I’m a lost cause.
I might have been staring at Kirill’s sleeping face for the past hour or so, vehemently refusing to look away from him.
It’s such a rare occurrence to see him sleep, but after I suggested helping him last night, he laid his head on my chest and closed his eyes.
So I stroked his hair and sang to him, and we somehow both fell asleep. It was the best sleep I’ve had in ages. No nightmares, no blood, and no reminder of who I’m supposed to be.
In fact, it was full of peaceful colors and Kirill’s fatally beautiful face. I woke up with a smile on my lips and his erection pressed against my thigh.
Our clothes and my surprisingly intact wedding dress are lying all over the floor, and we smell like each other after the bath we had together before bed.
Kirill held me against him, then washed and massaged every inch of my body. To say last night was the best night of my life would be an understatement.
Not only did we get married, but he also made me feel like I’m the only woman he sees. The only woman he wants to be his wife.
Yes, maybe the marriage part happened too quickly, but it feels so right.
His arm is thrown over my middle and his face is buried between my breasts. He didn’t change his position during the entire night. I’ve noticed that about him before. He’s a very still person. It’s like he’s conscious of his movements, even during sleep.
Kirill is the coldest, most enigmatic man I know, but right now? He feels like the closest thing I’ve had to a home after my family’s death.
I run my fingers through his hair and pause as the rock shines under the dim light.
We’re married.
This impossible man is now my husband. Not Kristina’s.
Mine.
I kiss the top of his head, my lips lingering there for a second too long. Will I ever get used to this feeling?
Kirill might look like he’s too possessive of me, but I’m worse. I can’t handle seeing him with another woman, and if he’d really gone through with that marriage, the possibility of me turning toxic and somehow ruining that wedding was high.
I’m not one of those women who’d retreat with dignity. I’d curse him and her for eternity, from the grave, even.
Thankfully, none of that will happen now.
But I’m not sure how we move forward from here either. Or how he managed to break off the engagement without upsetting Igor or disrespecting the Pakhan himself.
What about his ambitions to get to the top, the problems with Juan and—
“Mmm.” He nuzzles his face against my breasts, turning my nipples hard. “I think I found my favorite way to wake up.”
And I think I’m in love with his sleepy, husky voice.
Kirill lifts his face from my chest, his light eyes droopy with sleep, and then something I’ve never seen before happens.
He smiles. It’s not a smirk or a grin. It’s a genuine wide smile that nearly stops my heart. “Morning, wife.”
“M-morning,” I whisper, stuttering like an idiot. “Husband.”
It’s really not good for my sanity when he does these unexpected things.
“That’s right, your husband. You’re Mrs. Morozova now.” He pauses. “The only downside to that is that you share the same title as my mother.”
“I can live with that.”
“Ivanova, huh?” He lies back beside me and stares at me. “What’s the story there?”
I gulp. “That last name doesn’t ring any bells for you?”
“Not particularly. Should it?”
A breath leaves my lips. I knew he had nothing to do with my family’s death. “I guess not.”
“Are you going to tell me why you’re hiding your identity?”
I bite my lower lip. There’s no reason why I shouldn’t tell him. After all, he already knows my last name, so he can trace back my story.
Besides, we’re married now, and that comes with mutual trust. So I roll to my side and face him. “Remember when I told you my family was influential, but then we went bankrupt?”
He nods, “I suppose that’s either not the whole story or a cover-up.”
“Yeah. We were indeed influential, but we didn’t really go bankrupt. We were attacked in our vacation house by soldiers from the army.” My lips tremble as the events of that day play out in front of me. “We were all gathering for lunch on Christmas day when they barged in, in broad daylight, and opened fire on everyone, not sparing women, children, or even infants. I was pushed down under a table by my cousins, who paid with their life for the sacrifice.”
Tears stream down my cheeks, and Kirill strokes his thumb under my eyes, wiping them away.
“I lost my parents and ten other members of my family. My brother, too. We never found his body, but it’s been years, and I haven’t managed to locate him. I was…sixteen at the time. I’m over twenty-two now, and I’m starting to think he died somewhere else.”
“Who’s we?”
“What?”
“You said we never found his body. Were there other survivors?”
Damn. Of course Kirill would pay such close attention to detail. “My uncle, grandmother, and young cousin were the only survivors, but we had to live in hiding because those who attacked us wouldn’t be done until they eradicated us all.”
“Is that why you were pretending to be a man?”
I nod. “Our hideout was discovered when I was around eighteen, and I was recognized immediately, probably because I look so much like my mother. So after they knew I could be the only survivor, these people had my image everywhere on their internal servers, and my life was in danger, so I faked my death, dressed up as a man, and joined the army.”
“To search for the people behind the hit.”
“How…did you know that?”
“It makes sense since you said the people who attacked you were soldiers.”
“It was like intentional cleansing.” I lean my cheek against his hand as he continues wiping away my tears. “I still don’t understand why. We were rich, but we weren’t involved in anything shady. Or at least, I didn’t think so.”
“You don’t anymore?”
“I was too young at the time, so I didn’t pick up on our family’s business. I thought all the security we had whenever we went out was part of our rich status, but now, I’m sure there was more to it. My uncle is hiding things from me, because even though the hit came from within the army, they were only soldiers under orders. The actual mastermind could be…your father.”
He pauses stroking my cheek for a beat. “Roman?”
“I…saw him in our main house a few days before the attack and then again before that last mission with the Special Forces.”
“Hmm. So that’s why you followed me to New York and were strangely upset when he died.”
“Yeah…” I trail off, then blurt, “But that was only in the beginning. I wanted to search for information but didn’t really find anything, and I liked being with you so…I swear I wasn’t spying on you.”
“There’s nothing to spy on. I have no idea what the fuck Roman was doing with your family, and he left no records behind, which is admittedly strange since he left records about everything.”
“Oh.” My shoulders hunch. So it’s another dead end.
“If Roman was involved, however, it probably was due to a bad move from the head of your family. My father’s strongest point was mind games and pure sabotage. That’s the only way he managed to get to the top and force someone like Yulia to marry him.” He caresses my cheek gently, lovingly even. “I’ll look into it from my position.”
“You…will?”
“You’re my wife. Your problems are now mine.”
I didn’t think I’d ever fall deeper in love, but I just keep falling for this man all over again.
Of course he has nothing to do with what happened. He didn’t even know his father was associated with my family.
I grab his hand and then kiss the top of it. “Thank you.”
“There’s no gratitude between us.”
Slowly, I sit up and look down at him, then bite my lower lip. “What do we do now? Should I go back to being your guard in front of the others or…what exactly?”
Kirill sits up beside me. “Do you want to be a man for the rest of your life?”
“No, but I also don’t want to endanger your position.”
“In that case, I have the perfect solution for this situation. You’ll tell everyone you’re leaving, and then you’ll relocate to a cottage I own in the mountains. After I’m done with business here, I’ll bring you back as my wife. It should take me about six months.”
“Six months?”
“Don’t worry.” He grins. “I’ll come by several times a week.”
The mere idea of being separated from him this soon squeezes my heart. “But why would you need six whole months?”
“I just do.” He kisses the top of my forehead. “Can you do that time for me?”
“I prefer to stay by your side as a bodyguard than leave as your wife.”
“I want that, too, but I also want you to feel as happy as you were yesterday in that dress. I want you to feel comfortable in your own skin, Sasha. Besides, we have to give everyone time to get used to you being gone before I introduce you as…Aleksander’s twin sister, maybe?”
I can’t help the smile that stretches my lips. “You really thought this through, didn’t you?”
“I always do.”
“Are you going to visit me all the time?”
“Of course.” He bites my lower lip. “Are you up for dressing as a man one last time?”
I nod.
While leaving everyone will be hard, the thought that I will return in a few months puts some much-needed balm on the wound.
Kirill will not only help me search for the truth about my parents, but he’ll also fulfill my dream about living as a woman.
No more masks, disguising, or trapping myself inside.
I’ll finally be…free.
My lips capture Kirill’s and I kiss him with all the love and gratitude I feel toward him.
He might be a monster, but he’s my monster.
And I refuse to have it any other way.
Saying goodbye is the most bittersweet process I’ve ever gone through.
Karina cried her eyes out and begged me to stay, then when I said I couldn’t, she announced that we were no longer on speaking terms and ran back to her room.
Viktor pulled me to the side and said that he should’ve known I was a woman all along, but then he told me to not die out there until he gets to the bottom of this, which was the giant’s way of asking me to stay, I guess. He continued to watch me with narrowed eyes after he gave Kirill the keys to the cottage that I’ll be staying at.
Maksim was genuinely upset and couldn’t understand why I wanted to leave in the first place. For him, none of this made any sense whatsoever, no matter how much I tried to explain that this life isn’t for me anymore.
He and Karina were the angriest about this decision and gave me the cold shoulder.
Yuri appeared more disappointed than angry. I think I caught him glaring at Kirill, but I don’t know if it was real or if I was imagining things.
Everyone else offered me best wishes, even if their expressions were turned downward. Some men even argued that leaving them under Viktor’s ruthless reign was such a low blow.
Anna hugged me goodbye and gave me a bag full of food containers as a parting gift.
I had to hold back the tears as I climbed into the car Kirill lent me to drive. These people have become my family, and the fact that I have to leave them, even temporarily, drills a hole in my heart.
Kirill stands by the window and speaks low so that only I can hear him. “It’ll take you about five hours to reach the cottage. Call me when you get there.”
I nod and whisper, “When are you coming by?”
“A week from now.”
“A whole week?” I don’t attempt to hide the disappointment in my tone.
“I have a few important meetings this week that I can’t get out of.”
“Fine, I guess.”
“Did you know that you look adorable when you pout?”
I smile and resist touching him when everyone is watching, including Karina from behind the curtain in her room.
Leaning close, I say, “I’m going to miss you.”
“Fuck,” he murmurs. “Now, I want to come along.”
Yes, please.
“Go.” He taps the top of the car. “Be yourself.”
I grin, wave at everyone, and then I drive away from the mansion.
Goodbye, Aleksander Lipovsky. From now on, I’m Aleksandra Morozova.
