Today marked one year since meeting Houston, Loren, and Jericho.
It’s been three months since Paris. Three blissful months spent touring Europe. There were no more lies and no more secrets.
Loren told me about being left for dead after convincing his mother to leave her abusive marriage. He told me his father’s offer if he quit Bound and came home, and then he made it clear that it wasn’t happening now or ever. He even confessed his part in ruining Rich’s marriage.
Jericho told me about his time in foster care and group homes. He told me about meeting Emily…and the things she made him do to prove that he loved her. What he didn’t tell me, but I pieced together on my own, was that she’d taken advantage of his search for an unbreakable bond and used him like her personal puppet.
My heart broke for him.
It broke for that lonely, desperate kid who couldn’t see that he’d already found it with Houston and Loren.
Jericho had signed that deal with Savant to give his wife the life she demanded so that he wouldn’t have to steal and hurt and destroy anymore. He’d given his soul for Emily, and she ruined him in return.
Even with all that honesty, I was left to wonder what skeletons Houston was hiding in his closet. He didn’t seem to have any, but neither had Jericho.
They were tortured, yes.
We all were.
But I was praying there was nothing else waiting to jump out of the bushes and bite us.
That reason and curiosity were why I agreed to meet Houston’s grandmother. The three of them had planned for us to meet the first time they brought me home, but I ran away before they could arrange it, so this time, they weren’t taking any chances.
It’s barely been an hour since we’d returned to Portland, and we were already on our way. The second leg was done, and we had a month before the tour continued until ending for good in May.
I smiled to myself as we quietly rode through the city in the Suburban that had been waiting for us when the private plane landed.
I couldn’t wait to get back to their fort.
Or, as Loren called it, the treehouse.
Houston and Rich refused to acknowledge either truth.
I immediately realized where they’d gotten their love for Victorian architecture when we pulled up to the blue two-story on a small hill with white framing the windows and doors and a dark brick roof. The neighborhood was quiet since it was a late Tuesday morning, long after kids had gone to school, and parents had left for work.
It was raining too.
I tried not to take that as an omen as the steady fall washed away the two inches of snow that had fallen recently.
The car stopped, and I looked to Houston, who was already studying me from his seat next to me in the back row.
“Ready?”
Exhaling slowly, I nodded my response while wishing he’d give something away. He was tense too, but I didn’t know why since Loren and Rich both seemed excited. They were already hopping out of the truck, and neither waited for us before rushing for the front door and disappearing inside.
Houston kissed my fingers, climbed out, and helped me once he was on his feet. He said something to the driver that I didn’t catch because I couldn’t hear over my heartbeat.
I’d never done this before.
Houston and Loren weren’t the only ones who’d never been in a relationship. Rich was the only one with experience, and considering how well that worked out…yeah, I was nervous.
Rich didn’t have parents for me to meet, and Loren’s sounded like real tools, so luckily, this might be the only time I’d ever go through this.
What if she didn’t like me?
I knew Houston, Loren, and Jericho. It wouldn’t change a thing, but…I’d like her to anyway—for them more so than me. I took a deep breath and exhaled once we reached the double front doors. I could hear voices on the other side, and they sounded happy. I just hoped my presence wouldn’t change that.
Here goes everything.
@Em_Anon: Watch your back. He’s mine.
I snorted at the tweet before tossing my phone back down on the lumpy twin mattress next to me. Lying on my back, I hummed “Light My Fire” by The Doors as I stared at the ceiling and the dead rock star hanging from it. It figured Loren would idolize the most unpredictable rebel of his time and perhaps even ours still.
I was still staring at the poster of the shirtless Jim Morrison with his arms up, palms forward and splayed like he was saying “make way” when my attention was stolen by someone stepping inside the small bedroom.
“There you are.”
Loren slowly walked to the foot of his old bed and stopped. He was eating yet another one of the cookies Houston’s grandmother, who they all called Mom, had made in the eight hours since we arrived.
No one seemed in a rush to leave, including me, after learning how open and warm Houston’s grandmother turned out to be. She didn’t even blink when Houston, Loren, and Jericho told her they were all dating me. Perhaps she’d already heard the rumors, but her lack of reaction had still taken me by surprise. If they hadn’t already told me otherwise, I’d think I wasn’t the first girl they’d shared before.
Laine Morrow made me miss my own grandmother, who had been my only source of friendship before I lost her to cancer when I was fourteen. In a way, she’d been an outcast too but refused to leave Faithful because she enjoyed making people squirm.
I smiled at the memory of her, even as the room began to smell like roses.
“Here I am.” Loren wasted no time crawling onto the bed, and after kissing my lips, he lay beside me. “Interesting choice to hang over your bed,” I said, ending the comfortable silence that followed.
In my peripheral, I saw Loren smirk. “Didn’t I tell you? I’m not picky about gender.”
I turned my head toward him. “Is that your way of telling me you’re bi?”
Loren chewed on his lip while staring at the poster. I could tell something was on his mind. “Call it what you want,” he answered absently.
I ignored the phantom sweetness filling my mouth and turned on my side until I was spooning Loren’s. “Is something wrong?”
“Everything’s perfect, actually.”
Placing my hand on his chest, I lifted enough to see his face fully. “Then what’s the matter?”
Loren met my gaze and held it. As with Houston at the Eiffel Tower, I could sense Loren’s indecision before choosing blatant honesty no matter how much it hurt. “I’m just wondering if it will last.”
Laying my head over his beating heart, I felt the same sharp chord reality struck every time I was forced to acknowledge it.
“It won’t.” I heard him suck in a breath at my decision to be brutally honest as well. “Perfection isn’t real. There’s only us. We’ll make each other laugh, and we’ll make each other scream. Bad days will find us again. We will be tested, and sometimes we’ll falter. We’ll wonder if this time we make it through.” I lifted my head to look at him. “Love isn’t an illusion that requires silence to maintain. It only needs our memory of what it was like without each other.”
Loren gently put me on my back before making himself comfortable between my legs. “So we keep fighting anyway?” he questioned as he looked down at me. “Even if it hurts?” There was no doubt in his tone. There was only the need to confirm what he already knew in his heart.
“Yes.”
Loren nodded and then looked over his shoulder.
We were no longer alone.
Jericho, also eating another cookie and staring at his phone, wandered over to the other twin bed and sat on the edge. Houston’s grandmother had referred to this bedroom as Loren and Rich’s when she gave me the tour, so I knew they must have shared it at one point while Houston had his own.
“Where’s Houston?” I asked when I was reminded that one of the trio was missing.
“Took his grandmother to the store for groceries,” Rich answered as he continued with whatever held his attention on his phone. “We’re staying for dinner.”
I simply nodded since I had no problem with that. Besides, I was sure it was Laine Morrow’s idea and not up for debate. Immediately upon hearing that we were without supervision, a switch in Loren’s mind seemed to flip as he turned frisky.
“What are you doing?” Stupid question since I already knew. His hand was now under my dress and pulling my thong down.
“I’ve been thinking about eating your pussy since we left Dublin,” Loren told me. His lips brushed my jawline before reaching my ear. “Can I?”
“We can’t,” I whined as I caught his wrist just before my panties could clear my thighs. He could break my hold if he wanted to, but he wouldn’t. “Not here.” I had to draw the line somewhere, and getting laid in Houston’s grandmother’s house seemed to be the perfect spot.
“Why?” He chuckled. “You think we haven’t brought girls here before?” I didn’t respond when I pushed him off of me. “What?” the idiot questioned with a genuinely bewildered look. “What did I say?”
“I don’t care about the girls you’ve fucked, so word of advice,” I snapped as I sat up, “don’t mention them to me.”
Loren scrubbed his hand down his movie-star face before meeting my gaze. “I’m not thinking straight, baby, but can you blame me? It’s been three months.”
Yup.
That’s right.
I haven’t allowed them to do more than kiss me since Berlin. For Jericho, it’s been longer. Five months to be exact.
I felt the truth of that throbbing between my legs, but I feigned indifference when I shrugged. “Big deal. I went six years without sex.” I let my voice soften to a teasing note and hoped they heard the threat underneath. “Remember?”
“That was before we fucked you,” Rich reminded me. I turned my head in time to see that his attention was no longer on his phone. He was watching me while a threat of his own rose in his eyes.
“Your point?”
Rich smiled like a predator warning off his prey. “You won’t last six more days, much less six years.
“Is that a dare?” As soon as the words left my lips, I remembered a forgotten detail, an unfulfilled promise that I intended for them to keep. Turning to Loren, who was now lying on his elbow, I studied him. “There is a solution if you’re feeling so hard up.”
He perked a brow as he looked up at me.
“You said you’re not particular about gender. I said no other women. The three of you made it extremely clear that this was a closed relationship when all I did was tell Xavier that blue was his color.” Loren was still staring at me, giving me no indication that he was catching my drift. Huffing, I decided to spell it out for him. “We never made rules on what you do with each other.”
I could dare Loren since he lost that race in Vancouver, but something told me I wouldn’t have to. Loren and Rich had already crossed that line when they kissed. It happened so naturally, I had to wonder if it wasn’t their first time.
I watched Loren’s lips slowly spread before his attention shot over to Rich.
“Is it me, or was this her plan all along?” He shifted his gaze back to me before Rich could answer. “You didn’t have to deprive us of your pussy to get what you want, baby fawn. Even if we hadn’t fucked before, right here, in this very bed you’re sitting on,” he said, dropping more than one bomb without preamble, only pointed pauses, “we still would have given you high doses of whatever the fuck you want. Houston, too, though it’s not his thing.”
Rising from the bed, Loren took my chin between his fingers once he was on his feet and tilted my head back.
“He already threatened to top me if I don’t behave. Did you know that?” he teased.
I shook my head.
“I’m almost excited to see him try if it gets you as wet as I’m sure you are right now.”
Loren was right.
I was ruining my panties with each word he spoke.
“Rich, get over here,” he ordered without looking away from me.
I couldn’t see him with Loren’s body blocking my view, but I heard the sheets on the twin bed rustle and his soft footsteps on the wooden floor. A moment later, Jericho stood next to Loren while they both towered over me.
Loren turned his head, meeting Jericho’s gaze, and gave him another order. “Kiss me.”
Heat enflamed my stomach when neither of them hesitated. Their lips crashed together with a desperation that wasn’t there the first time I witnessed them together. Loren’s hand left my face when he used it to pull Rich closer. They weren’t shy about using their tongues either or as careful with each other as they were with me.
Loren pulled away first, and the dominance in his gaze sent an excited chill down my spine. Admittedly, I was also a little jealous of Rich. This time he’d get to feel it instead of me.
“You remember how I like it, don’t you?”
The drummer nodded at Loren’s softly spoken question and slowly reached for his belt. He knew what his best friend wanted and didn’t have to be told twice. They started kissing again, teasing each other with their lips as Rich shoved his hand down Loren’s jeans.
I knew the moment he wrapped his hand around Loren’s cock. The shudder Loren released mingled with my whimper at not being able to see as Rich stroked him inside his jeans.
Loren started to yank the buttons on his crisp, white shirt free while staring coldly at his best friend. “I’m hard, Noble. You can stop toying with my dick like a virgin now and get on your knees. I want that pretty little mouth.”
Rich didn’t respond as he roughly shoved Loren onto the bed next to me. The bassist was lying on his back and looking at me now, lust clouding his black gaze as Rich dropped to his knees in my peripheral. “Come here, baby.”
I went to him without question, and our lips crashed together with a hungry moan from us both. We were still kissing when Loren shuddered moments later and released my lips suddenly with an, “Ah, fuck.”
My gaze shot to the edge of the bed where Rich was kneeling between Loren’s legs with his mouth full of his best friend’s cock.
I’d teased them with the idea but seeing it unfold before me…seeing Loren and Rich gaze into each other’s eyes while they gave and took pleasure from one another…
Rich was right.
I wouldn’t last six more days.
I wasn’t sure I’d make it six more minutes.
“Fuck, I forgot how good you were at this,” Loren said with a groan as he tossed his head back.
His abs contracted each time Rich deep throated him—something I hadn’t been able to master yet—and each time, I felt my control slip and fought the urge to touch myself or beg one of them to do it. I wanted to fuck, and I wanted to be fucked, but right now, only my need to watch them together mattered.
“Braxton.” It was hard forcing myself to look away from Rich’s bobbing head and Loren’s thrusting hips as he gripped inky black hair and fucked his mouth. “There should be lube in the nightstand,” Loren informed me when our eyes finally met. “Get it for me, baby.”
Nodding, I crawled to the nightstand between the twin beds. I didn’t dare stand. My legs wouldn’t support me.
Yanking open the drawer, I found the lube and returned to my boyfriends with it in tow. Loren took the bottle from me and his dick from Rich before sitting up. I didn’t miss the regret in Loren’s eyes as he brushed the messy black strands from his best friend’s forehead while looking down at him.
“I’m sorry,” Loren whispered out of the blue.
Rich’s lips parted, telling me he was just as surprised as me though maybe not as in the dark. His silver gaze shot over to me, and then he gulped when I saw the guilt in them.
It was then that I knew what Loren meant and why Jericho now look worried about my reaction.
Loren was apologizing for Emily.
He’d sabotaged his best friend’s marriage, and until now, he hadn’t felt remorse. Rather than anger or jealousy, I felt relief. There was only hope for this next step forward blooming in my chest. I didn’t want her hanging over their heads or standing between them anymore.
I smiled at Rich and nodded as a single, happy tear slipped. I was not about this new crying life.
“It’s okay,” Rich whispered back. “I forgave you a long time ago.”
Only now, Loren deserved it.
Rich lifted at the same time that Loren leaned down, and they shared another kiss. This one was tender, making me wonder if there might one day be room for more than just friendship and attraction between them. Neither of them saw my devious smile as they continued to kiss.
They both stood, and I got comfortable on my stomach with my feet up and my chin in my palms as I watched them undress each other. It was like I wasn’t even here, and I was okay with that.
I felt like a voyeur.
“We haven’t forgotten about you,” Rich warned me, bursting my bubble as he sauntered fully naked now over to the bed.
I couldn’t even focus on the threat because I was too busy studying every dip and hard ridge that made up his body. He was the leanest of the three, but the natural definition of his muscles and abs was no less impressive.
And then there was that monster between his legs.
What he lacked in muscle, he more than made up for with his cock.
I flooded my panties at the thought of feeling him inside of me again as he lifted me onto my knees and disposed of my dress.
“Rich—”
“Shh. I just want to feel you,” he reassured me before his lips quirked. “It’s been a while, and I’ve only done this once. I might need the distraction.”
I heard what sounded like a top popping open and looked over his shoulder to see Loren squirting lube into his palm as he stared at Rich with nothing but lust and intent.
Oh.
Well, in that case.
I let Rich undress me until I was as naked as them. He then maneuvered me until I was lying on my side with my back flush against the wall to make as much room on the narrow twin for him and Loren. I was facing him when he joined me on the bed.
“I love you,” he whispered to me as we kissed.
I sighed my response, feeling the words on my lips and in my heart but still unsure whether to offer them just yet. I felt the bed dip, and Rich deepened the kiss as I pressed my naked body to his front to distract him from what Loren was about to do.
Jericho’s hard cock was pressed against my belly, and I squirmed at the temptation to beg him to put it inside of me. I couldn’t. If only for one more night, I couldn’t. I didn’t want to miss a second of them.
Loren was now spooning Rich from behind, and since I couldn’t resist the sight of them pressed together so intimately, I broke the kiss long enough to steal a peek. Loren smiled at me, and I couldn’t help but smile back. It wasn’t until Rich tensed and groaned in my arms that I realized what Loren was up to.
I hadn’t noticed his hand.
Or his long fingers probing the muscled globes of Rich’s ass.
The sight transfixed me, my lips parting when I felt Jericho’s tongue teasing my nipple as I watched. He wasn’t supposed to be touching me, but at this moment, I could deny him whatever he needed no more than my next breath. I could try, but eventually, inevitably, I’d give in or perish.
“Jericho.” I sighed.
He couldn’t answer me.
His groans were coming more often now as Loren fucked him harder with his fingers. I could hear the sound of him dipping in and out of Rich’s ass thanks to the lube and squirmed when the need became too much.
“Would you like me to fuck him now?”
My gaze shot back to Loren, and the wicked gleam in his eye made my toes curl. “Yes, please.”
“Of course, baby.”
Loren pressed closer to Rich, who was still suckling at my nipple, and produced a condom from…somewhere. He quickly sheathed himself and then pushed his thick cock head between Rich’s cheeks.
“Braxton,” Rich called to me.
I immediately went to him. Our lips met, and I was his.
But he belonged to Loren now too.
I knew it when Rich practically ran to me to flee Loren when he started pushing into him. I held his face between my hands as I kissed his lips repeatedly to try to distract him from the pain. My eyes opened the tiniest bit, and I could see Loren’s hips flexing whenever he worked another inch inside of Rich.
He was staring down at his best friend as he burrowed himself deeper. The lust and desire written on Loren’s face were so palpable I clung to Rich in order to keep my fingers from finding my clit.
“Do you remember how it was?” Loren asked as he continued to work himself inside. “Do you remember how good it felt?”
It seemed to take all of Rich’s strength to break our kiss and open his eyes. Looking over his shoulder, he met Loren’s gaze. “Yes.”
“Good.” Loren wrapped his arm around Rich’s waist. “Me too.” It was the drummer’s only warning before Loren shoved his cock to the hilt.
“Oh, fuck,” Rich barked. He tried to run, but Loren held him still. There was nowhere for him to go sandwiched between us anyway. “Fuck you, man. Fuck you.”
Loren’s only response was to groan from the feeling of being buried deep inside his best friend. “This ass is mine, Noble.”
Resigned to let Loren have his way, Rich’s head fell helplessly to the bed. I rubbed his toned arm, trying to soothe him as best as I could while Loren pumped lazily in and out of him.
“How does it feel?” I whispered to Rich.
It was Loren who answered, though. Jericho was too far gone. “You’ll find out soon enough.”
His daunting tone, coupled with the unyielding look he gave me, made my teeth sink into my bottom lip. Loren began thrusting faster and the sound of his hips meeting Jericho’s ass filled the small room as he pounded him.
He held my gaze the entire time he took Jericho from behind.
I was as much a part of this as the two of them.
So much so I forgot to object when Loren yanked my leg over Rich’s hip, opening me up for him.
“Finger her pussy,” he ordered Jericho.
Eyes still closed while Loren used him, Rich blindly obeyed. His fingers fumbled around before finding my soaked entrance and immediately plunging two of them inside.
“Yes,” I cried out as he fucked me while Loren fucked him.
Soon after, my eyes drifted closed against my will, and I was left with only the feeling of Rich’s fingers, the sound of Loren’s grunts and Jericho’s groans, the taste of cherries on my tongue, and the smell of morning dew and berries.
The small bed rocked beneath us, making the headboard bang the wall relentlessly as we found the perfect rhythm and rode it. I briefly worried it might break, but then Jericho’s thumb began circling my clit, and the only thing that mattered was the orgasm cresting. I felt what must have been Loren’s hand push between us and then him stroking Rich’s cock.
“You’re going to come for me,” he said to Rich. There was a pause and then, “Open your eyes.”
The way my body responded told me that the second command was meant for me. Letting my eyes slowly open, I found them both watching me, waiting for me to come even as they fucked each other. My breasts were smashed against Jericho’s chest as Loren’s thrusts became so forceful our bodies moved together as if the three of us were one.
I was the first to come.
I didn’t think to temper my cries.
I couldn’t think of anything else but the shock wave seizing my body. It took some time, an eternity it seemed, and then, I was finally spent.
Rich splintered apart with a choked sound, and I felt his warm seed splashing my belly as I stared into his gray eyes.
Loren wasn’t far behind.
His movements became less and less controlled until he shoved inside Rich one last time and filled the condom with a groan.
There was only our heavy breathing after he was done. That…and the sound of the front door slamming shut.
Houston and his grandmother had returned.
Could Houston hear my heart pounding?
I felt like I was sweating bullets each time he studied me closely. Loren, Rich, and I had rushed to clean up, get dressed, and make our way to the front of the house as if nothing had happened. Laine was too busy starting dinner to notice the tension and our ruffled appearance, but Houston was right on our trail.
I knew he wouldn’t appreciate me having sex in his grandmother’s house the first time he brought me over. Or ever.
Yup.
Never having sex here would have been better.
I couldn’t even blame anyone but myself since it had been my idea to goad Loren and Rich into having sex.
Unable to take the heat, I got the hell out of the kitchen and made my way to the bathroom. I splashed water on my face and once again tried fixing my hair. Once I accepted that it wouldn’t get any better, I finally left the bathroom only to run into Houston waiting for me. He was leaning against the wall across the hall with his hands in his pockets.
“Have fun?”
I fidgeted on the threshold. “I-I um—”
He walked toward me, and I stopped speaking immediately. I stared up at him while he towered over me, but I refused to cower even when I was in the wrong.
“You wait until I’m gone to end the hiatus? Tell me why I shouldn’t be pissed.”
“Wait…that’s what you’re upset about?”
“What else would I be upset about?”
“This is your grandmother’s house, Houston.”
“You do realize I was raised here, right? I spent my teenage years in this house. You didn’t do anything I haven’t done a million times. Besides, she wasn’t here.” He then glowered at me. “Neither was I.”
“We didn’t have sex.” I paused. “Well, I didn’t.” I paused again when I remembered that I wasn’t entirely innocent. “It was my idea, though.”
Houston’s brows rose, but he didn’t comment on what I’d told him. Loren and Rich fucking wasn’t news to him. Houston simply took my hand and then led me down the hall to his bedroom. I immediately looked around even though I saw it briefly during the tour hours ago. Unlike Loren and Rich, Houston had a queen bed situated between two windows. He also had a desk that I tried to picture him sitting at while studying for a test or writing a school paper.
“Have a seat,” he ordered after closing the door.
Instead of doing so, I watched him walk over to the dresser and pull open the top drawer. He then looked over his shoulder, and when he saw me still standing, he stared.
Hearing his silent command, I walked over to the bed and sat on the edge.
Why had he brought me in here?
It wasn’t that I minded being alone with him in his childhood bedroom. It was just that I couldn’t help noticing the tension lining his shoulders and back.
Maybe this was when the other shoe dropped, and he told me he had a wife and kid too. I didn’t know what I’d do then, but I knew it wouldn’t be good.
Have faith, the angel on my shoulder whispered.
Unfortunately, the devil who was never far away still felt a little raw and wasn’t in the mood today. Shut. The fuck. Up.
Houston quickly found what he was looking for and came to join me on the bed. I frowned when I realized what he held and even more when he handed it to me. I hesitated only until I glimpsed the words printed in bold at the top of the newspaper clipping.
DOUBLE SUICIDE PARALYZES PORTLAND
March 9, 2004 / The Portland Pioneer
Married couple Jake Morrow, 32, and Susan Morrow, 31, were pronounced dead yesterday afternoon. The famed duo died from an overdose on antidepressants, which sources report had been prescribed to both victims. It is also rumored but has not been confirmed that the two were found in their home by their thirteen-year-old son, Houston Morrow.
I stopped reading.
It took a few deep breaths before I could bring myself to look at him. Houston was staring at the cut-out portion of the newspaper with no expression. I knew better, though. I was inside his head like he was in mine. It seemed he needed to gather his emotions, too, before meeting my gaze.
“You found them?”
Slowly, he nodded before looking away like he was ashamed. He was reliving it, and he didn’t want me to see. Standing from the bed, I stood between his legs and brought his eyes back to me.
“I’m sorry.”
“Me too.”
“Wh—why did they…” I gulped when I couldn’t bring myself to ask why his parents killed themselves. What had been so terrible? They had to know Houston would be the one to find them, but it wasn’t enough to make them stay.
I didn’t want to hate his parents. I wanted to find solace that at least they were no longer in pain, and yet, looking at Houston, seeing his struggle to forgive them, I couldn’t stop the burning smell plaguing my senses.
No.
Houston was the only one who had the right to be angry. Regardless of my feelings for their son, I had no right to judge them. I was only allowed sorrow—for them and Houston.
“I don’t know,” he answered, guessing at the question I was struggling to ask. “I feel like I never knew them at all. I can’t remember them not smiling. Not even once. They were always laughing and finding reasons to sing and dance. Everyone knew them. Everyone. They were contagious. The wild parties they threw were popular in Portland.” Houston shook his head before resting it against my belly. I ran my fingers through his brown hair. “All along, they were just distracting themselves, making sure they were never alone for long, even with each other. They kept themselves surrounded to keep from giving in to the pain, and I’ll never know what caused it. No one will.”
Because Jake and Susan were like so many others, both living and dead. They were the kind who never let anyone see that they were sad. Not until it was too late. Not until they were gone.
“It hasn’t stopped me from trying to figure it out, though,” he admitted after a while. “I wanted to know why so I could understand, but I’ve only been left with fears and assumptions. Had too much happened? Did they lose control and let the bad outweigh the good? They were so young when they had me. Maybe I was the reason their life didn’t turn out how they hoped. Maybe I pushed them to do it.”
I quickly climbed into his lap so that we were eye level and held his face in my hands so that he couldn’t look away. “Houston, no. Your parents chose to leave you with memories of them happy because those were the ones they wanted you to have. They loved you. I wish that it had been enough, but you were the reason they held on as long as they could. I know it like I know the last thing they want is for you to blame yourself.”
I was sucked in by the vortex his gaze created. His eyes were so green, and I wondered if it was because he stored all of his emotions there, hiding them in plain sight. I’ve called him an overbearing brute and controlling asshole, and I was almost sorry for it now that I knew the reason. He didn’t want to end up like his parents. He didn’t want the people he cared about to either. Now Houston would have to figure out a way to overcome that fear, and I was more than ready to help him. I knew Loren and Rich were too.
“You don’t have to forgive them today,” I told him when he seemed to struggle with words, “or even tomorrow. But one day, when you’re ready, I think your parents would like that. I think you would like it too.”
Houston mulled it over for a moment before simply nodding. He was quiet when he fell back on the mattress and took me with him. He held me on his chest and in his arms while I listened to his complicated heart beat. We didn’t speak a word for the rest of the night, and we didn’t leave his room. Eventually, we fell asleep together, missing the dinner his grandmother had no doubt slaved over. Laine, Loren, and Rich must have known because no one had the heart to knock on the door.
