I didn’t realize how much I needed to hear Nico’s laugh until it finally happened. Just like I didn’t know how important it was to see him smile at me without the weight of my unhappiness resting on his small shoulders.
By the time we are ready to cut his cake, Nico has smiled at me three whole times and laughed twice, which is more than he has in the last two months combined. I’m so taken aback by his good mood that I don’t notice Ellie coming toward me until it’s too late.
One moment, I’m taking a photo of Nico and his friends, and the next, a massive slice of cake is being slammed into my face. Nico’s loud belly laugh stuns me almost as much as Ellie staring up at me with a sheepish expression.
Nico knows I hate wasting food, but the sound of his laughter quells my annoyance. I swipe at my face to clear my vision, only to make it worse.
Ellie makes a face. “Nico asked me to do that as his birthday present.”
“Did he?” I shoot my son a fake look of outrage. He curls over, his cheeks red from laughing himself hoarse.
“You’ve got something right…” Ellie reaches out and smears the clump of frosting on my cheek into my short, thick beard, painting the coarse hair blue and orange. “Oops.”
I’m too stunned by the graze of her fingers across my lips to do anything but stare. Our eyes meet for a brief second, and something passes between us.
An acknowledgment of attraction perhaps? It is faint but present, with my lips tingling from a single one of her touches, although I’m not entirely sure Ellie feels the same way.
Sure, I’ve caught her staring a few times here and there, but I’ve never thought much of it.
The moment is stolen when Lily comes up to my side and offers Ellie a plate with a thick slice of cake. “From the birthday boy.”
Before Ellie has a chance to take it from Lily’s outstretched hand, I steal it and smash the entire thing against her face. Her soft gasp of surprise fills the quiet before Nico shatters it with a loud cackle.
Ellie stares up at me in shock, with frosting clinging to her light brown lashes and soft, rosy lips. She looks so damn ridiculous that I can’t help laughing.
The crowd surrounding the cake table goes quiet, and I can feel at least thirty pairs of eyes focused on me. Thankfully, my burning cheeks are hidden beneath smeared icing or else my embarrassment would be obvious to everyone around us.
Ellie’s icing-covered brows shoot up toward her blue-tinged hairline.
“What?” I ask in a rough voice.
“Nothing.” She shakes her head, flinging a few drops of icing in the process.
“Oh, wait. You got something right…” I repeat her words as I smear a big clump of icing over Ellie’s cheeks. My thumb accidentally swipes across her bottom lip, and a spark of awareness shoots across my skin.
Ellie’s sharp breath feels like it was ripped straight from my lungs.
I pull back at the sound of Nico and his friends laughing to find my family looking at us with a range of expressions. My aunt has a certain troubling smile on her face, while Dahlia and Julian are whispering to each other, their gazes darting back to us with poorly concealed interest.
My whole face heats up at the unwanted attention, and I turn back toward Ellie.
Ellie seems not to care about everyone else as she asks me, “How do you feel about getting revenge on the little instigator?”
A small smile tugs at my lips. “I like the way you think.”
She smirks. “You grab him while I get the cake?”
I nod. With an impressive burst of speed, Ellie steals a slice of cake from the table while I lock my arms around Nico and pull him up high against my chest.
“No!” he shouts while squirming against me. “I’m sorry!”
To think I have spent all this time being jealous of the relationship she had with my son when I could have been trying to be a part of it instead. No one said we couldn’t share experiences with Nico together, but I made it impossible with the way I behaved.
From here on out, I will work on it.
Obviously, my problems with Nico aren’t going to magically go away because of a fun birthday party, but this is a fresh start. One that includes pushing my jealousy aside and appreciating Ellie’s relationship for what it is.
A genuine one.
“¡Papi!” Nico shouts.
Ellie lets out a soft laugh I feel more than hear, the sound making my chest feel all warm and tingly.
We share another look, although this time I’m quick to shield my true feelings. The ones I have no right to feel in the first place because this is Nico’s nanny we are talking about. She is permanently off-limits, regardless of how my heart trips up in her proximity.
Thankfully, she doesn’t seem to notice my dilemma as she slams the paper plate into Nico’s face while staring up at me with another heart-clenching smile that could bring a man to his knees.
I fear that, if I’m not careful, that man could most definitely be me.
Without me having to ask, my family volunteers to help clean up after the party once the last kid leaves. Lily is organizing all the food and cake leftovers while Julian, his mom, and I are on cleanup duty. Before Ellie had a chance to pick up a trash bag, Dahlia asked if they could visit the barn and go over everything the animals will need while we are away on our trip.
I didn’t want to burden my family with taking care of them, but they wouldn’t let me ask anyone else. I’m not the betting type, but I give Dahlia a week of mucking out stalls before she throws in the designer towel and asks Julian to take over her shift.
My phone buzzes in my pocket, so I drop the trash bag on the ground before checking who texted me.
It takes a single name to sour my stomach and ruin my good mood.
HILLARY
Tell Nico that I’m sorry I couldn’t make it.
She then sends a receipt for an electronic gift card to Nico’s favorite sneaker store.
I want to rage. I want to yell. I want to take my phone and toss it in the pond behind my house.
Instead, I type out a cordial reply.
ME
There’s always the Strawberry Festival next month.
Hillary swore she would come since Nico is playing a special musical piece for the entire town, but I’m skeptical, given how she always confirms only to cancel right before any event.
HILLARY
Already booked my flight.
ME
Great.
I tuck my phone in my pocket and get back to cleaning. Julian spares me a few concerned glances, but I turn my back on him and internalize my aggression until the burning rage is nothing but a tiny ember of disgust.
I knew Nico’s mom wouldn’t show up today, but he had hoped she would.
He always hopes.
Nico is too young and caring to see his mother for who she is, and I’m not the kind of man who will speak ill of her to gain his favor. One day, he will learn the truth, and I’ll be on standby, ready to put his broken heart back together when his mother inevitably shatters it.
Unlike my sweet, sentimental son, I’ve learned the hard way not to trust anything that comes out of my ex-wife’s mouth. She might be the mother of my child, and for that, I will always give her more grace than she deserves, but I will never let her get close enough to hurt me again. Her or any other woman for that matter, so I keep them at a distance and prevent any opportunities for intimacy.
Loneliness might be temporary, but heartbreak?
That emotional damage can last a lifetime.
