I was relieved the next morning when I woke up alone. I just wasn’t sure I’d slept alone. All I could vaguely recall was being carried into the bedroom and laid gently on the pillow-top mattress. That and a gentle kiss pressed against my forehead. I just wish I could place a face to the lips.
Following the smell of French toast, I entered the kitchen and caught Loren stealing a slice of bacon from a plate meant for me.
“So, you’re a thief, too.” I shuffled toward the counter and the delicious smell coming from the plate. I could seriously get used to having a chef around. It seemed like a worthwhile investment for a girl who was clueless in the kitchen.
“Morning, baby fawn.”
His gruff greeting told me he hadn’t been awake long either. I wasn’t a morning person, so add what he said to me last night, and I found myself snapping. “Stop calling me that. My name is Braxton, but if you insist, can you at least drop ‘baby’?”
“I’d rather drop Fawn,” he said as cool as a cucumber.
Oh, hell no. I didn’t like my stomach’s positive reaction to that. “Fine. Whatever. It’s a fucking deal.” I thrust out my hand for him to shake and pretended I wouldn’t like being that intimate with him.
He stared at my hand with amusement before his gaze snapped up to meet mine.
And then he kissed me.
The bastard fucking kissed me.
Loren’s kiss wasn’t rough like Houston’s. He wasn’t demanding, but he wasn’t generous either. No, he teased and toyed with my lips, heart, and tongue until I was ready to put my soul on the line. He was a playful kisser, leading me in only to pull away. With just one kiss, he taught me how to please him.
“You taste like cheese, beer, and a bad night, baby.”
In typical Loren fashion, he cruelly shoved me out of the clouds he’d placed me on. I recoiled in horror at the reminder that while Loren looked like a magazine spread, I haven’t even brushed my teeth.
I turned to run for the bathroom and my toothbrush when he grabbed me and spun me back around.
“I came to tell you that we’re back on the road soon. I didn’t mean to kiss you, but I’m not sorry.”
“Don’t do it again,” I forced myself to plead.
“Nah, I’ll definitely do it again.”
“Loren—”
“It won’t be your fault,” he interrupted while pulling me close. “You can’t help that I don’t want to resist you.”
I frowned at Loren while pretending my heart wasn’t shoving shit aside to make room for him. “You almost sound like you’re in love with me,” I tried to joke to break the tension.
Loren didn’t even blink. “If we’re not careful, I will be,” he told me seriously.
My lips repeatedly parted and closed until a sane response came to mind. He’d given me no reason to believe him, and yet…the meadow my brain was telling me I smelled right now urged me to. I still hadn’t figured out this new emotion. Only that Loren triggered it.
I so didn’t need this right now.
“What am I supposed to do with that, Loren? We barely know each other.”
Our second kiss came sooner than later. It was slow and gentle. The kind that lingered long after the culprit was gone.
“Whatever you want,” he whispered against my lips. His head popped up, and then he was giving me a hard look. Stern on Loren was a foreign look, yet so fucking good. “As long as the answer isn’t no.”
“It has to be.” I pulled away, and he let me. “You know my secret.”
“Thanks for reminding me,” he responded, lips curled. He was definitely pissed now, but I sensed it wasn’t at me. “Who the hell told you that you were a nympho? Was it by chance a licensed professional?”
“I’m serious, Loren.” I shook my head when my voice failed me. I could feel shame clawing at my skin. It was still too familiar. “You can’t joke about this.”
“Believe me, no part of me finds this funny. I didn’t take it seriously until I realized that someone put this shit in your head. Give me a name. I want to deal with them.”
I shook my head while looking down at his Derbies. “You didn’t know me then. I crossed too many lines, and I hurt too many people. I was willing to let it destroy me.”
“Show me someone who hasn’t made mistakes when it comes to sex, Braxton. If I could remember their names, I’d tell you a few I wished I’d met when I was sober,” he mumbled.
I didn’t want to laugh, but I did. Inside. “If you had an upbringing like mine, you’d understand. They say it takes a village to raise a child. Mine wasn’t the most forgiving.”
He grabbed me again, holding me by my hips, but it was his eyes that conquered me. Not his hands. “How can I convince you?”
“You can’t.”
“Have you met me?” he shot back, his voice deep and low. When he kissed me again, he tasted like morning dew. I couldn’t get enough. When he finally pulled away, it took us both a moment to catch our breath. “I can run circles around your demons, Braxton. Just let me in, and I’ll handle the rest.”
The romantic I kept in line with a bat and knuckle dusters sighed in appreciation. He was saying all the right things. Naturally, since it was Loren, I was suspicious. “If this is some ploy to sleep with me, I’ll make you sorry.”
“Fuck, you’re sexy.”
It was hard not to fall for his gorgeous smile that lit up my entire life, but I managed. “You won’t think so when I slip orange dye in your shampoo or shave your eyebrows while you sleep.”
Sliding his hands into the pockets of his jeans, he stared at me for a long, long, long time. “Duly noted, baby.”
Denver, as it turns out, was a thirteen-hour drive from Phoenix. Add in the frequent stops, including our current one in some town bordering Colorado, and I wondered if we’d ever reach the city. We didn’t have another show until Friday, which gave us two days to find trouble.
I didn’t know we’d do it in one.
The warning stirred in my gut as I inhaled the air and tried not to fixate on this new turn of events. Houston hated me, Loren had a crush, and…I couldn’t figure out Rich’s angle. A part of me hoped he didn’t have one because I liked being around him a little too much. I didn’t have to keep my guard as high.
“Feeling all right?”
The voice was partially obscured by the howling wind, giving me no choice but to face them to solve the mystery. I thought I was the only one hanging around the buses. Everyone else had gone across the street to dine in the only two food options offered. Peeking over my shoulder, I expected to find either Rich or Loren waiting. Maybe even Xavier.
Of course, it had to be Houston. He was best at getting me riled.
Wearing his usual T-shirt and jeans combo, he held a black store bag from the gas station where we filled up the buses.
“For me to answer that, I’d have to believe you cared.” Scoffing at the notion, I turned away from him. It hurt too much to look at Houston, knowing he cast me out. I wouldn’t dare swim in those gorgeous, green pools and dream.
I listened to the plastic from his store bag rustle, followed by the pop of the tab on a can. “Of course, I care. If you bail, I’m short a guitarist. Again.”
I spun on my heel, hoping I’d find remorse or a sign that he was joking. The strong wind whipped through his chocolate hair, but the rest of him remained unmoved. He looked like someone who’d come to conquer me.
“Is the tour really all you care about? You don’t give a crap about me. Fine. What about Rich and Loren?”
It was the subtle tells with Houston. The ones like his quick pause before taking a sip that told me I was getting a rise out of him. The last time that happened, he kissed me. “You question me like you have all the facts.”
“I’ve been around a while,” I reminded him with a shrug. “I’ll be around a lot longer. If I don’t have them now, I will soon enough. You’re really not that hard to figure out.”
“Funny,” he said, looking genuinely amused. “I was just thinking the same about you, little girl.”
Careful not to hand him my anger on a platter, I let my feet carry me closer and stopped just out of arm’s reach. “Now who’s bringing a knife to a gunfight? Treating me like I’m inferior, pretending that I don’t mean anything… It stopped working when I realized it’s your only move.”
“Is it?” he whispered before bringing the energy drink to his lips. He eyed me the entire time he drank his fill, and then he closed the last of the distance between us. I already knew his bite was worse than my bark.
I didn’t fight him when he pressed me against the bus or rested his forearm on the black surface. The open door a foot away beckoned, and Houston had left the way to it clear. Running was exactly what he wanted me to do.
I stayed put.
The driver was gone, and so was everyone else. We had all the privacy we needed to hash this out. The only distraction was Houston’s soap permeating off his warm body. He smelled so good.
“What do you mean to me?” he demanded out of nowhere.
“What?” I could barely catch my breath, much less follow his train of thought. Not with him this close.
“What. Do you. Mean. To me?
“I-I don’t know.”
“Then how can you be sure you mean anything at all?”
“Because of the way you look at me,” I said without thinking. His head jerked back, and he blinked. I’d actually startled Houston Morrow. I lowered my gaze to his chest, expanding with every hard breath he took. “You look at me like I’m someone you never thought you’d see. You want me, but you can’t have me, and that pisses you off, so you punish me.”
We stood there for maybe thirty seconds, just sharing the silence before he broke it. “Braxton?”
“Yes, Houston?”
“When I look at you, I see something in my way. Nothing more, nothing less.”
Pretending that didn’t hurt was impossible, so I let him see my pain. “I’m not your enemy, Houston. I don’t want to hurt you.” When my fingers stretched to reach out to him, I curled them, keeping my hands to myself. “Any of you.”
He stared into my eyes, and I watched the internal struggle whether to believe me in his. “Maybe not now,” he partially conceded, “but you will. It’s what we do to anyone who gets too close. We make them hate us, and then we hurt them before they can hurt us.”
Pushing aside the ache in my chest, I let my anger rise.
And then I harnessed it.
“Is that what you did to each other? No wonder Rich and Loren hate you.”
He paused, and then his eyes narrowed to slits as he tried to guess how much I knew. By the time his expression cleared, I already knew I’d gone too far.
“I don’t cry over spilled milk, Fawn.” Lifting his forefinger, wet from the condensation, he traced the edge of my tank’s low neckline. On his third pass, the tip of his finger brushed my breasts. The cherries teasing my taste buds told me it wasn’t a mistake. “I’d rather clean up the mess.”
Tipping his can, he poured his energy drink down my tank until it was empty, and the purple bra I wore underneath was visible.
That. Is. It.
When my fist collided with Houston’s lip, I didn’t care about the consequences. He didn’t look surprised, either. He smiled—busted lip and all—like I’d given him exactly what he wanted. I’d proved his point. Eventually, you want to hurt them because that’s what they do. They make you crave it.
I went to hit him again.
This time he caught my wrist and squeezed.
“The first one was free. You’ll have to work for the rest.”
I smiled up at him as he waited for me to beg. “That’s the beauty of everyone underestimating you,” I told him. “They tend to drop their guard.”
Twisting just enough, I brought my sharp heel down on his foot.
“Fuck!” he barked.
He was wearing sneakers today. Lucky me.
Houston’s grip loosened enough for me to get away. I made it a single step before he caught me and forced me back under him. I was a little dazed from my back hitting the bus—enough time for him to recover control of the situation.
“Let me go.” I tried to wiggle free, but it only drained the energy from me.
“Or what?” he taunted. “It’s not like you’ll get another shot at me.”
Immediately, I stopped fighting and forced my body to relax. “That’s what you said last time.”
I winked, and Houston responded by crashing his lips against mine. As I tasted the sugar and citrus on his tongue and the cherries on mine, I heard his drink can fall to the ground.
Now both of his hands were free.
They gripped the hem of my skirt before shoving it up until I could feel the wind curling around my inner thighs and failing to cool the heat between them. Eventually, I came to my senses and broke the kiss.
“Houston—”
“No,” he cut me off and pressed his forehead against mine. “Don’t you say another word.” We were so close that with each breath he exhaled, I inhaled. We stayed like that until desire overwhelmed indecision. And then he gripped my panties in his fist. “Goddamn you, Braxton.”
One brute tug and they were gone.
My skin smarted from where the fabric had torn, but I was quickly distracted by his fingers. Pushing them between my lower lips, Houston drew my arousal like it only answered to him, and then he pushed inside of me.
“Oh, fuck, I—”
“There’s a condom in my back pocket,” he informed me. “Get it.”
His thumb found my clit, lighting up the nerves like it was the Fourth of July. He didn’t stop even when speech was no longer possible. Since I couldn’t find the words to argue, I snaked my hips, riding his hand.
And now, we come to the part of my story where I alter not just my ending but three others as well.
“The rubber,” he reminded me before pulling his fingers out of me and ripping open his belt. “You’re getting fucked with or without it, Braxton. It’s your choice.”
I shivered at the idea of feeling him hard and raw inside of me, but there was just one problem.
I didn’t trust him.
Reaching behind him, I quickly found the condom while he undid his jeans and released his hard dick. He was so long and thick that my breath caught in my throat. Angry veins traveled from the bulbous head down his shaft until reaching the fabric of his black boxers. I was too busy marveling over his cock to notice when he took the condom from me. Once his gorgeous dick was wrapped in latex, he crowded me against the bus.
We’d gone too far to turn back now.
Lifting my right leg into the crook of his arm, he brought the head of his cock to my entrance before meeting my gaze. “I want you to know this isn’t personal.” Kissing my lips, he whispered against them, “It’s just business.”
I tossed away his words before I could even consider them. I was too enthralled by the feeling of him slowly pushing inside of me. He took his time, making sure I was aware of every generous inch. We savored it. Our first and last time together.
Even with my arousal, I hadn’t been fucked in years. My soft moans turned into a cry of pain when he finally reached the hilt. He filled me so completely I couldn’t think of anything but him. And when he started to move…
I didn’t feel cherished or loved.
I was something else.
Tainted.
Wild.
Free.
Feeling a grateful sob in my throat, I held onto Houston as if I were hanging from a cliff.
“Jesus, Brax,” he croaked in my ear. “Never had…this good.” He paused his hammering to push deeper inside, making me choke on my next breath. “Fuck.”
Shoving my tank and bra up my chest until my tits were free, his eyes and lips feasted. When he moved his hungry lips to my neck, I tilted my head to make room for him. Houston bit, licked, and sucked until I was sure my skin was bruised.
I didn’t care.
There was nothing else I wanted more than to let him have his way.
I could already feel that familiar itch creeping from the shadows. I already wanted more, and we weren’t even done.
A smile spread my lips as Houston fucked me harder.
Faster.
My breasts bounced in time with his wild thrusts as his belt buckle slapped my stomach. I welcomed the pain as much as the pleasure. His grunts and groans came more often, his movements more desperate, as his orgasm rose. Never one to do anything half-cocked, Houston’s hand pushed between us, seeking out my clit.
“Don’t think you’re not going to come for me, Fawn.”
Holding my gaze, he fucked me hard against the side of the bus. We both accepted that at any moment, someone could turn the corner and see what we were up to. Loren and Rich had gone to get us food and would be back any minute.
What would they do if we were caught? Would they demand a turn? Houston grunted when my pussy contracted excitedly around his dick.
If they did, I’d give it to them.
I’d let Houston, Loren, and Jericho fuck me as if it were their right.
“Right fucking now, Braxton. Come on my dick.” Rotating his hips and hitting a spot I didn’t know I had, that was precisely what I did. I came all over his fat cock.
Even with all the blood rushing inside me, filling my heart, ears, and pussy, I could hear the approaching footsteps and voices in the distance growing louder. Another minute or two, and we wouldn’t be alone.
Hearing them, too, Houston began to pull away.
“No,” I moaned, grabbing the back of his shirt and keeping him inside of me. “I don’t care if we get caught. Don’t stop.”
He stared at me as he debated the consequences before giving in like I knew he would. Lifting my left leg over his arm, I was suspended in the air now. Houston then filled both of his hands with my ass and began pounding my pussy to a pulp. Mouth falling open from shock, I clutched his T-shirt tighter as I let him have his way with me.
“Why can’t you just do what you’re told?” he demanded. I could feel his frustration as he continued to fuck me. He didn’t like that I’d made him so powerless.
Knowing that Houston’s questions were never rhetorical, I tried to answer, but I couldn’t manage anything more than choked cries as I clung to him helplessly. Those desperate sounds mixed with the ones our sweaty skin slapping together made as they filled the air. And when I came a second time, it was a thousand times more intense because Houston joined me with a harsh grunt.
I will never forget the hard yet vulnerable look on his face as he spilled inside the condom. It was so beautiful that for a careless second, I wished it was me he had filled.
Staring into each other’s eyes, we shared our vulnerability until the moment ended abruptly when Houston dropped me on my feet. He hadn’t been gentle when he was inside of me. I didn’t know what I was expecting now that he was done.
We only had moments before we were caught, and keeping what we’d just done a secret was probably the one thing we’d ever agree on. Now that Houston was no longer inside of me, rational thinking had returned.
Houston shoved my skirt back into place before ripping off the condom and tossing it in a nearby bush. I was tempted to scold him for littering but realized how ridiculous that would be under the circumstances. I watched him fix his jeans and wondered how I could find a simple act so damn sexy. He then ran his fingers through his hair, trying to fix what I’d wronged. I couldn’t even recall gripping and running my fingers through his thick brown hair as he rode me, but the evidence was there.
“Not a word of this to anyone,” he whispered sharply when the roadies along with Loren and Rich were close enough for us to hear their conversations clearly.
I could even make out Loren proselytizing the use of night cream before fine lines and wrinkles had a chance to show. I’d never known a guy so meticulous about his appearance. It only made him more unique to me.
“I’m not an idiot, Houston.”
What we had done was wrong on so many levels. We played together, and he treated me like shit he’d stepped in and couldn’t get off his shoe.
Our biggest offense was Loren.
We both knew he wanted something more with me, and what did I do? I fucked his best friend.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
It was happening all over again.
My threads were beginning to unravel, and this was just the start.
Whore.
Harlot.
“Are we done here?” I snapped at Houston. I needed to hide and never show my face again.
“No. One more thing.” As he held me arrested with his stern gaze, I knew I wasn’t going to like whatever he was about to say. “If you find yourself with an itch you can’t control, I’m the one who scratches it.” He paused to let the words sink in. “The only one, Braxton. We clear on that?”
No. Not even a little bit.
“The only thing you get to tell me is what songs we’re playing on Friday night. I’m not interested in anything else.” I turned to go when he gripped my nape. My back slammed against his chest a moment later.
“Make this the last time I tell you,” he said as he pressed his mouth against my ear. “Stay away from Loren and don’t even think about Rich. That pussy’s mine now.”
He shoved me away.
