’d opened up to me about Jenny, about all the nights we stayed up talking and laughing, about how he’d kissed me, and what he’d said…
Fuck the rules.
When I finished, I felt like hiding, but Chef wouldn’t let me.
“Listen to me,” she said, taking my hand in hers. She seemed to be struggling to find the right words. “I am not making an excuse for him, okay? I want to make that clear. I am so upset with him and how he handled this morning that I have a right mind to storm down to the arena and pull him back here by his ear.” She shook her head. “But, if I know him the way I think I do, my bet is that his mind is just as stirred up as yours.” She squeezed my hand. “My bet is that he just needs a moment to get his thoughts together.”
I let out a sigh.
It felt dangerous to hitch a wagon to that little bicycle of hope.
“You have the right to make whatever decision you need to for yourself,” she continued. “And I want you to do that without any influence from me. But, for whatever it’s worth… I think he loves you, my dear. I think he loves you so much it has scared the ever-living shit out of him. And I think he’s probably blocking shots at the rink this morning, jumping rope, and killing himself on an exercise bike trying to work through the mountain of thoughts in his head. He’s scared — just like you are. He doesn’t want to ruin anything, least of all what you have with Ava. He’s treading carefully. But,” she said. “That doesn’t give him a right to not ease your mind, to not tell you that’s what’s going on and let you in. It’s unfair for him to just leave after a night like you had with him. So, if you see this as a red flag and you don’t want to hear him out, I won’t blame you.” She shrugged. “But I hope you’ll give him a chance to surprise you.”
We were both quiet for a long moment, and I laughed a little, running her words over in my head.
“This advice is so different from what I would receive from my mom and grandma,” I said, giving her a wry smile. “They’d be calling him all kinds of names, telling me they were right, making me regret ever questioning their way of life in avoiding men altogether.”
“Well, sometimes bitterness can eat us alive,” Arushi said. “And everyone makes the choices that feel right to them. For some of us, that means blocking the source of what hurt us and never taking a risk again. For others, it means picking ourselves up, dusting ourselves off, and getting back on the horse.”
I nodded, considering.
“Listen, I also don’t have the best track record with men,” Chef confessed. “But I think I know a good one when I meet them. I think I can tell pretty quickly what lies at the heart of someone. And I can tell you in all honesty, without hesitation, that Will is a good man.” She arched a brow at me. “I think you know that already, too.”
“I do,” I said, rolling my lips together. “But just because he’s a good man doesn’t mean he’s ready to be a good partner.”
“Oof,” Chef said, tapping my hand as she stood. “I can’t argue that. I think you need some space to think. And maybe a trip to see your family.”
“They’ll just yell at me.”
“Then let them yell,” she said. “But find your own voice, too, Chloe. You have a strong one. And you have something to say, something worth saying. It’s okay to disagree with them. And it’s okay if they disapprove when you do. Because let me tell you something — having their approval will mean nothing if you lose your own happiness in the process.”
Those words hung over me as Arushi left to head back inside.
In fact, they stayed with me all through breakfast. Ava joined us in bright spirits, and I helped her with her ankle before she and Uncle Mitch were laid out in bean bags in the living room with her favorite show on the television. He and Chef both urged me to take the day off like Will had suggested, and after a shower, changing into fresh clothes, and feeding my fur babies — I decided they might be right.
I was still hurt by Will leaving without a word that morning, but after talking to Arushi, I realized that I might be jumping to conclusions. I was built to do that. It was in my blood, drilled into me by two women I looked up to and respected all my life.
But was there no room for understanding, for compassion, for realizing that just like I have baggage and won’t always be perfect… the same is true for him?
Still, I didn’t even know what he was thinking. Maybe he really was just an asshole, and he’d come home later and act like nothing happened, like last night was just another night of our deal.
Even as I thought it, that possibility felt weak.
Regardless, I wouldn’t know until later, and right now, I needed to take my own time to figure out what I wanted.
And to do so, the first thing I needed to do was face my past.
So, I snatched my keys off the counter, hugged everyone goodbye for the day, and headed to Mom and Grandma’s.
