Friends. The idea sounds as stupid now as it did two minutes ago when I left Ellie, seeing as my cock has yet to settle down because of my new friend. My frustration follows me all the way back to my cabin, where I remove my pants before climbing into bed.
There is no way in hell this platonic Hail Mary is going to work, but the alternative of us hooking up to get each other out of our systems is likely to fail. Just the thought of her lips pressed against mine and her hands in my hair sends another rolling wave of pleasure through me, as if she is right here next to me doing the very damn thing I’m daydreaming about.
My lower half aches with a need so strong, I can’t ignore it.
With a sigh, I push my boxers down and reach for my cock. The tip is already moist, and with a few pumps, I gather enough to slicken my shaft.
Pleasuring myself over the last two years has felt more like scratching an itch than something I did for enjoyment, but tonight is different.
I shut my eyes and allow my mind to drift. My pumps are lazy—
No.
It’s not my hand wrapped around my cock but Ellie’s. She is the one in my bed, looking up at me with those sparkling hazel eyes that haunt my dreams while she teases my shaft with the tip of her tongue.
I’m downright depraved to imagine my cock sinking into her mouth, inch by inch, until she can’t take any more. She wants to—I can tell based on the way she tries and fails—but she can’t.
Some guys get excited by gagging someone, but I don’t need that to get off. I’d much rather watch Ellie swallow as much of my cock as she can while I sit back and enjoy her show.
And what a performance it is.
She alternates between kissing, sucking, and pumping, all while I do everything possible to stay sane. My girl is a tease, taking me to the edge only to push me away.
My girl.
Yeah, I could get used to the sound of it.
Ellie tormenting me is both the best and worst kind of payback. I would do the same thing as I take her to the edge before pulling back over and over again until I finally decide that she can come.
My cock jerks at that particular visual, and more of my arousal oozes from the tip.
I shut my eyes again and concentrate. Ellie’s pumps, which were slow at first, switch to a faster tempo that sends a blindingly hot rush down my chest and straight toward my balls.
My ears ring as I come all over my hand. Some of my release shoots out and lands on my T-shirt, making a mess of the black fabric.
I can’t find it in me to care, let alone move, as I blink up at the ceiling. “Fuck.”
I’ve pleasured myself plenty of times before, but I’m not sure I’ve ever been able to come that hard and fast before, and most definitely not just by imagining someone.
There is no way in hell I can be friends with Ellie, who can make me come without ever having to touch me. And it’s clear that she wants me just as much but refuses to act on it, so where do we go from here?
“I feel bad for you,” Julian says the next morning after I bring him up-to-speed on everything with Ellie.
I switch the call to speaker so I can start shaving my face. “I’m looking for advice. Not pity.”
“Why would you ever think being friends was the best solution to your problem?”
I grind down on my molars. “It wasn’t my idea.”
“So you kissed her, and then she suggested you should be friends?”
“Yes.”
Julian laughs.
I consider tossing my phone against a wall for a brief moment. “I hate you.”
He is still wheezing by the time he says, “Have you considered that maybe you’ve lost your touch with women?”
“Based on the way she was kissing me back, I seriously doubt that.” I don’t want to expand any more on the moment we shared, and thankfully Julian doesn’t ask for more information.
“I don’t know where you go from here.” I hear some rustling as he covers the mic, although I can make out a female voice.
“What does Dahlia suggest?” I ask with a sigh.
There is a brief pause before a little shuffling.
“How was the kiss?” she asks a little too eagerly.
“You sure you—”
“Just describe it to me. But skip the nauseating bits that could ruin my lunch, please.”
If she were here, I’d glare at her. “All I know is it physically hurt me to stop.”
Ellie brought a small part of my soul back to life and lit a fire in me that I haven’t felt in a long time.
“Well, that says it all, then.”
“Meaning?” I ask.
“You like her.”
I take a seat on my bed. “I never said I didn’t.”
“Then what’s your issue?”
I clear my throat. “I might have told her a few things that would make her not like me back.”
Dahlia groans.
“It sounds worse than it is.”
“I seriously doubt that.”
I rub the back of my neck. “I just said that we want very different things in life. That we’re all wrong for each other, even if it feels right.”
“Do you seriously blame her for friend-zoning you? You were practically begging for it!” Dahlia shouts at the phone.
I can’t help sneering. “Either way, being friends is a stupid idea.”
“Yeah, maybe it is, but it’s safer than giving someone like you a chance.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You’re a handsome, closed-off, grumpy single dad with a tragic backstory, which makes you hazardous for her heart.”
“You think I’m handsome?”
“No,” Julian answers in the background, and I crack a smile.
“I know you may not want to be her friend, but unless you’re ready to be more, that may be the best you’re ever going to get.”
The idea of Ellie and me remaining friends doesn’t sit right. “I don’t like it.”
“I didn’t expect you to, but it’s the truth. You pushed her away, so now you have to find a way to draw her back.”
“How?”
“Be her friend. Let some of your walls down. Give her a fighting chance to earn your trust, and I’m sure she’ll let you do the same.”
“I’m trying to be more…open.” The last two nights were a good start—hell, a great start—for someone like me.
“I know how hard it is for you to trust people, let alone someone who broke that trust once before.”
“She made a mistake.”
“The fact that you’re calling it that says a lot about your progress.”
I take a deep breath. “I know she is one of the good ones…”
“But you’re still worried about letting her in.”
My head hangs. “Yeah.”
“I understand. I felt the same way about Julian after my broken engagement.”
“But you eventually let your guard down.”
I can hear the smile in her voice. “Yeah, and it was the second-best decision I ever made.”
“What was the first?”
“Letting go of the past and building a future together.”
The idea sounds great in theory, but I can’t simply snap my fingers and forget everything that made me the person I am today.
Maybe you don’t have to.
Letting go doesn’t mean erasing the past. It means acknowledging the person I was while working to become the man I want to be.
This is my second chance to get things right. My previous relationship was never meant to last, and I take partial responsibility for it falling apart because our foundation was never solid to begin with.
I wasn’t solid, but I won’t make that mistake again.
I’m going to figure out who I am and what I want in life, so the next time Ellie gives me a chance—and she will—I won’t throw it away.
I’ll make sure of it.
