On our way to grab some Hawaiian shave ice after our beach day, I receive a new text from Dahlia.
DAHLIA
As requested, here are your weekly proof of life photos.
She attaches a photo of Jimmy B and Johnnie W passed out in their pen with miniature whiskey bottles thrown around them, one of Penelope with a set of purple and pink bows in her mane, and a blurry image of Bacardi hanging out in the corner of her stall like always.
ME
What’s happened to Bacardi’s coat?
DAHLIA
Lily and Josefina tried to even out her cut yesterday, but she wasn’t having it.
ME
She’s afraid of the sound clippers make.
DAHLIA
So we learned after Lily got kicked in the face.
I knew it was a bad idea to have my family take care of my animals, but they assured me it would be okay.
Guilt makes my heart heavy as I type out my next message.
ME
Fred can check on them instead.
DAHLIA
I knew you’d overreact.
ME
It’s called caring.
Lily and Dahlia are the younger sisters I never had, so I can’t help my reactions sometimes, especially if I’m the one to blame.
DAHLIA
I know, and we love you for it, but relax. Seriously.
DAHLIA
Bacardi is fine. Lily is fine. Everyone is fine.
ME
How is Lily’s face?
DAHLIA
Besides a small bruise on her cheek, she’s all good.
I release a heavy breath and start to type out a message to Fred, a farmer and my closest neighbor, but Dahlia’s next text makes me pause.
DAHLIA
BUT maybe you should hold off on adopting any more animals for a bit.
I laugh to myself.
ME
Too late.
One of the farmers in a neighboring town is struggling to keep up with his animals since his wife died, and I already agreed to foster them while I find them a more permanent home. Julian has begun working on the expansion plans for the barn because he thinks I’ll outgrow the space by next year.
DAHLIA
…
DAHLIA
I pity Ellie. I can’t believe she willingly puts up with nine animals.
ME
I only have eight.
DAHLIA
You forgot to count yourself.
I send a middle finger emoji while biting back a smile.
Now that I think about it, Ellie hasn’t complained once about taking care of the animals. If anything, she has taken it upon herself to care for them, even going as far as naming them.
I never thought much of it, but now, after listening to Dahlia and Lily’s struggles with managing the barn, I’m ashamed to admit I unknowingly took advantage of her. I even said she was underqualified for her job when that couldn’t be further from the truth.
Ellie could be doing so much more with her life. That much became obvious after Cole Griffin expressed an interest in her song, but she chose to take care of Nico instead.
She chose us.
Not us. Nico, I correct myself.
Disappointment tugs at my chest, impossible to ignore, because for a fleeting second, I wanted it to be true. I wanted her to choose me too.
With only a few more nights left in Honolulu before we head to Kauai, I thought it would be a good idea to finally use the hot tub after Nico fell asleep, only to find out it was already occupied by his nanny.
Having a physical reaction to seeing Ellie in a bikini is normal, but getting a hard-on because of it?
Embarrassing and inconvenient to say the least.
Unfortunately, the foam and bubbles caused by the jets block me from getting a full view of her body, but the sight of her chest is enough to send a rush of heat toward my groin.
I thought she would be hiding in her room playing the guitar tonight, so I’m surprised to find her out on the balcony, staring up at the stars with deep longing.
Thankfully, she is so enraptured by the view that she doesn’t notice me at first, which is a blessing, seeing as I’m too distracted by her chest. Her breasts are small and perky, and I picture them fitting perfectly in the palms of my hands.
Based on Ellie’s modest clothing choices so far, I didn’t think she owned a swimsuit like that, but the lime-colored bikini might as well be a green light with the way my dick is acting.
I shield my growing issue with a towel as she turns to find me staring at her.
“When you’re done checking me out, do you mind turning the dial?” She points at one that controls the jets.
I ignore her first comment and do as she requested, extending the timer by fifteen minutes.
Well played, Ellie. Well freaking played.
She returns to looking up at the moon, disinterested in watching me fumble through getting inside the hot tub without her noticing my stiffening cock. The hot water hits my sore leg muscles first, and I sigh.
“Feels great, right?”
“I need one of these at home.”
“I’d like that.”
My dick seems to agree.
For a few minutes, we sit in comfortable silence until Ellie breaks it with a question. “Do you ever wonder what’s out there?” She stares up at the sky with a sigh.
“Have we officially reached the point in our relationship where we discuss conspiracy theories?”
The sound she lets out makes me smile.
“We don’t really have a relationship. At least not a normal one.”
“On that, we can both agree.” The feelings she is slowly dragging out of me don’t feel normal. In fact, they feel pretty damn scary.
Her heavy exhale draws my gaze toward her chest again.
She clears her throat, and I look up without a hint of shame. Pretending I don’t find her attractive is useless, so why bother hiding it?
“Are we going to have a problem here?” she asks with a hint of a rasp.
“Do you want there to be one?”
She is the one to look away first. “This was a bad idea.”
Good thing she doesn’t have access to my thoughts because I have a hundred bad ideas playing on repeat.
“You could leave,” I suggest without actually meaning it.
“So could you.”
“Yeah, not happening.”
“I was here first.” She kicks her leg out and splashes my face with water.
Before she pulls back, I latch on to her foot and yank hard enough to send her sprawling. She curses as she is pulled underwater, only to break through the bubbling surface with a scowl a couple of seconds later. “I was trying to keep my hair dry.”
“My bad.”
Next thing I know, water splashes against my face and hair.
I fake a gasp. “Ugh. There goes my blowout.”
The look of pure outrage on her face makes me laugh.
Her upper lip curls. “You’re such an asshole.”
“We’ve got to work on your insults, Elle. They’re growing a bit stale.”
“Don’t call me that,” she seethes.
“Why? Are you afraid you’ll start liking it?” Based on the way she softens every time I use it, I already know the truth. She can pretend to despise the shortened name, but her eyes give her away.
“It’s dumb.”
“The nickname? Or the way you react every time I say it?”
Her eyes narrow. “You’re in a mood tonight.”
After Nico asked me to tuck him into bed tonight and read him a story, I feel like I’m living on cloud nine, so hell yeah, I’m in a mood. A great one, in fact.
“It’s called being happy. Try it with me.”
“Are you high?”
“No, but that could be fun.”
She gapes at me.
“What?”
“I’m just…shocked.”
“Why?”
“I didn’t peg you as the type to smoke.”
“Did you expect me to like edibles like you?”
She looks stunned. “How do you know about that?”
“I saw that you Googled if it was legal to bring them on a plane.”
“There’s a valid explanation for that.”
“I’m sure.”
“I have anxiety!”
“I think the three hundred passengers on the plane were aware, yes.”
“It was a legit question!” Her defensiveness is charming, especially with her cheeks turning red.
“I didn’t say it wasn’t, but next time, delete the search history from the main computer.”
She slaps a hand over her mouth. “I’m so sorry. I thought I did.”
“Just for your information, if Nico ever asks you what an edible is, you need to answer ‘cookies.’ Got it?”
The best laugh pours out of her, and a sense of satisfaction rolls through me, knowing I’m the reason behind the sound. “I mean, you’re not wrong.”
“No, I guess I’m not.” I catch myself smiling at a memory of Julian and me trying to make pot brownies, only to get busted by his mom, who then proceeded to keep the weed for herself.
I catch Ellie staring at me a few minutes later. “What?”
“I was trying to imagine how you would act while high.”
“Chill?”
“Really? I was going to guess paranoid.”
“I take personal offense to that.”
She bats her lashes. “No need to feel bad. There’s always one of those types in the group.”
“Yeah, and their name is Julian Lopez.”
Her whole face lights up. “Julian? Really? I didn’t expect that!”
“Neither did I. The first couple of times we tried it in high school, he was chiller than usual, but then Dahlia hung out with us once…”
“Oh no.”
I nod. “Yup. You know how he gets with her.”
“It’s sweet,” Ellie says with a hint of wistfulness that tugs on something in my chest.
“It’s annoying, is what it is.”
“What happened next?”
“She was so relaxed, Julian was worried that she overdosed.”
Ellie smiles. “That’s ridiculous.”
“Hence the paranoia. I had to physically stop him from driving her to the hospital after she fell asleep.”
Ellie’s shoulders shake with silent laughter.
“What kind are you?” I ask.
She looks up at the sky. “The dreamer?”
“AKA the person who won’t shut up while stoned? Noted.”
She splashes me again, although this time I don’t let her get away with it as I stand and yank on her hand. She loses her balance on the built-in seat, and I pull her against me to keep her from tumbling face-first into the water.
Ellie falls against me and accidentally brushes up against my erection. A soft groan slips past my lips, and her eyes flutter shut with a sigh before they snap open again.
Neither of us is breathing as we stare into each other’s eyes. I’m not sure who leans in first, but I can’t bring myself to pull away, instead choosing to close the gap between us.
Ellie feels good in my arms. She feels right. Like she was made to perfectly fit there, which makes it impossible to let her go.
With our faces only a few inches apart, I take advantage of the opportunity to memorize every single detail. A trio of beauty marks near her jawline. The way her lashes flutter as her gaze drops toward my lips. How her sharp cheekbones balance out her sultry lips and heart-shaped face.
I dip my head, but before our lips touch, Ellie pushes at my chest, ruining the moment before there really was one.
I forgot myself for a second. Ever since I entered the hot tub, the world around us faded away until it was just Ellie and me.
No Nico. No employment contract. And no emotional obstacles getting in our way.
I was happy. Genuinely happy, and it was because of her.
In a rush, I let her go, and she teeters for a moment before catching her balance on my shoulders. Carefully—and somewhat reluctantly—I remove her hands and take a step toward the stairs.
“I’ll let you enjoy the rest of your night.”
“Rafael,” she calls out while reaching for me.
I turn away and exit the hot tub while Ellie remains, a look of confusion on her face as her eyes shift between me and the churning water splashing around her.
“Where are you going?”
Back to the place I’m still trying to escape.
My personal hell.
ME
I almost kissed Ellie.
I pace the confines of my room. It’s late, so I don’t expect him to reply, but I’m hoping he is up doing who knows what.
I don’t have to wait too long for a reply, thankfully.
JULIAN
It’s late.
ME
Yet you’re up.
JULIAN
Because you woke me up…
ME
Sorry.
ME
Make it worth the sacrifice and help me?
JULIAN
Who pulled away first?
ME
She did.
JULIAN
Did she say anything?
ME
No. I walked away before she had a chance.
JULIAN
Hm.
ME
What?
JULIAN
Nothing. That was probably the best choice.
I’m flooded with disappointment, but that is exactly why I texted Julian. Out of the two of us, he is the more responsible cousin. He is level-headed and always seems to have an answer for everything, while I made a few reckless decisions that changed the entire course of my life.
Hence my hesitancy now.
ME
I made the right call, right?
JULIAN
Do you feel like you did?
Yes. No. Fuck if I know, which is why I’m asking.
I’m both relieved I didn’t kiss her and pissed I didn’t take advantage of the chance, because who knows if it will ever happen again.
With a shaky breath, I reply.
ME
I’m not sure.
JULIAN
Then you made the right decision.
JULIAN
For now.
ME
What do you mean “for now”?
JULIAN
You shouldn’t kiss her until you know that you won’t regret it. Because once you take that step, there is no going back.
I hate to admit it, but Julian is right, even if I wish he wasn’t.
