Anticipation charges the arena, every breath I draw making my heart race that much faster. I’m sitting in the best seats money didn’t even have to buy at the NCAA Championship, yet the basketball game is the last thing on my mind.
“You’re as nervous as a live lobster in a boiling pot.” Lotus’s words are a splash of cold water across my face. Am I that obvious? I feel obvious, like there’s a huge neon sign flashing over my head. I keep telling myself that nothing happened with August last night. I have nothing to feel guilty about, but guilt gnaws through my rationale.
“It’s a big game for Caleb.” I shrug, hoping it looks more casual than I feel. “Of course I’m nervous for him.”
“I get that,” Lotus says. “But you’re downright agitated. Keep bouncing your knee like that and you’ll cause a quake in here.”
Even after she says it, my knee can’t stop hopping, my foot tapping out an erratic rhythm on the stadium floor.
“Bo, what the hell?” Lotus demands, shortening Gumbo as only she does. She presses her hand to my knee, forcing it still. “Seriously, I know this is a huge night for Caleb, but chill.”
I stare down at the court, searching for my boyfriend in the clusters of players shooting around and warming up for the biggest game of their lives. I didn’t want to distract him before the game by telling him I met August West, but what will I tell him after? A conversation at a bar during a Lakers game is no big deal, but somehow, I know Caleb won’t agree.
“Are you even hearing me?” The concern in Lotus’s dark eyes jars me out of my head.
“Yeah. Sorry.” I finally give her my full attention. “I’ll try to relax.”
She searches my face, and I force myself not to look away. Braids spill over her shoulders and arms. High, slanting cheekbones and a narrow chin lend her face an almost feline quality. She’s slim and emanates strength. I’m not sure if it’s the jut of her jaw, her obstinate chin, or her wise eyes. Or maybe it’s something beneath her skin, built into her bones.
We come from a long line of Louisiana’s famous high priestesses. Our great-grandmother MiMi was the last of them. Her daughter, our grandmother, had no desire to stay in the relative seclusion of a small bayou parish but wanted the excitement of New Orleans. A divide grew between MiMi and the other women of our family, and it seems the mystical power will die with her when she leaves this earth. But sometimes I swear I see traces of it in Lotus.
My skin may be several shades lighter than the smooth cinnamon of hers, but we’ve never let a little melanin and our one-year age gap come between us. We’ve needed each other too much. Lotus has been my constant, and I’ve been hers.
Even the years when she went to live on the bayou with MiMi and I stayed in the city, the miles between us didn’t weaken our bond. Though I never keep anything from her, I haven’t breathed a word about last night’s conversation with August.
The roaring crowd, the scantily dressed cheerleaders, and the swarm of cameras and commentators along the periphery of the court all fade, and I remember last night. August’s baseball cap provided a flimsy disguise, and I recognized him as soon as he sat beside me. The lean, powerful body, the chiseled jaw and sculpted lips, the bronzed skin—all dead giveaways.
Caleb has talked about August before, of course, and I know a lot about his game because I stay on top of sports. The media fixated on him during March Madness while his team continued their unlikely road to the Final Four. Caleb and August have been competing against one another since middle school and aren’t exactly friends.
None of that prepared me for who August West actually is. I discovered a depth in him that was surprising and refreshing. His vulnerability was so unexpected and at odds with the strength of his public image. Maybe it’s the vulnerability that enhances his strength.
A dozen times, I started to tell him I’m Caleb’s girlfriend. I have to admit, at least to myself, that I didn’t tell him because I thought he might leave. I was enjoying the conversation so much, and that was the last thing I wanted to happen. It won’t matter since I’ll probably never see him again.
I run a hand through my hair, flat-ironed straight and tamed the way Caleb likes it. I’ve made more of an effort tonight because this is such a huge milestone for him. I even wore the outfit he asked me to wear, the one he gave me for my birthday, though it shows a little more of my body than I typically would. Left to me, I would have worn his jersey, a pair of jeans, and Chucks.
No, Jordans.
I wiggle my toes in the boots I paired with this tight-ass skirt. The top is cropped just beneath my breasts, leaving my stomach almost completely bare. Lotus says I look good, but that isn’t the point. I’m at a freaking basketball game, not a club.
“Hey, there’s your boy,” she says, nodding down toward the court. “And he looks as nervous as you do.”
Lotus is right. There’s a tightness in Caleb’s expression and across his shoulders that doesn’t bode well for his jump shot. He glances all over the arena, searching for something. It’s not until he catches my eyes and smiles that I realize he was looking for me. I set aside my guilt and nervousness long enough to give him the smile, the reassurance, I know he needs tonight.
“Aren’t his parents posted up in one of those fancy luxury rooms?” Lotus directs her gaze to the row of VIP boxes elevated above the rest of the arena.
“Yeah, but I like to sit in the stands,” I tell her. “And Caleb likes to see me here.”
I blow him a kiss, and his smile grows wider, lighting his handsome face. Caleb is the same height as August, six-six, and he’s just as powerfully built. His blond hair, tanned skin, and nearly navy blue eyes make him quite literally the golden boy of college basketball. There’s nothing to indicate that he won’t be just as popular in the NBA.
He turns to practice a few dribbling drills. He’ll need all the practice he can get if he’s going to outshoot August tonight, though I honestly don’t know if he can. I hate doubting him, but we haven’t seen a perimeter shooter like August in a long time. Caleb’s team is the defending champion. He got his ring last year, but I know beating his longtime rival to win another would be especially sweet for him.
“That man loves you, girl,” Lotus says. “And I didn’t think any guy could get you out of the library.”
“Neither did I.”
I had a scholarship to keep and wasn’t going to be distracted by any guy. I was working the register when Caleb came into the bookstore needing a book for his psychology class. He showed up every morning for weeks with a cup of coffee for me until I agreed to go out with him. He’s practically a celebrity on our campus, so of course I was flattered. I didn’t take his interest in me seriously, though. I assumed he was exactly the kind of guy I should avoid, but he wore me down and he proved me wrong. We laughed together. We talked basketball. He treated me well and made me feel special.
“Well you caught yourself a big fish, as our mamas would say.” The same bitterness about the men who passed through my life rings in Lotus’s voice. “Now just to keep him.”
“If anything, he’s trying to keep me.” I grimace at how that sounds. “What I mean is you know I care about Caleb.”
“Of course,” Lotus says, watching me closely.
“It’s just lately, it seems like he’s asking for so much more.”
I hesitate, not wanting to paint Caleb in a bad light, but Lo lifts her brows and nods her encouragement for me to go on.
“He’s been dropping hints about marriage and that he wants me to move with him to the city that drafts him.”
“But what if your opportunities aren’t in whatever random city drafts him?” Lo’s brows pinch together. “He knows you want to pursue your career in sports marketing, right?”
“Of course. Yeah, I’ve always been up front about that,” I say. “But now with the draft approaching, he doesn’t want a long-distance relationship, so it keeps coming up.”
I’ve always plotted my path in the opposite direction of my mother’s. Independence. Not relying on a man. Making my own way. If there’s one thing I know about my course, it’s that I have to stay on it.
“Well speaking of.” Lotus elbows me. “Your future father-in-law is heading our way.” She nods toward Caleb’s father and his cousin, approaching through the crowded stands, stopping every so often to smile and chat.
“Would you stop saying that?” Exasperation weights my sigh. “It’s bad enough everyone else assumes Caleb and I are already practically engaged.”
“To hear Aunt Priscilla tell it, you’ll be married and pregnant by Christmas.”
“Pregnant?” I scowl. “Mama would love that. The higher Caleb goes in the draft, the more she’ll want a grandbaby to hook him for life. That’s the last thing I’m thinking about. A baby right now would ruin all my plans.”
“What’s the rush anyway?” Lotus adjusts an errant lock of hair until it knows its place on my shoulder. “Why’s Caleb so eager to get married?”
“I know. What’s wrong with a long-distance relationship? I’m not ready for marriage. It’s too soon.”
“Do you love him?” Lo’s eyes pick around the edges of my expression.
“Sure.” I shrug, looking down at my knees. “I mean, we say it to each other, but does that mean he’s the one? I don’t know. We’ve been dating a year. We started as friends, and he’s gorgeous and smart and considerate. I’d be crazy not to love him, right? He’s perfect.”
Lotus puts her hand over mine. “Hey, look at me.”
I meet her eyes, braced for whatever she’s about to say.
“It doesn’t matter if he’s perfect, Bo, if he’s not perfect for you.” She squeezes my fingers. “You need a guy who respects your ambitions and your dreams.”
“I think Caleb can be that guy.”
But even as I say it, I question if it’s true. If my ambitions took me to one place and Caleb to another, would he expect me to follow him? Would I lose him if I didn’t? I hope I don’t have to choose. I know how important basketball is to him, but does he really understand how important my dreams are to me?
“Just be sure,” Lotus says, pasting on a plastic smile and aiming it over my shoulder. “In the meantime, here comes papa.”
“Good evening, ladies,” Caleb’s father says, finally making his way to stand in front of us.
Donald Bradley’s smile is always as carefully coordinated as his ties and tailor-made suits. The word that comes to mind is calculating, like he’s added you up and subtracted you to determine how much of his time and attention you merit. His every movement is smooth, but there is a hardness to him that makes me wonder if there’s really a heart beating beneath that silk shirt. He’s so much like Caleb physically—the same golden hair and dark blue eyes—but Caleb doesn’t have that hard smoothness.
Not yet.
It’s a whisper I try to ignore. The thought of Caleb evolving into his father drops a bag of stones in my belly.
“Hi, Mr. Bradley.” I glance up at the man beside him, forcing a smile for Caleb’s cousin. “Hey, Andrew.”
“Hey,” Andrew replies politely. Neutral is the word I always associate with him. He’s in medical school, so I know he has his own talents, but beside the vitality of his superstar cousin, there is something . . . bland, beige about him. Like he’ll match whatever’s around him, absorb whatever he needs to in any given situation. Maybe that’s not the worst thing, but it makes him hard to read. When you grow up with a series of creepy “uncles” in your house like we did, you learn to read men’s intentions. What makes me wary of Andrew is I can never read his.
“You’re both welcome to join Barbara and me up in the box,” Mr. Bradley says. “We’ve got quite a spread up there to celebrate after my boy wins tonight.”
“I’m fine here for now.” I try to warm my lukewarm smile. “I like being close to the action.”
“And I’m sure Caleb wants to see you in the stands.” He looks at me sternly. “But tonight at the party, work the room some. A beautiful wife is a huge asset for a man like Caleb. We’ve got as much work to do off the court as we do on it.”
My teeth grind together. I have so many things I want to do before I settle down. And right now, none of them involve being a baller’s trophy wife.
“I’ll support Caleb in every way that I can,” I say. “Just as I’m sure he’ll support the things I want to pursue.”
Mr. Bradley wears a pleased smile and pats my shoulder. “There are all kinds of charities and committees for the players’ wives that I’m sure you’ll enjoy.”
“We’ll see how much time I have,” I tell him. “I’ve applied for several internships, including one with St. Louis.”
I don’t have to wait long for his reaction.
“St. Louis?” His thick brows lower and clump over his eyes. “My team?”
Mr. Bradley, already in the Hall of Fame as a player, is a front office executive for the St. Louis expansion team. He’s built many teams from nothing into championship-caliber squads.
“St. Louis is one of the teams I’m interviewing with, yeah.” I suppress a satisfied smirk.
“You should probably wait to see where Caleb is drafted before you make any commitments,” he says, his tone condescending. “You’ll want to know where he lands.”
“I’m actually in the final round of consideration for a few internships,” I say, keeping my expression placid. “So we’ll also have to see where I land.”
He squints and tilts his head, considering me like I’m a worrisome puzzle. My pieces aren’t fitting the way they should. Most girls would jump at the chance to secure a future with an NBA player. So why am I hesitating to marry his golden boy?
“Well, we’d better be getting back to our guests.” He nods toward a nearby tunnel. “See you up in the box after the game. Let’s go, Andrew.”
With one last look, Andrew turns to follow.
“You’re marrying into a fucked-up family.” Lotus shudders, shaking herself.
“I’m not marrying . . .” There’s teasing in her eyes. “Stop pushing my buttons.”
“But with my heavy workload at school, it’s one of the few joys I have left in life.”
“Find new joys.”
We share a grin, and she links her arm through mine, leaning her head on my shoulder while we watch the pre-game shenanigans. Mascots for both teams run the length of the court, using trampolines to slam-dunk balls. A kiss cam gets going, and Lotus and I can’t stop laughing at an elderly couple kissing like teenagers fogging up a backseat window.
And then I see him. I haven’t allowed myself to look for August since the players came on court for the pre-game shoot around. I’m not that close, and you couldn’t squeeze a gnat in this building because there are so many people here. Still, I worry that he’ll spot me.
I could be worrying for nothing. I mean, he must have girls chasing him all the time. Some inconsequential chick he met in a bar is probably utterly forgettable.
Except it didn’t feel inconsequential. Not the things we shared or the look on his face when I walked away. None of it felt inconsequential. And though I know I should forget, I can’t stop remembering.
My mom used to say it took a crow bar to pry me open, but with August, I surprised myself. I didn’t hold back. When was the last time I talked so openly with anyone besides Lo?
Down on the court, he faces a teammate, dribbling two balls, one with each hand, his posture relaxed. He laughs at something the other player says, his lips spread in a flash of humor and charisma. An indolent swagger hangs on him like his basketball shorts, easy and loose, but a barely veiled energy crackles around him. He’s nimble athleticism and latent power on the verge of explosion.
In an instant, he goes from the ease of his teammate’s camaraderie to the trademark precision shooting that’s inspired awe in basketball pundits throughout this tournament. Eyes fastened on the hoop, he knocks down six three-pointers in quick succession. From wrist to bicep, one arm is sheathed in a shooter sleeve, a compression accessory some ballers use to keep their arm warm and increase circulation. A few colorful tattoos paint the other arm, but the most prominent one is on the ball of his shoulder, the number thirty-three. It’s his jersey number, but I remember hearing it was his father’s, too.
He’s not wearing his jersey yet, and when he tosses the ball back and forth between his big hands, palming and raising it over his head in a stretch, his T-shirt lifts, exposing rungs of muscled abs.
My breath catches. My body flattened to his last night, the check above his head. The rock-hard chest and arms. The gentle hands and eyes. The strength and heat of him, the way he smelled—everything about him made me want to press closer. To be as close as I could get. I wanted to kiss him. The source of all this guilt isn’t what I did with August. It’s what I wanted. What I felt.
He looks up into the stands in our direction, and my heart pauses for the space of a beat. I tense, as much from the memory of those eyes fixed on me as from the fear that he’ll see me now.
His coach yells, waving the team over to the bench. I should be relieved he didn’t see me, but some perverse, masochistic part of me wishes he knew I was here.
My eyes seek Caleb on court, and I wait to feel anything as visceral as what I felt last night with August. I’m glad to see Caleb. I’m proud of him. I’m happy for him, but it doesn’t feel like my heart is pinned to a soaring kite. My feet are firmly planted on the ground. My body doesn’t go haywire. When was the last time Caleb left me breathless with little more than a look, a touch? For that matter, when was the last time I wanted to tell him so many things there wasn’t time for it all?
I have a year invested with Caleb, and we’ve been happy. After meeting August West once, I’m questioning it?
“So what are you gonna do?” Lo asks softly, breaking into my thoughts. “About this Caleb situation, I mean. If he wants more and you want . . .what you want?”
I turn my head to study my cousin’s face.
“Why do I have to know right now?” I answer Lo without actually answering. “I’m about to graduate from college. This should be a time when it’s safe to explore, when there’s space to figure out what life is on my own. Can’t we just be dating? I’m not sure what I know for sure yet, and that should be okay.”
The closer we get to the future, the more I feel the weight of Caleb’s expectations, spoken and unspoken. I just hope it’s not so heavy that it crushes us, crushes what we have completely.
“Don’t let him rush you, girl,” Lo says. “Better no man than the wrong man. We saw that firsthand.”
What would our lives have been like if my mom had married one of the creeps who paid our rent? Except for Telly, I was usually glad to see them go. If she’d married one of those men, I know instead of the security she envisioned, it would have been a trap.
Once the game is underway and halftime approaches, I know Caleb’s team is in trouble. It’s not in the score, because they’re only down by five, still easily within striking distance. And Caleb’s performance shouldn’t give me pause. He’s nearly at a triple-double already. My reservations actually have nothing to do with Caleb and his team, and everything to do with August and his. There’s an X factor in sports, probably in life, that doesn’t show up in stats sheets or on scoreboards. Jordan had it. Kobe had it. It’s that “I will not be stopped” killer instinct. When a player has that, he’ll strap the whole team to his back if that’s what it takes to win.
That killer instinct blares from every pore of August West.
I’ve never seen him play live, or I would have known this already. It’s in his eyes every time he faces Caleb one-on-one, the crooked grin that says August relishes toying with him. Each time he stops on the dime and spins beyond Caleb’s reach to score, he insinuates himself deeper into Caleb’s head. And that’s where the game will ultimately be lost if something doesn’t change in the second half. If I were the coach, I’d assign someone else to guard August because Caleb can’t. I suspect Caleb asked to do it, feeling like he had something to prove.
He’s not proving it.
If I could have five minutes alone with Caleb, maybe I could help. He’s told me before that he thinks about me when the game isn’t going his way. Even if I could get to him, I’m not sure I could face him right now. I’d probably just blurt an apology for all the things I didn’t do last night with August but can’t stop thinking about.
Not helpful.
As a fan, I marvel at August’s gifts on display tonight—at the show he’s putting on for us. As a girlfriend, I wince every time Caleb misses a shot. Caleb can be a little entitled. With all the privileges he’s had, how could he not be occasionally? But he’s worked hard all season, and August’s hot hand is burning all Caleb’s work to the ground. Even as I admire August’s skill, guilt saws my insides. I should be completely rooting for Caleb, but there’s this tiny rebel corner of my heart that wants all of August’s hard work to pay off, too. Tonight, on his father’s birthday.
The buzzer sounds, and both teams exit the court for halftime.
“They’re in good shape, right?” Lo asks.
“Sure.” I keep my answer short because if I keep talking, I’ll say what I see.
We spend most of halftime at the concession stand. After we squeeze through the bleachers and back into our seats, Lo brings up the last thing, the last person, I want to discuss.
“Caleb’s gotta be worried about that August West guy.” She sips her soda. “He’s something else.”
“Yeah, he’s an All-American,” I answer evenly, keeping my eyes steady on the halftime show while my heart goes berserk. “He’ll be a first-round draft pick for sure.”
“He’s also fine as hell.” Lo cocks a skeptical brow. “Don’t tell me you were so caught up in stats you didn’t notice that dude’s ass.”
You should see his eyes. You should feel his chest.
You should hear his voice.
I futilely try to forget how being with August made me feel perfectly at ease and wholly exhilarated all at once.
“Is it hot in here?” I fan my face with one hand, trying to cool the heated skin. “And remember, I have a boyfriend. I’m in a relationship.”
“In a relationship, not dead.” She girl-grunts her appreciation. “Hmmm. And you’d have to be dead not to notice that man.”
For a second, all the details from last night collect on the tip of my tongue. It was just a few hours, but it felt then—it still feels—significant. And I’ve never kept anything significant from Lo. Since nothing happened, I should be able to tell her everything with a clear heart, but I hesitate. Something did happen. My stomach lurches with the truth. As much as I don’t want to deal with it, something shifted in me last night. I don’t completely understand it yet, but it feels seismic.
I don’t say any of that to Lo. It was one conversation. She’d think I was crazy to feel that fascinated by August already. I think I’m crazy. So instead of saying any of that, I redirect the conversation.
“Game’s starting back up.”
The score stays close throughout the second half, but ultimately the other team has something we don’t. And that something is August. With only two minutes remaining, he does what all the great ones do. He takes over, willing high-risk shots to go in, making the impossible ones look effortless. Frustration radiates from Caleb as he watches the game slipping away. The final blow comes as he’s defending August on a possession in the last few seconds. August plants himself in his sweet spot, the far-right corner, just beyond the three-point line. Caleb reaches in to block the shot, and before the whistle blows, I know it’s a foul. His last one. He’s fouled out of the game. To add insult to injury, August’s three-pointer goes in. This could be a four-point play that drills the nail into the coffin.
Shit.
Caleb slams the ball onto the court, sending it rocketing high in the air. He yells at the ref before stomping to the bench. There’s a wildness in his eyes, something I haven’t seen before. I grew up with volatility, and on occasion, saw violence. Seeing Caleb lose control stirs my instinct to run. But by the time he’s on the bench chugging Gatorade, that wildness is gone and he’s my golden boy again.
Maybe I imagined it.
August picked his game apart, and Caleb’s understandably frustrated. Most guys have those moments when they lose control. If there had been more time left on the clock, and if Caleb was anyone else, he probably would have been ejected from the game. But he’s not ejected and has to sit on the bench watching to the very end.
August assumes his place on the free-throw line, his body relaxed like this moment, as big as it is, isn’t big enough to swallow his confidence. If he makes this shot, with less than a second left on the clock, there won’t be time for us to recover. A four-point game will be out of reach.
With thousands of fans waving and screaming and booing in front of him, creating a human mass of distraction, August seems to block it all out. It’s just him and the hoop, and it would take an act of God to stop that ball from going in.
God does not intervene.
A nothing-but-net swoosh puts this game in the books. A second later the buzzer goes off, the building erupts, and August’s team scatters all over the court in a chest-pounding, body-slamming celebration. August stands in the middle of the floor, absolutely still, the game ball cradled in the definition of his arms against his chest. His head hangs forward, and emotion emanates from him so thickly it reaches me. It touches me.
I tip my head down to hide my face, to hide my smile. I hurt for Caleb, of course, but I know what this means to August—that as he stands in the center, a vein of sobriety running through the jubilation, he’s thinking of his father. Wondering if his dad sees him. Wondering if today, on his birthday, he’s proud. I have no way of knowing, but somehow, I’m sure he is.
