Ellie eventually fell asleep, which I didn’t think was possible, especially given how anxious she was about the whole flight. Her body gave out once the adrenaline wore off, and she chose my shoulder as her pillow while the one she bought remained on her lap. I could push her away, but I’m still feeling guilty after her earlier admission, so I remain still as a statue while she leans on me.
When Nico strong-armed me into inviting Ellie on our summer trip, I assumed she had agreed because of the all-expenses-paid vacation, but that couldn’t be further from the truth.
Like me, she is here for Nico. Travel anxiety be damned.
Her dedication to making the most of this trip for my son fills me with gratitude so strong, it overwhelms me—as does the idea of Ellie doing more for Nico than his mother ever has.
If my ex-wife had a similar fear, I wouldn’t find her anywhere near a plane, let alone powering through a ten-hour flight for our son.
“How long is she going to sleep for?” Nico whispers through the hole between our seats.
“I don’t know,” I reply in a soft voice.
“Shouldn’t we wake her up soon?”
“We still have a few more hours left.” I sneak a glance at the woman I once found annoying as she cuddles up to my side, pressing her warm body up against mine.
It doesn’t take long until her soft snores slowly lull me to sleep too.
Someone’s hand clamps around mine, and I jolt awake.
“What the…” I look down to find Ellie’s fingers locked between mine. The plane shakes as we hit a bit of turbulence.
“Rafael.” Her panic-laced voice sparks me into action.
“It’s fine.”
“It’s not freaking fine!” Ellie’s already-ashen face pales even more as the plane shakes.
“Is she okay?” Nico whisper-shouts.
“She will be in a little bit. How about you?” I ask him.
“Yup! It’s like that space ride in Dreamland.” Nico speaks in that upbeat voice of his, which helps me relax a bit. Ellie doesn’t seem to share the same sentiment, as her grip on my hand tightens until it tingles from the lack of blood circulation.
Blood circulation. Right.
Her heavy breathing drags me away from my thoughts. It’s been a long time since anyone but Nico sought to be comforted by me, and I quickly become aware of how rusty I am as I say, “The statistics are in our favor. Only one in every eleven million planes crashes.”
She stares at me in horror. “One in eleven million?”
“According to Google, yeah.”
“But aren’t there at least a hundred thousand flights in a given day?”
Fuck. So much for comforting her.
The plane dips a little, and my stomach lurches. Her bone-crushing hold on my hand doesn’t relent, and I offer a reassuring squeeze despite my joints protesting.
“We could—”
She doesn’t let me finish my sentence. “If you suggest we play a game, I will kill you.”
“I was going to recommend taking a few deep breaths, but if plotting my murder distracts you, then be my guest. I’ll even offer ideas.”
“Do you have a will?”
“Why are you asking?”
“Just want to make sure Nico is set for life and all.”
There must be something wrong with me because that’s the only plausible explanation for how my chest warms at the idea of her caring enough about my son to make sure he is taken care of if I’m not around.
The plane rocks again.
“Oh my God.” She groans. “We’re going to die.”
A few other people in the first-class cabin stare at Ellie with a mix of judgmental expressions, and I glare at them from over the top of her head until they drop their eyes.
Who knew my scowl could be turned into a superpower?
When I look back down, I find Ellie staring straight ahead with a single tear rolling down her face. It affects me more than I’d like, and I instinctively find myself brushing the droplet away with the pad of my thumb.
“Ellie.”
Nothing.
“Hey.”
Her silence eats away at me as she takes a big gulp of air.
“Elle?” I speak the nickname into existence without thinking much of it. “Háblame.” My use of Spanish pulls her out of whatever anxious spiral she was in.
She turns to look at me. “What does that mean?”
“Talk to me,” I translate.
“I can’t,” she rasps.
“You’re crying.”
She rushes to wipe at her cheeks. “This is so embarrassing.”
“I agree. If you keep this up, I’ll have no choice but to use it as blackmail one day.”
She laughs. It’s nothing special, but it relieves some of the growing tension in my body until the plane shakes again. While I got over my fear of flying years ago, I still hate turbulence, so distracting Ellie will benefit me too.
“What’s this tattoo about?” I trace over the thin band of stars that circles the entirety of her middle finger.
“Huh?”
“Your tattoo.” I tap the permanent black ring.
“Oh. That.” Her brows furrow. “I made a promise to myself when I was younger.”
“What was it?”
She stares at our hands. “That, no matter what happens or how hard life gets, I won’t give up on myself.”
Thunder rumbles outside as rain beats down on the plane.
I try to distract her with another question. “Why did you choose this finger?”
She swallows thickly before glancing up at me. “Middle fingers are associated with our life and identity, so it seemed right.”
“Huh. I just thought they were good for flipping people off.”
Another laugh pours out of her, only for the sweet sound to be cut off by another clap of thunder.
“What about this one?” I point at the triplet note located on the inside of her right wrist.
“It represents my family. Burt, my mom, and me.” She points to each part of the note. “They got matching ones.”
“I didn’t know you were an only child.”
“You never asked.”
“I’ve been an asshole.” Guilt replaces my curiosity. After knowing Ellie for nearly a year, I should be able to answer a simple question like that myself.
“Just a teensy, tiny bit.”
I shoot her a look.
“But to answer your question, I was raised like an only child, but I have half-siblings on my father’s side. I’ve never met them, though.”
I know better than to broach a conversation like that, especially with how anxious she is.
“And what about this one?” I turn her arm and follow the path of blank skin to the crescent moon near her elbow.
Her already-pale face completely loses all its color, and she yanks her hand away without warning. “I just liked the way it looked.”
“If you want us to start trusting one another, you should stop lying.”
Her eyes narrow. “You want the truth?”
I nod.
“It’s the one and only tattoo I regret.” She reaches for her headphones and covers her ears, effectively shutting me out.
Ten minutes later, the summer storm has officially passed, and the captain promises that the rest of the flight will be a smooth one. Ellie acknowledges me with a whispered thank you for helping her through her anxiety before tuning me out again.
I’m used to Nico’s nanny being quiet. It was one of the main reasons I hired her in the first place, because unlike the other ones, she wasn’t actively trying to impress me or force me to open up. We both did our own thing, with us only interacting when it related to Nico.
It was a match made in heaven…until now.
I should be grateful that Ellie established a clear boundary again, but instead, I’m left with the bitter taste of loneliness as we go back to ignoring each other’s presence.
You could always suggest being friends.
Except nothing says pathetic quite like asking my son’s nanny, who is on my payroll, to be my friend. God knows I could use one, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to force Ellie into being mine.
No matter how much I want to.
