I have absolutely no right to feel disappointed by Ellie’s answers to Nico’s questions about marriage and starting a family, but I can’t help it, which both confuses and angers me at the same time.
Despite walking away for a few minutes to gain control over my emotions, I can’t seem to.
I had a good idea about Ellie’s stance on marriage and wanting a family. While she has mostly kept quiet about her personal life, I know she has been actively dating people. I’ve even overheard a few hushed phone conversations that confirmed as much.
I’m the complete opposite of what she wants, and if it wasn’t apparent before, the conversation she had with Nico tonight made it crystal clear.
Ellie wants a husband, a baby, and a future that doesn’t align with mine, so it’s best I come to terms with it now.
My conflicting feelings remain as I return to the table and finish my shave ice without sharing more than ten words. If Ellie notices my mood shift, she doesn’t say anything during the drive back, although she spares me a few glances out of the corner of her eye when she thinks I’m not paying attention.
Despite being focused on the road, my skin always tingles with awareness whenever she does that. Just another unfortunate side effect of being in her proximity, along with my heart rate rising whenever we touch.
It could be for the briefest second, but the power she has over my body and mind is concerning.
Fuck. I need to get this control over myself, not only for her benefit but for mine.
Surprisingly, I wake up before Nico and Ellie the next morning, which may be a first. Instead of checking my work inbox, I spend some time sending my family photos of our trip.
My aunt forgoes texting and calls me instead.
“Hola, Tía.” I sift through my luggage for a swimsuit.
“¿Cómo andas?”
“Bien, ahí vamos. ¿Y tú?”
“Good. Nico seems to be enjoying the trip so far.”
I smile to myself. “Yeah. I’m going to have a hard time getting him to leave.”
¿Cómo andas?: How are you doing?
Bien, ahí vamos. ¿Y tú?: Good. And you?
“Leave that to Ellie. Wherever she goes, that boy will follow.”
My grin dies. “Yeah. Sure.”
“Hm,” she says.
“What?”
“How is everything going with her?”
“Fine.”
“We all know what that means.”
I frown.
“Are you still upset with her about what happened with Nico?” she asks without any judgment.
“No. I’ve let that go.”
“Then what’s wrong?”
My lips press together. “Nothing.”
She chuckles to herself. “Right. Well, if you ever want to talk about it, I’m here.”
My aunt said the same thing all my life, but I’ve never taken her up on the offer. When I was younger, I did it to protect her from knowing the truth about me, but now I am too proud to admit my struggles.
In some ways, I’m just like my uncle and Julian, with a hubris that has caused me nothing but trouble.
Only because you’re too stubborn to ask for help.
I run my hand through my hair. “I appreciate it.”
Her small sigh of disappointment makes my chest uncomfortably tight. “Of course. I know you’re all grown up now and don’t need me—”
“I never said that.”
“You didn’t have to.”
I consider changing the topic but decide against it at the last moment. “To be honest, I don’t know how to talk about everything.”
“Well, you’ll never learn unless you try.”
I take a few seconds to think up my reply. “Things between Ellie and me are…”
She sucks in a breath. “Yes?”
“Tense.”
“Oh.” Her earlier enthusiasm is wiped away.
“It’s not that I don’t like her as a person…”
She jumps in to talk when I don’t finish my sentence. “But you’re not interested in her as more.”
That isn’t true, but just because I’m attracted to her doesn’t mean I can do anything about it. Yesterday’s conversation made that perfectly clear.
“I can’t be,” I answer honestly.
Her confirmatory noise eases some of the tension in my shoulders. “After everything you’ve been through, I understand why.”
I’m surprised by her statement. “You do?”
“Yup. If I had my heart broken by someone I loved and trusted, I wouldn’t be willing to part with it again.”
My aunt may not know all the sordid details of my divorce, but she can connect the dots on her own with whatever information she has.
“But…” She lets the word linger in the air, earning a scowl from me. “If I met the right person, I might end up changing my mind.”
The problem is that Ellie may be the right person, but that won’t change the fact that I’m all wrong for her.
Even though I’m wishing that wasn’t the case.
