I feel just as confused this morning as I was last night about my situation with Rafael after overhearing him confess to Nico that he likes me. While I’m happy to know how he feels, it complicates matters because I like him too.
I may even more than like him.
I haven’t wanted to admit it to myself, but denying the truth isn’t doing me any favors. He and I are going to have to come to terms with what this development means for our relationship.
If there even is a relationship.
While Nico seems less of an obstacle now that he at least knows his dad likes me, it doesn’t address our biggest issue.
Rafael is still my boss.
That truth is hard to avoid, which is why I ignored him knocking on my door last night until I could talk to a voice of reason.
My mom.
“Ellie! I got your photos!” my mom gushes. “They’re absolutely gorgeous.”
“You’d be proud. I went on a boat yesterday and didn’t throw up once.”
She laughs. “Look at you conquering motion sickness and your fear of planes all in two weeks! What’s next? Snakes?”
“Over my dead body.”
She chuckles. “I miss you so much! I can’t wait to see you and hear all about your trip when you come back.”
“Yeah, me too.”
“But you’re not calling me to talk about it, are you?” My mom always had that special sixth sense when it came to me.
I fall back onto my bed. “Not exactly.”
“What’s going on?”
“So, you remember how Cole Griffin hired me to write him a song?”
“Who could forget? I’ve been listening to a few of his albums since you mentioned his name during our last call, and he’s really good.”
“I know.”
“His songs are sad, but he’s a perfect match for you lyrically.”
“Well, I’m glad you think so because he asked me if I wanted to help him write his next album.”
“He did?” My mom squeals, and I can hear Burt rushing into the room to check on her.
“Cole Griffin asked Ellie to help him write an album!” she tells him, and I smile. Mom has been trying to push me to get back out there and try songwriting again, but I’ve obviously been resistant.
“I had no doubt it would happen,” Burt says.
“I’m excited.”
“Of course! This is huge!” Mom shouts so loud, my speaker crackles.
I pull my phone away from my ear. “There’s only one problem.”
“What?”
“He wants me to join him in Europe while he’s on tour.”
“If going to Europe is a problem, I’ll happily take your place,” Burt jokes.
Mom shushes him. “What’s the matter?”
“I don’t know if I can go.”
“Why not?”
“Because I already have a job, and there is no way I can take five weeks off like that.”
“Ellie, dear.” Mom’s soft voice makes me pause.
“What?”
“I know you like the Lopez family and are loyal to a fault—”
“I think I may more than like them.”
“Them or him?” she asks in that knowing tone.
“Him.”
She makes a confirmatory noise. “Well, that sure complicates matters a bit.”
“I don’t know what to do.” I curl the string of my hoodie around my index finger. “I didn’t expect him to bring out old feelings, let alone new ones.”
“Hm.”
“And he likes me too.” I think back to yesterday and how he admitted to Nico that he liked me. I felt so damn excited before our reality came crashing back down around us.
“Well, then, that’s an even bigger reason for you to consider another job.”
I knew she would suggest it, but hearing it still makes my chest clench. “I know it’s wrong to feel that way about my boss…”
“I didn’t say that, but is it in your best interest to keep working for him if you’re developing real feelings?”
No, which only adds another layer to our issue.
“I’m scared of change.”
“If you weren’t, I’d be concerned because you love to second-guess.”
“And triple-think,” Burt adds.
“What did she always say when she was younger?” my mom asks him.
“Four times to be for sure?” he suggests.
Mom laughs. “Yes! I knew it was something like that.”
I can’t help chuckling with her. “Okay. I get it. I like to really consider my options.”
Mom sobers. “We’re just teasing you. Anyone in your position would hesitate about accepting a job like that, especially after what you went through last time.”
“I mean, I want to agree to Cole’s offer, but I don’t want to lose Rafael or Nico in the process.”
“Because you care,” Mom replies.
“Exactly.”
“Well, my sweet girl, if they truly care for you too, then they will be happy and supportive of you chasing after your dreams because you of all people deserve it.”
I release a shaky breath. My mom does have a point, whether I want to agree with it or not.
Mom continues, “You gave that family more than eight incredible months of your time as their nanny. Taking a different job doesn’t negate that, but it could open the door for a new kind of relationship instead.”
Our last day in Hawaii is bittersweet. For the last two weeks, we’ve lived in our own three-person bubble, and while I can’t wait to get home and back to my routine, I’m going to miss this feeling as well.
Despite taking Nico kayaking around the island, having both Hula Pie and shave ice for dessert tonight, and watching the sunset from a special lookout point while listening to his favorite Duke Brass album, morale is still low by the time we get back to the hotel suite.
“Can we watch a movie?”
Rafael and I shoot each other a look.
“It’s late,” Rafael says.
Nico runs up to his dad and pops his bottom lip out. “Please.”
Rafael glances down at him and says, “No.”
Damn. He doesn’t even flinch when he says it.
Nico is a man on a new mission as he abandons his father and rushes over to me. “What do you think, Ellie? I’ll even let you pick the movie.”
I bite down on my lip. “I don’t know.”
Rafael rolls his eyes, and I flip him off behind my back.
“Please?” Nico presses his hands together in a silent plea. “You’ll be the bestest nanny ever.”
After the conversation I had with my mom earlier, I know my time as his nanny is coming to an end, so I’m feeling extra sentimental tonight.
When we return to Lake Wisteria, Rafael and I will have to have a talk about my job, but tonight I can pretend nothing will change.
I look back at his father. “Maybe we can decide on the movie together?”
“You could say no.”
My right eye twitches.
With a sigh, he nods. “Fine.”
Nico throws his fist in the air. “Yes!”
Rafael and I choose a movie neither of us have seen before while Nico grabs some snacks from the chef’s kitchen. I pick the side of the couch with the chaise while Rafael settles on the opposite side and kicks his feet up on the cushions, only to have Nico drag his dad over to my side so we can “share a blanket.”
Neither of us calls him out on his clinginess as he settles between us with a sigh, although we share a look from over his head.
Rafael eventually props his long legs on the coffee table and lays his arms on the back of the couch. It may be the oldest flirting trick in the book, but it makes my heart beat faster when his fingers tease my neck and shoulders.
I suck in a breath, earning me a smirk. When I shoot daggers at him, Rafael pretends to be watching the movie.
Fine. Two can play this game.
I reach over and start running my nails across the back of his head. He leans into my touch and groans, but Nico misses it thanks to an action scene playing.
Whenever I pull away, Rafael drags my hand back, and I spend the next five minutes scratching his head.
Nico eventually catches me and then proceeds to beg me to do the same. Like a cat, he leans into my touch with a silly smile. “That feels so good.”
He and Rafael spend the next thirty minutes vying for their turn. Nico asks me to brush my nails across his arm, back and forth, before determining that I give the best cosquillas ever, after which Rafael asks me to do the same so he could decide if that’s true.
Eventually, I tell them my hand is tired and to try again next time when we get back to Lake Wisteria.
I’m wondering if there will be a next time.
Any doubts I had about quitting were erased tonight because I can’t take this push and pull anymore.
I want Rafael Lopez, and I’m done pretending otherwise.
So later that night, before I go to bed, I text Cole two words that seal my fate.
I’m in.
Cosquillas: a light tickle done using the the tips of fingers.
